Poll: Guy breaks into your house and takes a shower. What do you do?

[Manicotti]

http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/03/08/oregon.intruder.911/index.html?npt=NP1

TLDR - Guy in Spokane breaks into someone's house, takes a shower, then locks himself in the bathroom when the owner comes in. He then calls the cops, worried that the owner may have had guns. In the end, he got a misdemeanor charge, end of story. Listening to his 911 call, he can already be written off as "nuts," because he claims he broke in but also that he's there via having been kidnapped by Mexicans. Either way, he still falls under the "stupid criminals" title. That much is obvious.

But here's the thing. I've seen this article come up in three separate places, and what truly baffles me is how many people there are *defending* this guy and saying "it's a good thing the owner didn't actually have a gun! That could have been terrible! A harmless kid could have died!" I don't understand this logic. It reeks of complacency. Why would the homeowner take the time to assume this guy was harmless? Why would anyone assume that a guy who breaks into your house is harmless just because he can hold a conversation with you behind a door? For all the owner knew, he was bluffing until he improvised a weapon. It wouldn't be the first time someone's broken into a house and eaten its food/used its utilities with the owner lying dead in the next room. If it were my house, I'd have dragged him out and beat him into a body cast as soon as I knew he was there.

So. Discussion: Reactions to the story, and also the poll - what would you have done?

 

[gostlyfantom]

whoop his ass or make him a sandwich, maybe both.

 

[ThatDaveDude1]

If you break into someone's house for a shower then you're either Homeless or Insane. A basic conversation could rule out/confirm the second, and if he is crazy then I'd proceed cautiously. If he's just a homeless guy trying to shower I'd give him some food and a bed for the night (I'm stocking up Karma so I can bomb Megaton without penalty).

 

[Jark212]

I'll call the cops and get my M9 out of the lock box strictly as a last resort and hope he is not violent...

 

[The Afrodactyl]

I'd tell him to get the hell out and call the police.

If he left calmly though and/or had a valid reason as to why he broke in and took a shower though, I'd try to make sure that he only got a warning from the police.

 

[Calcium]

Stand just outside the bathroom door and say in the creepiest voice I can muster: "Don't drop the soap..."

That'll do the trick.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I call the police and ask him to leave and possibly leave myself if he doesn't. If he h a gun then I couldn't defend myself.

Hey, which asshole said they would shoot him through the door? Seriously? Fucking hell.

 

[DirgeNovak]

I'd turn the hot water off, then call the cops.

 

[Ultrajoe]

My shower has a tendency to funnel boiling water at high velocity the moment you touch the hot tap. If somebody broke into my house and used it, I'd call them an ambulance.

 

[Light 086]

Jump in with him obviously =P

Call the cops because the law may judge your actions as 'extreme' then you'll be sharing a cell with him.

For those who voted 'shoot through door' I ask this: What if it was your friend, family, spouse? I mean how would you really know if you didn't look?

 

[ZombieGenesis]

Frankly I'd assume the person was absolutely crazy, since there is no train of logic behind something like that. And crazy can often mean dangerous, even if the person in question has no real intention of being dangerous. Likely, keep the door locked and call the police.

If for any reason that wasn't an option, I'd get the most frightening kitchen knife available and not take my eyes off him until the police arrived. It's the UK, we don't have guns...

 

[Dango]

Take a picture/film it and blackmail him.

 

[loc978]

...I can fix a door... and my bathroom door is pretty flimsy. I'd kick it down and escort him from the house at gunpoint.

 

[Optional Opinion]

Join him in the shower and form a bromance amongst the bubbles.

 

[LightspeedJack]

Hold the door closed and don't let him out while I call the cops.

 

[Ninonybox_v1legacy]

shoot his kneecaps......problem solved.

 

[kebab4you]

Join him! Why waste the water?

 

[Zakarath]

Call the cops and hold him against the wall at swordpoint. (Yeah, I have a sword not a gun.)

 

[SeriousIssues]

I'd force him to sign over the rights to his life story (He's either going to be a drugged-up lunatic or a secret action hero escaping from the cartel, trying to wash the blood of a thousand murdered drug mules and simultaneously plotting the rescue of his polio-incumbered daughter and kidnapped wife or just some drugged up wacko, win-win either way).