But....but, but we've been TRAINED to worship only the top echelon of the social perception of "beauty" by the capitalistic, media system because that's most profitable for them.
It's not our fault
It's not our fault
Poll: Are unrealistically high standards keeping people from finding love/getting laid?
- Thread starter shitoutonme
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I just let the women come to me na but I really didn't date all that much I started going out with this chick when I was 16 and 5 years later I am still with her no plans of breaking up so I kinda skiped the whole dating scene.
She's a little over weight but we have everything in common and I love to spend time with her so why would I break it off looks can change personalitys generally dont
na but I really didn't date all that much I started going out with this chick when I was 16 and 5 years later I am still with her no plans of breaking up so I kinda skiped the whole dating scene.She's a little over weight but we have everything in common and I love to spend time with her so why would I break it off looks can change personalitys generally dont
Unrealistic physical standards are a problem for a lot of people. I don't have as big a problem in that regard, but i suspect i may have unrealistic mental standards. That's ok, though. I'd rather be happily single than be with a woman who bores me to tears.
It just seems like such a waste to base your entire life around that. I mean, I like ice cream too, but if it was the only thing I ever ate, it would lose its appeal pretty quickly.Mr.K. said:
Btw, you can get syphilis from eating ice cream? Wow, I need to be more careful from now on.
RAKtheUndead said:
Doclector said:
You as most guys have problems with high personal standards, yes dating will involve alot of dumb, silly, stupid things and huge amounts of embarrassment on your end, so unless you want to marry your hand it's time to break out the emergency hatchet and take it to that oh so precious self image of yours.SwimmingRock said:
This seems to apply to me in the fact that I have high expectations. I'm not referring to appearance at all either, since someone's appearance doesn't matter in the end.
Seeing as I don't strive for a relationship, anyone that remotely interests me does so by meeting a rather high set of expectations in terms of personality. In fact, I can think of 2 people in the last six years I'd have considered suitable, and in both cases they were already married.
Bottom line, if my goal was to have sex, I'd lower my standards. However, I'm content being single. If I should remain single the rest of my life, so be it...a little disappointing but far better than settling.
Seeing as I don't strive for a relationship, anyone that remotely interests me does so by meeting a rather high set of expectations in terms of personality. In fact, I can think of 2 people in the last six years I'd have considered suitable, and in both cases they were already married.
Bottom line, if my goal was to have sex, I'd lower my standards. However, I'm content being single. If I should remain single the rest of my life, so be it...a little disappointing but far better than settling.
I think my own problem stems in that I see myself as a 1. Realistically I can get a 3...4 at best. Sadly I do not find 3's or 4's attractive. Of course the numbers skew a little bit in that women I think of as a 9/10 my mates would think of as a 5/6 and vice versa.
Everyone has their own little ranking system based apon what they find attractive, so to some women I may be within acceptable peramters despite firmly believing myself to be a 1. From experience though, the women who do find me attractive I don't think the same way about.
Yeah I guess I am pretty shallow, which I can't afford to be but meh, I'd rather be single than settle for someone who I don't find attractive just to be with someone.
Everyone has their own little ranking system based apon what they find attractive, so to some women I may be within acceptable peramters despite firmly believing myself to be a 1. From experience though, the women who do find me attractive I don't think the same way about.
Yeah I guess I am pretty shallow, which I can't afford to be but meh, I'd rather be single than settle for someone who I don't find attractive just to be with someone.
I don't see the point in rankings at all. Our opinions on looks change very often. Infatuations come and go. Consequently, any system of "ranking" women would never hold up objectively. I don't even know why you'd want to "rank" women at all. They are all human beings, you know. Some of them are incompatible and some of them are. Some of them, you want, others you don't. The fixation on looks is something that should just be done away with.
As for unrealistically high standards, perhaps. But I don't see how that's such a problem.
I will say this advice does not go for this thread. Simply put, I don't give a damn about sex. I live a chaotic life already and I'm looking more for a long-term companionship than fuel for the fire. If my life were much more stable, I'd be looking for sex. But I'm not, so I'm holding my opinion.
As for unrealistically high standards, perhaps. But I don't see how that's such a problem.
I will say this advice does not go for this thread. Simply put, I don't give a damn about sex. I live a chaotic life already and I'm looking more for a long-term companionship than fuel for the fire. If my life were much more stable, I'd be looking for sex. But I'm not, so I'm holding my opinion.
Alright mate I admit defeat in your case, I have never heard anything quite like that... where do you even find these candidates.SwimmingRock said:
But let me explain that the typical "forever alone" moaning guy will never actually make an effort to attract a partner or reveal sexual interest to the female friends because they are just too proper, I know because me and a whole bunch of my friends were in that camp.
It's okay. Sorry I called you an asshole. I have this thing about being as honest a person as I can, so when people imply I'm being dishonest when I'm not, I react very poorly.Mr.K. said:
As for where I found those people: one at my study (we had to do a project together and ended up sitting next to each other in class and hanging out after, due to not knowing anybody else in class), one at dance lessons, one at my part-time job and #4 was a friend of an old friend of mine whom I met at the mutual friends 22nd birthday party. The reason these are the 4 most recent girls I asked out is because I stopped asking out attractive girls long ago. It's not like I live some kind of bizarre life where attractive people don't exist or anything.
