Poll: I just came from facing two thiefs.

[ragestreet]

So on my way home from work yesterday these thirty gangsters surrounded me from out of nowhere. I took out about ten of them with lazers I shoot from my balls and ate a few of them. The rest of them pulled out guns and shot at me but because I am one of the sons of Zeus their puny bullets bounced right back at them. The ones who didn't fall to their own bullets I just threw into a big pile and set on fire by pissing on them and using my heat vision on the piss.

 

[JimJamJahar]

"Jaja" is the way we write "haha" the people who speak spanish, i like to keep my language roots. Get used to it.
The fact: the guy backed when i raise my fists, and started kicking and trying to make me give him money instead of just knock me up.

Why would he want to get you pregnant?

Oh, I get it! This whole thread is innuendo. That also explains the title

 

[Dxz5roxg]

He kicked you in the nuts. If you're able to you should have beat the crap out of him after that.

 

[klipton]

Okay, this thread went too far away. I don´t care if you believe me or not but i´m gonna resume my arguments:
1 The kick in the nuts was at an angle of 45º. That means that my "thing" got most of the impact.
2 I don´t know much about other fighting styles, but karate-do from okinawa, especifically the way my zensei teached it make my bones much stronger than before, and that doesn´t go in just 5 years.
3 Individuals are all different, and what counts for an asperger doesn´t necessarily count for all of them.
4 About the punch on my face: maybe im just a lucky person, or maybe i have a boxer cheek, i don´t know. The point is somehow i managed to receive a punch on my face from a bigger person and remain almost perfectly fine. Don´t tell me what i can´t do.
5 My friends are just regular boys who prefer to ran away and lose their stuff. I can´t blame them, but i like to stand because it´s more fun that way. And yes, i have the self-preservation instinct of a lemon ¿so what?

 

[Czargent Sane]

give them whatever you deem to be worth less than a life. is your wallet worth their life? yours? your friends?
dont start combat unless you are prepared to finish it. never fight unless you are willing to die, and to kill.

 

[nick n stuff]

someone thinks a lot of themselves.
i love the idea of you asking to see the gun as well...bollocks.
i would have just done the sensible thing and given them some money and left. i don't get shot and leave with my nuts intact.

Dumb-ass

 

[Pimppeter2]

1 The kick in the nuts was at an angle of 45º. That means that my "thing" got most of the impact.

Its a good thing that you carry that handy protractor wherever you go.

Either way, unless your "thing" isn't attached to your balls, or isn't 6 inches thick, or the guy didn't have a size 3 shoe then it would have impacted your balls regardless.

2 I don´t know much about other fighting styles, but karate-do from okinawa, especifically the way my zensei teached it make my bones much stronger than before, and that doesn´t go in just 5 years.

Did he made you drink milk?

Did it come from his special pants hose?

Karate doesn't make your bones stronger. Calcium and vitamin D do.

4 About the punch on my face: maybe im just a lucky person, or maybe i have a boxer cheek, i don´t know. The point is somehow i managed to receive a punch on my face from a bigger person and remain almost perfectly fine. Don´t tell me what i can´t do.

Clearly making more claims to being superhuman is the way to argue the old ones.

5 My friends are just regular boys who prefer to ran away and lose their stuff. I can´t blame them, but i like to stand because it´s more fun that way. And yes, i have the self-preservation instinct of a lemon ¿so what?

So even though you had already kicked this guys ass, your friends still wanted to run away?

Well at least your hanging out with people with as much common sense as you.

 

[Gasaraki]

To keep with the trend of e-peen embigenning...
I live in Canada, and because I live in Canada I inhabit an igloo and have a pet polar bear called "Moo".
So one day, I was riding Moo with a Howitzer in my hand (Yes, my magical Canada powers let me lift a Howitzer in one hand) when all of a sudden, a wild global warming appears! So then I take out my exploding katana launcher (which totally wasn't a Howitzer just a few sentences ago) and shove an exploding katana right up the wild global warming's AHOYGDENBAGEL, which is totally an actual body part but only I know about it 'cuz I'm cool, thus eternally destroying global warming until the next time an evildoer is wounded by OP's steel balls. Moo and I then proceeded to go on a day-long trip around the ever expanding universe.

 

[Cody211282]

Okay, this thread went too far away. I don´t care if you believe me or not but i´m gonna resume my arguments:
1 The kick in the nuts was at an angle of 45º. That means that my "thing" got most of the impact.
2 I don´t know much about other fighting styles, but karate-do from okinawa, especifically the way my zensei teached it make my bones much stronger than before, and that doesn´t go in just 5 years.
3 Individuals are all different, and what counts for an asperger doesn´t necessarily count for all of them.
4 About the punch on my face: maybe im just a lucky person, or maybe i have a boxer cheek, i don´t know. The point is somehow i managed to receive a punch on my face from a bigger person and remain almost perfectly fine. Don´t tell me what i can´t do.
5 My friends are just regular boys who prefer to ran away and lose their stuff. I can´t blame them, but i like to stand because it´s more fun that way. And yes, i have the self-preservation instinct of a lemon ¿so what?

