Poll: Dumped a girl. Help? Please?

[someonehairy-ish]

Oops. For some I reason I read the poll question as 'was what I did wrong?' and hit no... oops.

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

I think you did the right thing. No one cheated on anyone, and you were honest with her. Most men would have just cheated on her and been left with no girl.

 

[Biosophilogical]

How can you continue a monogamous relationship when you have stronger feelings for someone else? If you'd continued it, it would have just been insulting and dishonest.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

If you felt like the relationship wasn't working for you, then telling the person is the best thing to do. There's nothing wrong with what you did, especially since you had been with her for such short time.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Better than two-timing the poor girl. She'll get over this MUCH easier.

 

[Tiger Sora]

Remember, other than family, you owe no one nothing. Ya you may be dating a person, and you've a really close relationship. But still, if you're not gona be happy with them the rest of your life, well its yours not theres. And if you can find another person, so can they.
A bit self centered. But you can't deny really.

 

[theLadyBugg]

Well, put it this way: if, in about four months' time Girl B breaks it off with you because she's more attracted to somebody else, how are you going to feel? Not awesome, probably. And your friends may or may not get as harsh toward her as Girl A's friends have been to you, but you can be damn sure they won't all tell you, "Girl B did the right thing, leaving you for that other bloke, you have to respect that."

Also -- and this is really important -- you're 15. So it doesn't really matter if what you did was ultimately the best way to go about it, as long as your heart was in the right place and nobody was grievously damaged. The fact the you are/were concerned about doing the right thing as you act is enough. Girl A and her friends will have plenty of opportunity to get over it. And you'll have plenty of opportunity to figure out how to better go about ending a relationship over the course of your life (protip: there's almost no way to do it without somebody getting hurt).

 

[Dr Snakeman]

Well, first of all, a relationship is a commitment. If you leave your girl for another one, you'd better have thought long and hard about it.

Basically, my answer is... it depends. If you just decided to dump your (now ex) girlfriend just "on the way to school", then yeah, that's kind of messed up. But if you really thought you'd be happier with this other girl, then what you did is okay.

Also, it largely depends on how you went about ending it. This kind of news needs to be broken to someone very gently.

 

[132635]

It was something I had been considering for weeks, I had decided that morning, second guessed myself a little later, and became adamant on doing it on the way to her

 

[mitchell271]

If it was on impulse, yeah, you're kind of a dick. If it had been for a while, then not so much. Think of it this way: at least you told her about it and she didn't find out after you started cheating on her.

 

[cynicalsaint1]

It's a shit thing to do to a person no doubt, but better in the long run for both of you.
Your ex and her friends have every right to be pissed at you.

 

[Naeras]

I would've gone with a couple of weeks without entering into the new relationship. I wouldn't specifically say it's because I found a new girl, rather I would've said something along the lines of it's not working out, with a couple of specific reasons why. If the new girl is any good, she will be willing to wait a couple of weeks. If she can't wait, the potential relationship was doomed before it started. But that's just my take on it, I'm not really an expert when it comes to relationships.

If you only wait a couple of weeks, she's going to figure that you dumped her for the other girl anyways, in which case you're back where you started. The only difference is that you weren't upfront with it, which just makes everything worse from my experience.

 

[smithy_2045]

I would've gone with a couple of weeks without entering into the new relationship. I wouldn't specifically say it's because I found a new girl, rather I would've said something along the lines of it's not working out, with a couple of specific reasons why. If the new girl is any good, she will be willing to wait a couple of weeks. If she can't wait, the potential relationship was doomed before it started. But that's just my take on it, I'm not really an expert when it comes to relationships.

If you only wait a couple of weeks, she's going to figure that you dumped her for the other girl anyways, in which case you're back where you started. The only difference is that you weren't upfront with it, which just makes everything worse from my experience.

I'm just going off how I think I'd prefer things to be if I were the one to be dumped. If you're going to dump me for someone else, tell me what was wrong with our relationship, don't just saying you've found someone better, and don't immediately get into a relationship with some other dickhead.

