Yeah it's rude. You're telling someone that they're not worth your time. Which may well be the case, but communicating that is inescapably rude. What happened to pretending to be foreign?
Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?
- Thread starter Lufia Erim
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May need abit more context like did this happened when you're in work or do people just walked up to you on the street and suddently talked to you???
OT- Yes. I think there is a way to you could had worded it better (maybe "Sorry I'm too busy to talked right now" but again it due to the missing context if you're really in work or not).
OT- Yes. I think there is a way to you could had worded it better (maybe "Sorry I'm too busy to talked right now" but again it due to the missing context if you're really in work or not).
When you think of it on a broad scale, it's not rude at all. If a stranger tries to engage with you, it's your choice whether or not to reciprocate. There's no obligation, unless you're working in customer service, but even then the obligation ends once your shift's over.
It's polite to respond, maybe it's even polite to engage them in return. But you have every right to say "I don't feel like talking, please give me some space". Maybe "please don't talk to me" is a bit blunt and cold, but if you reword it a little, it's fine. Nothing rude about that.
You don't owe the general public anything, nor do they owe you anything. Interact using your own discretion. Unfortunately I'm too polite to turn down a conversation, which can get really awkward if I have zero investment in what they're saying (which is the case most of the time).
It's polite to respond, maybe it's even polite to engage them in return. But you have every right to say "I don't feel like talking, please give me some space". Maybe "please don't talk to me" is a bit blunt and cold, but if you reword it a little, it's fine. Nothing rude about that.
You don't owe the general public anything, nor do they owe you anything. Interact using your own discretion. Unfortunately I'm too polite to turn down a conversation, which can get really awkward if I have zero investment in what they're saying (which is the case most of the time).
Whilst yes, being antisocial is a "Character flaw", much like being too social is, or being social to the wrong group, or forcing yourself into unhappiness by being forced to be social with those you dislike rather than actually standing up for yourself... Ok, nearly everything is a 'character flaw'. You'll be hard pressed to find an activity that can't be flawed in some way shape or form, but we'll accept that being antisocial is a character flaw, even if a minor one.DeaDRabbiT said:
However, this person is perfectly pleasant? Why the fuck are they trying to force a conversation on me then? I am perfectly pleasant. I sit around quietly. I keep myself compressed to save space for other people. I move things out of people's way to let them through or to let them have a seat. I often stand instead of sit to let others take a seat. I don't bother anyone, and all I ask in return is that people don't bother me.
But because someone has this "I'm so important" complex that they think everyone in the world is going to care about how nice a day they're having, I'M in the wrong for not wanting to discuss it?
Yeah, OPs phrasing could have been better, but if you don't want to talk to someone you're better of brushing them off than being a two faced prick and giving them a happy smile whilst secretly telling them to fuck off in your head. Being genuine is more important than faking it to 'fit in'.
And there is nothing deeply wrong with not wanting to talk to people either. Some people struggle to understand it, but I struggle to understand WANTING to talk to people. There are so many better things to do with my day. You want to tell me about this lovely flower you saw in the park? I'd love to continue on my walk through the path so I can experience it for myself, rather than have to live it second hand through you.
They might have bought cheer to me? No, they'd bring awkwardness and resentment, as always. Especially to people with social anxiety issues of some kind.
A person is under no obligation to listen to you talk. You might want to talk to people and feel all important because they're listening to what you are saying, but at the same time there's a fair chance they have other things they'd like to be doing, or thinking about, and don't exactly look forward to the prospect of some random stranger walking up to them and starting a conversation.
Hell, my girlfriend is incredibly pro-social to the point where it does become a character flaw for her, yet even she finds that weird. If you want to talk to someone about something, talk to someone you know. If you want to talk to a stranger, don't be offended when they'd rather do something else. They don't owe you a conversation. You do owe them their freedom and personal space.
Oh, I can deal with human interaction. I go to work, and I'll converse with my coworkers as is needed on topics of work. I go to lunch and I can easily talk to the people that I have to order food off. If I need to talk to someone, sure, I can talk to it.
Why do you think its your right to force conversation upon other people? Its acting like the Jehova's witness of society, walking around and trying to force people to listen to you about crap they don't care about, and then getting upset when they have more important things to worry about.
Oh, and is it someone's right to go out in public and not be forced to talk to others? It most certainly is, unless they've committed some form of crime and need to be pulled up by the police. Even then, they have the right to remain silent. So, yes, it is his right to do so.
Actually, I like people like me. They don't talk to me unless they have to. Whilst they don't converse and annoy me with annoying crap about their everyday life, they are polite and courteous when possible, and generally make my life easier. They are the people who stand on the left side of the escalators when just standing to let others walk through. They are the people who slip past others in the busy streets and try to allow others to pass. They are the ones who wait for a car to drive through rather than forcing their way across a crossing when in the busy city streets. They're the people who accept others are different to them, and let them be different - but ask that they not be imposed on in turn.
