It depends. I went out with one of my really good friend's exes and everything was hunky dory, so it really depends on circumstance.
Poll: Is it OK to date your best friend's ex-girlfriend
- Thread starter triggrhappy94
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what the hell is all this?
It's perfectly fine, she should be able to date whoever she wants and vice-versa, just because you won't like it doesn't mean its a bad thing. Christ grow up at the end of the day everyone. If it's something that will end your friendship then he'll have to consider it himself, and if he or you view a girl as more important well then fuck it go for it.
Though the girl in question seems like a total ***** for trying to steal him though. I would just warn him.
It's perfectly fine, she should be able to date whoever she wants and vice-versa, just because you won't like it doesn't mean its a bad thing. Christ grow up at the end of the day everyone. If it's something that will end your friendship then he'll have to consider it himself, and if he or you view a girl as more important well then fuck it go for it.
Though the girl in question seems like a total ***** for trying to steal him though. I would just warn him.
Sad fact: I participated in something like this, though she was a cheating whore, I just proved it to her current BFVathras said:
Can I just... I mean... I wanna hug you. I know you don't know me and this is only online, but I really do. Just every word of that. My God, the youth (I'm 23, so I think that still applies to me) of today is such a mess, because we were never effing raised. I had to teach myself to be a man through old books and by joining a group where men are required to behave like gentlemen and the rules are taught+enforced.SimuLord said:
People teach their kid(s) they're all special and perfect and can be whatever they want and behave however they want. They don't teach their kids that sometimes you don't get what you want, that there are rules, what those rules are and that rules came into being for a good goddamn reason.
To end this post, a relevant site I like: http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/
EDIT:
Is it just me or does that sound completely backwards? Don't know if you typo'd (didn't read text in link), but it seems to me he'd be cooler with you dating her if he broke up with her.fanklok said:
Manly hug, sir. My dad died when I was nine, so I had to rely on uncles, friends' dads, beer commercials, and men's magazines to learn how to be a man.SwimmingRock said:
And as far as 3-week waiting period? Let me give you an example. Twelve years ago my girlfriend of a year, whom I'd planned to marry, broke up with me. If any of my male friends took up with her inside of three weeks? There would've been a fight.
Sounds exactily like what I was thinking, though I don't know if I would have worded it like that.SimuLord said:
So to sum up all my thoughts of this subject for the OP
"No"
Depends on the girl, depends on the group, depends on the guy. I don't mind really, you want my sloppy seconds, you welcome to them. Though having never been dumped and always doing the dumping I have a skewed perspective...
I've never dated a mates ex, but most of my mates are girls anyway so its not a problem.
I've never dated a mates ex, but most of my mates are girls anyway so its not a problem.
Am I reading that right? You only went out for two days? Or am I misreading...I can't see another way to read it. Not to be mean or anything, but two days is hardly relationship area...triggrhappy94 said:
Yea, what he said!SimuLord said:
Men aren't allowed to have feelings, or think about things, or be complex beings at all!
We must be stone hard blocks of unemotional manliness who eat sammiches and lift weights and believe that the only place a woman is any good at is either the kitchen or the bed!
GRAAGH
*testosterone*
But seriously, fuck that.
Look, you aren't dating them anymore, why the fuck should you care?
Let him go for her if he wants to.
Why?
Because they might actually love each other, get married, and have a happy life.
Blocking them off because you already dated her doesn't lead to anything but unhappiness and anger.
So basically, get the fuck over it.
Also, seeing as he seems to be in a happy relationship I don't see why he would leave his girlfriend and go for your ex anyway.
Seriously, this has to end.SimuLord said:
I am so very sick and tired of this 'bros before hoes' bullshit! My girlfriend is an ex of an friend of mine and we have no problem with it whatsoever. So what is the problem? I get using common sense and not trying to hook up with a chick who just dumped your buddy, but at some point he probably will get over it. And after that, he should be mature enough to be able to accept if his friend and ex have found something. That makes sense to me at least.
Ask yer mate if its okay if you really want to. But otherwise i'm going with no. it ain't okay.
I wouldn't mind if my bud wanted to date my ex. I'd feel sorry for him though cause i should have had higher standards than her but what the hell, who cares.
I wouldn't mind if my bud wanted to date my ex. I'd feel sorry for him though cause i should have had higher standards than her but what the hell, who cares.
