Poll: Are unrealistically high standards keeping people from finding love/getting laid?

[Hatter]

I don't believe in leagues per se. They only really exist in the minds of people who I wouldn't like. There is attractiveness, but that can be altered.

I also don't believe those experts who talk about the "unrealistic standards" having a bad impact on society. Girls who starve themselves to look pretty aren't approaching it correctly, and don't get the results they're after, these "unrealistically" pretty woman are usually healthy, and know how to diet and exercise correctly.

 

[Tdc2182]

My problem is that I'm perpetually stuck in the friend zone. WITH EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. (Except the two that I have been with) I think the problem is that I'm too nice and I take things slow out of respect, but I'm not about to become some asshole horndog just to get laid a couple of times. I'm not going to compromise my personality and values for that, or anything for that matter.

I've been in this so called "Friend Zone" multiple times, and to tell you the truth, it doesn't really exist.

It basically boils down to you just not being comfortable and afraid of telling the other person how you feel, or you're just not comfortable enough with yourself to (in my case at least), stoop to a level to show your romantic side.

Being a nice guy means only one thing. You're a nice guy. In the short term, that's all they see you as. That one nice guy.

Nice guys are boring.

Not saying that you can't be a nice guy, but you have to learn to be a dick in a playful way. I became the nice guy who was fun to her. That's what worked for me, and that's what immediately got me out of the "Friend Zone" and into some pretty hot and heavy make out sessions (And then leading me into the decision to break up and shoot me straight into clinical depression because of backstabbing horny friends)

Jerks get laid more often than nice guys

I should know, i've been on both sides of the jerk/nice guy barrier and I got far more action as a jerk.

Anyway, its the superficial ones not getting girls, which is the way its always been, nothings changed.

Listen to this guy.

But I've always wondered something. When you say you were a jerk, were you actually a complete dick to them (as in hinting they aren't good enough), or were you more just joking around?

That was never really clear to me.

 

[Legendairy314]

It's a winning personality that kills me. Not the looks AS much but they're still present when I'm looking. Having a decent looking girl (one who tries to take care of herself in the health and looks department) without being completely superficial is difficult to find where I live. Either that or they're painstakingly boring with nothing but a sports game to talk about.

 

[Doclector]

I personally have very low standards. My problem is, no matter how low I put them, everyone is out of my league. I'm a freak of nature or god's horrible mistake, depending on your beliefs.

Personal issues aside, I think alot of people do this kind of thing. They expect some pretty thing to treat them right. Uh oh. Wrong answer. Good looking people are held in high regard by everyone as gods, how do you expect them not to treat everyone who's not good looking like crap when they don't even know what ridicule feels like. It's incredibly rare that good looking people are actually good people because of this, they have to have mountains of empathy to even realise that it would be wrong to treat others like crap.

And as for personality standards...well, you're probably one of the only people who give a crap about personality. So you better hope when you find that guy/girl who plays games and watches firefly, then you best hope you meet her/his aesthetic standards because more likely than not, he/she stopped actually listening to anything you say after about thirty seconds or so.

 

[SwimmingRock]

In my circumstance, it doesn't matter how much I lower my standards - I'm not getting with anyone. Therefore, the reason that I'm forever alone is because the opposite sex won't lower their standards enough to go out with me, and for all the right reasons.

I personally have very low standards. My problem is, no matter how low I put them, everyone is out of my league. I'm a freak of nature or god's horrible mistake, depending on your beliefs.

Well, thank Christ I'm not alone. I have pretty much no standards anymore, but still zero luck. The few women who aren't put off by my appalling appearance either can't stand the fact that I'm a total dork or have issues with the whole "tried to commit suicide and used to be on meds" thing. I'm quite clearly in the "avoid at all costs" category when it comes to relationships. And yes, there might be someone out there who shares some of those characteristics and wouldn't mind, but I honestly can't be bothered to start a worldwide search for that one person.

 

[Jedoro]

Apparently my standards are impossibly high, even though the only rule in my head is for us to get along and not find something that I can't get over.

 

[SckizoBoy]

My standards aren't high... not by a long shot, they're just... depressing.

As creepy as it sounds, but I find myself attracted to girls who aren't by nature 'happy'. Call it 'misery loves company', but I've always found it easier to cry with someone when they wish to cry, than laugh with someone when they wish to laugh.

Sure, superficially, I have 'standards' too, but they've generally been discarded. When you're longest relationship was with a girl who had a 12cm scar down the left side of her face, you learn not to give a crap about what she looks like.

To me, you know you're with someone that suits you when you can do everything together in a comfortable silence. The time when you're with your partner all day and don't communicate except with the occasional small smile will probably be the best time of your life. Perhaps that only applies to me and my type of personality... *shrug*

 

[Llil]

What's with this obsession of "getting laid"? Why is the ultimate goal in life for a guy to get as much pussy as possible? I never quite got that...