They are not the people who HAVE to talk to their friends every second of the day and spread themselves out across the escalators so those in a hurry can't get through. They're not the people who almost actively try to block of walkways on the busy streets by spreading out and having a mothers club conversation at the entrance to the train station, blocking all other pedestrian traffic. They're not the ones who are too busy talking on their phone, or otherwise just don't care, who will force their way infront of a car that's been waiting at the same crossing for 10 minutes in peak hour walking conditions. They're not the ones who judge others for not being like them, and who insist everyone should listen to them and drink with them and dance and party with them or they're just a lesser person who its fine to make fun of because they're obviously boring and filled with hate.
OP may have been able to phrase his rejection of others better. And maybe he doesn't do all the polite side stuff. But in my experience, the quieter people often do, as it helps reduce the amount of human interaction you have - its easier to let someone past than it is to argue with them over how slow you're walking. You on the other hand? You're judging them because they don't like to talk to others as much as you do, and calling them a miserable, horrible person for not being hyper social. Congratulations on being ruder than OP, and on being legitimately judgemental of others, rather than just wanting some time to yourself.
I don't think so, but purely on the basis that if I want someone to leave me alone, would you like me to ask you to stop or tell you shut up? If I treat it as an inevitable thingy and I don't want to be bothered, you WANT me to be nice about it, or you won't like me very much when I'm otherwise. Trust me.
Phrased like that, yes. It's social rejection which, unless you're the sort of person that just doesn't give a shit about interacting with other people, is probably going to hurt. Not much, but it still comes off as a bit of a snub if you don't give some sort of reason.
If you don't want to come off as being rude, maybe reply very briefly but say sorry (that bit's important), you're busy or some other excuse. If you really want to plan, wear headphones all the time and say you're listening to a lecture or something for a test, in a conciliatory tone. Use your initiative. Giving excuses for things we don't want to do that aren't going to put peoples noses out of joint is a learnt skill and can be pretty useful. One day it might be someone who's reaction you actually have to give a shit about.
If you don't want to come off as being rude, maybe reply very briefly but say sorry (that bit's important), you're busy or some other excuse. If you really want to plan, wear headphones all the time and say you're listening to a lecture or something for a test, in a conciliatory tone. Use your initiative. Giving excuses for things we don't want to do that aren't going to put peoples noses out of joint is a learnt skill and can be pretty useful. One day it might be someone who's reaction you actually have to give a shit about.
That's plain social rejection.
To me this sounds like you said it in a public place right? not an assembly?
That's just a cultural thing I suppose if someone engages you socially and you reject that's considered rude.
There's nothing wrong with being rude, but you can't have your cake and eat it two.
The idea here being that you're rejecting someone who is trying to be polite etc.
To me this sounds like you said it in a public place right? not an assembly?
That's just a cultural thing I suppose if someone engages you socially and you reject that's considered rude.
There's nothing wrong with being rude, but you can't have your cake and eat it two.
The idea here being that you're rejecting someone who is trying to be polite etc.
It's rude just being told that out straight. It's better to politely and calmly explain that you can't make chit chat. Tell them you're having a hard time lately, that you're not very sociable due to a condition you have or just being honest and tell them that you've just never been that kind of person and it's hard for you to do.Lufia Erim said:
Whatever you do, explain and be nice. That way even if the other person feels rebuffed, it can't be said that you were rude. You tried your best to meet them in the middle and be respectful.
With that said, a lot of people are like that and they find it hard living in Anglospheric countries because people of British decent are so open and chatty with stranger, whereas most other places it's expected to only speak to someone or be spoken to unless it's important and is rude if you try to make chit chat.
This is one of the biggest areas where, all prejudice and lingering animosity aside on both sides about the Rebellion, Americans, regardless of their ethnic origins, show their nations cultural descent from Britain. It's one of those thing British decent people do more than anything else, however much other nationalities beyond them might be chatty themselves, along with treating pets as full members of the family, if not little kids in fur, and enjoying and encourage eccentricity in others.
Technically the OP does respond to them. The OP tells them he/she doesn't want to speak. The OP does say please too which shows manners. I on the other hand just walk away from conversations I have no interest in or have lost interest in. Is it rude? Yeah. Do I give a shit? No.LeathermanKick25 said:
In most situations, yes that would be considered "rude". Except perhaps in a library or quiet study place.
It's up to you if it's worth being rude in order to get them to not talk to you. Perhaps you'd be surprised how interesting and friendly many strangers can be though.
If you'd be willing to spend an inkling more time with strangers and respond to them in an appropriate way (usually involving listening to them for 10 seconds and / or saying hello yourself, you can still tell them you'd like to listen music / study / read whatever at any time), you'd likely be considered a much more friendly person and can also expect to get things back when you might need some stranger's help.
That is of course, if you care about that.
It's up to you if it's worth being rude in order to get them to not talk to you. Perhaps you'd be surprised how interesting and friendly many strangers can be though.
