Poll: Do you think spanking is wrong?

[minarri]

I think it's relative to the people who use it. It is a fine line between strict parenting and child abuse.
Let's put it in an certain perspective. I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line. In fact it is expected to put them in place. But they are creatures able of feeling pain and able to suffer. If it is immoral to punish children with light physical punishment, why shouldn't it be for animals? (Note that I'm not some PETA-lunatic, I think that animals should be punished when they act in ways we cannot permit.)

Then place me in that select minority. With dogs all you really need is good control over your voice and body language. Violence isn't necessary dude.

What minority? The majority oposes spanking as a method of raising children. (at least in Scandenavia)I myself have never been spanked, but in my childhood I've seen alot of parents that when I look back and resent those parents for saying 'boys will be boys' rather than beating the ass of their brats and lock them up in their rooms.

I was referring to the minority you specified when you said that "I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line."

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

I don't care either way, though I was never spanked and I turned out fine.
I doubt that makes me the exception.

 

[Icarion (aka Stockholm)]

I hate children. Being 14 that may seem premature but I live with 3 younger siblings and they all whine and ***** and if they were my kid I'd hit 'em occasionaly

 

[Trivun]

I'm 20. I'm in Mensa, I'm at university, I have a decent part-time job, and I'm generally a well-liked, affable person. My brother is 18, he's in sixth form hoping to go to university, he's also a well-liked and affable person, and also has a part-time job (though not as regular as my 12-hours-per-week job, because of school).

Take a random person living in a complete dive near my hometown, a place I was lucky enough to get away from. The so-called 'Lost City', in the West Midlands of the UK. Known as a rough area in places as far as Newquay, Cornwall. Living on benefits more than likely, generally scum, acting like the worst characters from 'Shameless' but even worse than that. I've been in contact with such people thanks to living near them for half my life, and they're not very pleasant people.

Now, I was spanked as a child. My brother was too. The people living on the Lost City weren't, their parents didn't bother with discipline. Now, I'm not suggesting that spanking your child will make them a better person necessarily, but discipline does, and in my house spanking was the disciplinary measure of choice. Both of my parents were raised in that same way too, and they're both well-rounded, well-off, successful people who've had decent lives.

At the end of the day, if it means your kid learns that doing something wrong is bad, then sure, go ahead and spank them. It worked for me, I used to be a bit of a terror when I was little, as did my brother, but after my parents started spanking us when we were naughty we soon learned to behave. And we're all the better for it. So speaking from personal experience, I can safely say that in the right circumstances, then yes, spanking is acceptable, and indeed should be promoted as a method of discipline. Things like ASBOs and the 'naughty step' don't work, so why not a sharp shock to bring kids back into behaving themselves?

Oh, and you can quote me on this, I also believe that for the same reasons, the cane should be brought back in schools. Bring back corporal punishment, and allow teachers to use whatever measures they feel are necessary (with a few regulations for common sense, but otherwise whatever the teacher deems appropriate) to deal with unruly students. And maybe consider bringing back National Service too. Showing young people discipline and literally forcing them to adhere to it would mean a much better society overall, I think.

 

[DanielDeFig]

No, Spanking isn't wrong if done properly. The best way to do it is explain to them WHY they are getting spanked and what they did wrong then spank them.

If you did that, then why would you need to spank them?

No. Spanking, Smacking, or hitting a child in any form is child abuse. It is a physical and mental abuse of a person who is underage and unable and unwilling to defend themselves against figures of authority (especially true if done by parents, who then tell the child they love them).

Child abuse is wrong, and a violation of human rights. It is therefore illegal in most developed countries.

don't hit your kids, talk to them. And kids who are being hurt, contact higher authorities (Civil service, Police). And yes, you are still a kid if your'e 15. If hitting an adult is Assault (illegal, and you can be sent to jail for it), then under what logic would it be different for kids?

Society's definition of child abuse is blown completely out of proportion and I don't advocate the real meaning of abuse. Secondly for some kids it works, but as Edward Thorndike proved before, negative reinforcers prevent the repetition of an unapproved action. Secondly you say that as if a parent savagely beats their kid and scars them mentally forever just because they got spanked on the butt.

The demonization of Discipline is down right nonsensical and stupid at times. How you raise your kids is how your raise them.

People (including children) have human rights, including not being physically and mentally abused, regardless of who their guardian happens to be. Taking part in creating a person does not give anyone the right to treat them as they wish.

These archaic concepts of "ownership" (be it children, women, or slaves), "hierarchy" and "punishment" are the very reason why we have human rights, to protect people from people who would live their lives at the expense of other people.

I usually don't get this worked up on forums, but when it comes to violating the basic human rights of every single person on this planet, i think it is something important to explain to people. Especially when it comes to children, who (as i said) tend to be unable or unwilling to fight for their own rights, especially against figures of authority (depending on the age, that could include all adults).

 

[Talshere]

I don't believe it's "wrong", but I do believe there are better ways with dealing with a child.

