Tell her you like her, but have a back up plan because if she's been a friend for a while your chances are pretty slim. It's happened to me a few times.
Poll: I have a crush on a friend. Please help?!
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Cool.Adamd1990 said:Give me a month, I shall try. Then I'll tell you how it went.Vellu said:I think I have quite the same situation, but I'm just too shy to try things out.
PS. We've been in the same class for one semester now, so I don't know her too well.
Since this is a long post, I'm going to copy the important bit to the top: Let it go, look elsewhere. Move on with your life. Friend != Lover and NEVER will.
I can not strongly enough recommend that you do nothing about this. It simply does not end well. You are gambling on the TINY chance that shes into you too (unlikely since shes had another partner while you were around) again the pretty near certain prospect of turning a good friendship into an excruciatingly awkward ball of pain. If you try to do anything you will wreck your friendship with her.
Friendships just build differently to relationships and moving from one to the other is next to impossible. Friends push a completely different set of buttons to potential partners.
You ever notice how the vast majority of peoples partners don't seem to have much in common with them ?
And how the girls in your social circle tend to go out with guys from outside it ?
You know how you feel that you understand them and their boyfriends don't ?
And one more... Have you noticed how mostly people go from 'strangers' to 'together' REALLY fast, and in the mean time they aren't friends at all ?
Well the killer thing is that in reality while you may understand what someone wants in a friend, you have no idea (and trust me you aren't it without knowing it) what they want in a partner.
If you want to be happy look further afield for girls, meet as many as you can. Soon enough you'll know when they are into you, and beyond that, you'll have learned that women are plentiful and that wasting your time mooning over someone who it'd never have worked with anyway was a waste of time. Seriously man. Let it go, look elsewhere. Move on with your life.
If you must do that... Well...
Sometimes you can sleep with your hot friends when they are bored/horny/angry at their partner/drunk and from time to time beat up those waste of space guys they kick around with. You just have to be an opportunistic jerk who makes a point of being there at the right times. *shrug*
I can not strongly enough recommend that you do nothing about this. It simply does not end well. You are gambling on the TINY chance that shes into you too (unlikely since shes had another partner while you were around) again the pretty near certain prospect of turning a good friendship into an excruciatingly awkward ball of pain. If you try to do anything you will wreck your friendship with her.
Friendships just build differently to relationships and moving from one to the other is next to impossible. Friends push a completely different set of buttons to potential partners.
You ever notice how the vast majority of peoples partners don't seem to have much in common with them ?
And how the girls in your social circle tend to go out with guys from outside it ?
You know how you feel that you understand them and their boyfriends don't ?
And one more... Have you noticed how mostly people go from 'strangers' to 'together' REALLY fast, and in the mean time they aren't friends at all ?
Well the killer thing is that in reality while you may understand what someone wants in a friend, you have no idea (and trust me you aren't it without knowing it) what they want in a partner.
If you want to be happy look further afield for girls, meet as many as you can. Soon enough you'll know when they are into you, and beyond that, you'll have learned that women are plentiful and that wasting your time mooning over someone who it'd never have worked with anyway was a waste of time. Seriously man. Let it go, look elsewhere. Move on with your life.
If you must do that... Well...
Sometimes you can sleep with your hot friends when they are bored/horny/angry at their partner/drunk and from time to time beat up those waste of space guys they kick around with. You just have to be an opportunistic jerk who makes a point of being there at the right times. *shrug*
this never works out (maybe a 4% margin)
never be friends with women unless you have very little attraction to them
never be friends with women unless you have very little attraction to them
In general terms, yeah I agree with this.Gerard Hughes said:
Just be careful about it. Remember girls get this exact same crap as we do, although less frequently, so be prepared for someone to left field you with feelings. My recommendation: Sleep with them. You are not of an age to be picky.
Like a boss!dogstile said:Quite simply, if you don't act on it, you'll pine over her and feel like crap, and eventually she'll cotton on.
So, your best bet is to wait for a decent moment and admit that you fancy her. And if you get rejected, you can always call a sex line and cry deeply (Yes, i'm referencing something here
OT: I remember being in a similar situation, except it was the other way around. My friend told me that a good friend of mine (who was a girl) fancied me and that I should consider it. I did and it didn't work out, but we're still good friends.
I suppose my advice would be to maybe admit this to her and see how she feels about it. Tell her that you have feelings for her, but if she doesn't have feelings for you let her know that you still want to be friends. I wouldn't jump straight into asking her out, I'd test the waters first. It just means that neither of you will come out from it badly if something does happen. Let her know that you like her and that you still want to be friends if she doesn't want to go beyond your friendship. If she says yes then take it slowly, just in case.
Yes.Adamd1990 said:
As soon as possible. I hooked up with my current girlfriend while she was still grieving over losing her previous guy. Think I'm going to wait for the tears to dry? Hell no, I'm there with the tissue box and the comfy couch at my place...Adamd1990 said:
Heh. Its a good approach.BonsaiK said:
That NEVER works if shes a friend.
