Poll: Are unrealistically high standards keeping people from finding love/getting laid?

[shitoutonme]

Uh, I was told that the original version of this thread was too... provocative for the moderators here, so I have decided to change the thread title to something that's more to their liking.

A few of my friends and I got together at a restaurant for a birthday celebration, and for some reason, our conversation drifted into the realm of why some guys find it so hard to get laid. It's quite the phenomenon, really. We could be talking about anything - education, politics, religion, etc. - but regardless of the subject matter, we almost always find ourselves talking about sex by the end of the discussion. But I digress...

One of my friends brought up an interesting point that had me lol'ing. Here's what he said:

Spoiler: Careful, content may be a bit abrasive.

Nah, nah, nah, let me tell you why some guys can't get any ass. Too many dudes are chasing girls they'll never get. They're after that quality pussy - the kind of pussy you wanna go to your boys and brag about, chicks that are just drop-dead gorgeous. Thing is, how the fuck you gonna try and get wit' J-Lo when you're a broke-ass Lil' Wayne? Of course, you ain't gonna get laid if you're looking for love outside of your league! Now, that not-so-quality pussy - those aren't hard to come by. I guarantee that getting laid would be a whole lot easier if guys lowered their standards. Sure, you might not want anybody to see you riding on a moped, but at least you're getting a little somethin'-somethin'...

Now, some may not find the above quote funny, but the dude who said it can make almost anything funny just by the way he says it. In fact, I'm still laughing.

Others may be like, "Did that guy just refer to women as walking vaginas? Screw him and his objectifying babble!" Well, look, I'm just quoting him as accurately as possible; it's not really me saying it.

A few of you may be scratching your head about the moped bit. Well, you know how a moped is like a motorcycle's ugly cousin? And you know how a moped isn't exactly the kind of vehicle you'd want people to see you riding on? Get the analogy yet?

Anyway, if you couldn't get past the vulgarity, he was basically saying that some people can't find love or get laid because their standards are just too high, and "standards" aren't necessarily limited to aesthetics. At the time, I was too busy laughing to take what he said seriously, but later on, I started wondering about the accuracy of the idea. And honestly, I think I know a few people for whom the concept is true.

So, what do people think about the idea? Does it have any merit? Do you know people that can't find love/get laid because they're searching outside of their league or have unrealistic standards? Do you have this problem? Do you even believe in people being "outside of your league"?

 

[UnderQuarantine]

i totally agree.
A couple of my mates at uni think they are all that and are going around rating girls. They say they only go for 9s and 10s when they are ugly as sh*t, but at the same time they are rating pretty good looking girls 6s and being general a-holes.

Oh, and what really gets to me is when they say size 8 is too fat.

But we are bombarded with skinny, beautiful people processed through photoshop and thats what our generation is (i dont wanna use this word but it is most appropriate) 'programmed' to like.

 

[SilentCom]

i totally agree.
A couple of my mates at uni think they are all that and are going around rating girls. They say they only go for 9s and 10s when they are ugly as sh*t, but at the same time they are rating pretty good looking girls 6s and being general a-holes.

Oh, and what really gets to me is when they say size 8 is too fat.

But we are bombarded with skinny, beautiful people processed through photoshop and thats what our generation is (i dont wanna use this word but it is most appropriate) 'programmed' to like.

Sort of reminds me of some guys I knew at my uni. I personally am not too interested in finding love or getting laid. Yes, my biology forces me to have certain feelings, but no I just don't want to. A bit conflicted within myself I guess. Also, I just feel that there is no need for me to do so.

 

[SonicKaos]

I'd say it's pretty true. No one really WANTS to settle... it just ends up happening after a while.

I know my standards are likely far too high, which is preventing me from many things. What's weird though is that the girls I've been most attracted too in terms of wanting to date are also those that aren't considered the most attractive. Girls who are less fun to look at are usually more fun to be around because they have personality, and girls who have the looks often lack it because just being attractive is enough for a lot of people.

Could I get girls if I lowered my standards? Most likely yes... but it's much easier to go up then down. I want someone better than my last relationship, and it gets increasingly harder to find this.

 

[Yoshisummons]

Only the ones with superficial standards are having trouble. Where's the problem?

 

[LordFisheh]

I can't see how it could ever be a good thing for someone to settle for someone that they don't really like just for sex or to be able to say they have a partner.

If we're just talking about appearance... ehhh. Isn't that not supposed to matter, on pain of being called shallow?

 

[GigaHz]

Nope. I think they are just making excuses for their lack of self confidence.

