Poll: Do you want an apology?

[Maevine]

If any of the men who've abused and/or bullied me in my past cared enough to apologize for it, it would mean everything to me, ESPECIALLY after they've had so long to forget about it. I'll always carry those memories with me, sure, but hearing even a sliver of guilt on their part would make me feel loads better. As it is, it's hard for me to even classify them as human, and I still struggle a lot with those parts of my past. Never underestimate the power of a simple apology.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I am one of those people that hardly remembers a day when they weren't bullied. If my bullies offered one, that's fine, and I may even accept it; but I wouldn't pretend that we would then be friends. A 'sorry' for the emotional hell they put me through isn't enough to make me want to keep their company for any longer than it takes to hear them out or hear 'their side of the story'. I wouldn't exchange addresses or numbers afterwords. So, I don't really 'want' an apology or their company, but neither do I want them to suffer or have a miserable life. I just like what I've been doing, putting them far away in my mind and surrounding myself with pleasant things; video games, painting, gardening, dogs, etc.

 

[Alssadar]

Nope: I don't need an apology.
Like I would take their words seriously. They're assholes, and that's that. I really don't give a shit about them.
If they think that they can take it all back with an apology after several years--that's too late. Screw them.
At least I'm going to have a future.

 

[remingtonsteelflex]

I've been bullied a few times through elementary and middle school, but the worst was the kid who bullied me from kindergarten to 3rd grade. The guy would physically abuse me every day(i.e. biting, kicking, punching)and would break my belongings whether they were toys or a school assignment I was working on. It was obvious to my parents that I was being bullied, but every time they brought it up with the school they would just reply with the "oh, boys will be boys" and ignore the whole situation. God help you if you tried to stand up for yourself though. I put up with it for 3 years before one day during recess I snapped and sucker punched him in the jaw. I knocked him down when he was still dazed, kneeled on his chest, and began pounding his face with my fists. Before long, there was a crowd of students watching and yelling and teachers coming in trying to pull me off. The week after his mom came into class and said they were moving, and that was the last I saw of him for awhile.

During high school, my doctor recommended I enrolled in some kind of gymnastics or martial arts course for physical therapy after an accident I was in. The town closest to me had a Tae-kwon-do class, so I went there to check it out. A few weeks into the class I found out my old bully was a black belt and an assistant instructor. It had been close to 8 years since I last saw him, but I could tell it was him before he introduced himself to me. Unfortunately, I have a pretty uncommon name that makes me easily identifiable, but I was hoping he didn't remember who I was. After class that night and pulled me over to talk to him and my first thought was "he's a black belt and I'm a white belt so he probably sees this as a perfect time for revenge." He told me he remembered who I was and apologized to me for those 3 years he tormented me, and he said that he deserved the beating I gave to him for the hell he put me through. Not only did I forgive him, but we ended becoming friends and hanging out until I left for college.

If I could say one thing it's schools don't do a good job stopping bullies and in my opinion they make things worse.

 

[tippy2k2]

Our past is a part of what we are. The more the time passes, the biggest is that part.
There is no such a thing as "forgeting" the past - you can only learn from it.

If it happened, it left an impression on you. The less mature you were, the biggest is the impression. 100% of all psychoanalysis sections will sooner or later deal with childhood or teenage issues.

And you should think about it why you don't cherish your childhood memories. Some blocking issues, maybe? (well, just kidding on this last sentence... mostly).

Blocked memories? I highly doubt that.....OH GOD! UNCLE OWEN WHY!?!?!

Anyway, I don't think anyone should forget their past but I just don't get why people allow it to control their future so much. However, upon thinking about it, a lot of that might have had to do with my Art Major (see the edit in the OP).

Now it wasn't put in the post but most of the artwork I did during college had to do with bullying and the mind of someone who would do a school shooting. The work was...to put it nicely, disturbing enough that I was asked to go to the counselor

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this might be a large contributing factor. I remember being a fairly angry fella in my college days and art really helped break that. Now I'm just a slightly angry fella

 

[AngelOfBlueRoses]

I was never bullied in school, so I can't really relate at all.

If I had been, though, I probably wouldn't forgive said bully if they apologized to me, but I'd accept it, move on, and at least be grateful that there's one less asshole in the world.