She'll say all this painful stuff about how she loves that your always there for her, and why are none of the guys she goes out with nice like you. And then she'll say she hopes that you're always friends and that she feels she can really trust you and so on. And its like a dagger in your heart every time, because all it does is remind you that you're gunna be in the same place six months later when another dick breaks her heart again.
As a man who has never had problems taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable women, I know how that whole night goes, and trust me, you do not get any action from it if shes a friend.
Now if you've only just met or you aren't particularly close or something, then sure, take a shot. But otherwise, its not worth it. It'll hurt you bad to be told again (by inference at least) and again that she doesn't in any way want to sleep with you.
Its like the cartoon someone posted above. Even if she did hook up with you, it wouldn't work out like you want. It'd be a lie for both of you. You are in love with a fantasy that you see because she's close to you. Being nice, respectful, understanding and 'getting' them is wonderful in a friend, and its pathetic in a lover. Love needs passion, end of story. If you can't get that happening, then you are wasting your time.
I've never tried it on a friend, because my female friends are my female friends, I don't do relationships with them. I have however been there for female friends experiencing a breakup, emotionally supporting them (just as I would do for male friends) but it wasn't with the intention of anything more happening like in the comic.LostAlone said:
If I like a girl and want to be more than a friend I let her know more or less immediately. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but either way I don't waste time wondering or stressing about it. The whole "she's a friend, I'd like something more" never happens to me because I've already skipped ahead to the relationship pitch before the friendship is really consolidated.
Wow, thank you to everyone who replied to this. The things I've learnt today about this are:
1. This is a community full of awesome dudes and dudettes,
2. Don't tell her drunk (thank you Tin Man's girlfriend),
3. There is no definitive answer, and no ideal result.
I've decided to go on holiday with her and see how it goes. If there's a sober opportunity to tell her, I'll take it in a light hearted way (thank you person who suggested that, can't find you) but if one doesn't come, I'll tell her after the holiday and just live with the answer. As I previously said, I don't really mind what the answer is as long as I can remain friends with her, and most people who have noticed that have said to go for it. So I will
Check back with this forum in about a month's time (my holiday ends 28th June) where I'll update you all, if you lot really care about this
Thanks again
1. This is a community full of awesome dudes and dudettes,
2. Don't tell her drunk (thank you Tin Man's girlfriend),
3. There is no definitive answer, and no ideal result.
I've decided to go on holiday with her and see how it goes. If there's a sober opportunity to tell her, I'll take it in a light hearted way (thank you person who suggested that, can't find you) but if one doesn't come, I'll tell her after the holiday and just live with the answer. As I previously said, I don't really mind what the answer is as long as I can remain friends with her, and most people who have noticed that have said to go for it. So I will
Check back with this forum in about a month's time (my holiday ends 28th June) where I'll update you all, if you lot really care about this
Thanks again
What can I say buddy... Good luck.Adamd1990 said:Wow, thank you to everyone who replied to this. The things I've learnt today about this are:
1. This is a community full of awesome dudes and dudettes,
2. Don't tell her drunk (thank you Tin Man's girlfriend),
3. There is no definitive answer, and no ideal result.
I've decided to go on holiday with her and see how it goes. If there's a sober opportunity to tell her, I'll take it in a light hearted way (thank you person who suggested that, can't find you) but if one doesn't come, I'll tell her after the holiday and just live with the answer. As I previously said, I don't really mind what the answer is as long as I can remain friends with her, and most people who have noticed that have said to go for it. So I will
Check back with this forum in about a month's time (my holiday ends 28th June) where I'll update you all, if you lot really care about this
Thanks again
Personally speaking, I'd say that if you must do this (in my opinion) damn silly thing, then do not do it in this damn silly way. Do it straight, do it honestly. Don't make it light hearted. Please.
Why ? Because its almost certain not to get an honest answer. If that's what you want, then don't give her the chance to deflect or laugh it off. Which you will not feel is an answer at all (which it isn't, but it what practically all of you would do when confronted with something unexpected... take the easy road) and you have to go do it all over again.
There's a million reasons why being kinda jokey is a bad idea, but foremost among them is a) she may not think you are serious and b)if she is in any way conflicted about her past relationship then she'll brush it off because she doesn't want anyone atm. Either way (and there are many others too) if you let her deflect, she will.
Essentially, being jokey is a form of self protective denial. It gives her many many ways to say no without saying no. This will protect you from feeling rejected, but it won't resolve anything, because you won't have been told no. At the very least you'll have to try again to clear it up. At the worst, she thinks she's let you down easily while you think she said 'ask again later'. And trust me, it only get worse from here. Misunderstanding a half-serious joke will destroy your friendship.
If you genuinely want to know, genuinely ask. Have the courage of your convictions. Ask a hard question and be told a hard answer. Trust me, its a tough thing to do. But the alternative is to stay hung up on someone who thinks she told you you can only ever be her friend. And that stuff will hurt you badly when the crunch comes.
I say do it!
or else you'll end up like me depressed because you love the girl (in my case my housemate) who is with someone else and in a serious relationship (about 1 year 4-5 months).
