All it did was made me resent my parents whenever I thought about it. Thankfully we get along awesomely now, especially after they realized I can leave a pretty massive bruise if I want to.
Poll: If you were spanked as a child, do you think it made you a better person?
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your making alot of assumptions there, none of which you have ANY history of being near nor being exposed to (based off of all your high and mighty assumptions of your "miracle" dads superior ways of raising kids)AndyFromMonday said:
and honestly, personally, i've seen more kids end up being violent who were NOT beat as a kid, as they never feared any backlash from their parents (of course, in your example, that was opposite)
but my point is, not everyone is the same nor can be raised in the same manner, and with your sweeping statements and assumptions i just cannot and will not agree with what you are saying. just because your dad (who did it in a very very good manner, but was still very lucky it worked in that exact manner, which i can respect) made it work that way doesn't mean it will work the same for everyone else, thats the point of being a human being, we have higher intelligence and we are all VERY different, so trying to get everyone to conform to your single minded solution is not possible nor will it work the same every time.
Well said.Daystar Clarion said:
People have to realize, especially those NOT spanked, that spanking wasn't used (Not in my case, at least) for every punishment. It was reserved for serious times, when I did really stupid stuff. After it happened, I knew where the lines were, and a few more spankings helped me realize them a bit more fully if I ever tested them.
Nobody can say whether or not spanking made them a better person, since we only have on outcome available for analysis. I can say for certain, however, that spanking certainly was a very effective deterrent for me as a child, and as an adult I recognize how my parents used it properly. I plan to use it the same way they did (Sparingly, reserved for the most serious times, and never in anger) on my own children, if I'm ever blessed with them. I fully believe it to be effective.
More or less yes. This thread doesn't answer the question it was intended to answer. There are a ton of factors that this poll doesn't take into account.Isan said:
For example: Can the people who have been spanked objectively assess how spanking affected their behaviour? How truthful and serious are they they answer?
Can any of the people who are pro-spanking show any (real) research that shows that spanking actually works? Because as far as I can see most western countries oppose spanking and similar punishments and the scientific community (as far as I can see) seems pretty convinced that corporal punishment is ineffective at best.
So you're saying the only two options are tell off or give 'em a smackin'?Lord_Nemesis said:
How about showing that actions have consequences. Do not want to eat your vegetables? You go hungry? Fight with brother? No TV. These things work. Might not be as immediate, but then, when I started school I was imprinted with the moral that no one should physically harm another. And when I was bullied, hit and beaten, I knew THEY were doing wrong, because I was taught that there were no circumstances when violence was accepted. What If I had learned that a smack meant I should be quiet and do as I was told? Did you know that it's a form of hypnosis? If we get struck and learn that is what we get for being bad, no matter WHO strikes you, your brain is telling you that you are doing wrong. And that, is something that I will never teach my kids
Yes, it's a very important parenting tool. Spanking a child lets them know that they either stepped out of line, or have done something so wrong that the child must be corrected, and that what they did is recognized as being wrong. Like all animals, pain is a negative effect that results from tampering with things they shouldn't be tampering with. In the case of children, sometimes words don't always get through to them because they don't feel any pain when being yelled at or told to stop in a firm voice. And while the raised voice and harsh words hinder that child from committing that wrongful act, more often than not, the child will eventually resort back to partaking in what they were doing when they were yelled at. However, if all the parent does to correct that child is yell at them, then the child will eventually get used to the parent yelling and in most cases will either yell back, throw tempertantrums, or will ignore them. Unless some sort of pain is administered to relate to a specific act that the child recognizes as being wrong, they will more than likely not replicate their actions so they can avoid pain.
As the child continues to learn right from wrong in varying degrees, (best achievements being rewarded, while the worst mistakes resulting in pain) he or she will begin to adjust his or her attitudes accordingly. Granted, this method doesn't always work, and while some consider it to be barbaric, I believe that a child will be more accomplished in life and develop a better relationship with his or her parents if they are spanked or reprimanded with some form of mild pain as punishment. Heck it worked with me.
As the child continues to learn right from wrong in varying degrees, (best achievements being rewarded, while the worst mistakes resulting in pain) he or she will begin to adjust his or her attitudes accordingly. Granted, this method doesn't always work, and while some consider it to be barbaric, I believe that a child will be more accomplished in life and develop a better relationship with his or her parents if they are spanked or reprimanded with some form of mild pain as punishment. Heck it worked with me.
