Poll: How do you feel about friends with benefits?

[Aedes]

I think it banalizes sex way too much.
Call me old fashioned if you will but I believe sex is one of the last actions that shows intimacy on it's highest level. You are getting inside someone/letting someone inside you after all.
I see it as downgrading sex to something just as simple as playing a game, hanging out somewhere or a quick chat. It loses it's value.

I don't think it is something that should be avoided like the plague by everyone, please no. Though I never met someone who openly said he/she has done it, I have heard cases where it can work.
It just isn't for me.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Different strokes for different folks?

It could work, I guess, but I couldn't do it. I'd feel unfulfilled, dirty even and even terrible guilt. But sex is part of romance and intimacy in my mind. If I don't plan on staying with them long term, someone I want to be with, I can't do it.

Captcha: When, where?

Captcha! I have a partner already! Didn't you read my post? Back to R&P with you.

 

[Vault101]

While it was just friends with benefits, we agreed to only have sex with one another.

that sounds like a relationship....

 

[Talaris]

Sex for me is most fulfilling when it's intimate, and physical attractiveness just won't cut it here; you need strong feelings between both partners.

I'm the same way, but I'd argue that's why it's friends with benefits, not randoms off the street with benefits.

To be honest though, I'm not sure there's much difference between being 'friends with benefits' and being in an actual relationship, aside from some psychological bending of ideas... But then I'm just reminded of a child saying "well I didn't say it so it doesn't count". What is a partner if not a best friend that you have sex with?

I would say for me a best friend is someone who you trust and to a degree care for above all others, whereas a partner would be those same feelings only stronger, with the inclusion of sexual attractiveness. If someone said to me friends with benefits, I wouldn't assume it wouldn't be a best friend per say, just a regular friend where you like each other's company and share common interests, with some trust and of course sexual attraction between you. In my eyes, having sex with a best friend would involve feelings almost the strength of that of partners, and I would find it very hard not to want a relationship afterwards.

But yeah you're right there is a very fine line between all this.

 

[Broderick]

While it was just friends with benefits, we agreed to only have sex with one another.

that sounds like a relationship....

From an outside perspective it might. However, there was no going past friends with benefits, and that particular rule was more for protecting against STD's than anything else. If she wanted to have sex with a larger variety of guys, she was free to do so, I just would not be one of them is all.

 

[Quellist]

I actually have better sex with friends than in relationships, possibly due to the lack of real emotional involvement. Quite simply there is less pressure, thus more freedom to just have fun

 

[DanielBrown]

I'm in favor of it, but in my experience it hasn't worked out well. One of the party has always ended up with deeper feelings for the other, ending up breaking the friendship alltogeather.
Just try to make sure it's with a vaguely familiar friend, with no or little ties to your other friends, and it shouldn't matter if things go to hell. Lost over half my friend circle last time it messed up.

 

[Sansha]

some say it can't work...some say it can

I wouldn't know because I dont have experience in eather areas....I dont find anythig wrong with the concept on an ethical level (and the Idea of sex without the annoying aspects of a relationship is apealing on some leve)...however you'd want to make sure your "freind" wasn't off screwing 10 other people for fear of STD's

This is pretty much how I see it. Currently I have three friends with benefits, and I've had sexual relations with pretty much all of my female friends. Safety is my number one priority, and I trust them to be safe, but all the same go in for my monthly check.

As for the ethical side of it, I've had criticism but I see no wrong in it. These aren't just women I have around for sex, these are people who are my friends.

We just occasionally fuck, and what great sex it is because we know each others buttons and just want to have fun.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I couldn't do it, I have to properly love someone to have sex with them, I'd end up falling in love with a friend with benefits and probably get used until someone else comes along.

As long as both adults are consenting, it's fine. It's not for me but that's just me personally.

 

[kailus13]

Every single time they come up in an advice column it's because one of them has developed feelings for the other, so I'd say that it's too risky for my to try myself. If you think you can sustain such a relationship then go for it.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

They work for a little while before things get messy. I'm OK with it so long as there's no meaningful relationship prior to the whole "friends with benefits thing". If there was one, then it's gonna feel like a step down. If there wasn't, sure, whatever. But like I said they only work for a little while.

 

[Not Lord Atkin]

It depends on how well you are able to establish the rules and talk the entire thing through with the said friend. Not unlike in relationships, communication is key.

 

[Fappy]

I voted it was too risky, but that was specifically from my point of view. I personally would never try it because I wouldn't want to risk romantic feelings/heartbreak, but I don't see why it can't work for some others. I'm just too much of a sap to be in a purely physical relationship.

 

[AngloDoom]

Well, we've only just met but I'm willing to give it a go.

OT: Have one and used to have others. Totally fine if they really were your good friend before you start being 'friends with benefits', but I find that they were just an attractive acquaintance or friend-you-kind-of-know then the chance of shit-to-fan contact rises exponentially.

 

[The Night Angel]

I've had a good few chances to get into that sort of situation over the years, and have always told the person I wasn't interested. It just doesn't appeal to me, but I don't judge people for having friends with benefits, it's a personal choice for me, that's all.

 

[Sansha]

They work for a little while before things get messy. I'm OK with it so long as there's no meaningful relationship prior to the whole "friends with benefits thing". If there was one, then it's gonna feel like a step down. If there wasn't, sure, whatever. But like I said they only work for a little while.

I've been having sex with one of my friends for six years now, another for nearly two. It can work, as long as you're both in the mindset of knowing it's just casual fuckin'.

 

[lRookiel]

Never had that kind of relationship. Never had ANY kind of relationship. I wouldn't mind having that relationship and I wouldn't condemn others for doing so.

I feel sad now. :*3

 

[rob_simple]

From my experience I've generally found that casual relationships like you describe are usually born out of a compromise from one party: i.e. one person actually wants a relationship (but they won't necessarily make that clear) but, knowing that the other person doesn't, they'll simply take what they can get.

It's not out of the question that it will work for some people, but for the most part I find they usually end when one person starts to want more out of the relationship. Then again, there's every chance that, by that time, the neutral party's feelings will have changed, and they'll be more open to a relationship.

I guess you can't really sort matters of emotion into black and white.