Poll: Is it possible to be friends with your ex?
- Thread starter Boba Frag
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It wildly varies with how the breakup happened and the state of both people afterward. My first major relationship ended with both of us being civil and deciding that we were great buddies, but the romance part of things was becoming strained. So we both agreed it was time to break it off, were a little sad, got over it, and are now great friends. On the other hand, the relationship after that ended with my boyfriend becoming a completely different person over the course of a week -- he dropped every hobby he once had, started never going outside, changed a large chunk of his worldview, and broke up with me through a long and messy series of awkward conversations. Now, we have absolutely nothing in common, and to boot we never agreed on anything in terms of the breakup; it was all "But you told me you loved me," "Well, I guess I was wrong, sorry, goodbye."
...tl;dr, when the relationship has spent its course and both people agree to end it, you get the Good Ending where everyone can be buddies. When one person is left in the gutter and the other takes off happily, there's too much chaos for friendship to happen immediately, if at all. And you can really only be friends if the person is still "friend" material for you; i.e. if he/she hasn't changed too much for you to identify with or want to hang out with anymore.
...tl;dr, when the relationship has spent its course and both people agree to end it, you get the Good Ending where everyone can be buddies. When one person is left in the gutter and the other takes off happily, there's too much chaos for friendship to happen immediately, if at all. And you can really only be friends if the person is still "friend" material for you; i.e. if he/she hasn't changed too much for you to identify with or want to hang out with anymore.
In my admittedly little experience, absolutely not. Former relationships haven't worked for one reason, they hated me, simple as that. I tend to make attempts to disappear after failed relationships. You'd think that's bad, but any time someone's tried to be friends with me, I've found out all they wanted to do was either use me or simply try to hurt me for the luls.
To the OP- Your suspicions are right, they're using you. Remaining in contact with them will just stop the wounds from healing. Of course, I might be biased, as I JUST went through a breakup where there's not the slightest chance of remaining friends...she'd been fucking one of my friends for about a month, and neither would cop to it.
It really all depends on how the relationship ended. Say, she cheated on you and I doubt you will ever talk to her again. If you both feel you should see other people, then you could be friends. I'm friends with my ex that didn't cheat, and I'm not friends with my ex that flat out cheated on me.
I think it's possible, but difficult. It's been four months and I still don't get along with mine.
If you believe that was the first time they hooked up, I've got some awesome land in Florida to sell you.JanatUrlich said:
It's possible, but it really does depend on how the relationship ends.
E.G.: I was in a long distance one as well for about 2 years total and was completely in love with this girl. The relationship ended on a bad note, which basically left me stranded at her house for two weeks with her mum while she gallivanted around town with her new gf at the time. She wants to be friends, but I have trouble with it because I'm bitter about how I was treated/all the lies/how I wasted so much of my time, etc.
There can't be any romantic feelings between the two of you. Time needs to be given. It's perfectly possible to give each other some space for a while and then end up being pretty good friends.
E.G.: I was in a long distance one as well for about 2 years total and was completely in love with this girl. The relationship ended on a bad note, which basically left me stranded at her house for two weeks with her mum while she gallivanted around town with her new gf at the time. She wants to be friends, but I have trouble with it because I'm bitter about how I was treated/all the lies/how I wasted so much of my time, etc.
There can't be any romantic feelings between the two of you. Time needs to be given. It's perfectly possible to give each other some space for a while and then end up being pretty good friends.
It really depends on how you split and how close you were when you split.
My ex-ex I haven't as much as spoken to since we split up. She was a massive dick towards me, I left her, she then claimed we were still together and "dumped me" much to mine and my friends bemusement.
My ex, we were close it was 4 years almost. We split mainly because she deemed the long distance too much and she didn't want to try. We are still 'friends' to an extent and there are no seriously bad feelings or hatered but I have little-to-no motivation to stay in touch regularly and neither does she. Text messages every now and again and a meet-up when she is back in town twice a year for an afternoon for lunch is the extent.
My ex-ex I haven't as much as spoken to since we split up. She was a massive dick towards me, I left her, she then claimed we were still together and "dumped me" much to mine and my friends bemusement.
My ex, we were close it was 4 years almost. We split mainly because she deemed the long distance too much and she didn't want to try. We are still 'friends' to an extent and there are no seriously bad feelings or hatered but I have little-to-no motivation to stay in touch regularly and neither does she. Text messages every now and again and a meet-up when she is back in town twice a year for an afternoon for lunch is the extent.
It depends. If it was just a fling, sure. If the person actually really meant something, then no.
Since both of my exes started as my friends... yes I was able to restore the friendship. It took anywhere between several months to a year to do so, but I did it.
I don't think it's impossible to weave a new friendship between yourself and an ex you weren't friends with to begin with, but I'm sure if nether side is a jerk about it, there wasn't a major betrayal, or if it wasn't a nasty falling apart it could work.
I don't think it's impossible to weave a new friendship between yourself and an ex you weren't friends with to begin with, but I'm sure if nether side is a jerk about it, there wasn't a major betrayal, or if it wasn't a nasty falling apart it could work.
I've got a few exes, friends with one, the other was at a job of mine, we don't really talk but we're still friends on fb... so... but then my last one... she was a nutjob on quite a few levels. I don't talk to her, and every time we have tried talking to each other and being friends, one of us makes a move and then everything goes wrong...
I say don't even bother, unless you two can get along and neither of you is jealous, it will not work.
I say don't even bother, unless you two can get along and neither of you is jealous, it will not work.
I don't think there's anything wrong with remaining friends with your ex, so long as there's no bad blood or grudges regarding the relationship or break up. I had a mutual break up with my girlfriend of 3 years earlier this year and we're great friends still. The friendship isn't what is used to be, but it's better than just leaving each others lives.
If both of you genuinely enjoy each others company, then yeah, I think a friendship could form.
If both of you genuinely enjoy each others company, then yeah, I think a friendship could form.