I was spanked as a child and yes, I think it did help my development. First I think there needs to be a differentiation between spanking and "physical abuse." My parents never "beat me." Basically the way it worked was from ages 3 to 8, if I was excessively disobedient to my parents, and after being warned not to do something I continued to do it, I would get 3 spanks on the butt with a wooden spoon. My parents did NOT enjoy doing this and they only did it when it was absolutely called for as they realized that they had to quell my disobedient and rebellious behavior. Because of the fact that I was spanked when I was little I learned to respect not only my parents, but other people as well. For example, as an adult, some people still freak out and even throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way or disagree with someone, but if the person had that sort of behavior quelled as a child they're more likely to try and reason with others in order to find a solution to the problem at hand, because they're more likely to respect others in general.
All that spanking gave me was an instinctual fear reaction of my father
I cannot trace any of my social or psychological good or bad points back to it
I do not think it's a logical method of punishment and have trouble condoning it
I cannot trace any of my social or psychological good or bad points back to it
I do not think it's a logical method of punishment and have trouble condoning it
You really should have added more options. Spanking is just part of a method of raising children. Wetter that method is good or bad, depends on the nature of the child's personality and the way the parents deal with the punishment.
Whoa, chillax. Not saying those are the ONLY 2 options. Just the only 2 with me, at that age. They tried all that shit with me. Grounding, taking away my privledges blah blah. Didn't mean squat to me back then. Physical punishment may not be accepted but its useful. You got bullied, won't go into reasons as to why that happened but you seem to have the mentality that you didn't fight back. Some people don't, I don't hold that against you. But then again, some people do, i.e. Me. I fought back. Won some, lost some. But I didn't accept it lying down.Varya said:
And who said shit about violence? Bit harsh a word for it isn't it? Spanking... christ that's such an American word, but still. A whalloping, a clip, a smack. Not as if my Dad went at me with a bat untill I was hospitalised. And that hypnosis thing your talking about? I dunno where you're getting that from but sure as shit didn't work on me. If someone cracks us for no reason, is it not THEM doing wrong, not me? And me kicking them in the nads in return is then right, no?
So in conclusion: Your kids are yours. Teach them what you will. All I'm saying is that me, personally, needed a physical edge to discipline. Maybe I'm just a caveman inside? I sure know that I hope MY kids, whenever they come, are NOT like me and get the idea from a telling off or your methods. But if they are, I will sure as hell crack them one.
I was definitely spanked when I was a kid. I can't say for sure if it made me a better person or not but it certainly didn't cause long lasting psychological damage like some people claim. Nope, all my psychological problems can be blamed on the intensive bullying during middle school since they didn't develop until then.
Personally I'm kind of neutral about the issue. I'm not saying physical violence should be used as punishment, just that there are so many parents out there who are afraid to discipline their kid or say no. I certainly know more than a few teens who could do with a smack upside the head.
Personally I'm kind of neutral about the issue. I'm not saying physical violence should be used as punishment, just that there are so many parents out there who are afraid to discipline their kid or say no. I certainly know more than a few teens who could do with a smack upside the head.
I can't remember this but apparently one day I was being a little brat so my dad smacked me so hard I had a red hand print on my ass for a while. I was never that naughty again. So I'm for it but there is a difference between disipline and abuse and there is a point where a child may be getting spanked too much. That would create problems but I think a majority of parents would know where to draw the line.
I think there is an extent to how effective spanking/physical punishment can go, as every individual is different, and sometimes, as in my case of how I grew up, it doesn't work to give up constantly spanking/belt whipping the kid.
I grew up being a mischievous brat, and I would get the belt every time. I was smart and stubborn enough to know that pain did hurt, but it is a fleeting effect and temporary. I guess I was a breed of kids that knew if I persevered then my parents would eventually give up on trying to beat me (I have even went as far as to laugh hysterically while getting belted). My parents did eventually give up beating me and tried other approaches, and as before, I have persevered. As I think back now, it was probably a bad idea for them to have given up, cause when they did, it solidified my theory that the one who can last the longest is the victor, and I had figured out that I could last longer.
I have now mellowed out quite a lot since then, and have become a better person, there are things about my childhood that I regret, but it made me into a better person in the end! Although I am still a stubborn bastard!
I grew up being a mischievous brat, and I would get the belt every time. I was smart and stubborn enough to know that pain did hurt, but it is a fleeting effect and temporary. I guess I was a breed of kids that knew if I persevered then my parents would eventually give up on trying to beat me (I have even went as far as to laugh hysterically while getting belted). My parents did eventually give up beating me and tried other approaches, and as before, I have persevered. As I think back now, it was probably a bad idea for them to have given up, cause when they did, it solidified my theory that the one who can last the longest is the victor, and I had figured out that I could last longer.
