Well, this thread is certainly a treat. "Get a girl if you want a girl". Good to know some people have common sense. But what does that mean exactly? I don't believe, after reading this entire thread, that anyone really gave this young man a good explination of what that truly means. So, let me have your attention for a spell and impart some of my wall of text wisdom.
I think the phrase "Get a girl if you want a girl" is a misunderstanding. A mis-quote, if you will, from the heart. I personally beleive there's a better way to put it: "What do you love?" Now, that may be confusing for some of you. Why did he use the word "what" instead of "who"? I thought we were talking about girls here! Well, yes, we are, but then again we aren't. For some, that love will translate into a significant other. I'd say it's the most popular choice! But for others, well, I'll let my examples speak for themselves...
My first example is the typical story and is in fact my own. After a few rocky relationships, I realised my love was definately someone I could share every single experience I have within my life with. That's not just to re-tell my stories, but to physically have them there, by my side, experiencing everything I am first hand, and then talking about how amazing those experiences are. Now enter my lovely girl. She was a cold, cloistered, unresponsive, maybe even bitter, girl. That doesn't mean we weren't friends, she was just more callous than most other people and reserved her true emotions behind this chilling viel. But we had met on a role-playing board and steadily became great friends over time. Now this is when I became a little interested. I thought it was a crush, a passing phase in my youth, but as I grew older I found my attention was drawn more and more to making sure I could at least say three words to this girl everyday on that website. Sufficed to say, that was five years ago, and we're still seperated by that big blue watery road called the Atlantic Ocean, but at least we both know we're in love. A portion of our lives are now dedicated to conquering that blasted body of a salt water in hopes that we can be together and that's the sort of love I was looking for.
Now my second example is still typical, but not so much so in the sense I refer it to. My friend Robin is certainly not the brightest crayon in the box. That is to say, he makes bad judgement calls and is not exceptionally book smart either, but his determination is unparalelled. His love, of what I thought were many odditiest and bad relationship problems, was not a girl. How strange that that could be. But what else are friends for than to teach you things that you never knew possible? This man is dedicated to his love as much as I'm dedicated to mine: video games. His is a mad creator of code that can translate into pixels on a television screen, one who bends the very worlds we indulge ourselves into for escapisms and reigns supreme as God over these digital domains. He would (as has) forsaken family, friends and even his girlfriend to attain his one true love in his life. Does that make him a bad person? I think not. Though I know I will always be second in his books, I can only be happy for him when his hard work pays off and he can create his masterpiece of a game to please millions of people world-wide. If that's what I'm second fiddle to, I can gladly accept that role and support him 100% to obtain his love just as he is supporting me to get mine.
Now these two stories have a similar theme, as you should have noticed, and that's the feeling of love being translated into something. Because of my friend opening my eyes, I believe love isn't just meant for a person, but for what you want to obtain in your life. Loves may change as you change as a person, but you will always love something and that's what you should strive for. For some it may be that special someone, a girlfriend if you will, and that's awesome. For others it'll be a less tangible idea, a serise of bits and bytes that translate into an idea or story to stir that same emotion within themselves and to stir a piece of that emotion into millions of others. But the lesson is that love is love is love, and that each individual person needs to find their love, as you do too, and then just put 100% of their effort into doing it, because it will be the one way you'll truly make yourself happy.
Another subject people seem to be misinturpiting is the effort it requires to keep a relationship going. Most seem to think it's none. I believe they're wrong. Everything in life requires effort and relationships are no different. You'll toil away aimlessly and futily at the most seemingly insignificant things because you love her and waste what could have been time spent on what others would believe to be things that are more worthy of your time. But is that to say they're correct? Like anything in life, the amount of gratification on a job well done is directly proportionate to the effort you put into it and, thankfully, love is no different. The euphoric sense you get when that special someone looks at you in sheer awe and appreciation at what you've done is one of the most uplifting feelings one may ever know and makes the effort seem well worth the time spent. This is what I believe to be true.
