Poll: At what time did you come out of the closet?

[Samus Aran but a man]

Hi there folks. I am a homosexual, 15 year old boy. I've told most of my friends, but I just don't know how on Earth I'll tell my parents. I'm hoping they eventually figure it out, but I may still need to have that talk, and it's going to be hard.

Anyway, I am posing a question for all openly gay members of the community; when did you tell your close ones you were gay? Or did they just suspect it and let it be? Please tell me.

Also, sorry if this thread has been done before. I couldn't be bothered looking through all the search results.

 

[JaceArveduin]

Welp, I'm not gay, but my mate came out when he was 19. Just put that he had a boyfriend on facebook or something like that. Most people weren't surprised, dad didn't take it well, him staying at my house during break sums that up fairly well.

 

[Zen Toombs]

-snip-

In general it goes a little something like this: [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BiTheWay]

Usually without the "Aren't you?" tacked on at the end.

As for [Samus Aran but a man], your best bet is probably to just tell your parents when it comes up. Do you have a reason to be worried about their response?

EDIT: The image refused to be shown, likely due to it's awesomeness. Here's a linky:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/are_you_bi.jpg

EDIT 2: And now it has returned? *shrug* The Internet works in mysterious ways.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I'm sure you can use psychology to your advantage. Don't allow yourself to build it up in your head. If you go into it making it a big deal, a big response is more justifiable. If you tell them casually, "by the way, I'm gay" then a strong response will be completely inappropriate.

It really needn't be a big deal. I just hope your parents are cool people.

 

[TheTygerfire]

For the love of god, man, do it on your own terms and don't let them just "find out". Chances are you'll never know because if they do figure it out on their own, they'll never bring it up for fear of embarrassing you or they'll deny it if they have a problem with it. At least doing it yourself you'll know for sure if they understand or not.

Coming out to my mother wasn't something I planned at all. I was in a rare situation where the question of whether I was gay or not was appropriate to ask. I outed myself because I was basically handed my excuse to do so, but it still wasn't the right time for me.

My father found out completely by accident and not pleasantly (got texted by my then long-dis.-boyfriend on a phone no one else was supposed to know the number of). It was clear he resented it after the fact (he'll deny it to this day), but because of how it happened we were too busy talking about the circumstances around it instead of the end result.

 

[WeAreStevo]

Ive seen it go both ways.

My fiance's best friend came out and his Mom said "It's about damn time. I knew from the moment you were born" and they've been completely accepting about it.

Then my friend from Brooklyn who came out, he was from a working class Italian family. To this day (he came out over 10 years ago) his Dad still asks him if he has a girlfriend yet.

I'd say personally, there's no reason to hide it, it's who you are. Depending on your families reaction I'd alter how I went about it. Side note: If they do take it horribly, it's not the end of the world. I have several gay friends who's families have disowned them, and they created a FOC (Family of choice) that replaced their FOO (family of origin).

Good luck!

 

[KefkaCultist]

I have yet to come out to most people. I tried to come out to my mom, but due to the nature of my personality, she thought I was joking and instead of continuing on I decided to just play along and said I was joking.

My closest friends, however, know nothing about it because I don't know how they'd react and I don't want my friends rejecting me. I'm pretty sure they have their suspicions by now, but still...

The only people that really know because I told them are a few girls I went to high school with.

 

[Charles McGuffin]

20. Just because I never had an urge to tell anyone, because why should everyone know? If no one asked for it, and just because you know you're gay doesn't mean you immedately have to tell everyone.

When I told everyone I had homosexual feelings, everyone was cool about it.

I didn't tell everyone. Only when it came up in a conversation but I never told my parents, because there's no need for that.

 

[Eden the Fox]

-=Flails.=- For your own sake, if you're not sure how they'll react -don't- tell them until you're financially stable enough to be able to take care of yourself if they flip out. Or at least make sure you have a friend or two you can stay with in a case like that. My friends knew loooooong before my parents did. My mother actually only found out a couple months ago because I posted "I feel like my boyfriend's avoiding me. I think it's because I'm gay." on FaceBook while not realizing she was online. xD If not for that, she probably still wouldn't know. I mean, obviously she suspected it because whenever she asked about girls my response would be 'eh.'

But really, there's really no reason to -tell- your parents. Not unless you're going to have a boyfriend over at some point and actually want to do boyfriend-y things with him. -=Shrugs.=-

 

[ZeroMachine]

Ive seen it go both ways.

... I'm resisting making a bisexual joke. It's so hard...

... OH DAMMIT THERE'S ANOTHER DIRTY JOKE.

Sorry. Anyway, I'm not gay myself, but I've heard of a couple coming out stories from a couple gay/bisexual friends I have.

One will be coming out of the closet soon (I forget his reasoning, but apparently he has no choice at this point, and for point of reference, he's 20 or 21... I forget). He's worried that his parents will "accept" it, as in "we're ok with the fact that you feel that you're gay but we aren't ok with the fact that you might actually date guys". They're a bit... let's just say, Catholic.

... Wait, yeah, they actually are Catholic. That makes sense. Personally, I don't see his parents having any real problem with it. They're a couple of the sweetest people I've ever met. But he's built it up in his head so much that he's afraid of it (moreso than anyone should have to be). So, that's lesson one- don't think about it too much, just do it, unless you've specifically heard your parents bad-mouthing homosexuality. In that case, put some thought into the when and how.