1) The only way to get kicked in the nuts is from straight ahead(or right from behind) and the angle wont matter the force still hits your nuts. Nuts get kicked you go down. Unless your saying you got hit from a 45 degree angle from the side and that would mean you dont have a leg there.

2)Unless your teacher was infusing your bones with super calcium or metal martial arts isn't going to make your skeletal structure any stronger.

3) That's true, but as I pointed out your own websites said it only happened when they zoned out during a special activity, and that it didn't work for wounds, just minor annoyances.

4) Well I'm about to tell you this, what your saying is bull, the whiplash from the hit would have stunned you at the very least, a direst strike to the face is't just a small thing.

5) So what? Your lying that's what, there isn't a single part of your story that makes any sense at all, it sounds like you got all your expertise for fighting from watching a few movies.

 

[BarbaricGoose]

Oh my god, you guys! He's telling the truth! Why can't you see that?

Spoiler

He's a man who leads a life of danger. In everyone he meets he sees a mugger. With every move he makes, another kick in the nuts they take. Odds are they'll be fine, but they should see a doctor just in case. Beware the pretty faces that you find as they might be muggers. A pretty face can hide an evil mind because they're all muggers. Be careful what you say, you'll get yourself kicked in the nuts. Fighting muggers on the riviera, one day. Kicking nuts in the Bombay alley the next day.

 

[Glademaster_v1legacy]

snip

In English there is no need for the 2 ?s the one at the end is fine. Also I do not believe it all unless you are still waiting for your balls to drop. If you get hit in the nuts you will go down or be taken out of action for awhile. So I sincerely doubt this just made you angry.

¿A little annoying? I know, but i like to put them anyway.
I repeat: it wasn´t a perfect hit. Im no fucking robocop. It seems that i can´t translate the subleties of my language to the english. It´s called "hyperbole" what i was doing, it means that i didn´t lie, but i painted the facts a little. Like saying "this thread has a million trolls". I probably don´t look that badass, and the punch to the face make me feel funny for a second or two. I can´t know if i could have knock them in five 5 or 5 minutes and how damaged i would be afterward, because i have to go with my friends who where too afraid of getting shoot by unarmed thieves. Geez, i thought it was a friendly forum, but everybody is acting like if i just posted that im the son of bruce lee and chun-li, while i just say (or i think i said) "i know how to defend myself, ¿should i use that abilitie or give my money to obviously casual thieves just in case they are telling the truth?"

Well fine assuming what you said is true and you just want to know that next time you should probably give them your money. Your life is worth more than money. What if he did actually whip out a gun and instead of the warning of having it decided to shoot you and your friends and then rob you. I'd say that would pretty awkward for you and your friends in the afterlife.

Although for people on the bones stronger. If you splinter a bone slightly like a leg the bone does re heal a little stronger before and you get little lumps on your legs and arms when this happens. I don't know what they are called but something like this does happen. Obviously not to superhuman levels but the bone there that regrows is stronger than before. I suppose it is basically a callus

 

[Jinx5934]

I do sincerely hope to fuck you are kidding.

But seriously guys, I had a mental day, first off, I went to return a DVD I rented. I returned it no problem, but then on the way back, 40 big men jumped out with nukes attached to them, jumped out of a bush on the side of the path. Idk what happened next really, a nuke or two must have gone off, but I didn't feel it, because, you know, I didn't. So I proceeded to recall my epic 3 years of Karate, and beat them all up. After that, I walked up the road about 3 meters and a Dragon appeared, needless to say, I jumped up in the air and because my legs are so strong I landed on its skull and killed it.

How was your day?

 

[Silent observer]

I do sincerely hope to fuck you are kidding.

But seriously guys, I had a mental day, first off, I went to return a DVD I rented. I returned it no problem, but then on the way back, 40 big men jumped out with nukes attached to them, jumped out of a bush on the side of the path. Idk what happened next really, a nuke or two must have gone off, but I didn't feel it, because, you know, I didn't. So I proceeded to recall my epic 3 years of Karate, and beat them all up. After that, I walked up the road about 3 meters and a Dragon appeared, needless to say, I jumped up in the air and because my legs are so strong I landed on its skull and killed it.

How was your day?

I stabbed a guy in the heart with a trident, and then I fought off three Kodiak bears. After that, I jumped off a 10 storey building, making sure to land at a 45 degree angle to the ground so that my nut sack cushioned the impact.

