Poll: Is grinding with another person of the opposite sex considered cheating?

[mitchell271]

I'd call it very sexual. I've only every grinded with girls that eventually made out with me or I went home with later but I wouldn't call it cheating. I wouldn't call it dancing either, I'd call it "nu-dry humping".

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

It's sexual, and whether it's cheating or not is all in context. In this case, I think it was cheating. From the way you describe it, she wasn't up front with you about it, which makes me think she was trying to hide it. When confronted about it, she tried to rationalize it, instead of trying to see your side of it, or apologizing for not respecting the relationships boundaries. As another poster said, how would she feel if you were grinding on another woman?

If, on the other hand, you had spoken with her before hand and discussed what you felt the agreed boundaries of the relationship were and grind dancing was agreed by both of you, then it would not be cheating.

As for my own response, if you can't agree with her whether grind dancing should be within the boundary of the relationship, and she isn't willing to stop that with other guys, then it would be a deal breaker for me. Relationships are built on trust, if there is no trust, whats the point?

word for word agreement here, it's subjective entirely on what you consider "cheating", and clearly she kind of tried to sneak it under the rug in a "well, i'm going to do what i want" kind of way, which would throw some red flags up for me.

seriously, go to the club, and grind the shit out of some girls, picture it up, and watch her get so jelly you might as well call her smuckers.

i love getting back at hypocrites like that, it's always hilarious to see their pure reactions when they don't realized they did the same damn thing before.

personally i would consider it cheating, but as mentioned, that is subjective, if she wants to grind, then why doesn't she do it with you? that's one of the points of dating someone, you get to play with each others fun bits. (or grind on them in this case.)

 

[barbzilla]

When I get thinking about it more I don't think it would be out of line to dump someone for going out and grinding at all it really is just something that only single people should be doing.

See, this is the real crux of the issue. Why is she putting herself in those situations? It's not like every single club you go to "requires" grinding.

You know what, dump her for being stupid enough to find that amusing enough to keep doing it. Grinding is fucking stupid unless you're actively trying to have a one night stand. Even then there are classier ways to have them.

See I have no intention to dump her, either for this or for enjoying grinding. I think it's more that she feels as if she's unable to get away from it... Which is kind of weird, I told her she's always more than able to slap a guy who's trying to get too frisky.
I don't like that she does get into these situations, but apparently she enjoys going to clubs/"dancing" so all I can do is try to teach her to be able to defend herself.

I personally find it to be offensive if my girlfriend was to do so to me, but we have already established our boundaries.

I'm going to give you some of the most realistic advice I can. First off prepare yourself for the worst, but don't project that onto her (easier said than done). By prepare yourself I mean explore your inner feelings on her, the situation, and the potential outcomes. Secondly decide how serious you are about her, and/or how open you are to an "open" relationship.

Grinding (AKA rubbing Johnson to Tush) is something that makes you uncomfortable, yet it is something that she finds acceptable. You have confronted her about it and made your feelings known on the subject, so you have made the first move and it was the correct one (never lie about how you feel, even if it would upset your significant other). She followed up with a deflection. That doesn't mean she is out to get some strange, it just means that she doesn't agree with you and didn't want to start an argument. Nobody but your girlfriend knows the reason why she doesn't agree with you for sure, so take everything we say here with a grain of salt.

If you are serious about this girl, then you have to make sure she knows how strongly you feel about this. If she is on equal footing, she will likely want to keep you from feeling uncomfortable and would make some concessions (and be prepared to make some yourself). For example my girlfriend likes to grind dance as well. So if I am not available to go "dancing" with, she will bring a girlfriend to dance with (and since she isn't gay/bi I don't have my comfort levels tested). If she isn't willing to make some changes, and you can't live with how this makes you feel, then you may want to consider just being friends (even friends with benefits if she wants). If you feel you can't live with it in a serious relationship, but you aren't that serious with her yet, consider the option of an open relationship.

There are many answers out there, and many ways to approach this situation. Just try to find the one that suits what you need. The only important thing is to make sure that you don't continue on in a relationship where you feel insecure. That is a quick way to being miserable.

 

[Gothproxy]

she had been grinded on/with a few guys.

What I take from this is that if she was grinding on a few guys, that it was nothing special.

