Poll: Is Not Dating a Certain Race Racist?

[Phrozenflame500]

Not if you don't find them attractive.

Saying that not dating a certain race is racist is like saying not dating men if you're a man (or women if you're a woman) is homophobic.

 

[Caiphus]

The problem with these arguments is that there is a biological component to attraction based on sex. There is no biological component to attraction based on race. It's not sexism to find one sex more sexually appealing than another because it's not a conscious decision. A straight person can't will themselves to find their sex attractive, a gay person can't will themselves to find the opposite sex attractive, bisexuals can't will themselves to only find one sex attractive, and asexuals can't will themselves to find anyone attractive. It's biology. It's not learned.

Associating certain races with sexual attractiveness is learned. There is no biological component of the body that says, "Black people are hot!" There's no hormone desitocin that makes seeing Indian people cause the body to go all weak-kneed. There's no caucanoid fold in the brain that produces thoughts of "pasty and pale, never fail!" Attraction or dis-attration to particular races as opposed to attractive people in general is a learned behavior. Which is why the reasons it was learned matter. So these comparisons between race and sex just plain don't work.

Not arguing or anything, but I was under the impression that sexual orientation was at least partly learned or brought about by one's environment?

I swear I've seen people post on this forum, although there's every chance that they were mistaken, that humans are meant/designed/inclined/something to be more bisexual than actual societal levels of bisexuality would suggest.

Edit: Although maybe there's a difference between people oppressing their sexual orientation and people learning to favour a certain skin/hair colour.
Answers on a postcard.

 

[Thaluikhain]

It most certainly is racist... but it's also benign racism.

Just how straight people are sexist... but it's also benign sexism.

Just how homosexuals are sexist... but it's also benign sexism.

Nobody is entitled to your romantic affections for whatever reason. You can romantically pursue who you want for whatever reasons you want.

But I answered "No" on the poll because I get the feeling it's asking if there's something morally wrong about it or not, not if it lives up to the literal definition of racism (which it does).

Not saying I disagree with your point, but "benign" in the context of sexism/racism and the like has a different meaning, that you are oppressing them on the justification it's for their own good.

That sounds more like a case of the misappropriation of the word benign than a literal use of the word - which would mean something that's harmless, despite appearances.

Well, "benign" should probably be in quotes, as it's only nominally benign, and the phrase is very unclear, yeah, but that's the phrasing which has come into existence.

As an aside, though, "benign" shouldn't mean harmless, it should mean something good. Still the opposite of malign, but in different ways.

 

[JediMB]

I don't believe in race. I find the very notion of human sub-races to be racist.

That said, I personally find certain nose shapes unattractive (including my own!), but I don't really associate those with any particular "races", and I think I'd be pretty damn shallow if I rejected an otherwise attractive (physically or otherwise) person for the shape of her nose.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. I don't know. Either way, I voted "yes" in the poll.

 

[Caiphus]

Well, "benign" should probably be in quotes, as it's only nominally benign, and the phrase is very unclear, yeah, but that's the phrasing which has come into existence.

As an aside, though, "benign" shouldn't mean harmless, it should mean something good. Still the opposite of malign, but in different ways.

Also not meant to argue here, but when people refer to "benign" tumours they generally mean that the tumours are harmless/unlikely to spread, and not that they're actually any good. As opposed to malignant tumours, which are definitely bad.

But whatever, this is rather off-topic. And semantics are always awesome forum debates.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

I don't believe in race. I find the very notion of human sub-races to be racist.

It is. That's the point. How can you not believe in race though? Black skin is black. White skin is white. And like reproduces like. We classify sub-species of plant by color of their flowers or slightly differing leaf shape, so why not the same principle with people?

 

[Casual Shinji]

I suppose it is, but eh, tough shit.

What you're attracted to is what you're attracted to.