My other friend, the bisexual one, came out to her parents when she was VERY young, just realizing that she "wasn't like all the other girls". She admitted that she was "in love" (as in, a young crush) with a girl, and her parents were totally ok with it, and they actually ended up having a laugh about it and still joke with her about it because she's only ever really dated one person- a guy (not to say she hasn't "proven" she was bi). So, lesson two- learn to roll with whatever their reaction is, whether it's positive or negative. If they accept it and joke with you about it, joke back. If they're extremely negative about it, figure out how to deal with them. Maybe try and open their eyes to the fact that life wasn't as simple as they previously thought.

 

[Hazy992]

My fiance's best friend came out and his Mom said "It's about damn time. I knew from the moment you were born" and they've been completely accepting about it.

That's kinda the situation in my family with my brother. He's 9 and we're all pretty sure he's gonna be gay when he hits puberty. My mum and aunt even say they'll be disappointed if he's straight! haha
I'm just glad I live in a family that's so accepting

 

[lovest harding]

I told my best friend at like 12 or 13. She proceeded to tell everyone. Not a pleasant experience. I was just telling her because I wanted to express it somewhere. I don't suggest letting anyone else tell anyone. xD

Personally, though, I only talk about it with friends. As for my parents, there isn't a need for me to tell them. When I find someone to date then I will give them warning (before I want to introduce them to him), but other than that I have no urge to tell them (particularly because my mom still considers me her baby so she refuses to acknowledge sex/drinking/anything adult around me making that conversation even more awkward). We've talked about things like the fact that I won't have any children (and if I ever change my mind I will adopt) and the like (she's said she's okay with that as she's got four grandkids from sister already and she would like more). But never who I'd be in a relationship with. To be honest, I'm sure she knows, but I've always seen my sex life as private (probably a reaction from being outed) and I keep it to myself. Albeit I don't hide that I'm gay, I just don't discuss what is sexually attractive to me. If I ever date someone (small town Iowa keeps dating options incredibly slim), I won't hide my sexuality or the man I date, though.

I do talk about it a lot on the internet, but anonymity can do that.

But really, there's really no reason to -tell- your parents. Not unless you're going to have a boyfriend over at some point and actually want to do boyfriend-y things with him. -=Shrugs.=-

I agree. The only reasons to tell anyone are to either preface an actual relationship (as Eden said) or because keeping it a secret makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel like you need to open up (usually to prevent/stop depression).
I'm not trying to convince you not to come out though. If you want to, you have my full support (and my congratulations).

 

[Sleekgiant]

Hi there folks. I am a homosexual, 15 year old boy. I've told most of my friends, but I just don't know how on Earth I'll tell my parents. I'm hoping they eventually figure it out, but I may still need to have that talk, and it's going to be hard.

Only tell them if you have a second plan on a place to live, in case shit hits the fan.

Personally I'd say don't tell them till you are a bit older as you are a bit young.

snip

Shut up :3

 

[Kae]

Well, sire my sister came out when she was 19, she just came up and said "Have you met my girlfriend?" to everybody and everybody was in shock and my father was angry, and I was like "I knew it! I knew you were the one downloading all that lesbian porn I found on the computer!" and then everybody looked at me weird (even though I was right), but whatever that's besides the point.
The point is that you should come out whenever you think it's appropriate and, you never know how they are going to react, they might take it well, they might take it badly or as was the case of me towards my sister they might not even care!
Whatever you do I don't think that keeping it to yourself is a good idea, even if you don't tell your parents yet I would recommend to tell someone you trust, now this is the view of an outsider so make of that what you will.

 

[lunavixen]

i'm not homosexual (to my knowledge) but i do have one piece of advice, if you ever have a partner, tell your parents before your partner lets it slip, i've had three friends have this happen, one was disowned for it

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

I told everyone this year. One of my friends was going through a very rough patch in his life and he invited me to dinner to talk about his problems. Now, he's awfully shy about personal problems, so to help him out I offered to share something personal about myself, so I told him I was bisexual. It did the trick. Since I told him, I went ahead and told my sisters, mother and friends as I met them later on. Nobody seemed surprised and everyone was very supportive. I guess I made it a big deal in my head, but nobody else did.

I know my dad would disown me, but we don't talk already so it's no big deal.

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Well I'm not completely "out", my parents don't know but my friends do. It's not a big deal for me to have my parents know.

 

[Fooz]

I have a friend who came out when he was like 16, most people took the piss outta him, but I didn't really care if he was or not, I was one of the few people who didn't treat him differently as I didn't see the point

 

[MetalMagpie]

I've never really directly told anyone that I'm bi. From the age of about nineteen, I just started being more open with my male friends about what sort of people I'm attracted to (such as agreeing that Jessica Alba is hot). Female friends I was more cagey around for quite a while.

So far, no one I know has had a problem with it. My parents don't know, but that's mainly because they don't need to at the moment (I'm currently living with a guy). I know they'd both be fine with it, but it's an awkward thing to just "tell" someone.

My advice, wait until you're a bit older (and/or in a serious long-term relationship) before you tell them. And think carefully before you do about how you think they'll respond.

 

[WolfThomas]

I'm not gay, though I would describe myself as Heteroflexible if I had to (have had no same-sex relationships, not looking for them, but not ruling out the future possibility though).

My mum and her new boyfriend thought a male friend and I were gay though, simply because he crashed at my house twice in one week and we slept in the same bed (something I've done lots of times during university as it beats a couch or floor). That was an awkward conversation. She wouldn't have had anything wrong with it, and I guess it is her house, but it annoyed me. My general approach with my family is as I have told them "My fucking-business is my fucking business", that until I deem someone worthy male or female to take home to meet them, they can keep their noses out of it.

Haven't told many people about my sporadic bondage interests, mainly out of fear of negative judgment.