Poll: If Your Significant Other Cheated, Would You Help Raise The Baby

[Chogg Van Helsing]

my girlfriend/wife cheating on me would prob tear me apart inside. Betrayal of trust is the greatest insult to me. It wouldn't be pleasent to see what happened next... I would leave my girlfriend/wife, that would tear me up more, then hunt down the father of the child. It would not be good to be that person...

It does tear you apart. Speaking from experience. But why repay betrayal with betrayal? That's how I see it, any way.

Wow, sorry man :/ not sure what good that does but you have my sympathy.

How would I be betraying? I would be enacting vengence to the extreme in my insane state. Trust me, if I snapped properly, everyone would hear about it! I'm illeagal to possess in 49 states lmao.

 

[TheAceTheOne]

my girlfriend/wife cheating on me would prob tear me apart inside. Betrayal of trust is the greatest insult to me. It wouldn't be pleasent to see what happened next... I would leave my girlfriend/wife, that would tear me up more, then hunt down the father of the child. It would not be good to be that person...

It does tear you apart. Speaking from experience. But why repay betrayal with betrayal? That's how I see it, any way.

Wow, sorry man :/ not sure what good that does but you have my sympathy.

How would I be betraying? I would be enacting vengence to the extreme in my insane state. Trust me, if I snapped properly, everyone would hear about it! I'm illeagal to possess in 49 states lmao.

If you want to know more, I'm open to messaging and stuff to explain. And sympathy's what we all need every once in a while.

 

[MasterWhatever]

Umm yeah...No.

 

[s0denone]

So... you're insulting someone because they are trying to do what they think is right in a tough situation like this? Sir, I may be an idiot, but I'm not spineless. There are other factors than just whether they're worth dating despite infidelity. Not everyone cheats because they're not "in love" with their significant other. If they mess up once, I see no harm in giving another chance and making it clear that if they screw up again, then their on their own. That's what I'm doing. Giving my girl one more chance, if she eff's it up or betrays my trust, then I'm out. It's not as easy as saying "You don't love me, so I'm out of here." It's a much more complex and emotional issue than just that. Generally, "significant other" means someone you're very very devoted to, not just some random girlfriend. There is a lot more to deal with. If you stay, you have to worry about her cheating again, as well as supporting her through her tough time. I'm not even factoring in the economic pressure. If you leave her, after all you've probably gone through, then you have to live with a guilty conscience, as well as the emotional stress of leaving someone you love, plus you have to try to pick yourself up and move on, despite getting burned in the past. There's many more factors that I'm leaving out. I'm going through this exact situation, I think I know what I'm talking about. I'm still wearing the engagement ring. It's not an easy situation, whether you stay or whether you leave.

I've bolded that part where you fit the "spineless" category to the T.
What do you mean if she betrays your trust? She already has, for God's sake!

I can see there are some factors here that most people do not take into account, but I'd say if you want to be with someone who cheats one you, then you have proper self-esteem issues(Read: Then you are spineless).

I'm no expert beyond that fact that I've cheated on girlfriends in the past. Not on any "significant other", nor would I dream of doing that. If I ever feel/want to spent the rest of my life with somebody, get engaged with them, talk about having kids... No way I would cheat on them.

But if they cheat on me? They might as well have written a note saying "By the way: FUCK YOU". I would end it immediately.

You know how you feel about your fiancee. You love her. That's fucking lovely man.

But how the fuck does she love you, if she cheats on you?

"Stupid decision in a weak moment" is damn bullshit. I've cheated on girlfriends before, and in no fucking way did I not have the option to not go through with it. It's a conscious decision. Don't make it a "stupid decision" and a "in a moments weakness". A conscious decision is a conscious fucking decision.

Also, you fiancee wanted to keep the child of her lover, while still wanting to be with you? What the fuck, man? You deserve way better than someone like her. What are you even thinking?

I'm feeling really sorry for you. I'd advice you to get the hell out of that relationship, regardless of how hurtful that seems to your or to your partner.

 

[Jenn Dehert]

There's no way I'd stick around. That is one of the 'deal' breakers in my marriage. It wouldn't be fair to me, to the kid and to the kids we currently have....

 

[Jake the Snake]

I have an extremely low tolerance for cheating (which is to say none at all). The kid thing just pretty much seals the deal that I won't be around. Not. My. Problem.

 

[BRMXJzjsoawk321]

I can't really choose an option, because how the situation turns out changes what I'd do.

Considering my boyfriend cheated on me one time because "she liked me and I wanted to be nice [because she's hot and you're not]" and he wants a child, if the girl wanted to keep the baby he would break up with me and stay with her, giving me no chance to leave in the first place. At this point I would stay relevant in their lives enough to build up my already overflowing anger and hate to the point where I have nothing else to lose and kill them both. The child I would let grow up before I slaughtered his or her parents, if I had the patience.