When you spank them, you teach them to be fearful of the pain, and they won't misbehave because of that fear. They do not really learn why what they did is wrong though, and can end up being more of a problem later on.

If you sit them down and tell them why what they did is wrong, you not only show them more respect, (something they'll appreciate), you'll instil good values in them, and they won't misbehave because they know it's wrong.

Pain is a good re-enforcer.

I remember AGES ago when this first came up, I pointed out to my dad that if I was told to sit on the step for 2 hours to contemplate what Id done wrong, Id have done it, making smacking me unnecessary. To which he responded "Youd have only stayed there because I taught you to stay there" to which I had no reply. Children are often to young to truly understand why what they did was wrong, but you cant just let them do it until they are ready to learn.

After my dad left, I went completely off the rails. I was like 12 or 13 at the time and my behaviour was horrific. Part of the problem was I had nothing to fear. I was of a size where my mum realistically couldn't stop me, and I knew it. I was bigger and stronger even if I didnt want to hurt her. This was a MASSIVE negative influence on my life. I would never listen because noone could MAKE me listen and I wasnt ready to do so. In hindsight, what I needed was for someone to beat some bloody sense into me. I nearly threw away my GCSE's on that 4 year temper tantrum.

 

[MelziGurl]

If you let your children get so out of control that you need to resort to spanking, it's your fault. Not theirs'.

Children are born perfect. Whatever shit they're surrounded by effects them. That's the parent's part. Don't give them bad influences and teach them whatever it is you consider socially acceptable.

But, as somebody who's seen rowdy kids who can't be controlled because they're fucking nuts; I agree with it only as long as it's necessary--and oftentimes that's only once.

I disagree, children are not born perfect. They are born with personalities and with time those personalities begin to develop and mould that child into a person. Some children through these personalities will react in certain ways to certain punishments. My friend has 3 children, all three take to different punishments. One will stand in time-out, literally stand there and not move for 5 mins and continue to stand there until his mother says something. Another takes a spatula to the nappy (never a bare bum) if mum picks up a spatula he behaves in an instant. The eldest usually only needs a talking to. The children are fine, they are just right little shits most of the time because they all have their fathers temper.

 

[Madara XIII]

No, Spanking isn't wrong if done properly. The best way to do it is explain to them WHY they are getting spanked and what they did wrong then spank them.

If you did that, then why would you need to spank them?

No. Spanking, Smacking, or hitting a child in any form is child abuse. It is a physical and mental abuse of a person who is underage and unable and unwilling to defend themselves against figures of authority (especially true if done by parents, who then tell the child they love them).

Child abuse is wrong, and a violation of human rights. It is therefore illegal in most developed countries.

don't hit your kids, talk to them. And kids who are being hurt, contact higher authorities (Civil service, Police). And yes, you are still a kid if your'e 15. If hitting an adult is Assault (illegal, and you can be sent to jail for it), then under what logic would it be different for kids?

Society's definition of child abuse is blown completely out of proportion and I don't advocate the real meaning of abuse. Secondly for some kids it works, but as Edward Thorndike proved before, negative reinforcers prevent the repetition of an unapproved action. Secondly you say that as if a parent savagely beats their kid and scars them mentally forever just because they got spanked on the butt.

The demonization of Discipline is down right nonsensical and stupid at times. How you raise your kids is how your raise them.

People (including children) have human rights, including not being physically and mentally abused, regardless of who their guardian happens to be. Taking part in creating a person does not give anyone the right to treat them as they wish.

These archaic concepts of "ownership" (be it children, women, or slaves), "hierarchy" and "punishment" are the very reason why we have human rights, to protect people from people who would live their lives at the expense of other people.

I usually don't get this worked up on forums, but when it comes to violating the basic human rights of every single person on this planet, i think it is something important to explain to people. Especially when it comes to children, who (as i said) tend to be unable or unwilling to fight for their own rights, especially against figures of authority (depending on the age, that could include all adults).

What you fail to see is that as a child you are legally under your parents custody. Unless you go out for Emancipation from your parents, reach the age of 18, or are being Abused (as in physically and mentally scarred as in CRUEL PUNISHMENT) only then are all of your Rights in effect.

Whatever the cause that's you, but you can't go out on some nutball crusade assuming that all physical disciplinary actions are Abuse.

Thorndike Doesn't Lie and neither does the study of Psychology. I will leave it at that and be done with this trivial discussion. Unless you have kids or Helped raise a family then and only then can you say your method works.

 

[spartan231490]

Violence is bad, always.

Do you actually believe this ghandi garbage. sorry if I offend anyone, but the nature of life is violence and murder. Even trees attempt to live through murder, cold blooded murder. They grow tall and wide and thick so that they kill all other plant life near them so that nothing takes thier water or sunshine. If someone attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself. Not to do so morally justifies the position of the attacker because you are valuing thier well being over your own, valuing the transgressor, over the victim.
a little more on topic, a quick smack gets ur attention, and shows you how much your parents are disapointed in you, way more than any speach ever could. Should you smack ur kid if he eats with his elbows on the table? hell no! should you beat your child? Ever? Hell no. If your 7 year old son sucker punches a kid in teh playground for the third time even after you took away every toy he had ever layed hands on the last two times he did it, should you spank him? Probably. anything less just shows him that no matter how many times he does it, the punishment won't get any worse, and he's already proven he doesn't mind that punishment, twice.