Then I went home to my seven supermodel girlfriends and used my multiple doctorates to find cures for all types of cancer.

It was only at this point that I noticed I'd been stabbed in the face - I guess I just have a high pain tolerance and didn't notice it before, huh? Luckily, I was able to cauterize the wound using bone marrow from my superhuman legs.

How about everyone else?

 

[Jinx5934]

I do sincerely hope to fuck you are kidding.

But seriously guys, I had a mental day, first off, I went to return a DVD I rented. I returned it no problem, but then on the way back, 40 big men jumped out with nukes attached to them, jumped out of a bush on the side of the path. Idk what happened next really, a nuke or two must have gone off, but I didn't feel it, because, you know, I didn't. So I proceeded to recall my epic 3 years of Karate, and beat them all up. After that, I walked up the road about 3 meters and a Dragon appeared, needless to say, I jumped up in the air and because my legs are so strong I landed on its skull and killed it.

How was your day?

I stabbed a guy in the heart with a trident, and then I fought off three Kodiak bears. After that, I jumped off a 10 storey building, making sure to land at a 45 degree angle to the ground so that my nut sack cushioned the impact.

Then I went home to my seven supermodel girlfriends and used my multiple doctorates to find cures for all types of cancer.

It was only at this point that I noticed I'd been stabbed in the face - I guess I just have a high pain tolerance and didn't notice it before, huh? Luckily, I was able to cauterize the wound using bone marrow from my superhuman legs.

How about everyone else?

That is rather impressive. I guess this website has the hardest viewers on the internet.

 

[manaman]

I regularly have to beat up the 8 foot tall sasquatches that roam the wilds of Western Washington. I just go Bruce Lee Hulk on them. Buggers.

How do you find time to do that?

What with our crime solving duo being as busy as ever and not to mention all the sex we constantly have with beautiful women.

Well it turns out I have a lot of extra time after I got done killing all the bears.

Yeah, man!

That reminds me of this one time, at band camp, there was this bear, he was all like "GRRRROOOOOOORN!!!!" and he attacked me and my super model girlfriend is yelling at me to leave the bear alone and not kill him so I just beat him up as he swiped at me like "WOOSH!" and I did a flip over his big bear claw and as I'm flipping in mid-air I grab his bear claw and dislocate it and then he bites me in the leg and I don't feel anything because my legs are invincible from my years of training as a green beret and navy seals so I then yell at the bear at the top of lungs and he gets scared and runs away to bear home and then I kiss my supermodel girlfriend and walk away.

It so rad.

I don't see how that can be truthful. I killed all the bears with my time traveling cougar pal.

 

[Jinx5934]

Okay, this thread went too far away. I don´t care if you believe me or not but i´m gonna resume my arguments:
1 The kick in the nuts was at an angle of 45º. That means that my "thing" got most of the impact.
2 I don´t know much about other fighting styles, but karate-do from okinawa, especifically the way my zensei teached it make my bones much stronger than before, and that doesn´t go in just 5 years.
3 Individuals are all different, and what counts for an asperger doesn´t necessarily count for all of them.
4 About the punch on my face: maybe im just a lucky person, or maybe i have a boxer cheek, i don´t know. The point is somehow i managed to receive a punch on my face from a bigger person and remain almost perfectly fine. Don´t tell me what i can´t do.
5 My friends are just regular boys who prefer to ran away and lose their stuff. I can´t blame them, but i like to stand because it´s more fun that way. And yes, i have the self-preservation instinct of a lemon ¿so what?

Ok, so ik other people have picked up on this comment, but I would like to refer to the bit where he said he did Karate when he was a kid for 2-3 years. Ok, so how old is that? At this point, I'm going to assume that you were 10. So you stopped Karate when you were 13. Add on 5 gets you to 18. So, you expect me, and everyone else on here, that you, at 18 years old, beat up some "big men". I'm calling bullshit.

 

[BarbaricGoose]

I don't see how that can be truthful. I killed all the bears with my time traveling cougar pal.

I can also travel through time. I went back in time to before you could travel through time, and then got mugged by that bear.

 

[rb26dett]

1. Actually, receiving regulary hits on parts of your body increases bone density, that´s how people can break bricks withouth breaking their own hands.
2. I never hit the ground. A single punch can´t do that, i think.
3. I was once before, but was when i was a little kid.

1. Uh huh... so 2 years of kiddy karate made you a wolverine, got it
2. yeaaah... YOU GOT HIT... IN THE MAN VEGETABLES... the only way you wouldn't hit the ground from that is if you don't have any.
3. that wasn't a streetfight, that was little kids pretending they know how to cause pain