And finally good luck!
or else you'll end up like me depressed because you love the girl (in my case my housemate) who is with someone else and in a serious relationship (about 1 year 4-5 months).
And finally good luck!
Well I'm officially depressed now, thank youHentMas said:Schrödinger's catAdamd1990 said:Alrighty, time to get my first post on...
I have a friend, who's a girl. We have been very good friends for the past year and over that time I have developed very strong feelings for this girl. The reason I haven't acted on them is because for that year she was going out with someone else.
She has since split up the the guy, but is obviously heartbroken from it. The problem here isn't timing when I should ask her out or anything like that, it's more if I should do it at all, as I have become a pillar of support to her through her breaking up with the other guy.
We have become practically best friends over the last year, and we speak quite frequently. Should I lay my cards on the table and risk being shot down (which I don't mind) or losing a friend (which I do), or should I just keep quiet?
(This is mainly to the women here) If your best friend told you he has a huge crush on you, what would be your reaction if you didn't feel the same way? Would you still be able to be friends with him, knowing he loves you?
Any advice is good advice here.
Thanks
seriously, look it up... i might have heard about it in "Big Bang Theory" but it actually applies neatly with your dilemma
so anyway, if she is your friend and you are her friend, you being in love with her wont change that, and please, you really care about friendship when you could be having a really meaningful relationship with her?
also!!
OT: Go for it, my first hand knowledge says it's worse to get shot down then never knowing how she feels...no wait strike that reverse it....It's worse to never know how she feels, then getting shot down. However it is even worse to get led on
Hence why it is better to show interest from the get-go, rather than be stuck in a friendship crushing on some poor girl because you lack the balls to ask. It's not her fault, it's your fault.
Why is it so complicated? Why is it that guys are so scared to just ask the girl out for a juice or a coffee after a couple minutes of conversation as human beings, to get to know her better. She's just a freaking girl. She ain't dumb, she'll understand why you're inviting her. If she's not feeling you, she'll politely refuse.
But since you are already stuck, the only option is to become suddenly unavailable for her. Deep inside she'll know why, and if she pursues you you tell her that you can't be friends anymore, put a little drama in her life, and in the end that you like her and it isn't fair to both you and her, so you move away.
You can't have the cake and eat it too, in both cases the friendship is over. But at least put an end to this by manning up.
Why is it so complicated? Why is it that guys are so scared to just ask the girl out for a juice or a coffee after a couple minutes of conversation as human beings, to get to know her better. She's just a freaking girl. She ain't dumb, she'll understand why you're inviting her. If she's not feeling you, she'll politely refuse.
But since you are already stuck, the only option is to become suddenly unavailable for her. Deep inside she'll know why, and if she pursues you you tell her that you can't be friends anymore, put a little drama in her life, and in the end that you like her and it isn't fair to both you and her, so you move away.
You can't have the cake and eat it too, in both cases the friendship is over. But at least put an end to this by manning up.
And by the way, what is the difference between you and the "jerk"?
The "jerk" isn't afraid to ask her out and bust her balls, she is having fun and excitement with him. You are, and she is neither having fun nor excitement.
The "jerk" isn't afraid to ask her out and bust her balls, she is having fun and excitement with him. You are, and she is neither having fun nor excitement.
ooh this person has good advice don't ask her out on the holiday what if it turns akward then what. i mean if it turns akward then it will probably calm down but maybe not right away. and think of the poor third if you two started going out what would he do? so either ask a few weeks in advance or afterNami nom noms said:hmm, my advice as a girl would be this:
It might be pretty weird for her to hear it, but I think you should let her know someway. Personally, I could (and have) deal(t) with the situation... but it requires a great deal of emotional maturity on her part.
I think that rather then tell her, it might be better to show her. especially if you don't want to be rebound material (that's no fun for anyone). Do something unique and romantic, and surprise her nicely, so she gets the idea. Women understand subtlety
I think it would be a really bad idea to tell her on the holiday mind... unless a good chance for the above happens (dont force it there). The reason being if it all goes to pot, she might want to 'escape' the immediate vicinity and been trapped on holiday will not let her think rationally, and destroy everything you have so far.
Good luck my friend.
I just decided to revisit this after a few months. So I didn't get a chance to read yours at the relevant time.WingedIncubus said:
To be perfectly honest, if I felt the way I do now when I did at the start of the relationship, I would've asked her out. I understand women aren't actually from Venus, dude. I am experienced in love enough to have gotten married, and you're not the only one who can see straight on the rocky road of relationships. Feelings go from friendship to fancying to love. But they have to start from somewhere. It's not like I thought when I first met her "I really really fancy you, so I'm gonna be your friend and hopefully in three to four years we can go out!"
And, with the beauty that is all this happened months ago, after telling her that I did in fact fancy her, and knowing her reaction would probably be in the negative, we are still incredibly good friends, probably more so since to be frank. That is, my friend, having your cake, eating it, then deciding to get a bit of ice cream too.