I mean, I find women from India generally more beautiful than white women, so I guess that makes me racist toward my own race.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

No its preference. If you find say black woman or Chinese woman unattractive - that thats you choice. Doesnt mean you hate their race, cant be friends or interact with them in anyway. Also doesnt mean a black or chinese woman wont appear in the future and totally make you fall head or heels in love with them. You can only fall for the person you fall for.

 

[Milanezi]

Only if you... refuse to date, say a Chinese woman, who has beautiful looks, is a very nice person, in short someone you do feel attracted to (whatever that might mean to you) but you refuse to date her solely because she is Chinese. That is racism.

Keeping with the example... It is not racism if you don't feel attracted to Chinese women because, for instance, the general Chinese "looks" are not in conformity with your concept of beauty (and in this case we're obviously assuming, as an example, that beauty would be a major factor, but it could be anything else). The difference being, if it was a white girl with facial features you didn't like, you ALSO would not date.

 

[DRTJR]

Well, yes it is.

But as long as you don't reject someone who's otherwise attractive entirely because of their race, it's a pretty harmless racism.

I personally don't want to cut my dating pool, so I'd never be that picky.

That depends on what you find attractive, Some people think tans are not sexy as such the darker the skin the more that could distract from the overall package. Personally I don't think Brazilian supermodels are hot because of their tanned skin, like wise with black women.

Also since "Sexiness" is a superficial judgement anyway then the colour of their skin is an important factor, It's similar to saying that it is sexist to like women with HUGE TRACKS OF LAND, or homophobic for being strait. Whom so ever you find hot does not reflect of your higher thinking.

 

[EMWISE94]

Well, technically it is racist, its not exactly "I don't like any of those gas sniffing, gang banging, drug selling jungle bunnies!" racist, but its still racist, very small scale racism mind, it won't start fires but it'll get you a glance or two. It should also be noted that his wording might have made him sound really racist because I've seen this guys ad-post before and he did say that he'll date any race (latinos, europians, italians, asians etc) but not not anyone black without any clear justification, he also did say it doesn't matter if she's a "Halle Berry", he won't date a black girl, from this I'm assuming its a visual thing based on darker skin tones because lets face it Halle Berry is a successful and beautiful woman.

So I'm assuming that when he said he won't date a black girl he means he won't date any girl with a dark skin tone. On a personal note, being black myself I'm more attracted to girls who have lighter skin tones, not because I hate my own ethnicity but because I grew up around black people all my life so visually it does nothing for me really, not to say I find all dark skinned people unattractive, there are beautiful people who I've seen that are dark skinned, its just a the way my mind is wired.

On a realistic note, even though this guy has a very specific criteria of who he'll date, he will get a girlfriend who meets that criteria, because that's how the world works. So the feminists may demonize him as much as they want, he'll still get his girl... 'cause he offered a $1500 reward for whoever finds him said girl.

 

[Caiphus]

I don't know the post you're talking about, but anyone who tells you humans are meant/designed for anything is a liar with an agenda.

Sure, I was struggling to come up with a proper word for it. You managed to do so much more eloquently than I did. The "people are more bisexual than they admit" was what I was aiming for, and missed.

It means sexuality isn't a switch with 3 settings and "off", it's a line with an infinite number of points along the way. So most people aren't 100% straight, but they are at one end of the line so there are very few people of their own sex that they might find attractive. It may be so few that they never meet the person of the same sex that gets them all hot and bothered, or they can easily hide it. But that's not quite the same thing as learning your sexual orientation.

And yes, this is the oft-mentioned Kinsey Scale when people talk about these kinds of things. And I guess this is what I was trying to drill at: How similar is someone "learning" to hide/ignore their sexual orientation to learning to prefer white/black/whatever race. And I suppose, as you're alluding to, it really isn't. I was slightly confused because some posts have suggested that a person's upbringing would determine if they were homosexual or not, but then again it would be difficult to explain gay people in the Middle East, or in more conservative parts of America, if that were the case.


