Poll: Is sexting/sending sexual pictures cheating?

[Treeinthewoods]

Inspired by a back and forth in another topic, I was suprised to find that some people might not think that what congressman Weiner did constitutes being unfaithful.

So, I thought I'd better ask to see how everyone else feels. Are sexual texting, cyber sex and picture swapping acts of unfaithfulness or harmless fun? Would you be okay if you caught your significant other committing these kind of acts without your knowledge or consent? How would they react if they caught you doing it?

I say it's cheating unless you are in a truly open relationship and your significant other is completely okay with it and you don't mind similar behavior. So basically, I think it's the lying part that makes it unfaithfullness, not so much the actual acts.

Honestly, I feel the same way about actual sex/other stuff as well. If it's not an open relationship you are committing adultery. My rule:

If I wouldn't do it/say it in front of my wife, I won't do it/say it behind her back.

EDIT: If you are not in the US and want to know what Weinergate is, Google Weinergate or US Congressman Weiner. This has nothing to do with whether or not he can govern, only if he was cheating on his wife or not.

 

[Meggiepants]

Obviously it depends on what your partner thinks.

Personally, I would call anything cheating if you are getting something from someone else that you would normally get from your significant other. So even something like meaningful conversation with another person could constitute cheating. If you would normally confide in your significant other about your troubles, but you decide to do it with someone else online, then you are depriving your significant other from a part of your life, a part they used to have access to.

Of course, again this depends on whether or not your significant other is bothered by such things. If they aren't, or if you have discussed your online habits with them, and they are okay with that, then no, it isn't cheating. People have different ideas about what is okay.

As far as Weiner is concerned, I wouldn't know. I haven't seen what his wife has said on the matter. However, I also don't think it should really be my business. That's between him and his wife to decide. I don't really see how it effects his politics. If he has done something illegal, then that will come out. Until then, I don't really see a point in making a judgement on him. He's a politician. She's a politician's wife. I would suspect anything they say at this point. Hell, she could say he was scum simply because saying she's okay with it would look bad. It's a private matter made public. People will say anything to save face in that situation.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Cheating is defined by whatever the people involved chose to define it by.

Therefore, it's important to have that talk before the issue comes up. It's an awkward subject to raise, but it helps avoid all sorts of things later on.

 

[viking97]

that's a funny name

 

[zombiesinc]

How is this a question?

My thoughts exactly.

OT - Harmless fun? No... just, no. And no, I wouldn't be okay if I caught my significant other doing that, 'cause it's cheating, no two ways about it. Anyone who doesn't consider it cheating is incredibly delusional.

 

[Raskolnikov34]

that's a funny name

Someone had too comment on it...

but anyways, of course it is. Any sort of sexual associations with a person not your spouse is cheating. Why would sexting be an exception?

 

[Veylon]

The key point here is that he was doing it behind his wife's back, knowing that she would not approve very strongly. Clearly, he did not respect her wishes or his own implied promises.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

I don't think it should disqualify Weiner from being a congressmen, but yes, it absolutely constitutes cheating. It is an activity of a sexual nature with someone other than his significant other, and that is cheating.

 

[Dags90]

Any sort of sexual associations with a person not your spouse is cheating. Why would sexting be an exception?

What do you mean when you say "any sort", does this include flirting?

It's a blurry line that couples will have draw for themselves. Some people take issue with things like flirting with others. I've heard even some people disagree with watching pornography in a relationship, who feel that is a form of cheating as well.

 

[Liudeius]

Yes, it is cheating.

Obviously some people have open relationships where they very well know that they are having sex outside of the relationship, so it is based on the opinions of those involved.

However in general it should be assumed that such behavior is cheating, unless it is clearly defined as not.

Personally though I would even count flirting as cheating.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

but by your logic wouldn't it have been unfaithful if he'd gone out for coffee without telling his wife? Yeah coffee sounds suspicious as all hell, but I really meant it along the lines of making/meeting a friend, yes shit still works like that >.> My view is that hiding stuff like that isn't a problem, it's a symptom of the problem so in flipping out over it you're missing the real picture. Now for the picture swapping, I thought I made it clear that in that I was referring to that one picture, I'm not alright with sexy posing without a reason.

