Poll: From science, with love

[magicmonkeybars]

The question I'd like to ask is if these manipulations are only for your benefite or to her detriment.

Are you doing this to make her happy or just make you happy ?

 

[Unesh52]

Yes, well it does kind of undermine the whole "unique souls intertwined by amorous spirits in the mists of time and destined bla de bla de blarg." But honestly that's bull shit. Anyway, as long as it doesn't compromise her happiness, I say go for it.

 

[jpoon]

I would say you're in the clear, manipulate away!

 

[Direwolf750]

Dear god, it sounds like you are training an animal. If you don't at least respect your girlfriend's motivations and intelligence you shouldn't be with her.

That's not a relationship based on you knowing you'll do what each other want, this is a relationship based on you making her do what you want. Most people do it subconsciously to a certain extent but you've actually sat down and thought about how to manipulate your girlfriend's behaviour to be more to your liking.

I mean, Jesus.

Problems with this:

a) I do respect her intellectually, and I do respect her motivations, I did not mean to imply otherwise. I did not cause/convince her of/ask/reinforce anything that I thought she was be explicitly opposed to.

b) I did not base the relationship on getting her to do what I want. I do love her, and I think that said relationship is good for both of us. I have done things for her that I find unpleasant, but I did so anyways. I do not mean to imply that I control everything with an iron fist, just occasional using science to promote/discourage certain things.

c) I don't think and try to figure out how to modify her behavior to be more how I like. I try to find ways to make it such that I don't make her angry, or how to convince her to convince herself. I do this because----->

d) I can't do this kind of thing subconsciously. I don't do actions outside of a logical context, which requires thought. So yes, I do think of how to do things that others do subconsciously, because I cannot do so otherwise. And when I think of things in a logical context, the ways to influence events becomes easy. I don't find our relationship difficult. I find it complex, but logical to a comfortable extent.

 

[Direwolf750]

The question I'd like to ask is if these manipulations are only for your benefite or to her detriment.

Are you doing this to make her happy or just make you happy ?

Both of us is the ideal. I cannot be sure that I am making her happy but I believe so.

 

[Zaverexus]

I said "other" because as a natural strategist I can't help it. I automatically aim for optimal timing, effectiveness, etc. in everything. I often don't think about it

 

[Crystalite]

No, that is not what I mean. What I mean is that I used chocolate to cause her to want to have sex more, not as a consolation. Creating a more...profound link between chocolate and sex, causing her to associate the two and possibly causing desire for one to cross into desire for the other.

Ok, sorry for the misunderstanding.
Though this is still strange, because you assume that she somehow has less natural desire for sex than you, so you have to cause her to want it more often. Of course this might be the case, but the seemingly common misconception that women have a lesser sexdrive than men is exactly that, a misconception.
Also you would actually have to give her the chocolate during sex, strictly speaking... Though that might be a bit awkward ^^

And If you only just told her now, how come she never questioned you giving her chocolate after sex?
I mean, that would strike me a bit odd...

I do think that this works, seeing as it works with other things to.
Stupid example, but I got WoW for christmas one year, together with a giant bag of these coconut-chocolate things. Have to think of WoW everytime I taste coconut, I kid you not ;-)

 

[Marowit]

I don't see anything wrong with using what you've learned to build a better relationship with your girlfriend. I've certainly done that; make sure I listen when she's talking, body posture, being engaged, opening myself to things that make me feel uncomfortable for the sake of experience, etc... all sorts of things that are tenets of building a healthy relationship in most psych classes.

If you are covertly manipulating her via things she wouldn't agree with if she knew about them, then I'd say that's wrong and will ultimately blow up in your face...and we'll see you back here asking for relationship advice about what went wrong...and someone will inevitably link this thread.

 

[Duskwolf]

Essentially what you're talking about is Behavioural Modification. In some forms considered a format of abuse, or denial of liberties/rights/etc... However it's also a practise used for years by some countries to dumb down and placate their people into playing along... No names mentioned.

It really depends on whether you treat the subject like training a dog, or like moulding a persons potential...

And I do it too, so I've researched it fairly heavily myself.

 

[Togs]

No its not OK, its called being manipulative aka a dick