Poll: Friends With Benefits?

[Basement Cat]

Note: According to my forum search we haven't talked about this since 2010. A lot of us weren't around then, and this is a Poll!

For those unfamiliar with the phrase "Friends With Benefits" it refers to two friends--typically of opposite genders--who have non-romantic sex with each other.

I've been in such relationships twice before. Both were in college. In both cases my 'girl-friend' and I weren't in any way romantically suitable for each other, which was how we were able to use each other for sex and not ruin our friendship.

I agree with the article below that it runs a real risk of messing up close friendships.


Article

http://news.yahoo.com/friends-benefits-study-says-attraction-between-friends-more-123626231.html?_esi=0&ugccmtnav=v1%2Fcomments%2Fcontext%2F86db33fe-7325-3f6a-9248-0fd14783820c%2Fcomments%3Fcount%3D20%26sortBy%3DmostReplied

.
.
Your thoughts or personal stories?

 

[Fappy]

I did once, though I wanted more out of it. Pretty much got used. It sucked. Our friendship never fully recovered.

 

[Colour Scientist]

It happened twice. Once was with a friend when we were about 14/15 but there was no sex involved.
The second time I had a fling with my ex after I had come out of a long term relationship with someone else. I'm not sure if that counts though because we weren't friends so it was more "acquaintances with benefits".

I'm still friends with the first guy, six years later, and I don't really talk to the other guy because we have nothing in common. There was never any drama though.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I think a person could avoid the drama as long as both sides are very much aware that's all it is.

 

[Stasisesque]

I have been in such relationships. It's lots and lots of fun, but it doesn't last forever (nor should it). However, you should not enter into a friends with benefits scenario unless you are 100% comfortable with your relationship with your friend. If there is even the slightest doubt you'll survive as friends, or the thought one of you might catch feelings, I would get the hell out of there. If both catch feelings, that's fine, but be sure to talk about them as soon as you notice them.

Friends with benefits needs as much open honesty as a full blown romantic relationship. Usually this is much easier, as you don't have to compete with soppy love nonsense. Most of the people I know who have done the friends with benefits thing, as well as myself, have found it easier to state bluntly: "This is what I want, this is what I do not want, I am not open to compromise".

Your poll options seem a bit limiting. The married now one does not allow for dating, and seems to imply that pregnancy is the only cause of the relationship progressing (or, I guess STDs?); the 'it got old' one suggests it ended because one or more parties got bored - in my experience things either fizzle out or one person moves on, but boredom isn't really something I've come in contact with. Because of this I'm not voting in the poll, but this post is way more interesting anyway, right?

 

[Scrustle]

Never done it and I don't intend to. Doesn't sound appealing to me. Sounds like it would be certain to cause a horrible, horrible mess. It just doesn't sound like the type of relationship I want to have, either.

 

[steevee]

Done it once, turned it down once.

In my experience, it's easier to have the situation with someone that isn't a close friend. If you're always hanging out, and also having a lot of sex, I think it would be easy for feelings to develop. In my situation we saw each other maybe once a fortnight outside of the sex, and everything worked out/is working out, fine.

 

[Phasmal]

Nope, never would either.
I just don't really see the point of them, I mean, I'm friends with the boyfriend, we have benefits, but he also loves me, so I'd be losing out if I was in a FWB thing.
I guess if you're not into relationships or romance or anything like that it'd work, but it's not for me.

Though I would admire the tightrope walking skills of anyone who pulled that off without eventual drama.

 

[Basement Cat]

Your poll options seem a bit limiting. The married now one does not allow for dating, and seems to imply that pregnancy is the only cause of the relationship progressing (or, I guess STDs?); the 'it got old' one suggests it ended because one or more parties got bored - in my experience things either fizzle out or one person moves on, but boredom isn't really something I've come in contact with. Because of this I'm not voting in the poll, but this post is way more interesting anyway, right?

The married one was a tossed in joke. A bad one, upon reflection. Suggestions for modifying it are welcome for consideration. But quickly, before too many don't have the option to choose.

EDIT: I've removed the bad joke. It's just "Yes. We're dating/serious/married now."

 

[Dags90]

Personally, I think fuck buddies works out a lot better than friends with benefits.

 

[Shadowstar38]

It's a wonderful idea. I've never had a romantic interest in anyone, just a sexual one. So sex without the extra mess is perfect.

Though, for the love of all things holy, make sure the other person actually knows what they're getting into. That's really the only way this could go bad.

 

[Fappy]

Personally, I think fuck buddies works out a lot better than friends with benefits.

Aren't they pretty much just variations of the same idea. What makes one work more than the other?

 

[Dags90]

Aren't they pretty much just variations of the same idea. What makes one work more than the other?

The "friends" part. Fuck buddies are a purely sexual endeavor, whereas friends with benefits involves hanging out outside of sex AFAIK.

 

[Mr Fixit]

Never had that type of relationship & I'm not into that kinda thing anyway. If I'm gonna be with someone I'm in it for the long haul. Anyway I was in an odd relationship once upon a time, we were never "just friends" but we never got to the "lovers" part either. I would pick her up on a friday & we would spend the whole weekend together drinking & partying & all that good stuff, but nothing ever really happenend other than a kiss or two, so.... it was kinda confusing.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I haven't really had friends for a long time now, but when I did I was hardly aware of the "benefits". Dammit!

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

No for two reasons...

1) Call me gay or whatever you'd like, but I am a man who hold sex very close to my heart. I need to feel an emotional connection with that person to go that far. To top it off, while I have had many opportunities, I have only had 2 partners. A whore that cheated on me... that ended badly and my future wife. I am happy with this as I got to experience what sex is like for lust and for love.

2) I become very attached to people I have sex with. Its... a sort of trigger mechanism. My brain does some sort of cross wiring. If I were to have sex with you, I will want to cuddle you, if I cuddle you I would want to go on dates with you, if I go on dates I want to show you off to my friends and so on...

If you give a mouse a cookie...

This does make the situation difficult as my wife and I are both bi and she shares an interest in me hooking up for a fling with another guy. We are however, both worried about me drifting from her because of my sex issues.

Sigh, I really wish I didn't make it so complicated.

 

[Fappy]

Aren't they pretty much just variations of the same idea. What makes one work more than the other?

The "friends" part. Fuck buddies are a purely sexual endeavor, whereas friends with benefits involves hanging out outside of sex AFAIK.

Makes sense. As long as you don't get too close I suppose there aren't really any repercussions when you break it off aside from... you know... not having a someone to bone.

 

[Jonluw]

I've never tried it, but I'd try the hell out of it in a heartbeat if I got the chance.
Gods, how starved I am of physical intimacy.