Poll: Is it wrong to be a social shapeshifter?

[Grimm91]

I was accused of being a social shapeshifter by a person that I know and that got me thinking. Why is that considered so bad by some people? To act as though you are one person ,yet be another? It is human nature to be accepted, yet when one person tries to integrate themselves they are accused of being a fake. This is rather strange to me. For we are all like this, even if we don't realize it. How often do we (as people) say or do things for fear of repercussion? The answer is all of the time! Like that friend that we know made a bad decision yet we hold our tongues from speaking what we truly think for we fear losing that friend. At times it may not be right or even true to you as a person, but it is still done. I ask you my fellow Escapists to you is this wrong? Is it dishonest? Or is it merely a way to survive among ourselves?

 

[nepheleim]

Hmm... to be so shallow that you try to be whatever a given group wants you to be, instead of just being yourself and finding friends who want to hang out with that person? Not wrong in the moral sense, but you are being stupid.

 

[bluerahjah]

It is purely a matter of survival, everyone has done it on some level, and still does to survive. Politicians do it every second of the day, (most) women are known for being friendly to people and backstabbish behind their backs. Men do it just for the sole purpose of being the Alpha. It's part of who we are, and it will never end.

 

[Meta Like That]

As long as you're not a tool, I'd say it's a useful skill.

 

[Sweep117]

Meh, I say. Meh!

Hmm... to be so shallow that you try to be whatever a given group wants you to be, instead of just being yourself and finding friends who want to hang out with that person? Not wrong in the moral sense, but you are being stupid.

I've learned that trying to change (aspects of) yourself to fit in or be accepted is the wrong way to go, at least for myself. I've tried it and it sucks.

My friends and I are totally true to who we are and we love each for who each of us is. Yeah, there are things about each of us that one person or another doesn't like but that's part of life. We all know that people are different. Be yourself. There are people out there who will like and accept you for it.

 

[CapnGod]

Hmm... to be so shallow that you try to be whatever a given group wants you to be, instead of just being yourself and finding friends who want to hang out with that person? Not wrong in the moral sense, but you are being stupid.

So, it's impossible for people to have different facets of their personality and hang out with different groups of people who better fit a given interest or side? I've been friends with a lot of different types of people, and expressing yourself one way or editing yourself so as not to hurt your friends isn't stupid, it's pretty smart.

I've got friends who are flaming liberals by their own admission. I edit out some of my very strong feelings on political issues and things like gun ownership because I like the person and want to maintain the friendship. Does that make me stupid for doing a bit of shapeshifting?

I'm going to go with this: it's a pretty necessary skill for life.

 

[LordSnakeEyes]

As long as you're not a tool, I'd say it's a useful skill.

Ditto, but if you're like me and do it only to sleep with a slew of women, you;re a horrible person (I forgive myself. But can you forgive Yourself?)

 

[AdmiralWolverineLightningbolt]

no, i do it all the time
im even different to different groups of friends and people even know this now, so much that no-one knows what im actually like

 

[curlycrouton]

Thinking purely scientifically, it's a very prominent evolutionary trait. It's basically saying "I understand the social norm, I am conforming to it, please don't hurt me". There's nothing wrong with it as such, except when you start to become hypocritical and self-contradictory.

 

[TinyToaster]

I am mixed on this one. Lets face it, there are certain situations were fitting is going to save you a lot of awkward time of standing there like a fool. But at the same time, if you are shifting at every fleeting moment and situation just so you can be a part of the "in crowd" that is in my opinion wrong.

Example of good shifting:
You are put in charge of a small team at your work and have to work together for the next 6 weeks on a project. You are put with 4 people from different departments that tend to not mesh well. By shifting some simple things about yourself (being more approachable, not as quick to rash action, etc.) you are able to not only lead the team but create success out of it.

Example of bad shifting:
Every weekend you and your friends go to a different party. At each party you observe and search out who seems to be the "life of the party", change your outlook/personality in order to be accepted and feel cool.