I don't know if there are studies. If a white girl grows up in China, for example, is she more likely to find white men attractive than a Chinese girl growing up in China? Because if the answer is "no" then one imagines that preferring a certain race is purely down to learning, as you put it.
Although if the answer is "yes" that could still be caused by the white girl being around a white family growing up (assuming she isn't adopted). I guess.

I mean, I'm not trying to push any agenda here. I know when people ask these kinds of questions, it is often the case that they are trying to subtly undermine some sort of argument; I'm genuinely curious if you know, or if anyone knows, frankly.

 

[Abomination]

I was on a feminist website recently and came across a post that blasted some white guy's website devoted to finding him the perfect girl. They took issue with his high standards on appearrance and education, which really doesn't seem like something big enough to warrant public shaming by a large website such as this one, but I could understand their distaste, if not their blazing ire. One thing they said, however, really got under my skin: he said he would date any race but "Black girls." And they called him a racist for that.

Now, he allegedly has said elsewhere on his site or on Reddit things that paint him to be a dyed-in-the-wool racist, but the mere proclamation of this preference was enough to get him the label on this site (I'm not linking to it because it's not really the point of the discussion I want to start here). So my question is: Does not wanting to date people from a certain race or races make you racist?

Who you choose to date is personal, private and up to your own discretition.

Having high standards isn't bad or good in itself. Although I personally believe trying to find 'a perfect person' of any kind is an excercise in futility, I can appreciate when someone puts in work to make their dreams come true. That's basically what life is about.

Back to the point though... is it a bad thing that he said: "I would date any race but 'black girls'".

It's a very inconsiderate and rude thing. Not that he has this personal prefference, but that he chooses to list that publically. It wouldn't require much work to filter out any black girls, simply by requiring a photo and then not choosing to persue a date.

Because by posting it publically and singling out a single race.... especially since race is something people don't choose for themselves is an insensitive choice.

It's a bit foot in mouth but not inherently bad.

I guess a better way to word it would have been "A pale skinned girl would be my ultimate preference"... I guess?

Sounds better than "No nigga bitches" or whatever he's being painted as saying.

 

[caselj01]

Its not racist to not go out with someone because you don't find them attractive or you don't like them, even if those traits are directly or indirectly as a result of their race. However it IS racist to put a blanket ban on dating people of a particular race. The real test of whether the guy in question is racist is, would he go out with a black girl if she was super-hot and also was a great person to be around? If he still wouldn't go out with her just because she is black and no other reason, then he is racist.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Can you choose who you're attracted to? And if not is it really racism if you don't have any control over it? I mean it's not a conscious decision, right? I mean I don't even think about it; I either like the person or I don't, their race doesn't even come into it.

 

[TheKangaroos]

Well, yes it is.

But as long as you don't reject someone who's otherwise attractive entirely because of their race, it's a pretty harmless racism.

I personally don't want to cut my dating pool, so I'd never be that picky.

How is it racist? If you're not attracted to people of a particular race that's not a judgement against who they are as a person. You're not making a judgement about the people of that race past "I personally don't find them physically attractive". That shouldn't offend anyone let alone be considered racism. Racism is a judgement you make about the characteristics of a particular group based solely on the fact that they are a certain race.

As an interesting point, I have a friend who is well into his 40's and has only dated women of African heritage, whether English, American, African etc. and he's dated a lot. We've discussed it with him in the past and he simply finds black women very attractive and thinks white women in particular are not. We've never accused him of racism however, how could he be, he's a white Croatian.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Can you choose who you're attracted to? And if not is it really racism if you don't have any control over it? I mean it's not a conscious decision, right? I mean I don't even think about it; I either like the person or I don't, their race doesn't even come into it.

Why does it being a conscious decision matter?

Surely nobody wakes up in the morning and says "Today I will consider other races to be inferior to my own". It's a belief or attitude that person holds which affects how they act, which they may or may not recognise and try to minimise.