Poll: A good friend of yours suddenly decided they're not talking to you anymore. What would you do?
- Thread starter ohya
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Heh, I've done that.Phasmal said:
Well, not so much that they had a BF, but when I found out who it was (someone that thought it was funny to tell someone it was her fault that her ex raped and beat her)...yeah, not talking to that person anymore.
It's happened to me... I didn't handle it well.
Of course, I didn't have many options. They quite literally made sure there was no way for me to contact them, and even if I ran into them somehow they would run off.
It was incredibly hurtful. They didn't so much as tell me anything. Sure, I can guess why it happened, but they really couldn't even be bothered to tell me they were upset, or put out, or that they couldn't cope with what I was doing, or whatever.
Just... Nothing. One moment they're there, the next I can't even ask them what happened.
That... Really, really hurt me. Still, it was my own fault I suppose. We were a bit beyond being mere friends, but apparently not quite capable of truly acknowledging that...
-shrug- It took a long time, but I did get over it eventually...
Of course, I didn't have many options. They quite literally made sure there was no way for me to contact them, and even if I ran into them somehow they would run off.
It was incredibly hurtful. They didn't so much as tell me anything. Sure, I can guess why it happened, but they really couldn't even be bothered to tell me they were upset, or put out, or that they couldn't cope with what I was doing, or whatever.
Just... Nothing. One moment they're there, the next I can't even ask them what happened.
That... Really, really hurt me. Still, it was my own fault I suppose. We were a bit beyond being mere friends, but apparently not quite capable of truly acknowledging that...
-shrug- It took a long time, but I did get over it eventually...
Whether or not you tell them that you respect their decision or simply cease all communication, it is important to let them come to terms with it. If this is attributed to some event in their personal life that has brought upon this abrupt change, it is important to let them go through with it themselves. Choices have consequences. However, should they approach you later for support or to re-establish a connection, YOU then have a choice to make. You can offer support, re-build the relationship, or calmly tell them that the decision to splinter the relationship was their choice and you have moved on. In any scenario, the result is based on how much YOU valued the friendship...though thankfully, any meaningful relationship tends to forgive deviations every now and then. We are not perfect, after all.
When this happened to me, it was due to an argument we had. Oddly enough he was actually at fault, and we didn't speak for weeks. Then I decided to send forth the olive branch and try to mend fences. We talked, and seemed to clear the air between us. But then he sent me a text in game later and said "he was still too filled with rage to be around me".
I made no comment about how it was his ass that caused the insult and slight in the first place, but said basically ok, well I'll talk to you later then if you ever get over your anger. That was 12 years ago and I don't really mind losing him as a friend.
I made no comment about how it was his ass that caused the insult and slight in the first place, but said basically ok, well I'll talk to you later then if you ever get over your anger. That was 12 years ago and I don't really mind losing him as a friend.
If they're not willing to tell you the reason I'd be pretty angry, because either they're being a jerk or someone with authority over them probably told them to. I'm glad the one time this has happened to me they told me the reason, even if the reason made me quite angry with his parents at the time.
I've gotten into fights with friends and we would stop talking to each other for a while after, but I've never had anyone just decide to not talk to me as far as I know, not a "good" friend anyway. If somebody REFUSES to speak with me, I usually know the reason. If somebody just stops sending messages I don't really question it because they're just living their life and not really thinking about me, nothing wrong with that, people tend to grow apart.
Ask them why.
There's a reason, there ALWAYS is a reason, it might not be a good one or one you don't agree with but there's a reason. I've been in situations like this and there ere always reasons for better or for worse. The only time I've done it to a "friend" was when he (intentionally and knowingly) royally fucked me costing me thousands of dollars and quite a few strands of hair.
There's a reason, there ALWAYS is a reason, it might not be a good one or one you don't agree with but there's a reason. I've been in situations like this and there ere always reasons for better or for worse. The only time I've done it to a "friend" was when he (intentionally and knowingly) royally fucked me costing me thousands of dollars and quite a few strands of hair.
I'd ask and apologize if I'd done anything to provoke it.