 

[RedDeadFred]

No. People change over time. I was bullied a bit from about Grade 1 to Grade 8. Did it suck when it happened? Yes. Am I going to judge a person based off of their idiotic childhood actions? No. If one of my bullies walked up to me today and apologized I would tell them that they don't need to. They aren't that person anymore (at least hopefully not).

 

[kypsilon]

I personally haven't had it as bad as other people I've known, read or otherwise heard about. An apology to me from those people I've had issues with in the past at this point isn't necessary for me to get on with my life but some people out there really deserve one. Victimization in a high school setting can get really ugly...if the bullies want to apologize for being tools, I say congratulations on having a moment of personal growth and for the people receiving those apologies who really felt they needed one, congratulations you helped facilitate a moment of personal growth in someone you otherwise hated. It's win-win.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

I'm going to say other just because I wasn't bullied and I'm pretty sure living in my sound proof box was bullying anyone else, Unless me drawing like 'a boss' was somehow bullying them. I feel like I've missed out on some dynamic high-school experience that everybody should have, is this just an American thing?

 

[DSK-]

As being someone who was bullied in elementary, middle, and high school: I would accept their apologies. I am now 19, in university, leading a successful life where I find past revenge of more than a year to be petty.

I also find it sad how both sides, the bully and the victims, can both become terrible people from the event. While the bully is committing their acts, they deserve to be dealt with appropriately within the law and socially with shunning, being an outcast, and other sociological repercussions for their transgressions. However, for the victims, they usually turn into terrifying people with such hatred and rage that it's saddening they actually believe what they do. Countless victims believe that because they were bullied that the bully deserves to be tortured and killed. Why is it that people want to "make an example" of another by escalating the revenge? In essence, you're wanting to shoot someone over them slapping you.

I'd much rather have revenge instead, preferably in the form of said bully's loved ones being raped, roasted alive in front of him and then ending with him being force-fed their remains until his digestive system gives out.

As I've said in the past: To all bullies, I hope all your dreams never come true, every person you love abandons you, every attempt you make in life fails.

My former high-school bully... hung himself in a cell. Justice, as far as I'm concerned.

No. I'd rather the option to stab them in the face.

If found guilty by strong evidence and in a more realistic court and law system you fucking DIE.

After being bullied myself physically and emotionally, I understand the desire for revenge and for the bullies to get their dues, but I also find it absolutely scary that some would consider the above to be "appropriate" revenge. It is not. And those above and others like you, I am sorry you experienced something so traumatic, but please seek a therapist before you become a danger to others and possibly a bully to others.

Thankfully, not everyone turns out this way way. To the fellow posters, I applaud you and thank you for understanding how to be the better person. I hope your lives continue to prosper:

One of the things that I've taken from this thread is that some bullied people have turned into absolute monsters, far far worse than their former bullies ever were. To see such a widespread lack of basic humanity is quite sickening to say the least.

I would certainly want one. One such person actually did apologize to me years later. It felt really good. I was never really angry at them, since I'm an extremely forgiving person.

I've really forgiven them already. There's usually a reason for bullies to bully. Most of the time they're just a mess of emotional issues and I actually kind of pity them. I hope they are in a better place now.

Have met people who used to bully me after growing up, got apology, talked it out. I think that did both me and them good.

Thank you for reading.

lol, I had to laugh

I wrote it as more of an off-the-cuff comment, but your comment on my post made me smile

 

[gphjr14]

I stabbed my first bully with a fork, so we called it even stevens.
My second to last bully I uppercut and he sulked in a corner.
My last bully ended up getting hooked on meth and killing himself, so everyday I'm alive is +1 for me.

But this is all from middle school so I hardly think about it being 26.

 

[Whateveralot]

Well, I've been bullied through the latter part of elementary and through most of highschool (all but the final year).

Now I'm 23. Back when I was 20-21, I had a very hard time where I realised I couldn't function in an environemnt where people would have expectation of my work, mainly because I was around people that wouldn't treat me in the way that I ought to be treated. I eventually broke down and realised this was because of "back then".