Truth be told, 'grinding' is just a form of dancing these days. Granted, not one I'm fond of unless I'm doing it with the one I really like, but whatever. If she was grinding on a few guys, it generally can be taken as just a dance. Now, if she was grinding on just ONE guy throughout the night, THEN there might be cause for concern. Otherwise, shrug it off or ask her to demonstrate her "grinding" on you.

 

[Smeatza]

She insisted on some poorly articulated, laughably animated slut-shaming? That's a new one on me, I'll admit.

Ludacris? Poorly articulated?
Well, you just lost all credibility.

 

[Saltyk]

It seems most people think it is sexual, but not really cheating.

Personally, it's definitely a sexual action. I guarantee that the guys she was grinding on were taking it that way. However, I would be reluctant to say that it's cheating.

Not that I would say you have no right to be upset. You certainly do. It wasn't cheating, but it certainly gave the illusion of willingness to cheat. Especially to those she danced with, who may not think she has a boyfriend given the situation, and may believe that she is interested in them.

For the record, I'd consider going out on a date with another person cheating. Same with kissing and obviously sex is cheating. Keep in mind, I said going out on a date. Not going out with a friend. There is a difference.

Going with what you said, I don't think she was trying to harm you, though. Sounds like it was innocent, if questionable. Express your concerns and try to come to an mutual understanding.

 

[Mikeyfell]

I don't understand the whole "Cheating" thing.

If you're in a relationship with someone you love or at least care for that person, so what does sex or any other sexual situation have to do with anything?

I get the notion of feeling cheated if you lie about sex with someone, but I also get the notion of feeling cheated if your partner lies to you about anything.

And it would also get bad if you were exclusively sleeping with other people and unwilling or unable to satisfy your partner.


But other than those two extremes why is sleeping with someone a big deal?
Am I just more open minded than other people?

It has nothing to do with being open minded it is just a lifestyle difference. You are a swinger and thats ok but you shouldn't judge people for not being the same as you.

I'm not a swinger, not even a little. (Just for sake of clarity I rarely ever have sex
I'm just saying if my girlfriend wanted to have sex with someone, who am I to object?
She's a person I like spending time with I don't have any claim to her vagina or what she does with it

But do other people think it's okay to set rules for what their partner can and can't do?
I guess my question is where does the right to object come from?

I fail to see an upside to only being allowed to have sex with one person

 

[Doom972]

I see it as sexual, but wouldn't call it cheating. However, it is unacceptable behavior in a relationship unless both people are ok with it.

 

[BarkBarker]

It's absolutely sexual, that's how people dance these days? Hm, did you ever wonder maybe because that is because dancing nowadays is usually a means to get into someones pants, or does that not register with the sex obsessed drunk clubs that we see everywhere! It is cheating as much as you would see your significant other teasing someone sexually is cheating, it's trying to get away with technical and is utter bullshit, does a penis have to go inside a vagina for it to count as cheating? Maybe in the eyes of the law, but the law is supposed to be technical, I'd like to see the man or woman who stays with someone who was "only almost penetration, we never actually did it", the fact she has excuses not reasons is clear that she has a guilty mind and knows it's wrong, that kinda stupid shit destroys the bases of a relationship when you can't trust that she won't allow others to dry hump her when you are not looking, utterly pathetic.

 

[Norithics]

Ludacris? Poorly articulated?
Well, you just lost all credibility.

Yeah, I'm clearly just too plebeian to see the inherent genius in "You got a run in your panty-Hoes." How DOES he do it?

 

[Smeatza]

Ludacris? Poorly articulated?
Well, you just lost all credibility.

Yeah, I'm clearly just too plebeian to see the inherent genius in "You got a run in your panty-Hoes." How DOES he do it?

"Everybody's going to dance around tonight."
You know who wrote those lyrics?
Paul McCartney.
See how deceitful it is when we cherry pick, and remove context?

You can make claims that Ludacris' music contains offensive, sexist, insensitive content, whatever.
But if you think that qualifies it as "poorly articulated," then you simply don't know the meaning of the word.

Anyway, considering 90% of Ludacris' stuff if comedy based, tongue in cheek or openly parody. Most accusations of sexism or slut shaming as you put it, are unfounded.