 

[Adellebella]

There's really no good way to tell another girl that you "have feelings" for someone else.

The girl-brain immediately calculates that as: [sob] She's prettier and better then me and he dumped me for a better person I'm not good enough [/sob].

And if they know the girl? Oh god...

But you did fine. I didn't sense any jackassery in what you told her. Enjoy your new relationship.

 

[Yopaz]

You can't control how you feel for someone. You broke up with her in a mature way because you knew it wasn't working. If her friends take her side that's natural because they're her friends and your friends will take your side. I'm not your friend and I think what you did was acceptable and probably what was best for both of you.

 

[Naeras]

I'm just going off how I think I'd prefer things to be if I were the one to be dumped. If you're going to dump me for someone else, tell me what was wrong with our relationship, don't just saying you've found someone better, and don't immediately get into a relationship with some other dickhead.

I never got the impression here that there were any bigger issues with that relationship other than "I've fallen in love with someone else". Explaining why you like the other person better can be done, but it's more often than not extremely hard to put words to stuff like that, and it rarely helps anyone even when you manage to do it.

Also, the new person isn't necessarily a "dickhead".

 

[smithy_2045]

I'm just going off how I think I'd prefer things to be if I were the one to be dumped. If you're going to dump me for someone else, tell me what was wrong with our relationship, don't just saying you've found someone better, and don't immediately get into a relationship with some other dickhead.

I never got the impression here that there were any bigger issues with that relationship other than "I've fallen in love with someone else". Explaining why you like the other person better can be done, but it's more often than not extremely hard to put words to stuff like that, and it rarely helps anyone even when you manage to do it.

Also, the new person isn't necessarily a "dickhead".

If you've fallen in love with someone else, there are inherently issues with the current relationship. I would loose all respect for someone who didn't bother to try and explain what caused the relationship to break down. A break up is never going to be easy, but that's no excuse to be lazy about it all. If someone wrecks my relationship with someone, whether they meant it or not, I reserve the right to think of them as a dickhead. They mightn't be one, but I'll still think of them as one.

 

[MetalMagpie]

*shrug* Depends how you handled it. Ultimately, dumping someone is never the "wrong thing to do", because wanting to dump your girlfriend is in itself pretty solid evidence that the relationship isn't working!

But - like it or not - you've hurt your ex's feelings (it's almost impossible not to when dumping someone), and it's completely normal that her friends will want to rally around her. Slagging you off may well help her feel a bit better about the whole thing.

So just give her plenty of space and be prepared to tolerate a bit of extra venom thrown your way.

 

[Naeras]

If you've fallen in love with someone else, there are inherently issues with the current relationship.

No. Believe me, it doesn't have to be issues at all. Don't get me wrong, usually there really are underlying issues, but it's completely possible for a perfectly healthy relationship to crash and burn simply because of feelings for someone else.

I would loose all respect for someone who didn't bother to try and explain what caused the relationship to break down. A break up is never going to be easy, but that's no excuse to be lazy about it all.

As long as every party involved is being honest, I agree completely.

If someone wrecks my relationship with someone, whether they meant it or not, I reserve the right to think of them as a dickhead. They mightn't be one, but I'll still think of them as one.

If someone wrecks your relationship with someone, as in, if that person specifically tries to ruins your relationship, then yes, you can call that person a dickhead. That wasn't quite what happened here, however.

 

[pvaglueman123]

Acceptable? Yes. To reiterate what others have said, at least you told her before persuing this other girl. About her friends, they're her freinds of course they will think your a jerk. Just like your friends are going to think it was fine. Relationships end, she'll get over it i can almost garuntee you that...

Unles of course the day you broke up with her also happened to be her birthday, your 5 month anniversary and the day that she told you she loves you but the odds of al those things coinciding arer pretty slim...

TL;DR: Your fine, have fun in your new relationship.