If you'd be willing to spend an inkling more time with strangers and respond to them in an appropriate way (usually involving listening to them for 10 seconds and / or saying hello yourself, you can still tell them you'd like to listen music / study / read whatever at any time), you'd likely be considered a much more friendly person and can also expect to get things back when you might need some stranger's help.
That is of course, if you care about that.
There are plenty of less blunt ways to say "leave me alone".
Have earphones/headphones on, even if you're not actually listening to music.
Pretend to take a phonecall.
Make an excuse to leave. Say you're running late for a meeting, or need to use the bathroom, or whatever.
Have earphones/headphones on, even if you're not actually listening to music.
Pretend to take a phonecall.
Make an excuse to leave. Say you're running late for a meeting, or need to use the bathroom, or whatever.
Depends on how you say it.
Personally, I don't think "Please don't talk to me" is rude to the extent that, say, "Go fuck yourself, you old *****!" is. Maybe that's because I'm not very good at socializing, but there are worse ways of getting people to leave you alone. You're at least not dismissing them entirely.
That said, there are better ways of doing it, too. "Sorry, I'm not comfortable talking about this" or "I don't have the time, please excuse me" or something else seems less dismissive of them as people and might not rub as many people the wrong way. Exhibit A, some of the posters in this thread who think you're extremely rude.
But we're just strangers on the Internet. In the end, it's up to you to decide how to go about things.
Personally, I don't think "Please don't talk to me" is rude to the extent that, say, "Go fuck yourself, you old *****!" is. Maybe that's because I'm not very good at socializing, but there are worse ways of getting people to leave you alone. You're at least not dismissing them entirely.
That said, there are better ways of doing it, too. "Sorry, I'm not comfortable talking about this" or "I don't have the time, please excuse me" or something else seems less dismissive of them as people and might not rub as many people the wrong way. Exhibit A, some of the posters in this thread who think you're extremely rude.
But we're just strangers on the Internet. In the end, it's up to you to decide how to go about things.
Yeah, that's pretty damn rude. Outright brushing people off like that is rude to begin with if you don't have a good reason (i.e. most people wouldn't be too bothered if you said that whilst performing neurosurgery), but the way you phrased it is even worse.
I personally don't see what's so horrible about just having a random conversation with someone, but if you just can't bring yourself to go through that terrible ordeal for the sake of sparing someone's feelings[footnote]Or because, shocking as it seems, they may actually sometimes have something interesting to say?[/footnote], then you're going to end up coming across as rude no matter how you disengage. Maybe wearing headphones or something would help by putting people off from talking to you in the first place.
I don't mind at all when people talk to me like that, personally. In my experience it tends to either be old people who don't get to talk to people much and just want a conversation, or odd people who make for very interesting conversations. Once I got to hear a bunch of funny stories about this old guy's travels across the entire world when he was working on various holiday cruise ships, until eventually his stash of weed got found and he was fired. Made my long bus journey home much more interesting, lol.
I personally don't see what's so horrible about just having a random conversation with someone, but if you just can't bring yourself to go through that terrible ordeal for the sake of sparing someone's feelings[footnote]Or because, shocking as it seems, they may actually sometimes have something interesting to say?[/footnote], then you're going to end up coming across as rude no matter how you disengage. Maybe wearing headphones or something would help by putting people off from talking to you in the first place.
I don't mind at all when people talk to me like that, personally. In my experience it tends to either be old people who don't get to talk to people much and just want a conversation, or odd people who make for very interesting conversations. Once I got to hear a bunch of funny stories about this old guy's travels across the entire world when he was working on various holiday cruise ships, until eventually his stash of weed got found and he was fired. Made my long bus journey home much more interesting, lol.
Of course not! Rude? Hell no! Society is always wrong, we never have any issues, they have to adapt to us. "Hell is the other" and all that, right?
Well, is rude as fuck actually. Seriously, you have to improve your social skills a bit, no matter how anti-social you think you are, as said before, that's a flaw, not an excuse to be an ass. But ok, you don't HAVE to make small talk with everyone that is on the bus, nor listen some random old lady talking about how she hasn't gone to the bathroom in 4 days, but learn to brush them off politely (like, real world politely, not "it works in my head"), or wear headphones, then you can simply pretend you're not listening.
Either that or start dressing like a death metal band vocalist, that ought to keep people away.
Well, is rude as fuck actually. Seriously, you have to improve your social skills a bit, no matter how anti-social you think you are, as said before, that's a flaw, not an excuse to be an ass. But ok, you don't HAVE to make small talk with everyone that is on the bus, nor listen some random old lady talking about how she hasn't gone to the bathroom in 4 days, but learn to brush them off politely (like, real world politely, not "it works in my head"), or wear headphones, then you can simply pretend you're not listening.
Either that or start dressing like a death metal band vocalist, that ought to keep people away.
You might be priding yourself on being forthcoming, but in reality it probably just comes off as odd and immature to everyone around you. Unless you're in a movie where you're the main character who's just suffered an incredible setback and is riding a train to flee from something or someone but none of the other passengers have a clue.