Poll: Is treating women in Gentlemanly way Sexist?

[floppylobster]

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

No. But ask yourself - why do you want to act that way toward women? You don't have to answer me, but be completely honest with yourself when you search for the answer. If you're okay with your honest answer, then carry on. Know it for what it is and it's fine to act that way. But I think labeling it as 'being a gentlemen' rings a little false. Were you taught to act this way? Did you learn it? Or did it just come to you without any social influence at all?

 

[DarkRyter]

several studies show that women are different in many ways... (to name a few)

Men: are usually more task-orientated, less talkative, more isolated, better ability to perceive spatial dynamics (mentally rotating objects), have a fight or flight reaction to stress, men usually have a larger muscle mass and are less perceptive to pain.

Women: Are more verbalized about their emotions, pick up body language better, better mathematical abilities, women use a "tend and befriend" tactic to fight stress, have a larger deep limbic system than men making them better caregivers, and perceive pain at a much higher scale.

I am not saying this is the list of what ALL men and ALL women are like, obviously we all know a guy is really good at math, or a women who is way buff and muscular, but this is the overall difference between men and women that is shared by the great majority. You cannot say that these differences don't matter, they distinguished how we perceive the world around us and build up our identities.

Their involvement in the formation of social mores and cultural identity doesn't grant them any significance. If anything, it just proves them more trivial. Things that actually matter in the grand scale of the universe, like electron behavior and stellar fusion, never really come up in defining people's culture or personalities.

Also.

Women: better mathematical abilities, .

You don't have to lie.

 

[marfin_]

several studies show that women are different in many ways... (to name a few)

Men: are usually more task-orientated, less talkative, more isolated, better ability to perceive spatial dynamics (mentally rotating objects), have a fight or flight reaction to stress, men usually have a larger muscle mass and are less perceptive to pain.

Women: Are more verbalized about their emotions, pick up body language better, better mathematical abilities, women use a "tend and befriend" tactic to fight stress, have a larger deep limbic system than men making them better caregivers, and perceive pain at a much higher scale.

I am not saying this is the list of what ALL men and ALL women are like, obviously we all know a guy is really good at math, or a women who is way buff and muscular, but this is the overall difference between men and women that is shared by the great majority. You cannot say that these differences don't matter, they distinguished how we perceive the world around us and build up our identities.

Their involvement in the formation of social mores and cultural identity doesn't grant them any significance. If anything, it just proves them more trivial. Things that actually matter in the grand scale of the universe, like electron behavior and stellar fusion, never really come up in defining people's culture or personalities.

Also.

Women: better mathematical abilities, .

You don't have to lie.

I'm not lying look it up =)

 

[Aethren]

People who are kind to women just because they're a woman utterly sicken me, and I truly desire them to burn for eternity for their sexist ways. This is the 21st century, there's a little thing called equality being pushed around now, look it up.

The only people who deserve special treatment are the elderly, the pregnant, and the disabled, no others.

Be polite to all or none, don't cherry-pick due to your sexual preference.

 

[DarkRyter]

I'm not lying look it up =)

[http://postimage.org/image/5c59ve3zr/]

I drew a dinosaur because fuck the police.

 

[Devil_Worshipper]

I treat girls differently during dates, does that count? We split the bill or buy our own drinks, but I hold the car door open, pull the chair out, etc.

Day-to-day I just open the door for whoever is behind me.

 

[Mcupobob]

As dude I treat everyone gentlemanly, I don't stop being a gentleman to people just because their reproductive organs dangle nor vice versa.

 

[theevilgenius60]

I don't think it's sexist, but I don't do things like opening doors anymore. I used to, but I would get a preaching to any time I did it. I figure if I'm going to get looked down on regardless of whether I do something or not, I'll go with the one that's less work for me. Cold but true

 

[cobra_ky]

People seem to think that because 'being gentlemanly' was more prominent in an earlier time when sexism was more overt and obvious, that the act of being a gentleman in and of itself is sexist. It's not. Yes, the person might be acting gentlemanly because he has some unconscious (or conscious) beliefs that women 'need help' or whatever, but still... the act (or acts really) in and of themselves aren't sexist.

i'm having trouble understanding how an action based solely on a sexist belief can't be sexist.