If they choose to abort I would leave after I beat the crap out of him.

 

[TheAceTheOne]

So... you're insulting someone because they are trying to do what they think is right in a tough situation like this? Sir, I may be an idiot, but I'm not spineless. There are other factors than just whether they're worth dating despite infidelity. Not everyone cheats because they're not "in love" with their significant other. If they mess up once, I see no harm in giving another chance and making it clear that if they screw up again, then their on their own. That's what I'm doing. Giving my girl one more chance, if she eff's it up or betrays my trust, then I'm out. It's not as easy as saying "You don't love me, so I'm out of here." It's a much more complex and emotional issue than just that. Generally, "significant other" means someone you're very very devoted to, not just some random girlfriend. There is a lot more to deal with. If you stay, you have to worry about her cheating again, as well as supporting her through her tough time. I'm not even factoring in the economic pressure. If you leave her, after all you've probably gone through, then you have to live with a guilty conscience, as well as the emotional stress of leaving someone you love, plus you have to try to pick yourself up and move on, despite getting burned in the past. There's many more factors that I'm leaving out. I'm going through this exact situation, I think I know what I'm talking about. I'm still wearing the engagement ring. It's not an easy situation, whether you stay or whether you leave.

I've bolded that part where you fit the "spineless" category to the T.
What do you mean if she betrays your trust? She already has, for God's sake!

I can see there are some factors here that most people do not take into account, but I'd say if you want to be with someone who cheats one you, then you have proper self-esteem issues(Read: Then you are spineless).

I'm no expert beyond that fact that I've cheated on girlfriends in the past. Not on any "significant other", nor would I dream of doing that. If I ever feel/want to spent the rest of my life with somebody, get engaged with them, talk about having kids... No way I would cheat on them.

But if they cheat on me? They might as well have written a note saying "By the way: FUCK YOU". I would end it immediately.

You know how you feel about your fiancee. You love her. That's fucking lovely man.

But how the fuck does she love you, if she cheats on you?

"Stupid decision in a weak moment" is damn bullshit. I've cheated on girlfriends before, and in no fucking way did I not have the option to not go through with it. It's a conscious decision. Don't make it a "stupid decision" and a "in a moments weakness". A conscious decision is a conscious fucking decision.

Also, you fiancee wanted to keep the child of her lover, while still wanting to be with you? What the fuck, man? You deserve way better than someone like her. What are you even thinking?

I'm feeling really sorry for you. I'd advice you to get the hell out of that relationship, regardless of how hurtful that seems to your or to your partner.

I meant to put again, I didn't notice it. Also, in response to the "What are you even thinking?", I'll give my usual response. I don't think. It does make sense, to me anyway. We all have our motivations to our actions. Whether it's staying, leaving, whatever, I have my reasons. Call me spineless if you want, but you answer me this: Is spineless making the stupid decision which you perceive to be morally correct, damn the consequences? Or is it cowering out when things get tough? They're both spineless, and admittedly, I'm probably an idiot for staying (I'm acknowledging it so you guys don't have to), but personally, I don't think I could handle any other choice. Whether it was conscious or not, I have my reasons for forgiving her. Maybe I'm an idealistic fool, believing that some people deserve second chances. Maybe I'm just a jackass. Either way, it's my decision. Also, she has whole-heartedly apologized and I've made it VERY clear to her that if she so much as looks at another guy the wrong way, then I'm out the door. I'm probably (read definitely) an idiot for staying, and I'll pay for the consequences. But it's my choice.

 

[paragon1]

Maybe if the girl was raped or something (immaculate conception? hah) But why would anyone care for a child fathered by another man with a woman who cheated on you?

Pretty much the same for me. If they willingly did the deed, then I'm gone.

 

[Ickorus]

I'd leave for two reasons:

1) She cheated on me, if you're tired of me just say it and piss off instead of hurting my feelings more by cheating.
2) I'd treat the child like it's the one she cheated on me with and I don't think any kid deserves a parent who hates them.

 

[Ben Legend]

As much as I love my girlfriend, hell no!!!

 

[Okuu_Fusion]

No, absolutely not... If my significant other cheated on me and got pregnant, then I'd leave her. Why would I raise someone elses kid? How do I know she wont cheat on me again?