I'd inform them I respect their decision and that, if they should so choose to, at a later date want to talk again they'd always be welcome.
Then I'd leave them to it.
Yes, I'd miss them too, but I wouldn't want to burden them with knowing that.
I'd inform them I respect their decision and that, if they should so choose to, at a later date want to talk again they'd always be welcome.
Then I'd leave them to it.
Yes, I'd miss them too, but I wouldn't want to burden them with knowing that.
The couple of times this has happened have ended more or less just "You want to go get lunch?" No reply. "You can say why you are avoiding me, will not likely upset me" no response. "Okay so I can see you respond to other people and have not just lost your phone or something, just keep being weird" no response. I generally am absurdly blunt as to why I stop talking to people, I will just say if i think they are an idiot or insane or both and intentionally annoy them or creep them out until they just go away. Like my roommates Girlfriend who thought you religion was tied to your DNA and put the heater on 82 I annoyed her so much she actually broke my PC by trowing it out a closed into my car... and saying she did this on accident... somehow, thus revealing he hand an a damn psychopath. I am so happy I ended that.
I really thank you guys for sharing your opinions, it means so much to me.
lately one good old friend of mine got pissed off and he thought I was bothering him, but that wasn't what I was trying to do. I kept sending him messages, trying to get him to answer because he was ignoring me an all of the message Ive sent to him. Eventually he replied and said he doesn't want to talk anymore and since then he either doesnt reply, or replies with a rude comment and insult me! I know him from a long time ago and he was really nice to me abotu a week ago when we talked after a long time, but now he doesnt wanna talk anymore. I even tried multiple times to explain to him my side but he seems like he doesn't care! He also never explained to me why he doesn't want to talk anymore. It did seem like I bothered him but I really didnt mean to do that. I tried to explain but he doesn't understand.
Another thing is, during all this time I was staying in touch with him, he said he never considered me as his Friend at all. Even though we did get to do things together and we talked quite a bit! I think he was only PRETENDING to be nice to me, but the reality has always been that he doesnt like me. And he never told me so and he left me ignorant about it all this time!
lately one good old friend of mine got pissed off and he thought I was bothering him, but that wasn't what I was trying to do. I kept sending him messages, trying to get him to answer because he was ignoring me an all of the message Ive sent to him. Eventually he replied and said he doesn't want to talk anymore and since then he either doesnt reply, or replies with a rude comment and insult me! I know him from a long time ago and he was really nice to me abotu a week ago when we talked after a long time, but now he doesnt wanna talk anymore. I even tried multiple times to explain to him my side but he seems like he doesn't care! He also never explained to me why he doesn't want to talk anymore. It did seem like I bothered him but I really didnt mean to do that. I tried to explain but he doesn't understand.
Another thing is, during all this time I was staying in touch with him, he said he never considered me as his Friend at all. Even though we did get to do things together and we talked quite a bit! I think he was only PRETENDING to be nice to me, but the reality has always been that he doesnt like me. And he never told me so and he left me ignorant about it all this time!
Very hard to give useful advice to someone I don't know over the net about a complicated issue for which I'm only hearing one side.
But there comes a time when you have to walk away...and then pretend that you never cared about the other person at all, cause it's really embarrassing when someone you liked turns out to be a terrible person.
But there comes a time when you have to walk away...and then pretend that you never cared about the other person at all, cause it's really embarrassing when someone you liked turns out to be a terrible person.
That's kinda my problem, I dont really know how to 'walk away' from it.. It is embarassing like you say because normally a good friendship like this shouldn't have ended the way it ended for me between me and him. The fact itself that it embarasses me also makes it difficult to move on from what happened. Like....I can technically move on but it will always be there, the memory I mean.thaluikhain said:
Oh yeah, very easy for me, as a net random, to say to you "walk away", as if emotions weren't involved.ohya said:
I didnt understand a thing from what you just said. Regardless, there might be an easy way of dealing with a friend deciding to stop talking to me, and I might have somehow missed it for some reason. Otherwise, how come I'm still struggling about this.thaluikhain said: