Poll: How do you feel about friends with benefits?

[The Last Nomad]

It can only work if the friendship is stronger than the feeling that come from benefits. If the benefits start to make you feel stronger feelings than the friendship, then the friendship will suffer.

its risky but it can work.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Personally, I knew could never not get emotionally involved with partners in such as way as to not want to be close or try to form a relationship - since I've always felt sex was a close, emotional, and vulnerable act; so it was always best to just stay acquaintances. Thinking back on it, I probably saved myself a lot of heartache and the partner a severe headache in female-form.

Spoiler: Story-time

A man was 'friends-with-benefits' with his ex. He said that when the ex. started crying , missing their relationship, and started to confide in him, he just left quickly and then laughed about it; saying that when she started doing that annoying stuff it was time to leave. I thought that story was a bit disturbing and it's stuck with me. That doesn't seem like 'friends-with-benefits' at all, doesn't even sound like 'friends' - it just sounds cruel.

However, I am sure it can and does work well for others; but not for me. Seems too risky.

 

[Rattja]

Well people seem to do it a lot, so I guess it can work.

I just think it's scary that people are so casual about it, as it's seems to be just something you do.
People say we are sexual beings, that it's natural, that it's fun or not a big deal.
Hell, sometimes people EXPECT you to do it...
Fair enough, just keep me out of it.

It kinda put me off the whole idea of a relationship all toghether.
Whenever I sense a person wanting sex with me, friend or otherwise, I back away and walk in the opposite direction.

 

[hooblabla6262]

The first person I ever had sex with was one of the first friends I made in highschool.

Eight years later and I have seen many girlfriends come and go, but that friend is still my friend. And we still have sex when we are both single.
We are even planning on moving out to western Canada together cause she is one of the few human beings I can stand to live with. As friends.

Some might argue that those types of relationships do not satisfy emotionally, but every relationship is different as well as the emotional/sexual needs of each individual.

Personally I prefer FWB over commited relationships because I feel less pressured to spend time with that person. That being said, I do currently have a girlfriend. Kinda happened by accident.

I like being alone, but I also like sex. Life's dilemmas.

 

[Lynx]

It works for some people, and not for others. I had a sexbuddy once, and it was fun at first, but we both got bored with it. I respect that other people think it's a great deal of fun, but I personally find it dull. I need that emotional connection to remain interested.

To me, a relationship is like ice cream, and the sex is the sprinkles. If the sprinkles taste fantastic, it elevates the entire dish. But I wouldn't sit down and eat just a handful of sprinkles, because I don't think they're good enough without the ice cream.

Again, I know full well that other people feel differently about it, and that's okay!

 

[s0p0g]

i never tried that out, as i imagined it to be exactly what i always heard about them: sooner or later one party gets emotionally attached to the other, and then things start falling apart

so, a big no-no for me

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I have had several successful relationships with friends and I am just curios how others feel about it.
I don?t want to get into a serious relationship until i get my career off the ground.

I voted "I've lost count" because you didn't have any other option for "I've had friends with benefits and it worked out fine."

I can, however, count them. I have had four. Or six, if you count the five-way that one of my Friends with Benefits invited me to, but I honestly wouldn't call those two "friends" as I barely know them. Although one of them was a huge Dresden Files fan, which we bonded over a bit.

I keep meaning to call those two up and see if they want to hang out sometime and talk about the Dresden Files some more.

**snip**

BTW, thanks for PMing me about this thread! ^^

 

[mitchell271]

I had one back in October/November. One of my friends was trying to start one with me back in my hometown, but I was stuck 3 1/2 hours away because I was on the rowing team at my university and we had to train. Then she went to a Halloween party, got wasted, met her current boyfriend. So, sort of out of spite, I hooked up with one of my friends here and that lasted for a bit. It can work, but it is risky.

Probably a good thing the situation in my hometown didn't work out because this was a girl that led me on for about a year and a half.
[sub][sub]Woe is me.[/sub][/sub]

 

[Artemis923]

You get all the benefits of being in a relationship with none of the bullshit. One of your girls in trouble? Not your responsibility, but you can give 'em some lovin' if they need it.

so if she's stranded out in the middle of a storm or in some seedy part of town at night your not obligated to help her?

No, you're not.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't, but you are by no means obligated to do anything for them. All my women know this. They know if they call me at 3 am for help it better be some dire fucking circumstances, because I'm not their bf.

I care about my women, of course, but since I'm not in a relationship I don't have to drop whatever I'm doing and go help them. That's the beauty of it; plus, since I don't HAVE to help them, they appreciate it a lot more when I do.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

To be honest though, I'm not sure there's much difference between being 'friends with benefits' and being in an actual relationship, aside from some psychological bending of ideas... But then I'm just reminded of a child saying "well I didn't say it so it doesn't count". What is a partner if not a best friend that you have sex with?

Typically, the difference is the rest of the relationship.

The benefit to "Friends with Benefits" is that you don't do any of the other "relationshippy" stuff. Not that you shouldn't be best friends with your partner - that's always for the best. Hm. Perhaps I should give personal examples to make my point more clearly.

My spouse and I were friends LONG before we were in a romantic relationship. We used to go out for cheap Chinese food and talk about our current boyfriends or girlfriends and basically *****. It was great fun.

And then, at an Anime Con, something... shifted. And - making a long and cute story short - we ended up going out to dinner and then having sex for, like six hours.

We talked about being Friends with Benefits for the first week or so of crazy sex, but we liked being together enough that we decided to just go for it and be a couple. And... it was awesome. My best friend and I were suddenly an item. And, a few years later, we got married. And now we have a kid. But, first and foremost, we're friends - we play together.

On the other hand, we've had a number of Friends with Benefits since. Mostly another couple with whom we are friends. And, sometimes, we have sex with them. The rest of the time, we game with them. And that's it. There's no expectations, no romantic dinners, no dates, no romantic stuff at all. We game. And sometimes we fuck.

And yes, that can also be called "swinging". But with most swingers, the couples only really interact via sex. With this couple, we're mostly gaming friends. We play Pathfinder or Rogue Trader or Maid RPG or what-have-you. We play video games. The four-ways are only occasional, friendly affairs (pun intended). Incidental. We're friend who, on occasion, have sex with one another.

And it never really gets weird because the "gamer friends" is still the default setting. That never changes.

And it isn't like my spouse and I because I would NEVER want to live with these two. I don't want a deeper relationship with either of them. And I certainly don't want to raise children with them. Egads.

So, to sum up, a true Friend with Benefits is someone you really never see as a long-term relationship - aside from friendship. You wouldn't want to live with them, have kids with them, any of that crap.

Whereas a good partner is someone who you are friends with who you could honestly live with for the rest of your life. Maybe they annoy you sometimes, but it's worth it. You want to share everything with them because they are your very best friend.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I actually have better sex with friends than in relationships, possibly due to the lack of real emotional involvement. Quite simply there is less pressure, thus more freedom to just have fun

Huh. It sounds like your relationships have been very boring.

I agree fully that sex is best when it's fun and playful - and free. However, I've found that is more about your partner and less about the status of the relationship.

Sex with my spouse is awesome because my spouse is playful, creative, and fun. That's why I chose to get married to my partner.

On the other hand, that other couple I mentioned in my previous post - they're fun people in general, but not very sexually playful. Experimental, yes, but not that fun in bed. That might be one reason why we only hook up with them infrequently - they're kinda boring for swingers.

My advice to you (if you care, which you may not) is to find someone fun to be in a relationship with. Sexually fun, I mean. If you can get the romance and the wacky fun sex then you've got the best of both worlds. ^^

 

[Quellist]

I actually have better sex with friends than in relationships, possibly due to the lack of real emotional involvement. Quite simply there is less pressure, thus more freedom to just have fun

Huh. It sounds like your relationships have been very boring.

I agree fully that sex is best when it's fun and playful - and free. However, I've found that is more about your partner and less about the status of the relationship.

Sex with my spouse is awesome because my spouse is playful, creative, and fun. That's why I chose to get married to my partner.

On the other hand, that other couple I mentioned in my previous post - they're fun people in general, but not very sexually playful. Experimental, yes, but not that fun in bed. That might be one reason why we only hook up with them infrequently - they're kinda boring for swingers.

My advice to you (if you care, which you may not) is to find someone fun to be in a relationship with. Sexually fun, I mean. If you can get the romance and the wacky fun sex then you've got the best of both worlds. ^^

Haha, like i havn't tried. If i had found someone fun and romantic i clicked with i'd probably be married by now. In the meantime friends with bennies is good enough

 

[Yopaz]

No feeling towards this. People can screw whoever they want (as long as there's mutual consent).

Personally I wouldn't have sex with any of my friends because they are either in a relationship, guys or both. I also wouldn't want to screw up a good friendship which is bound to happen with my personality. Intimacy isn't for me.

 

[Lieju]

I know people who live in open relationships and have friends they have sex with but aren't in a relationship with.

Works for them. What's important is that everyone involved is open about what they want and are willing to get into. I don't particularly think it's a good idea get into an arrangement like that with the goal of turning it into a 'real' relationship, or if you don't know what you want, though.

Me, personally, no, I wouldn't do it, because I'm not interested in a sexual relationship without marriage, kids and shared bank-account and all that stuff.
for the same reason I'm not interested in casual sex (assuming I even could do that with my OCD), but I have nothing against it.

 

[Cowabungaa]

People can do whatever they wish but it's not for me. I don't fancy having sex with someone I don't actually love. I have fairly little, or basically no, interest in sex outside of a stable relationship.

But of course there's nothing wrong with it. If it works it works.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Sex is sex. As long as there is communication, friends with benefits can work very well. I've had more than my fair share of good experiences with them. You just have to communicate. If one of you develops feelings you both need to sit and talk about it. And it shouldn't be used in a "we're friends and I want to fuck you but I have a girlfriend so I'm going to do it anyway" kind of sense either. I expect the same things out of my FWB relationships as my normal friend relationships. If I call you in an emergency in the middle of the night(ie: I'm stranded/too drunk to drive/something's happened that I need help with)then I expect you to come and help. I will do the same for you so the consideration is there. My friends girlfriends hate that we have that kind of friendship but luckily I don't get into emergencies in the middle of the night often. In fact, I've only had one and that was 9 years ago when I totaled my car at 4 am. Though, to be fair, that one I called my parents. Usually I am the one being called because I have friends who like to go out and get drunk and forget they don't have a designated driver. Anyway back on topic. Long as ground rules are set out and followed, it can work very well. I actually broke up most of mine because the guys decided they didn't want to use protection anymore and that's one of my rules is that it HAS to be used. Aint no way I'm contracting an STD or getting pregnant because you don't like the way a condom feels. I'm not particularly fond of them either but I still use them without bitching.