Poll: Is it OK to date your best friend's ex-girlfriend

[GuideBot]

Everyone always makes out like there are these rules that you must or must not follow, but thats all shite. Seriously trigger, it the answer to your question is that it depends. People are people, they do what people do, and as long as that's okay, then its okay. When its not, well then, its not.

 

[Ishadus]

Holy crap...some guys here have the emotional range of a piece of drywall. Relying on a set of rules because just TALKING to your friend about it is ineffective due to one/both of you being unable to express your emotions?? I dunno, maybe it's an age thing or something?

In the particular situation you outlined, I'd advise warning your friend to stay away from this girl, but in a more general sense I think it's perfectly fine to date a friend's ex **as long as you see if he's cool with it first**

If he's still emotionally attached, then making a move is pretty selfish. If he's cool with it, then he's cool with it. If he gives you the green light while in reality he is not okay with it and then down the line starts getting passive aggressive with you and such, then he, quite simply, needs to grow up.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I say three weeks is long enough, it's ok, MAN UP!!! QUIT YO JIBBA JABBA! DON'T LET ME HEAR YOU WHININ' AGAIN! GET SOME NUTS!!! ehem.

Seriously, the relationships over, get over it. If they want to go out that's their buisness and not yours. Of course not if he's actually in a relationship though.

 

[xXAsherahXx]

Go ahead, the thing is over. Once he is over it, go for it, all systems engage. Not like they will get back together anytime soon. My ex did it to me with my best friend. I didn't care one shit. Then we later got back together and it happened again after a month. Still didn't care.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

I don't see why not. You said it yourself, you broke up after only 2 days. I would barely even count that as a relationship. Besides, unless you were really close to the girl, I don't see why it would create a problem between you and your friend.

 

[Paulie92]

Will it hurt your friendship? If not go nuts, if so you have to ask yourself how much do I like her? vs. how much do I like him?

to the others why isn't it OK?

As much as we'd like the world to believe we sprang fully formed from the granite of the Earth, hard and cold as stone. Fact is we have feelings too. Women get to weep, watch rom-coms, hold hands, vent, PMS, cry some more, and keep a live journal. All we have to protect us is the rules.

Shame on any man who doesn't keep to them.

OK, but that didn't really tell me anything, my question was more why do people make up and follow arbitrary rules and codes instead of just doing what they feel is right?

"Arbitrary rules and codes"? "What they FEEL is right?" Good thing I ain't yo' daddy or I'd smack you, boy.

The code is there so men are on the same page. So we don't have to guess what's right or (God save us all) FEEL what's right. That's girlie-man shit right there. Might as well cut off your junk 'cause you're more than halfway to being a woman.

You know the saying "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do"? And y'know how a man always seems to know what that is, and when he doesn't, that's what his father or his friends are for? You never hear "a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do", because women have that whole FEELINGS thing going and it's why there ain't a man alive who can figure out a woman.

"We are a generation of men raised by women. And we're pissed off." - Tyler Durden

This is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard/read. As far as I understand what people are saying it goes something like this: "We are too scared to make our own decisions and stick by them, so we're going to be a bunch of sissy's and write down some rules so that when things don't go out way we can point at it and say 'nuh-uhhh it's the rules'."

It may just be me (god I hope it's not) but I don't need some made up code to tell me what's right or wrong it's something you just know

 

[Outright Villainy]

Wow. Just wow.

The misogyny emanating from most posts in this thread is so thick you could use it to lay cement.

If I was dating a girl, and then we broke up, and then she went out with my best friend, as long as they worked out well together, I would be really happy for the both of them. You know, because I'm a mature adult and stuff. Once I break off with a girl, my entire claim to who she can see and what she can do with herself (if I even had such a say in the matter in the first place) ends right there, no exceptions.

Not naming names or going to quote and argue with people in this thread, but come on guys - you should know better.

I'm with you on this. From the situation the Op has given, the girl is definitely in the wrong for going after someone already in a relationship. Then again, the responses are far too vitriolic to represent that, It's more likely just people taking the "Bro code" way too seriously.
To the OP: You said she was only going out with you for 2 days. Why the hell should you care if she goes after someone else? You should get mad at your friend if he goes out with her, but not because of a bro code, because he'll be cheating on his girlfriend and that is the douchiest thing anyone can do in this situation.

 

[DocBalance]

In general? I think it's fine, relationships over. In this case? She sounds like a tart, so I'd stay far, FAR away from 'er.

No way, as a matter of fact Hell No! Thats super weaksauce. You can't do that. When one of your friends breaks up with a girl, so do you.

And you probably don't even really like her, you just feel that because your friend got with her, she is attainable for you. It's not wrong to feel that way, it's just not something you should pursue. There are plenty of bitches in the sea.

Ouch, okay, this did remind me of a personal experience, so I'm changing my vote to "it depends." A good buddy of mine briefly dated a girl I'd been interested in for about 6 years(it didn't hurt that she kind of saved my life at one point). He knew I liked her, it kind of all happened accidentally, etc etc. She turned out to be a [insert various disreputable names here], broke his heart, then lied and said they never dated. So, in a case like that? Stay far, far away.

 

[Anticitizen_Two]

ONLY if your friend is okay with it. If he says no, you better fucking stop.

 

[JackyJack]

Uhhh.... No.

No it's not.

It's a party rule.

Then I fucked up pretty badly.

 

[JackyJack]

What the fuck is wrong with boys today? Do guys not have fathers to teach them the goddamn man rules? No wonder society's so fucked up. Alright, listen up, kid. You may not have your daddy teachin' you the rules, but I'm probably old enough to be your father, so I'll have to do.

Watch some beer commercials or something, boy. It is NEVER OK to date a girl who broke it off with one of your buddies. Ever.

And the girl's a slut. Not only does she go right after your best friend, but she's trying to steal him from another girl. She's poison. Your buddy shouldn't date her ANYWAY.

Very well put. Sounds like your talking from experience...

 

[likalaruku]

In olden times, when your friend broke ties with someone, you were expected to cold shoulder that person as well. Even if they were through, it would practiacally have been adultery at the most, & at the least, your friend & his other friends would think the association crass & you would be deemed dubiously trustworthy. "Whom elses exgirlfriends might you date?" & "Did you have some hand in the breakup?"

 

[King of the Sandbox]

My ex-girlfried, who broke up with me just over 3 weaks ago cause it was "too awkward" after two days, is trying to go after my best friend. We all hang out in the same group, we were all friends during, before, and after the relationship. Also my friend is in a relationship, 9 months strong.
Is it OK to date your best friend's (most recent, if that changes anything) ex-girlfriend?

Sure... if you want to breed animosity and uncomfortable, unspoken tension for the rest of your friendship.

Good times.

 

[RicoADF]

The simple fact that your friend is already in a relationship shows that this is wrong. If shes going for men who are taken, then she definitely isn't in the right mindset. :/

Hit the nail right on the head. Simple fact is that this girl seems slutty and not worth it for anyone.
As for the question, it depends on the situation, sometimes it is ok, but as a general rule of thumb it's not.

 

[Smokepuddle]

As long as the friend gives you the go ahead it's not a problem... but when they're trying to fix you up with thier ex it's kinda wierd...

 

[FourEyedPandora]

I'm going to be honest, simply because I don't have a best friend. If you think that you really like her, then you should date her. I'm sorry if that hurts your friend, but if you think it's worth ending the relationship with him for her, then you should do it.

 

[TheTaco007]

Talk to your friend first.