I don't think it's sexist, but I don't do things like opening doors anymore. I used to, but I would get a preaching to any time I did it. I figure if I'm going to get looked down on regardless of whether I do something or not, I'll go with the one that's less work for me. Cold but true

i've been holding doors for people my entire life and this has never happened to me, even once. it kind of blows my mind that so many people report experiences like yours.

 

[Zeckt]

If I would otherwise slam the door in her face, I will hold it open. Same for men. I will never go out of my way to stand there and simply hold it for anyone because I find that pointless. Unless they are pushing a stroller or look physically incapable and only then.

I am an odd card though, I am not attracted to a person's sexual aspects but only by their personality. I just don't care if its a man or woman so it reflects in how I treat people. I don't even look at breasts. I am very weird.

 

[BrassButtons]

No. Men and women are different

The possible differences between a man and a woman are no greater than the variance between a man and another man, or a woman and another woman.

Men and woman aren't different beyond the superficial.

I wouldn't call having different genitals, or having/lacking the ability to bear children, or having/lacking the ability to breastfeed, "superficial differences." They may not be relevant in most situations, but they are there. To say that acknowledging these differences is sexist is rather silly. After all, that means gynecologists are all sexist for not having male patients.

kinda feel like Tavion from "Fiddler on the Roof"...
"Traaaaaadition!!!!!!! Tradition!

 

[Zeckt]

I just don't understand why anyone would ever give special treatment like this anyways. Do you want to date them and have sex with them? then why would you ever go out of your way simply because of their sex? Only hold the door open if they are right behind you. I guess I do find it extremely sexist. They had no choice on their sex at birth, its like a spin the bottle game. Your not a special and unique snowflake, your simply a human being in my eyes.

Common courtesy is as far as I will ever go.

 

[Abedeus]

Well, I try to act as gentlemanly as I can, but... only if a woman deserves it. Random strangers? Sure, I don't judge them, treat them well. Girls I like? Same, treat them well. Annoying bitches that have superiority complex or think they're in the center of the word? Hell no.

You can expect to be treated like a woman when you act like a woman.

What do you mean by "act like a woman"? What sort of behaviour lets someone deserve to be treated like a woman?

For one, not acting like a jackass. A loud-mouthed douchebag that, if she was a he, would probably get a kick to the teeth after one too many stupid comments or rude insults.

 

[That_Sneaky_Camper]

Amusingly being a gentlemen used to mean being a wealthy land owner. Only in recent times has it come to mean being polite. There is nothing wrong with being either of course.

 

[Naeo]

I grant this; however, as I might have not clearly stated in my other post (looking back, it's a bit of a mess), I meant primarily to rebut the "it's about women being less capable than men" part

I understand that. But if someone only holds the door open for women, and only because they are women, then what reasons are there other than "because women are less capable"? It can't be about common politeness, because holding the door open is polite regardless of the other person's gender. The only reasons I can see are "because women need or deserve help on account of gender" and "because it's expected," and as far as I'm aware the reason it's expected is because people used to generally think women needed the help, and the resulting actions became normal even after the reasoning behind them started to erode away.

Again, it comes down to degree. Holding the door for anyone, but a bit longer for women (since the holding the door example is perhaps the most convenient to keep coming back to), no longer has the implication of "women are less capable" though it once may have. It's an example of something cultural being divorced and entirely separate from its original roots. Cf. the word "idiot" or "moron". Originally almost exclusively applied to mentally retarded people, and while it retains that etymology, it now just means "a stupid person" and is thrown about so casually it's almost starting to take on the meaning of "someone who does something stupid" rather than "someone who is habitually stupid". Similarly, I would argue that the modern incarnation of "gentlemanly" behavior has become so far divorced from its original roots--which very well may have been rooted in the notion that women are less capable and need a "man's help"--that it has no connection any more to its roots, having become something totally separate.

 

[drosalion]

Assuming you will only do that for girls, sure.

Treating someone differently based on their gender like that is simply basic sexism. Thinking someone deserves to be treated differently like that really is an obvious case.

^ This. Its pretty much the definition of sexism. Seeing as the question in OP specifically talks about treating women in that way i think its implied that you are not also treating men in that way. So yes, it is sexism. Doesnt necessarily mean its 'bad' though

 

[dancinginfernal]

Yes, but being sexist isn't inherently a bad thing. You are, in fact, treating them differently because they are a woman.

Simple as that. Doesn't make you a bad person.