(Also the words "finding love" make me puke rainbows.)

 

[Griffolion]

I have standards, but they aren't high. I always think that if you find someone that simply makes you happy, nothing else really matters.

 

[MrStab]

How does one define who is and isn't "within their leauge?"

 

[MacJack]

How does one define who is and isn't "within their leauge?"

This i have seen people with mates "way out of their leaugue"

So who sets the standards? I it region based?

In any case i am not into high standards, i prefer someone i can talk with and with a unique style rather "gorgeous" but then again so many are labeled like that that aint really all that.

 

[BanicRhys]

First of all, can you introduce me to your friend? He's awesome.

In terms of getting laid I would say men are at fault, mostly because women aren't usually the ones trying to find someone to sleep with. It's usually the men who approach the women so they get to judge women on a purely superficial level while the women get to know the man before making their judgment.

In terms of love, women are the ones get in the way of the process. They generally have much higher standards for their husband, plus they tend to stop looking for love for a while if they have one bad experience. At least in my experience with my sisters and old girlfriend anyway.

But I've never gotten the whole mating process, I find that all a man really needs is a hobby and a loyal dog.

 

[Vault101]

i totally agree.
A couple of my mates at uni think they are all that and are going around rating girls. They say they only go for 9s and 10s when they are ugly as sh*t, but at the same time they are rating pretty good looking girls 6s and being general a-holes.

Oh, and what really gets to me is when they say size 8 is too fat.

But we are bombarded with skinny, beautiful people processed through photoshop and thats what our generation is (i dont wanna use this word but it is most appropriate) 'programmed' to like.

did they...you know ever actually get any? because If they did I would feel rather dissapointed..they seem like THE worst people ever

anyway interesting fact about attractivness is we overestimate ourselves, what we see in the mirror is filtered though our perseception to be more attactive, thats why if you ask people to rate themselfs 1 to 10 they will never go below 6 or 5

in other words if you say your not "photogenic" its not the camera...its YOU

then again who says "attractive people must be together, couple the uglies together" thats just stupid..and kind of sad..think about it if a hot guy goes out with an ugly girl people are like "I dont get it..." and vice versa as well

 

[Bobbity]

Short answer: Yes.

Spoiler: Long Answer:

Indeed they are.

Damn you, society!

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Jerks get laid more often than nice guys

Only if you're single. There's no way that a jerk can get as much as a nice guy in a steady relationship, without going out most nights of the week and being successful in his conquests which is unlikely (in my experiences at least).

I think that some guys are just a bit deluded about how attractive they are to girls. Rather funny to watch though. Think of it this way: Douchebags chasing girls they'll never get means less competition.

 

[Cowabungaa]

All I want is a girl that 'gets' me and looks cute and taken care for. That's all, yet it seems impossible.

 

[EeveeElectro]

It makes me laugh when guys say stuff like that, they must think they're absolutely gorgeous and deserve the best looking girls.
'I wouldn't tap dat, she too ugly!'
Well maybe she doesn't want it, you pompous, shallow prick?!
I know girls are just as bad, but obviously I can't speak on the behalf of men. I have had girls not want to befriend me because I'm too fat and ugly though, and it'll look bad on them if they hung out with me.

Oh, and what really gets to me is when they say size 8 is too fat.

But we are bombarded with skinny, beautiful people processed through photoshop and thats what our generation is (i dont wanna use this word but it is most appropriate) 'programmed' to like.

I'm sorry, but your friends are pricks. I'm not sure where you live, but pretty sure the average size n the UK is 12-16. I'd give my right arm to be a size 8! My right arm probably is a size 8!
You're right about how people expect the best because of Photoshop and all the unnaturally skinny celebrities. Same with porn too, I'd say.
I was saying to my boyfriend yesterday actually, I keep seeing attractive girls or people who others assume to be attractive (blonde/brunette, tanned, tall slim) always by themselves when you'd think they would be in a relationship. Whereas girls like me who are a bit more average looking, a bit more meat on their bones and generally less attractive always have a boyfriend.

 

[Cabisco]

The whole 'jerk' vs 'nice guy' thing really isn't that so much as it really is 'guy who is willing to say what he wants' vs 'coward'. Well, that was certainly true in my case and you can still be nice while also pointing out to people that you do like them if you do and not wait around and pine, then just try to be nice so they notice etc.

I wonder how many chances I missed doing that.

As for for the standards thing, I didn't so much have idiotic high standards as I always seemed to find a reason for not doing something and that made me drag my feet through the mud. You've got to accept their will be reasons for not doing everything but if you want it (and you have to want it) you should just go for it with all the conviction videogames have taught us for killing alien scum.

 

[shitoutonme]

Bloody hell!

How did this turn into a nice guy vs jerk debate!?