Really, if standards were the real issue, that would not stop them from at least reaching for something that high.

Because anyone who has had sex before knows that the feeling of sex would make you settle for someone who's a 6 or 7, at least temporarily until you reel in an 8 or 9. If you haven't, then you are probably too scared approach a girl in the first place. Let alone have standards.

 

[skywalkerlion]

I can't see how it could ever be a good thing for someone to settle for someone that they don't really like just for sex or to be able to say they have a partner.

My thoughts exactly. When people tell me to lower my standards I want to punch them in the face. My standards wouldn't be 'my standards' if I thought I was aiming too high. If a certain girl that's mildly attractive rejects me, that just means I'll have to find another one that suits my taste just as well, not settle for someone I don't find attractive. And no, I don't think that makes one shallow. If you meet a nice person of any gender, be friends with them. Part of a relationship is sex, and that means that I'd have to be attracted to whoever I'm with to have a meaningful relationship. Obviously, being a nice person is just as important. But the two can't be mutually exclusive. *and this is coming from a not very attractive guy since I haven't had a girl in a while*

It kinda sounds douchey in text form, but it's my opinion.

 

[shitoutonme]

Only the ones with superficial standards are having trouble. Where's the problem?

Like I said, the standards don't only concern looks. I know a guy who wants a girl that acts and responds a certain way. He's so meticulous about it that he even wants her subtle mannerisms to conform to his ideals, and this desire has screwed up several relationships for him. Funny thing is, he's a rather attractive fellow, although amusingly odd and eccentric, but his obsession over how he wants his girlfriend to act pushes the ladies away from him, regardless of how attracted they are to his good looks.

 

[Phlakes]

This happens with me. I have ridiculously high standards, so I only had one girlfriend in high school. My system is also friends first, then good friends, then relationship. I'm not one of those casual dating types.

 

[deshorty]

I would say thats true. Most of the really attractive girls I know from school generally ignore me when I try and strike up a conversation because they know that they can do much better (every time we go out to a bar they hook up with a random stranger or another one of my more attractive friends) But when I talk to my less attractive friends or girls who already have a boyfriend, I can have a nice conversation with them and I think I have a chance. Basically, girls and guys, who lower their standards have a better chance of being able to talk successfully to a person that they do want to hook up with.

 

[Dogstile]

I suspect guys like that aren't getting laid because the fact they are jerks stops them. They are just claiming they don't like most girls because they know they will get turned down anyway.

Jerks get laid more often than nice guys

I should know, i've been on both sides of the jerk/nice guy barrier and I got far more action as a jerk.

Anyway, its the superficial ones not getting girls, which is the way its always been, nothings changed.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I suspect guys like that aren't getting laid because the fact they are jerks stops them. They are just claiming they don't like most girls because they know they will get turned down anyway.

That sounds likely. Then again, retaining bizarre and unattainable standards in the face of reality would likely put a person into that category.

 

[Wrath 228]

My problem is that I'm perpetually stuck in the friend zone. WITH EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. (Except the two that I have been with) I think the problem is that I'm too nice and I take things slow out of respect, but I'm not about to become some asshole horndog just to get laid a couple of times. I'm not going to compromise my personality and values for that, or anything for that matter.

 

[SinorKirby]

My problem is that I'm perpetually stuck in the friend zone. WITH EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. (Except the two that I have been with) I think the problem is that I'm too nice and I take things slow out of respect, but I'm not about to become some asshole horndog just to get laid a couple of times. I'm not going to compromise my personality and values for that, or anything for that matter.

This, only I've had three girlfriends.

 

[MikeCrick]

It's a tricky subject.

I don't believe we should have to lower our standards just to get close to somebody but it depends on what defines your standards. As has already been said; if it's based on looks and looks alone then there might be a problem there.

However I'm not of the opinion that just because you aren't overly attractive yourself you should just go for (and I hate to use this term) 'ugly' partners. It's already been mentioned that while personality etc is an important part of finding a good partner we cannot ignore looks.

The thing is we all find different things attractive. I think the biggest problem is people who are going for the 'socially acceptable' form of attractive instead of just going for what they are really attracted to. Anyone whos been in a good relationship knows that physical attraction isn't simply enough and that who a person is is also part of your attraction to them.

My girlfriend of 3 and a half years is quite attractive in my eyes but if she wasn't the type of person I enjoy spending time with it wouldn't still be going on. Our standards are important, we shouldn't compromise them just to get a partner but we should be making sure they truly are 'our' standards and not the standards set by the media, society or even our friends and family.

Find someone who makes you happy really and go with that.