I think you're rather missing the point...it's not that two people should not be allowed to be happy due to past events, it's the fact that the girl in question appears to be pursuing the friend of the OP, who is in a healthy relationship himself. It's not that I believe in the Bro Code--although I actually do think that some portions of it can and should apply to everyday life--it's the fact that I believe in not being emotionally poisonous, which is what this girl clearly is.brandon237 said:
To wantonly attempt to break up a relationship while knowing full well that it's also going to ruin a friendship isn't against the "Bro Code," it's against a basic level of decency and respect for the interpersonal relationships of others. I don't think the OP is asking whether he has the right to forbid this girl from trying to break up his buddy's relationship so much as asking whether it's morally OK for someone to try to do that. And my answer to that would be a pretty emphatic no.triggrhappy94 said:
You're not the first to call me out on my "18-going-on-35" post, so all I can do is repeat that it wasn't meant to be taken fully seriously, but I'll happily admit that if taken at face value, I was being pretty obnoxious.brandon237 said:
I'm with you dude, having read through the whole thread I'm a bit mystified by peoples reactions. Okay the going after a guy in a relationship is rough, but who can say they've never been at least tempted by ass that was taken already? But throwing names around and acting like its an all boys club.MBergman said:
I gotta ask, all these "bros before hoes" lads, do you have female friends? What about then? Ever gone after an exes mate? I grew up with a mixed group and on the whole I abstained, but nearly everyone at least scored everyone else, and everyone got on fine.
You know what I say, be a man and stop complaining about your exes. All this pent up aggression is really just about one fact. You were dumped and she thinks your mates is more worthwhile. And I'm not aiming this at Triggerhappy94. I'm aiming it at the "adults" who are entertaining this neanderthal idea.
With permission and quite a bit of time, it's fine.
However, dating a girl for two days doesn't really give you much of a claim, but the fact he's in been in a longish relationship (By highschool standards) says he'll deal with it fine.
Do let him know she's a bit of an idjit though.
However, dating a girl for two days doesn't really give you much of a claim, but the fact he's in been in a longish relationship (By highschool standards) says he'll deal with it fine.
Do let him know she's a bit of an idjit though.
OK everyone Im sorry i didn't make this clearer earlier.
She decided it wass too awkward two days in then, blammed me for it and remained pissed at me for two more days until finaly breaking up with me
so in total 4 days, but because she for two of those days she just gave me the cold shoulder, i didnt originaly count them
She decided it wass too awkward two days in then, blammed me for it and remained pissed at me for two more days until finaly breaking up with me
so in total 4 days, but because she for two of those days she just gave me the cold shoulder, i didnt originaly count them
what wrong with having the guts strength and honor not to bleep around with your friends girlfriend?
Rarely does anything good come of your hooking up with a friends ex.
My high school buddies gf of 3 years made a pass a me, and i kinda liked her even, but was no way in hell i would stab a friend in the back like that.
My college buddy's gf, of a very short time, was into me and considering they were not together very long, that would have been ok if i was into her but i was not all that much and never went with it.
One friend at work married while at the job, few months into their marriage, finds out his best friend has been banging his wife for pretty much the whole marriage. it devastated him, put him on a drinking and whore binge to rival some rock stars and of course broke up their less than year old marriage.
Another college friend of mine, his common law wife of 15 years, gets on his IM program one night to tell me she loved me out of the blue, they been together 15 years he has been a friend to me over good and bad for a long ass time, and they have 3 kids together, that is so far out of bounds it has left the ballpark. Now that they have broken up she has lived with 3 different guys in the little over a year she split, left the kids with him, trying to recapture her lost youth i guess or get back to it since she was never exactly a nun. But she was always nice to me i never had an problems with her and she was kinda hot, still no way in hell i would betray a friend over that.
Heart of the matter is it is situational, if they just date a bit break up yadda yadda it is all good, if the term love has been tossed out especially by your friend it is never ok without a long seperation inbetween or permission from your friend but that almost always requires him moving on and etc.
What about love some may say, if your friend ex is your soul mate? Well that requires a lot more consideration and thought, it is up to you if you think its that real, but do not expect to keep your friend in the process, or at the very lest not be on good terms for a long long long time.
Rarely does anything good come of your hooking up with a friends ex.
My high school buddies gf of 3 years made a pass a me, and i kinda liked her even, but was no way in hell i would stab a friend in the back like that.
My college buddy's gf, of a very short time, was into me and considering they were not together very long, that would have been ok if i was into her but i was not all that much and never went with it.
One friend at work married while at the job, few months into their marriage, finds out his best friend has been banging his wife for pretty much the whole marriage. it devastated him, put him on a drinking and whore binge to rival some rock stars and of course broke up their less than year old marriage.
Another college friend of mine, his common law wife of 15 years, gets on his IM program one night to tell me she loved me out of the blue, they been together 15 years he has been a friend to me over good and bad for a long ass time, and they have 3 kids together, that is so far out of bounds it has left the ballpark. Now that they have broken up she has lived with 3 different guys in the little over a year she split, left the kids with him, trying to recapture her lost youth i guess or get back to it since she was never exactly a nun. But she was always nice to me i never had an problems with her and she was kinda hot, still no way in hell i would betray a friend over that.