I think it comes down to are you temporarily changing how you act around someone for personal gain or a bigger picture(meaning not yourself).

 

[NezumiiroKitsune]

Its called Face and yeah we do it all the time, but there are situations where it can become either disrupting to the normal course of your life (Schizoids for example) or changes who you define yourself as, therby only being who you are because of the puppeteering of others. If you have a serious psychological disorder such a SBD (I think, I cba to ref), and feel emotionally withdrawn and without individual personality, or awkwerd then thats a problem, however using face isn't so much. However being a good friend would demand you tell your friend they are being a twat and making them do the right thing or helping them fix a bad situation. Agreeing for the sake of uncomplicating a situation or keeping the peace, is often a worse thing to do and detrimental to moral implications.

Anywho, use a mask where a appropriate not however not to everyone.

 

[Spawn_Of_Kyuss]

I don't understand the thread's question. Surely the only person this could be a problem to is one's self. What it comes down to is whether or not you feel like you're compromising your identity.

All this "be yourself" shit is all very noble and good (especially to put in an episode summary for a kids TV program) but quite frankly, I could give less of a dick.

In a nutshell, I don't really care enough about what people think of me to not do the social dance, if simply to get along with them. All my friends know me for who I am.

 

[ae86gamer]

You have to change your personality sometimes. You might act like an idiot around your friends but your not going to be acting that in a professional setting.

 

[Christemo]

It is purely a matter of survival, everyone has done it on some level, and still does to survive. Politicians do it every second of the day, (most) women are known for being friendly to people and backstabbish behind their backs. Men do it just for the sole purpose of being the Alpha. It's part of who we are, and it will never end.

ive been in class for 3½ years with a ***** like that. she acted friendly, even tho i knew she hated me as much as i hated her (i was completely cold over her mom dying from cancer). my friend magnus told me she called me a "complete idiot with no sense for style or music" behind my back.
That pissed me to the point where i would kill her if had a weapon (shears, a crowbar, anything). she heard Lady GaGa, saying ½ year old songs where Retro and weared striped shirt and white jeans. she was monstrously fat (her tits was so fat, i was disturbed by looking at her.) she weared braces, and possibly the worst of all: she read gossip magz, and believed in stories like "brad pitt is on drugs" and "rihannas getting married with an actor".

 

[xxcloud417xx]

I do what is convenient for me. I am an opportunist, sue me. So if I have to be someone else for some specific thing that will advance me; Fuck it! I'm that guy now.

 

[Abedeus]

What a shallow and pointless being. Changing yourself just to fit in and not offend/be different from your friends? God damn.

I would die before I admit I like what my pop-listening schoolmate (a girl, of course) listens to and tries to sing.

Also, you do not really have a friend. Because friends are honest with themselves and each other. If you have 2 friends and they think of you as of two different people... Well, I pity you.

Oh, and this also shows lack of self-respect.

You have to change your personality sometimes. You might act like an idiot around your friends but your not going to be acting that in a professional setting.

There's a difference between adjusting your behaviour and changing it completely. With my friends, I will act like I always do, swear and curse.

With my sister or my English teacher (both 7 and 9 years old respectively) I won't. Because they are on a higher level than my friends are and they don't let negative emotions rule over them.

 

[Ago Iterum]

You usually go along different groups of friends, subconsciously picking up personality traits that you like. We all do it.

 

[ForrestDixon]

No......well not in the begining. If you are getting to know somone on a person-to-person level then it might be. Its hard to say but it's not illigal so I dont think so......




I will get back to you on this one.

 

[Lord George]

Its a brilliant way to live you can get anyone to like a part of you and it means your nearly always successful. I constantly change persona's for nearly every different situation or group. You can get whatever you want by doing this. More people should try it as all that crap about just "being yourself" is a load of nancy taught garbage from the "everybody get a medal" generation. How do you think you'll ever get ahead in the workplace if your not willing to be like water always flowing into the right shape for the right fit.