"You can't turn a Hoe into a house wife
Hoes don't act right
There's Hoe on a mission and there's hoes on a crack pipe
Hey Hoe, How you doin' Where you been?
Prolly doing Hoe stuff Cuz there you Hoe again"

Those are some hilarious rhymes right there, there's a reason why many claim Ludacris to be the best punchline rapper of all time.
Of course if you know nothing of rap or hip-hop (as I suspect you do), you might just dismiss the music with a sensationalist, knee-jerk reaction.

 

[Norithics]

Of course if you know nothing of rap or hip-hop (as I suspect you do), you might just dismiss the music with a sensationalist, knee-jerk reaction.

Or it could be that I just prefer more articulate rhymes, like those offered by, say, Del the Funky Homosapien, Brother Ali or Jurassic 5, who get their points across much more clearly and without need for obfuscation or outside explanation. But no, please lecture me some more on this.

 

[PotatoLord]

Cheating is not a universal constant. What is and isn't cheating should be a discussion between you and your girlfriend, not you and the internet.

 

[Qizx]

It seems most people think it is sexual, but not really cheating.

Personally, it's definitely a sexual action. I guarantee that the guys she was grinding on were taking it that way. However, I would be reluctant to say that it's cheating.

Not that I would say you have no right to be upset. You certainly do. It wasn't cheating, but it certainly gave the illusion of willingness to cheat. Especially to those she danced with, who may not think she has a boyfriend given the situation, and may believe that she is interested in them.

For the record, I'd consider going out on a date with another person cheating. Same with kissing and obviously sex is cheating. Keep in mind, I said going out on a date. Not going out with a friend. There is a difference.

Going with what you said, I don't think she was trying to harm you, though. Sounds like it was innocent, if questionable. Express your concerns and try to come to an mutual understanding.

But here's the thing that kind of confuses me, how can something someone does be sexual with another person but not cheating? Isn't that kind of central to a relationship unless otherwise stated? I mean she didn't see it as sexual at the time, and therefore I'm reluctant to wall it cheating then, but if it happens again after I made myself quite clear how I feel, then I would say it does constitute cheating.

 

[Smeatza]

Or it could be that I just prefer more articulate rhymes, like those offered by, say, Del the Funky Homosapien, Brother Ali or Jurassic 5, who get their points across much more clearly and without need for obfuscation or outside explanation. But no, please lecture me some more on this.

You keep being wrong and I'll keep on lecturing.
Your incorrect usage of the word "articulate" is still marring your posts. Please, look it up.
Is Chris Morris' or Sasha Baren Cohen's comedy worth any less because it is frequently misunderstood, just as you've done with Ludacris' music?
And as much as I love the artists you've listed, traditional style hip-hop, covering traditional hip-hop subject matters, does not have a monopoly on what is objectively good or articulate.

 

[Norithics]

You keep being wrong and I'll keep on lecturing.
Your incorrect usage of the word "articulate" is still marring your posts. Please, look it up.
Is Chris Morris' or Sasha Baren Cohen's comedy worth any less because it is frequently misunderstood, just as you've done with Ludacris' music?
And as much as I love the artists you've listed, traditional style hip-hop, covering traditional hip-hop subject matters, does not have a monopoly on what is objectively good or articulate.

"to give clarity or distinction to: to articulate a shape; to articulate an idea."

It appears we will simply have to agree to disagree on this point, because it's entirely possible that what is clearly communicated to some may be ill-defined to others.

Which isn't a tragedy, because it's fairly off the rails in this thread.

 

[Vegosiux]

But do other people think it's okay to set rules for what their partner can and can't do?
I guess my question is where does the right to object come from?

Everyone thinks it's okay, and everyone does set rules for their relationships, only that the rules differ from relationship to relationship. "Cheating" isn't necessarily a sexual thing, it's any thing that breaches the "contract", the trust that the partners have in each other. That's what holds a relationship together.

There are lines that are not to be crossed in any kind of a relationship. The details may differ but the principle is the same, if you do something your partner trusted you won't do, then you have a problem. That's why communication is so important, so that it's clear where those lines are.

 

[Get_A_Grip_]

It somewhat depends on the situation you are in.

My girlfriend of four years has never once grinded with me on the dance-floor no matter how drunk both of us got, because she never did it with me I probably would consider it cheating if she did it with another person of the opposite sex.

And to say it's not sexual is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.