Heart of the matter is it is situational, if they just date a bit break up yadda yadda it is all good, if the term love has been tossed out especially by your friend it is never ok without a long seperation inbetween or permission from your friend but that almost always requires him moving on and etc.
What about love some may say, if your friend ex is your soul mate? Well that requires a lot more consideration and thought, it is up to you if you think its that real, but do not expect to keep your friend in the process, or at the very lest not be on good terms for a long long long time.
I notice a lot of people complaining that men can't complain about our emotions, or even speak about them. This is a point I have heard before, but I need to make note:
Have you just ignored all rock music for the past forever? Sure, we can't count the music inspired by Scandinavian mythology, but many bands have their entire careers composed of love and break up songs. I'm not going to comment on the quality of any of these bands or songs, but honestly; they're rock stars who sing about this stuff in front of entire stadiums, and get more ass than you.
Muse [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGn5mQVu7oI], pretty much all of Nickelback's career, Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box, Pantera's This Love, A Perfect Circle's The Noose (though that one, like all of A Perfect Circle, is open to interpretation), and the list goes on and on and on.
So stop complaining, and go rock it out, or paint it out, or go write sonnets the way Shakespeare did. You can talk about anything, so long as you're creative about it.
On topic: Simulord has the correct explanation. This woman is literally just using you to get at your best friend, and if your friend is already happy you should do everything in your power to prevent it from happening (you'll find the word, "no," effective here.) I think a better way to explain this is with a question:
Would you be able to live with yourself and the consequences?
Have you just ignored all rock music for the past forever? Sure, we can't count the music inspired by Scandinavian mythology, but many bands have their entire careers composed of love and break up songs. I'm not going to comment on the quality of any of these bands or songs, but honestly; they're rock stars who sing about this stuff in front of entire stadiums, and get more ass than you.
Muse [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGn5mQVu7oI], pretty much all of Nickelback's career, Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box, Pantera's This Love, A Perfect Circle's The Noose (though that one, like all of A Perfect Circle, is open to interpretation), and the list goes on and on and on.
So stop complaining, and go rock it out, or paint it out, or go write sonnets the way Shakespeare did. You can talk about anything, so long as you're creative about it.
On topic: Simulord has the correct explanation. This woman is literally just using you to get at your best friend, and if your friend is already happy you should do everything in your power to prevent it from happening (you'll find the word, "no," effective here.) I think a better way to explain this is with a question:
Would you be able to live with yourself and the consequences?
"...be a man and stop complaining..."Generic_Dave said:
Honestly, I think you're just being the pot and calling the kettle black. your opinion is just as neanderthal as the rest of ours.
More on your post, I would have agreed with you about two years ago. You're right, I was dumped and she thought someone else was more worthwhile. You know who didn't leave me for, "someone more worthwhile? my friends, my "bros" if you will. The point this, "neanderthal" idea brings up, as you put it, is that your friends will be there for you long after every woman, or man as the case may be, has left you for someone else. In this case, why shouldn't I consider my lady friends in the "bro" group? They're not leaving me because they found someone, "better," but then again they aren't the "ho" of the situation.
I can't count groups where partners are traded more frequently, but from what experience I do have, you're making them out to be way more peaceful than they really are. Sure, they put on a brave face in the group, but you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I've seen entire one group dissolve over a situation like the one you described.
Maybe your group just managed to figure out their problems, but I would hazard a guess it's not the norm.
Perhaps the group I was a part of dealt with it better. I don't know, as I've never been in one that fell apart over something like this.Dramatic Flare said:
Maybe I am being just as Neanderthal, but I just don't understand this "rules" business. Every situation is different. If it bothers you, you talk to the guy before anything happens. But what if it doesn't bother you? I mean, this situation is different as the "other" guy is in a relationship. But what if it didn't bother you and your mate missed being with someone he could have really gotten on with, just because you "might" have a problem.
I'll give you a personal example, I was going out with this girl for about a year and a half, we broke up (okay, I dumped her, so its not as applicable) and about two weeks later her and my best mate started scoring, and, well other stuff. Didn't bother me in the slightest. They went out for ages, maybe 2 years or longer, though eventually broke up. They travelled the world together and She helped him through his father's death from cancer. Now, if he had just not gone near her because of a misplace loyalty to me, things could have gone very differently. Then again, that same guy broke up with a girl last year, and she came sniffing around me, and I just put a stop to it because I knew he still loved her and now they're back together.
I just don't think you can have one rule for every situation.
The girls in the bros groups, was more a point about the offence of the phrase to those same ladies than it was about them leaving you. But I do concede your point.