Poll: Choices: Friend or Lover

[Thundero13]

I was gonna say to stay with your friend until I realised that you're gay, this shouldn't change things, but it does, go visit France for a while, you'll still be friends with the guy, just not best friends, and things change anyway

Wait what? How does this change things exactly? The point is not my sexuality. The point is the choices.

So if it would've been a girl I'd met in France, it would be different too?
I am just curious to how you reason at this.
I'm bisexual btw. Stop calling me gay. I am not that awesome!

Oh, you're bisexual, ok I change my answer again, stay in Sweden with your best friend
This changes things because being gay makes it a hell of a lot harder to find a lover, I should know ;_;

 

[holy_secret]

I was gonna say to stay with your friend until I realised that you're gay, this shouldn't change things, but it does, go visit France for a while, you'll still be friends with the guy, just not best friends, and things change anyway

Wait what? How does this change things exactly? The point is not my sexuality. The point is the choices.

So if it would've been a girl I'd met in France, it would be different too?
I am just curious to how you reason at this.
I'm bisexual btw. Stop calling me gay. I am not that awesome!

Oh, you're bisexual, ok I change my answer again, stay in Sweden with your best friend
This changes things because being gay makes it a hell of a lot harder to find a lover, I should know ;_;

Wow. Your answer makes sense. I can't believe you just did this. You managed to support your at sight outlandish proposal with a valid point. I am pleasantly surprised

 

[JanatUrlich]

The lover! If the friend was a true friend he would support you and your decision, especially if it meant the chance to find love!

Sounds to me like this friend isn't worth having around.

 

[robot slipper]

Ah what I would give to be in my early 20's and even have the option of running off to another country in pursuit of a lover.
You are certainly close to your friend, but what about your family too? Could you handle living far away from them? Family can be very important, sometimes you don't realise how much until you really need them.

EDIT: because "can" and "can't" are actually entirely different!

 

[holy_secret]

Ah what I would give to be in my early 20's and even have the option of running off to another country in pursuit of a lover.
You are certainly close to your friend, but what about your family too? Could you handle living far away from them? Family can be very important, sometimes you don't realise how much until you really need them.

EDIT: because "can" and "can't" are actually entirely different!

I have no family. He is pretty much the closest to family I have.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Friendship is not to difference from love, other then the obvious XXX actions.
Again, if you and her / him are comfortable with it, then by all means, let yourselves fall in love if you are great friends. Just note that it can be tough, but it will be worth it in the end.

-snipped, but quoted so you could see-

Dude. You are implying that I want to fall in love with my friend.
The point is if I should move to France in order to be with the person I fell in love with (who is french), or if I should stay in Sweden in order to keep my best friend in my life.

Just want to make sure we didn't misunderstand each other

Did I just mess up my carpet from a brain fart, shit, I thought you meant that your best friend was VERY far away, and that you wanted to fall in love with him, or stay best friends, well, that was my oppsie on the carpet.

Friendship is not to difference from love, other then the obvious XXX actions.
Again, if you and her / him are comfortable with it, then by all means, let yourselves fall in love if you are great friends. Just note that it can be tough, but it will be worth it in the end.

-snipped, but quoted so you could see-

Dude. You are implying that I want to fall in love with my friend.
The point is if I should move to France in order to be with the person I fell in love with (who is french), or if I should stay in Sweden in order to keep my best friend in my life.

Just want to make sure we didn't misunderstand each other

I think Aprilgold was actually saying that you could fall in love with your best friend yet have no sexual attraction to them. It is a purely platonic relationship that has the same emotional meaning as a loving sexual relationship. Just because the french guy involves sex doesn't mean that a relationship with him is more emotionally fulfilling.

I think you need to ask yourself who you love more: French lover, or best friend (and be very careful not to confuse love with lust).

No, I just had a oopsie while typing, so I didn't understand what he meant.

Well then, I'll just keep my point about love not requiring sex (bromance anyone?) but claim it as my own[footnote]It's mine! Stay back! I already called dibs![/footnote].

But my point still stands. Who do you love more (directed at OP, not you April)?

 

[Delsana]

Love does not happen instantly, that is arousal both mentally or physically.