I am not at all suggesting anyone is dishonest, we genuinely believe our upstanding nice guy nature will attract girls, but then you start to piece it together as all the clowns get girls yet you aren't even close.SwimmingRock said:
Maybe you need to go yet more out of your skin.
I got a buddy who is short, bald and fat, one would think that sort of guy has trouble with girls but he was with more of them then I will probably ever meet, simply because he has next to no limits, he will entertain in just about any conceivable way (he will dance, he will sing, he will atempt break-dancing, pull a spontaneous standup routine, ...), people fucking love the guy and a good portion of those are ladies.
How is this even a question?
Adopting any sort of minimum standard for anything will obviously eliminate potential possibilities, assuming there were any in the first place. If you won't date some men/women, then obviously your chances of finding a date has inevitably decreased.
Combine this fact with the one that not all humans possess a 100 % accurate perception of their own self and limits - as well as of how others view these - and it is equally inevitable that there will be someone who will have set their minimum standards too high.
So this will pretty much inevitably lead to someone having misguidedly set their standards so high as to preclude all options realistically available to them. Probably not all that widespread a problem though; while exposure to hyper-idealized beauty have never been greater, sexual desire is generally not easily quelled given the opportunity. Though of course it makes a nice excuse for those who never have it.
Adopting any sort of minimum standard for anything will obviously eliminate potential possibilities, assuming there were any in the first place. If you won't date some men/women, then obviously your chances of finding a date has inevitably decreased.
Combine this fact with the one that not all humans possess a 100 % accurate perception of their own self and limits - as well as of how others view these - and it is equally inevitable that there will be someone who will have set their minimum standards too high.
So this will pretty much inevitably lead to someone having misguidedly set their standards so high as to preclude all options realistically available to them. Probably not all that widespread a problem though; while exposure to hyper-idealized beauty have never been greater, sexual desire is generally not easily quelled given the opportunity. Though of course it makes a nice excuse for those who never have it.
OR maybe women are turned off by our constant purely sexual pursuits. Sex is nice, but to women it's a perk to a meaningful relationship, not the main course of a feast.
EDIT: maybe I should note before I get quoted, that there are women who're in it purely for the orgasm too. I assure you though, women that feel that way do NOT play hard to get, so I'm not even talking about them.
EDIT2: Maybe the problem is actually that men expect women to have unrealistically low standards, instead of caring to live up to what really used to be expected of every civilized human being? Disrespecting women used to get you thrown out of bars, and Akon would never have made it into the music industry. "I wanna fuck you" and "Sexy *****" are prime examples of how Akon exemplifies the modern male LOWERED standard of women. Sure, be sexual. But treat women like humans first, not warm and expensive fleshlights.
EDIT: maybe I should note before I get quoted, that there are women who're in it purely for the orgasm too. I assure you though, women that feel that way do NOT play hard to get, so I'm not even talking about them.
EDIT2: Maybe the problem is actually that men expect women to have unrealistically low standards, instead of caring to live up to what really used to be expected of every civilized human being? Disrespecting women used to get you thrown out of bars, and Akon would never have made it into the music industry. "I wanna fuck you" and "Sexy *****" are prime examples of how Akon exemplifies the modern male LOWERED standard of women. Sure, be sexual. But treat women like humans first, not warm and expensive fleshlights.
I look at it this way. If someone tries tells me how to live my life. I tell them to go f themselves with a hot poker.
I have high standards and I still find girls without a problem, so I can't really give you any advice since it works for me :S
Totally. Every time I've been attracted to a guy - whether in he's a RL dude, or an on-screen crush - I've known they're out of my league. They're either too good-looking, too smart, too sane, or all of the above or more.
But the only guys who've shown interest in me have either had 12+ years on me, been someone's boyfriend/husband already, drunk at the time or again, ALL OF THE ABOVE or more.
This is why I no longer try to find someone and have accepted my faith as my neighbourhood's future crazy catlady.
Oversharing time!: My current crush-du-jour is Graham of LRR and I wouldn't stand a chance IRL but I can watch Feed Dump with a silly grin until the crush fades...
... or it turns into a terrifying obsession. Run Graham! Run for your life and sanity!!!one!1!
But the only guys who've shown interest in me have either had 12+ years on me, been someone's boyfriend/husband already, drunk at the time or again, ALL OF THE ABOVE or more.
This is why I no longer try to find someone and have accepted my faith as my neighbourhood's future crazy catlady.
Oversharing time!: My current crush-du-jour is Graham of LRR and I wouldn't stand a chance IRL but I can watch Feed Dump with a silly grin until the crush fades...
... or it turns into a terrifying obsession. Run Graham! Run for your life and sanity!!!one!1!
My God! What manner of madness is this? These girls turned you down? Pfft, sounds like they'll be lucky to reproduce.SwimmingRock said:
Well, shit, if that's the case, you might as well start aiming high now. You've hit rock bottom, so there's no other way to go anywhere but up.
But seriously, that's messed up. I can't even find words to express how surprised I am.