The final subject mentioned that I would like to touch on in the original post is sex. Do you need to be in a relationship to have it? No. If all you want is the sex part, do everyone a favour and simply seek out girls who are also looking for the "quick fix". That isn't to say you need to be rude, impolite or devious about the matter, like some have thought one night stand are all about, but be kind, curtious and up front about your intentions with the lady. Make it evident through body language that you're looking to get a little action and the girls that are looking for the same thing will pick up on it and decide whether you can scratch their itch. Is that to say that having sex with someone you love and care about is ultimately more satisfying? Yes. Yes it is. To know that you've pleased that one person you care about and brought them to that same level of bliss is something that can't be quantified in chemicals or horomones. There truly is something of a soul in each person that ultimately feels satisfied when this goal is achieved and no brain enduced chemical reaction can replicate it. Ever.
SinisterSpade|LH| said:
It seems like you're the one who needs to get over himself. As well as take his head out of his ass.
You live in the UK, I assume? Your so-called girlfriend lives in the states?
Sorry. That's not an actual relationship. You can call it a relationship once you're in each others presence for pretty much everyday for super prolonged periods of time.
Well... allow me to rephrase that. You're not in an intimate relationship. Would you like the definition?
"An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment."
Let's see. At the most you have emotional attachment, I suppose. That's probably about it though.
This makes me upset. It feels like such an ignorant statement that I have to comment (especially being in the same scenario). I know that the poster this was directed towards has already said "you won't know until you're in my shoes" (paraphrased, of course) but I feel that a little enlightenment needs to be had.
The girl I'm in love with is the greatest person I know. We've known eachother longer than most couples have known eachother (going on five years now) and maybe the majority of those were a friendship, it still means I know a lot more about her. That isn't to say I don't love her and we're not in a relationship. Certainly, we're both open to the idea of dating others if the chance arises, only because of our situation, but that isn't to say there's not a sort of bad feeling that comes with the thought of one leaving the other. It also isn't to say that I'm much happier when I get to chat with her over MSN, talk with her over Skype, or share some pictures with her of my daily events. The feeling is probably even greater than what I've felt in most situations with girls face to face in my realtionships thus far.
Now, using a definition to prove your point is all well and good if you know the position is solid. However, again I go back to your ignorance of the situation a "long distance relationship" brings to the table. I have enduring behavioural interdependance, considering I feel bad if I don't get to at least say good night to her everyday, even to go as far as sending an e-mail with a disclaimer to not open until she goes to bed. Repeated interactions can fall under the same behavioural patterns, as well as the fact that we do make the best of our situation by buying the same video game (or giving it as a gift), making time for eachother where we won't be interuppted (usually difficult seeing as most people are ignorant like you) and then playing that video game together for the time we have. Funny how that sounds a lot like a date, and we call them just that! We've even synched up movies or cartoons over the internet and watched them together, as well as if she's watching a movie, she relishes in re-telling it to me over IMs so it feels like I'm there watching it with her with all my commentary put in. Why do we do this? I'd take a stab at emtional attachment being the cause, because we love eachother that much. So three out of the four pieces of a perfect intimate relationship have been replicated without every having met face-to-face with a little effort and a little love.
Anything is possible if you believe it to be and are willing to put the effort in. I hope you realise that now and keep your mind a little more open next time you feel like insulting someone's views.
Biosophilogical said:
Okay, from what I can tell of this thread (I haven't read more than the first page), it sounds like people are saying that the OP should find a girl he can be best friends with and have sex with, because the responses tend to go "If you can relate to her/ Friends can hurt too/ If you get along/ whatever".
Now my interpretation may be a little skewed, what with being sixteen and never having been in love, but unless love = Best Friend + sex, I'm a little lost as to what it is that makes people want it so much.
You of all people should read my responce. I simply quoted you if only to make sure you take a look at the first part of my post on love. I think that should give you a clear idea.