 

[s0denone]

I meant to put again, I didn't notice it. Also, in response to the "What are you even thinking?", I'll give my usual response. I don't think. It does make sense, to me anyway. We all have our motivations to our actions. Whether it's staying, leaving, whatever, I have my reasons. Call me spineless if you want, but you answer me this: Is spineless making the stupid decision which you perceive to be morally correct, damn the consequences? Or is it cowering out when things get tough? They're both spineless, and admittedly, I'm probably an idiot for staying (I'm acknowledging it so you guys don't have to), but personally, I don't think I could handle any other choice. Whether it was conscious or not, I have my reasons for forgiving her. Maybe I'm an idealistic fool, believing that some people deserve second chances. Maybe I'm just a jackass. Either way, it's my decision. Also, she has whole-heartedly apologized and I've made it VERY clear to her that if she so much as looks at another guy the wrong way, then I'm out the door. I'm probably (read definitely) an idiot for staying, and I'll pay for the consequences. But it's my choice.

Alright. It is your choice. Do whatever you feel is right - all I can do is argue what I would do in your stead.

I'm not blaming you or anything, I'll just say that you will probably live the rest of your relationship(The rest of your life, I take it, if everything works out) looking over your shoulder, constantly suspicious of your girlfriend/soon-to-be wife.

I have a few question. If you don't want to answer them, that's totally fine. Keep personal shit personal, if you want, I will not hold it against you.

What did she say? Has she said why she cheated on you? What do you mean when you say she "whole-heartedly apologized"?

Also, what went through you head when she said she wanted to keep the child of her lover? There's no way I would personally act in a rational manner in such a situation. I'd probably throw her out with violence... So I'm very curious.

 

[TheAceTheOne]

I meant to put again, I didn't notice it. Also, in response to the "What are you even thinking?", I'll give my usual response. I don't think. It does make sense, to me anyway. We all have our motivations to our actions. Whether it's staying, leaving, whatever, I have my reasons. Call me spineless if you want, but you answer me this: Is spineless making the stupid decision which you perceive to be morally correct, damn the consequences? Or is it cowering out when things get tough? They're both spineless, and admittedly, I'm probably an idiot for staying (I'm acknowledging it so you guys don't have to), but personally, I don't think I could handle any other choice. Whether it was conscious or not, I have my reasons for forgiving her. Maybe I'm an idealistic fool, believing that some people deserve second chances. Maybe I'm just a jackass. Either way, it's my decision. Also, she has whole-heartedly apologized and I've made it VERY clear to her that if she so much as looks at another guy the wrong way, then I'm out the door. I'm probably (read definitely) an idiot for staying, and I'll pay for the consequences. But it's my choice.

Alright. It is your choice. Do whatever you feel is right - all I can do is argue what I would do in your stead.

I'm not blaming you or anything, I'll just say that you will probably live the rest of your relationship(The rest of your life, I take it, if everything works out) looking over your shoulder, constantly suspicious of your girlfriend/soon-to-be wife.

I have a few question. If you don't want to answer them, that's totally fine. Keep personal shit personal, if you want, I will not hold it against you.

What did she say? Has she said why she cheated on you? What do you mean when you say she "whole-heartedly apologized"?

Also, what went through you head when she said she wanted to keep the child of her lover? There's no way I would personally act in a rational manner in such a situation. I'd probably throw her out with violence... So I'm very curious.

She basically came out and told me that she did. She cheated on me because she just plain lost self-control. And she apologized by both saying it and by letting me decide what to do with the kid. We're not keeping the child as far as I know. Either the kid's getting adopted, or I'm leaving. Rational is hard in ANY situation, and I'm usually not level-headed at all. But she was terrified, the guy she cheated with really has no idea what to do, and someone has to take control. I'm pretty open with talking about it, helps me think it through a little better. You want to talk more, I'm also fine with adding and messaging. I'm actually pretty certain she won't do it again, she's pretty much terrified about it, and sometimes you have to take leaps of faith in certain situations. I just hope there's a cart of hay at the bottom, or else I'm pretty much screwed.

 

[teisjm]

If i happened to be in that situation, i'd split. Don't wanna waste my time with someone who cheated on me.
As for the baby, i think the child would be better off not having a father to whom it would be a constant reminder on how his wife cheated on him. Then it'd be better off with it's biological father, or some stepdad who met it's mom after she got pregnant, so she wouldn't be him she had cheated on.

 

[tehweave]

2. The child is not biologically mine, therefore beyond being friends with the kid, I can't have any proper connection..

People are adopted and still have fathers, if someone raises you and they love you they are your father regardless of blood. I hope this is a mis understanding, you could have a proper connection, the child might not be your flesh and blood but it will be raised by you taught by you, cared for by you and interacted with, all with you. In the mind it will be as much your child as any biological son. Your personality will rub off as well as your interests and moral values. I would stay, but it would depend entirely on how she told me and the circumstance of the cheating.

Yes, there's a difference between adopting a child and giving them a chance to lead a happy life, than staying around with your cheating spouse and help raise a child that isn't biologically yours with someone whom you at once point loved.