LOVE is the building of a relationship that one feels is integral, and it is the time spent on the first building of that relationship as well as the results of it that determine if "LOVE" is that.

We are set upon who we set upon if you choose the homosexual relationship in France then you will have essentially chosen that to be the relationship you build and while it will likely fail but may be saved by you, it will all be determined by your choices and their result based on "his".

But if you do this, rebuilding a relationship elsewhere will take longer, be harder, and make not occur as easily.

Of course, you'll get married some day but who it will be to and how real it will be is up in the air.

I say go with your life and see how it goes, don't divert it just for a fling.

 

[holy_secret]

Friendship is not to difference from love, other then the obvious XXX actions.
Again, if you and her / him are comfortable with it, then by all means, let yourselves fall in love if you are great friends. Just note that it can be tough, but it will be worth it in the end.

-snipped, but quoted so you could see-

Dude. You are implying that I want to fall in love with my friend.
The point is if I should move to France in order to be with the person I fell in love with (who is french), or if I should stay in Sweden in order to keep my best friend in my life.

Just want to make sure we didn't misunderstand each other

Did I just mess up my carpet from a brain fart, shit, I thought you meant that your best friend was VERY far away, and that you wanted to fall in love with him, or stay best friends, well, that was my oppsie on the carpet.

Friendship is not to difference from love, other then the obvious XXX actions.
Again, if you and her / him are comfortable with it, then by all means, let yourselves fall in love if you are great friends. Just note that it can be tough, but it will be worth it in the end.

-snipped, but quoted so you could see-

Dude. You are implying that I want to fall in love with my friend.
The point is if I should move to France in order to be with the person I fell in love with (who is french), or if I should stay in Sweden in order to keep my best friend in my life.

Just want to make sure we didn't misunderstand each other

I think Aprilgold was actually saying that you could fall in love with your best friend yet have no sexual attraction to them. It is a purely platonic relationship that has the same emotional meaning as a loving sexual relationship. Just because the french guy involves sex doesn't mean that a relationship with him is more emotionally fulfilling.

I think you need to ask yourself who you love more: French lover, or best friend (and be very careful not to confuse love with lust).

No, I just had a oopsie while typing, so I didn't understand what he meant.

Well then, I'll just keep my point about love not requiring sex (bromance anyone?) but claim it as my own[footnote]It's mine! Stay back! I already called dibs![/footnote].

But my point still stands. Who do you love more (directed at OP, not you April)?

Of course it's my friend. I love him more than anything else. How could I love someone I've only known for a few weeks? That would just be crazy.
The point is not who I love more (because I would stay with my friend then obviously). It is the actual potential I see in the French guy. Potential.
Is there really anything better than to see potential in something new and something that feels so good?

 

[Ledan]

I was away on a eurotrip for two months. During the last parts of it, I decided to stay in Paris for the whole month of August.
On the forth day, I met someone. We instantly connected and fell in love immediately.

As time went on, we started to see where this was going. There was a huge obstacle in the way though; I live in Sweden, and he in France.

To make things short, I want to move there in order to give this a shot. A real one. I am not too keen on having a long distance relationship, so that is not an option.

I talked to my closest friend in Sweden about this. After explaining everything, I asked him if it was okay for him that I moved away.

"If you want to move, I will not stop you. It is your life and I want you to do your things. But I am going to be honest with you and say that if you do move, our friendship will change. If things do not work out and you decide to come back, things will not be the same. I don't want to put any pressure on you or to lie to you. I will try my best, but I can't promise we can return to where we were. The thought of losing you is already making me wanting to create a distance in order to be able to survive not having you around."

So I have a choice. An extremly hard one. It is not a choice I have to make yet, but it will show up eventually.
I truly don't know what to do with this. Should I take the shot? Should I move away? Or should I simply stay in Sweden and keep my closest friend? Am I a bad person for even considering abandoning my family in order to be with someone I just met?

I need some input. I need a brainstorm. I would talk to him about this, but he is really not taking this well. If you have any honest opinions, cruel or friendly, I am willing to hear them.

So what will it be? Relationship or Friendship? What is more important in the long run?