 

[Bruin]

If you let your children get so out of control that you need to resort to spanking, it's your fault. Not theirs'.

Children are born perfect. Whatever shit they're surrounded by effects them. That's the parent's part. Don't give them bad influences and teach them whatever it is you consider socially acceptable.

But, as somebody who's seen rowdy kids who can't be controlled because they're fucking nuts; I agree with it only as long as it's necessary--and oftentimes that's only once.

I disagree, children are not born perfect. They are born with personalities and with time those personalities begin to develop and mould that child into a person. Some children through these personalities will react in certain ways to certain punishments. My friend has 3 children, all three take to different punishments. One will stand in time-out, literally stand there and not move for 5 mins and continue to stand there until his mother says something. Another takes a spatula to the nappy (never a bare bum) if mum picks up a spatula he behaves in an instant. The eldest usually only needs a talking to. The children are fine, they are just right little shits most of the time because they all have their fathers temper.

We shape our own personalities as we grow older and make decisions on our own. It's a choice as to how much of the world around us we are prepared to believe, how much we are prepared to question and what views we agree with more.

Other than that I think we're just agreeing here.

 

[rokkolpo]

I see it as a child abuse. So, it's wrong in my opinion.

just curious, what would you do?

because i was spanked and learned from it.
it didn't even hurt for that matter.

 

[Tydanubus]

First off, I don't think that violence should be the last resort to teaching a kid from right and wrong, the main reason being that they're kids; of course they're going to be making their first mistakes, and to me it seems unfair to punish them in such a way for that.

That said, I mostly just see the entire process as unnecessary. It's terribly ignorant that some people on here seem to think that there are only two extremes: parents who spank their child and grow up to be law-abiding citizens, and parents who bend over backwards to please their little brats. There's so many different things in between, and just because you don't hit your child doesn't necessarily mean that you're a crappy parent who gives them everything they want for fear of upsetting them.

I was brought up in a household where my parents didn't dream of putting a finger on me, and my parents where always awesomely kind and friendly, made me laugh, and I adored them. Then, when I did something wrong, they turned extremely serious and got their 'damn angry and disappointed' voice on, and did whatever else necessary (taking away toys, etc.). It sounds like tosh to write it down here and now, but for me, it scared the shit out of me and I felt terribly guilty afterward, because it was just such a complete change of character, which I knew I'd caused, and I didn't want them to be upset with me.

I've probably explained that really shittily, but yeah. I turned out completely fine, and I thank my parents for bringing me up as they did.

100% agree. You explained it perfectly, and I can totally relate to your situation. I was never hit as a kid, and I think I turned out better for it.

 

[Wardnath]

Ummm, yep, I've been on the receiving end of it.

I actually think I've turned out worse overall.

 

[MelziGurl]

First off, I don't think that violence should be the last resort to teaching a kid from right and wrong, the main reason being that they're kids; of course they're going to be making their first mistakes, and to me it seems unfair to punish them in such a way for that.

That said, I mostly just see the entire process as unnecessary. It's terribly ignorant that some people on here seem to think that there are only two extremes: parents who spank their child and grow up to be law-abiding citizens, and parents who bend over backwards to please their little brats. There's so many different things in between, and just because you don't hit your child doesn't necessarily mean that you're a crappy parent who gives them everything they want for fear of upsetting them.

I was brought up in a household where my parents didn't dream of putting a finger on me, and my parents where always awesomely kind and friendly, made me laugh, and I adored them. Then, when I did something wrong, they turned extremely serious and got their 'damn angry and disappointed' voice on, and did whatever else necessary (taking away toys, etc.). It sounds like tosh to write it down here and now, but for me, it scared the shit out of me and I felt terribly guilty afterward, because it was just such a complete change of character, which I knew I'd caused, and I didn't want them to be upset with me.

I've probably explained that really shittily, but yeah. I turned out completely fine, and I thank my parents for bringing me up as they did.

100% agree. You explained it perfectly, and I can totally relate to your situation. I was never hit as a kid, and I think I turned out better for it.

If you were never smacked as a kid then you have no way of knowing how you would have turned out. You could have easily turned out just as good as you are now, god knows I've turned out perfectly grounded, self respecting and respecting of others.

 

[InnerRebellion]

I see it as a child abuse. So, it's wrong in my opinion.

just curious, what would you do?

because i was spanked and learned from it.
it didn't even hurt for that matter.

Oh wow that's an old post to quote.

Anyways. I would never hit a child, because my best friend gets abused and I've seen what it does to her. I would NEVER do that to my own child. I don't think time outs are that effective, but I would put my kid in their room, and not just leave them there, but make sure they understand what they did and why it was wrong.

 

[shadyh8er]

As long as you don't hit'em in the head, you're fine!