I have now mellowed out quite a lot since then, and have become a better person, there are things about my childhood that I regret, but it made me into a better person in the end! Although I am still a stubborn bastard!
Where's the "I dunno" option? I was spanked as a kid, but it was never really the big deal some people seem to think it is. Or at least not to me. I was certainly never traumatized by it and it served its purpose. But then again, I was a good kid for the most part and spanking was reserved for when I did something really bad.
Don't think it changed me at all really, whenever it happened it was more surprising than anything else, and I always remember feeling a seething hatred for my dad directly after for him to think he had the right to be violent towards me for making a mistake - as if he never did?
Maybe taught me to forgive my parents for doing what they thought was best - as I couldn't exactly harbour bad feelings for them for too long as they provided me with food, shelter and protection.
Was I more 'scared' of doing bad things? It's hard to say without growing up twice and changing the variable, I certainly didn't harbour fear before considering doing something bad, but then I didn't usually do anything intentionally bad so it was less of a deterrent and more of a punishment for inexperience. Pwning my noob.
In summary: I wouldn't do it to my children, how about that? I view it as a sign of weakness that an adult's only way of dealing with a miscreant child is to act with violence.
Maybe taught me to forgive my parents for doing what they thought was best - as I couldn't exactly harbour bad feelings for them for too long as they provided me with food, shelter and protection.
Was I more 'scared' of doing bad things? It's hard to say without growing up twice and changing the variable, I certainly didn't harbour fear before considering doing something bad, but then I didn't usually do anything intentionally bad so it was less of a deterrent and more of a punishment for inexperience. Pwning my noob.
In summary: I wouldn't do it to my children, how about that? I view it as a sign of weakness that an adult's only way of dealing with a miscreant child is to act with violence.
Yeah I was spanked and beaten as a kid, pretty harsh beatings as well... Don't get me wrong, I was a little shit however belt buckles, fists, canes and the lot I got... I don't think I did much to warrant that. Though to be honest I'd say it probably did contribute a great deal into my character. I have a big thing on manners, as Lenny Henry would put "My mum beat good manners into me" (I like his comedy, I find his stories pretty relatable) I hold the door open for passer-by's, I respect my elders, I respect women to the point that women beaters are a real berserk button for me (Its probably a very sexist way of thinking in this day and age but I can't really shake it. Still have that odd amount of chivalry in me) and I have a great respect for authority.
So weighing both up... I think it did make me into a better person. However, would I ever use that on my kids? The answer is... Not to that extent, never to that extent. I'd never wish that on any kid nor could I bring myself to even be able to do that. However that doesn't mean I wouldn't spank my child, it just means that, at the most its a tap on the hand. I prefer to use other means of punishment like putting her in the naughty corner or sending her to her room for a few minutes until she calms down. If she's really naughty... I have given her a slap on the hand, I don't like doing it and it hurts me to see her upset but she has to learn.
So weighing both up... I think it did make me into a better person. However, would I ever use that on my kids? The answer is... Not to that extent, never to that extent. I'd never wish that on any kid nor could I bring myself to even be able to do that. However that doesn't mean I wouldn't spank my child, it just means that, at the most its a tap on the hand. I prefer to use other means of punishment like putting her in the naughty corner or sending her to her room for a few minutes until she calms down. If she's really naughty... I have given her a slap on the hand, I don't like doing it and it hurts me to see her upset but she has to learn.
No, I did not. I only got hit when it was confirmed I did something wrong. That feeling you have? I have never had it.Gudrests said:
I just wanted to make sure we were not just talking about two options. I'm not saying it's easy, but to resort to spanking isn't an option to me.Lord_Nemesis said:
On regards to the bullying, heck yes I fought back. The thing that annoyed my bullies the most was that I got up and didn't flinch. I never let them scare me from doing it my way. I cheated however. I told people, I held my head high and I wasn't afraid to be obviously weak. And sometimes I fought, but never because it was right. I had anger management issues and when I fought, maybe once a year, I fought in blind rage. Thing is, I found out when I was 21 I had ADD, or has, as a matter of fact. And that's a thing that scares me. We are just now finding out how common problems like ADD and ADHD are and if it's one thing that won't get a kid with ADD in order its spanking. Kids are kids, and the fact is, they can't help being kids. They will do bad stuff, especially if they have a diagnosis, and spanking wont change that. On the other hand, it probably will make matters worse. I see how spanking is an easy way out, but it will not make children better, perhaps more obedient, but it's just a form of bulling to me.
I don't know if I would say it made me a 'better' person, but I don't think it did me any harm, and as far as punishments go it was as good as any.