EDIT: I feel like I need to specify this. I am not saying that I will move to France forever just for his sake. What I am actually considering is to go France for a short time to see if we are compatible or not. If things still work, we can start making plans for the future. Both he and I are aware of the retardedness that would be.
As of now, he doesn't want me to do anything impulsive or stupid, such as moving to France for him. The last thing he wants is to know that I've sacrificed things for him and that it could be all in vain. He's also scared shit of hurting me. This is his biggest concern.
So no, I would not move there. Not yet anyways.
This is about the test time to give us a real and normal try. To get to know each other. I do not want to do this over the internet.
Thanks
EDIR 2: He is a brony. We make brony jokes ALL the time. Ever kissed someone in bed and then said "Do you think Celestia would approve of this in her kingdom or would we just banished to the everfree forest?" just to see a smile?

For GOD's sake move! Friends are easy to make. As someone who has been moving around the world my entire life, I can assure you that you can make great (even better) friends. This close friend of yours, how long have you been friends? If you've been friends for a long time (sounds like i) then you should be able to move away without harming your friendship. You're not in a relationship with them, it's not like you have to always stay close to your friends / family. Go meet this French guy! As a fellow Swede, I salute you on your way! (trust me, moving is goooooood for you. Helps you rethink your life, and gain a perspective on your old place)
Of course... If you've already decided, then you can ignore this entire post .

 

[zama174]

Wanna make sure you see this.. Snip

Okay I was just going to vote, and then I saw how this poll was leaning and quite honestly I couldn't just leave it at that.

The level of confliction you are feeling right now is rather normal, you are talking about leaving your entire life behind to give a this relationship a chance. But the fact that you are willing to even consider that speaks volumes, at least to me. I am a fairly logical person, and right now logic would dictate you don't do this. But logic cannot truly suppress feeling. And if you do not go, you will regret it, and you will constantly wonder what might have been.

Also, a note about your friend. I know he is probably just trying to save you from heart break here, or at least that's what he thinks he is doing in his mind, but he is wrong. Not just in the fact that he thinks you shouldn't go, but that he would dare levee your friendship against your relationship is just horrid. I don't know him, but this act alone tells me that he is not someone truly vested in YOUR happiness. He should be supporting you fully, even if he doesn't agree with it, as should your family.

Ultimately, this your life to live, and you have to decided if you want to suspend doubt from your mind and just get to know this man, and get the experience to live in another country for some time while doing it, a life experience many never have, or do you want to play it safe and just stick with what you know? I hope you chose the latter, listen to Spock. "Set aside logic, do what feels right."

(On an off topic note, Trollestia would simply drop you in the middle of a comic convention, or your mother's bedroom while you did the deed. For such a thing would be infinitely more entertaining for her to watch then banishing you..)

 

[BabyRaptor]

Snip

My boyfriend and I mirror Calamity and Velvet Remedy from FO:E perfectly. And we met via MLP.

It's truly a mind-blowing thing to just stop and ponder what that "kids show" has done.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

Move. You'll be sad you didn't take the risk if you don't do it. If it sounds too hard to just move, you could try the long-distance thing and take trips over there.

 

[Scorekeeper]

Give it time. Infatuation is easily mistaken for love. If you feel the same for him in a year, go for it. Your honest friend sounds immature but moving to another country for someone you barely know isn't the best idea.

 

[holy_secret]

Move. You'll be sad you didn't take the risk if you don't do it. If it sounds too hard to just move, you could try the long-distance thing and take trips over there.

And to conclude all of this.
We met. We talked. We cried. We split up.

This was the right choice. Every bone in my body wanted to say FUCK IT, but that wouldn't have been smart and seeing as he was also on the same mindset (not the FUCK IT part), I don't think it would've been such a good idea.

Heart broken, but so much wiser.
What I've learned from this is that no matter how much you like each other, timing is king.
Unfortunately, timing was never on our side and you don't get to do retries.

I wish he'd been an unrelatable asshole in the end. That would've made things so much easier.
Thank you all for your advices. I really appreciate it.

 

[spartan231490]

I was away on a eurotrip for two months. During the last parts of it, I decided to stay in Paris for the whole month of August.
On the forth day, I met someone. We instantly connected and fell in love immediately.

As time went on, we started to see where this was going. There was a huge obstacle in the way though; I live in Sweden, and he in France.