I quit what I was doing back then, rethought most of the things I was planning to do and right now I'm at the apex of my own well being. I have a job as sales rep, starting up a business of my own, have a beautiful girlfriend which has a great perspective on things and she's got a great future ahead of her.


Now about apologies. See, I'm not the kind of person to say "I'm happy for them to make me who I am now", because I am thoroughly happy with who I am and what lies ahead of me. However; I'm going to be narcissistic and say that I have to thank myself for this.

I don't need their apologies in a way that makes me disgust the thought of their apology. They knew what they were doing. If they feel sorry, I want them to suffer through it like I did. If they don't feel sorry, I pity their lack of self-awareness.

In either case, I laugh at their "achievements". They have become weak. At least two of which have had children before the age of 20, each of which are accidents, failing their courses or being flat-out denied entry.

 

[Mersadeon]

Well, my bullies never apologized formally, but most of them kinda did through their behaviour. We all grew up a lot during our last few years together. But those that didn't... I don't really care for an apology. Sure, it made my life a lot harder, but that was so long ago and everyone was kind of a dick back then.

Edit: I don't mean that they don't NEED to apologize, I think it would be the right thing to do. I would appreciate it. But I don't really care.

 

[Strazdas]

Disclaimer: stupid me. i typed in a reply then voted in a poll, thinking this will be like any other forum where it wont refresh the whole damn page to count my vote.... how silly of me.

I do not want to hear or see those people ever again and would not take an apology. They likely dont even remember me and i will be forced to remember them my whole life. An apology would not even come close to a start of what would take them to get me to forgive them.

I think you've clearly demonstrated your insensitivity to other people's feelings and experiences.

Good. The less people care about feelings of people who forgive just because the guy said sorry after 10 years the better.

I see from this thread most people have either not experience bullying or have moved on. Good for you. Not everyone is so lucky to be allowed to move on though.

 

[Zorpheus]

Requiring or wanting an apology merely gives what they did legitimacy. Bullies don't deserve to affect my life in any meaningful manner. If they do, they've won.

 

[zinho73]

Requiring or wanting an apology merely gives what they did legitimacy. Bullies don't deserve to affect my life in any meaningful manner. If they do, they've won.

I understand your point, but I would like to add that most bullies are not even aware of the damage they might cause. They are not evil people with an agenda to break you. Mostly are just misguided and bad adjusted kids with a warped sense of fun.

In that sense they cannot "win", because their objective was not to cause psychological trauma.

That said, it is possible for anyone that suffered bulling to conquer those traumas and effectively be a winner. Most people that suffered serious bulling and are saying that they got over will fall into three categories:
1. They didn't. They just think they did.
2. They did it instinctively, because were fortunate enough to have internal and external factors helping them without they even notice them.
3. They did it with a lot of self-awareness and willpower, most likely with the help of good therapy.

But, as I said, I get your point - moving on when some bad things happened to us sure feels like winning.

 

[zinho73]

Our past is a part of what we are. The more the time passes, the biggest is that part.
There is no such a thing as "forgeting" the past - you can only learn from it.

If it happened, it left an impression on you. The less mature you were, the biggest is the impression. 100% of all psychoanalysis sections will sooner or later deal with childhood or teenage issues.

And you should think about it why you don't cherish your childhood memories. Some blocking issues, maybe? (well, just kidding on this last sentence... mostly).

Blocked memories? I highly doubt that.....OH GOD! UNCLE OWEN WHY!?!?!

Anyway, I don't think anyone should forget their past but I just don't get why people allow it to control their future so much. However, upon thinking about it, a lot of that might have had to do with my Art Major (see the edit in the OP).

Now it wasn't put in the post but most of the artwork I did during college had to do with bullying and the mind of someone who would do a school shooting. The work was...to put it nicely, disturbing enough that I was asked to go to the counselor

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this might be a large contributing factor. I remember being a fairly angry fella in my college days and art really helped break that. Now I'm just a slightly angry fella

Yeah, I can certainly relate to that .

On the point of the past controlling the future. It is not so much control, but a definite and strong influence. Unfortunately, letting go those things is rarely a case of choice.

 

[ShipofFools]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

 

[canis]

No, but there are a lot of people I wish I could apologize to.