When I look at that picture I see a clearly out lined erection concealed behind a thin layer of cotton, the male equivalent of "high beams." A picture of underwear may not be sexual but a picture like that is intended to send a message about the senders intentions.

 

[DracoSuave]

Cheating is subjecting to the emotional harm and feeling of betrayal involved. If there is no betrayal, there is no cheating.

It doesn't matter if it's an open relationship... if it does not harm the partner (determined by the partner, of course) then it is not cheating.

The point here is that it is entirely the business of the parties involved. This issue is irrelevant to the running of the country.

 

[Raskolnikov34]

Any sort of sexual associations with a person not your spouse is cheating. Why would sexting be an exception?

What do you mean when you say "any sort", does this include flirting?

It's a blurry line that couples will have draw for themselves. Some people take issue with things like flirting with others. I've heard even some people disagree with watching pornography in a relationship, who feel that is a form of cheating as well.

Yes, any sort would include flirting.

Pornography wouldn't really per say, as their is no "other person", but it would be indicative of an attitude of disloyalty to a persons spouse, in that they were most likely sexual dissatisfied with their spouse if they turned to pornography.

It changes from couple to couple though, I just saying what I consider cheating in my relationships.

 

[Traskelion]

Simple answer. Would you be okay with your other finding out about it? If it's something you need to hide, _of course_ it's cheating. If it's something the other knows about and is okay with, then, I guess you've got a different relationship than I'm used to thinking of.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Cheating is subjecting to the emotional harm and feeling of betrayal involved. If there is no betrayal, there is no cheating.

It doesn't matter if it's an open relationship... if it does not harm the partner (determined by the partner, of course) then it is not cheating.

The point here is that it is entirely the business of the parties involved. This issue is irrelevant to the running of the country.

I thought my edit made it clear, I am not discussing the ability to govern or whether or not he should resign, I only want to know if what he did was an act of unfaithfulness to his wife.

I do agree though, it's not the act it's the concealment and how it makes the other person in the relationship feel.

 

[Dags90]

Yes, any sort would include flirting.

Pornography wouldn't really per say, as their is no "other person", but it would be indicative of an attitude of disloyalty to a persons spouse, in that they were most likely sexual dissatisfied with their spouse if they turned to pornography.

It changes from couple to couple though, I just saying what I consider cheating in my relationships.

That's why I don't get the people, like the mod who posted that anyone who didn't consider it cheating was "delusional". There's no clear objective position and there exists a fuzzy gradient, any line drawn is ultimately arbitrary.

 

[Rems]

I wouldn't exactly call it cheating, that to me implies having a sexual relationship with someoneother than your current partner. Certainly however its not the tpye of thing you should do if you are in a relationship with someone. Said partner would have every right to be upset if they found out.

So its not exactly cheating but you still shouldn't do it.

 

[Grant Delmore]

To define what's cheating the relationship need's to be defined.
If the two people are fine with having each other messaging and flirting other people then there isn't really much to say.
I for one hold the notion that cheating isn't physical at all.

It's a breach of trust between the two involved. I'd consider it cheating if my partner.
1. Flirted with another. *Drunk or not is no excuse*

2. Created an emotional connection with another person. Yes you can't really help if you fall for someone else, but I've been in the position and there is enough warning signs that you know exactly what your doing. And allowing it to happen is the same as cheating if you ask me.

3. Sexting. On topic, i don't see how anyone could consider this not cheating. If you are sending pictures of yourself or are receiving pictures that are aimed at arousing each other from someone other then your partner then that's cheating.

4. Deception. This one can be defined in a whole lot of ways, but basically if your lying to your partner then thats cheating too.

Basically all of these things hinge on the people involved and what each other has agreed or feels comfortable with.

Main thing is tho, if your doing any of those things and you think it's cheating then your probably unhappy with your relationship. So man or woman the fuck up and end it. By lying and keeping yourself in a position like that you'd only be making yourself unhappy.