Treeinthewoods said:
meganmeave said:
Let's take a husband wife scenario. The wife finds out her mother is very ill, perhaps even going to die. Normally, in the past, she would confide these feelings to her husband. They would talk, discuss things, and work them out together. Now though, she feels like it is easier for her to talk to her internet friend. He understands her better, he can soothe her better. So instead of going to her husband to get this comfort, she goes to the internet friend. The husband in the meantime never knows about these troubles, and spends more and more time in the dark with regards to his wife's feelings.
I think that is a kind of emotional detachment that, yes, is a kind of cheating. It's a difficult concept to describe, but I think a lot of long term marriages break up from this type of emotional cheating. Sex is not the cornerstone of a long term relationship, strong communication is. If you suddenly choose to communicate all your intimate feelings with someone else over your partner, you are depriving them of a part of your life that you would normally have shared with them. I've never fallen in love with someone because of great sex, it's the conversations we have and they way they react and support my feelings that is going to create that bond that really holds us together.
Very eloquent, when marriages end it's usually a communication issue (even though the lack of communication can be on a variety of subjects). I'd go so far as to say in most cases where someone physically cheats there were many moments like the example you provided before hand (excluding serial cheaters, or as certain Nevada residents call them "ranchers.") A monogamous relationship is held together by emotional honesty and commitment, if I start witholding my true feelings from my wife and keep her in the dark all the time while leaning on another person for support I'm creating a dishonest scenario.
To me, if you can't be emotionally/physically 100% intimate with your partner you need to consider ending the relationship or find some way to seriously reconnect. I just think I would end it before I would start flirting/connecting to/sleeping with other people.
Creator002 said:
Definitely cheating. Unless the relationship is truly open, I would definitely be hurt if my partner was doing this with someone else.
If I wouldn't do it/say it in front of my wife, I won't do it/say it behind her back.
Excellent choice of words.
Mind if I steal that?
It's all yours bro-chacho, I've gotten my fair share of useful sayings off this board already.
Hang on. If I confide in someone of the same sex (I'm heterosexual for reference) over something I feel uncomfortable discussing with my partner, does that mean I'm cheating?
What's more, no relationship is 100% intimate, whether emotionally or physically. It's incredibly naive to even consider it. First of all, Men and Women generally have such varying desires and interests (let alone the differences between individuals) that there is practically no way for a 100% physical connection, there will be things she doesn't want to do and likewise things you don't want to do. Does this mean I should re-evaluate my standing with her? Of Course Not!
The key is tolerance. Not 100% compatibility, which would be required to have 100% connection with your partner. Acceptance is more important then having identical interests and expecting perfect fairy tale harmony between 2 people.
In an ideal relationship, neither partner should be (or even can be) 100% dependent on the other for support. This means that both partners still need friends to confide in, male or female. There are things I would ask an ex that I wouldn't ask my current lover. Why? because people are completely different from one another and some are more qualified to help then others.
Finally. This logic of emotionally confiding in other people would also mean that you can cheat on your partner... with your father... or your uncle, or your partners mother, or your partners grandad...
We are a social creature and emotional attachments occur outside of lovers.
And just to add. A lover, or even a wife/husband, is not all a person needs. Family and friends are equally as important and that, in my opinion, is why so many marriages fail. It's the suffocation of your own relationship by forcing or expecting such idealistic bonds. Likewsie, having a lack of acceptance towards a partners desire to confide in others also derails relationships.