To make things short, I want to move there in order to give this a shot. A real one. I am not too keen on having a long distance relationship, so that is not an option.

I talked to my closest friend in Sweden about this. After explaining everything, I asked him if it was okay for him that I moved away.

"If you want to move, I will not stop you. It is your life and I want you to do your things. But I am going to be honest with you and say that if you do move, our friendship will change. If things do not work out and you decide to come back, things will not be the same. I don't want to put any pressure on you or to lie to you. I will try my best, but I can't promise we can return to where we were. The thought of losing you is already making me wanting to create a distance in order to be able to survive not having you around."

So I have a choice. An extremly hard one. It is not a choice I have to make yet, but it will show up eventually.
I truly don't know what to do with this. Should I take the shot? Should I move away? Or should I simply stay in Sweden and keep my closest friend? Am I a bad person for even considering abandoning my family in order to be with someone I just met?

I need some input. I need a brainstorm. I would talk to him about this, but he is really not taking this well. If you have any honest opinions, cruel or friendly, I am willing to hear them.

So what will it be? Relationship or Friendship? What is more important in the long run?

EDIT: I feel like I need to specify this. I am not saying that I will move to France forever just for his sake. What I am actually considering is to go France for a short time to see if we are compatible or not. If things still work, we can start making plans for the future. Both he and I are aware of the retardedness that would be.
As of now, he doesn't want me to do anything impulsive or stupid, such as moving to France for him. The last thing he wants is to know that I've sacrificed things for him and that it could be all in vain. He's also scared shit of hurting me. This is his biggest concern.
So no, I would not move there. Not yet anyways.
This is about the test time to give us a real and normal try. To get to know each other. I do not want to do this over the internet.
Thanks
EDIR 2: He is a brony. We make brony jokes ALL the time. Ever kissed someone in bed and then said "Do you think Celestia would approve of this in her kingdom or would we just banished to the everfree forest?" just to see a smile?

He never said you had to choose, he just said that if you moved your friendship would change. He never even said it would change for the worst. Only that it could. Go for it, why not.

 

[game-lover]

Move. You'll be sad you didn't take the risk if you don't do it. If it sounds too hard to just move, you could try the long-distance thing and take trips over there.

And to conclude all of this.
We met. We talked. We cried. We split up.

This was the right choice. Every bone in my body wanted to say FUCK IT, but that wouldn't have been smart and seeing as he was also on the same mindset (not the FUCK IT part), I don't think it would've been such a good idea.

Heart broken, but so much wiser.
What I've learned from this is that no matter how much you like each other, timing is king.
Unfortunately, timing was never on our side and you don't get to do retries.

I wish he'd been an unrelatable asshole in the end. That would've made things so much easier.
Thank you all for your advices. I really appreciate it.

And your friend? How are things now? Considering you picked the option to move. Do you still talk? I gather you don't regret leaving. If friend was true on his word and detached, are you fine with that?

 

[holy_secret]

Move. You'll be sad you didn't take the risk if you don't do it. If it sounds too hard to just move, you could try the long-distance thing and take trips over there.

And to conclude all of this.
We met. We talked. We cried. We split up.

This was the right choice. Every bone in my body wanted to say FUCK IT, but that wouldn't have been smart and seeing as he was also on the same mindset (not the FUCK IT part), I don't think it would've been such a good idea.

Heart broken, but so much wiser.
What I've learned from this is that no matter how much you like each other, timing is king.
Unfortunately, timing was never on our side and you don't get to do retries.

I wish he'd been an unrelatable asshole in the end. That would've made things so much easier.
Thank you all for your advices. I really appreciate it.

And your friend? How are things now? Considering you picked the option to move. Do you still talk? I gather you don't regret leaving. If friend was true on his word and detached, are you fine with that?

Oh no no. The French and I split. I am staying home.
I'm saddened by it, but it was the right decision. I know so. My heart says different though, but I'm done following every impulse and feeling I have. My brain needs attention.

 

[game-lover]

Oh! I thought you'd moved out there to have that meet, talk and then split.

But that you moved first and foremost. But I see you never moved. Well, that answers that..

Good luck for the rest of your life and all.