Poll: It's time Escapists. For the OTHER most important vote. (Definitely NSFW)

[Gethsemani_v1legacy]

I demand a choice for stubby corkscrew! Its' omission is wienerphobia!

 

[DefunctTheory]

Spoiler

So, what level of proof are you going to need? Will a simple photo do, or do I have to go out and buy some paint thinner to take a dip in?

I'm flexible. Just as long as neither melt.

They wont. I can't make the same promise for your eyes.

I am so sorry.

You should be. Now I'm traumatised on like, four different levels.

If I had a quarter for everyone I had that effect on, Bernie Sanders would be taking a stand against me.

Godamnit, you took my idea and did it first. Which wouldn't be so bad, except you also did it better.

It could have been better. I missed a golden DeVito opportunity.

As for my vote?

Spoiler

Ya'll motherfuckers need Jesus.

And you need 12 master surgeons and at least 10 motorcyclist worth of organ transplants if that's your ideal.

 

[Something Amyss]

They wont. I can't make the same promise for your eyes.

My eyes are protected by very tick glasses. At least, I think that's how this works.

If I had a quarter for everyone I had that effect on, Bernie Sanders would be taking a stand against me.

One way or another, you will feel the Bern!

 

[WindKnight]

That would be a wise decision.

Thankfully, I imagine anyone endowed like that wouldn't run very fast, so I'm probably safe.

(sings)

I'm jake the peg (diddle iddle iddle um)

with my extra leg (diddle iddle iddle um)

 

[Thaluikhain]

That would be a wise decision.

Thankfully, I imagine anyone endowed like that wouldn't run very fast, so I'm probably safe.

(sings)

I'm jake the peg (diddle iddle iddle um)

with my extra leg (diddle iddle iddle um)

That has a different edge after his conviction.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I don't mean to brag, but when I found Wirt's Third Leg in World of Warcraft, it was a downgrade.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I mean, I do enjoy a good bit of dog every now and then.

Spoiler: If you know what I mean.

...

Oh, THAT.

The manly bits.

Sure, yeah. I guess average or so...? I would like to walk without assistance, if that's what you're asking. >.>

 

[Something Amyss]

(sings)

I'm jake the peg (diddle iddle iddle um)

with my extra leg (diddle iddle iddle um)

Yes, but does it help him run?

I would like to walk without assistance, if that's what you're asking. >.>

Oh, come on, what's the fun in that?

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I would like to walk without assistance, if that's what you're asking. >.>

Oh, come on, what's the fun in that?

I mean, it could be fun.

But what if I have to go to the bathroom really bad?

My relationship game would have to be strong for someone to help me walk to the toilet and back. Maybe a colostomy bag or something.

I dunno.

 

[Something Amyss]

I mean, it could be fun.

But what if I have to go to the bathroom really bad?

My relationship game would have to be strong for someone to help me walk to the toilet and back. Maybe a colostomy bag or something.

I dunno.

Fortunately, he's been carrying all that extra weight, so he's probably going to be strong. >.>

 

[DefunctTheory]

They wont. I can't make the same promise for your eyes.

My eyes are protected by very tick glasses. At least, I think that's how this works.

Thick glasses? Ha. They won't help you.

If I had a quarter for everyone I had that effect on, Bernie Sanders would be taking a stand against me.

One way or another, you will feel the Bern!

Well, that's one phrase to kill the mood.

I would like to walk without assistance, if that's what you're asking. >.>

Oh, come on, what's the fun in that?

There's plenty of fun to be had with things of average size, and I am in no way projecting in this answer.

I mean, it could be fun.

But what if I have to go to the bathroom really bad?

My relationship game would have to be strong for someone to help me walk to the toilet and back. Maybe a colostomy bag or something.

I dunno.

Or a tiny little wheel barrow.

 

[Something Amyss]

Thick glasses? Ha. They won't help you.

Promises, promises.

Well, that's one phrase to kill the mood.

I don't know, I find the knowledge that my partner has a comprehensive health care plan to be quite sexy. >.>

There's plenty of fun to be had with things of average size, and I am in no way projecting in this answer.

Well, I mean, I could offer serious answers, but how would you know it was me?

Or a tiny little wheel barrow.

A series of pulleys and ropes?

...dammit, now the engineering part of my brain has taken over!

 

[The Lunatic]

I mean... Bigger the better, Right?

... Right?

No?

Okay...

 

[SomethingWorse]

This forum has changed.

War has changed.

 

[Objectable]

People: I wouldn't have sex with a trans person! That's yucky!
Also people: *proceeds to jack of to futa*

 

[DefunctTheory]

I mean... Bigger the better, Right?

... Right?

No?

Okay...

I know, it's weird. I would have thought Super Massive would have more votes. I guess girth is more important then length.

Or maybe the Escapist just has a lot of tank enthusiast.

People: I wouldn't have sex with a trans person! That's yucky!
Also people: *proceeds to jack of to futa*

I know, right?

This forum has changed.

Would you say that it's changed into... Something Worse?

Promises, promises.

You just keep pushing me. I think I'm starting to get performance anxiety.

I don't know, I find the knowledge that my partner has a comprehensive health care plan to be quite sexy. >.>

Hm. I took you more as more of a risk taking junkie. Learn something new every day!

There's plenty of fun to be had with things of average size, and I am in no way projecting in this answer.

Well, I mean, I could offer serious answers, but how would you know it was me?

You could give those answers while wearing a silly hat. It would have to be really, silly though.

Or a tiny little wheel barrow.

A series of pulleys and ropes?

...dammit, now the engineering part of my brain has taken over!

Just give me a minute, I have some graph paper around here somewhere...

 

[Something Amyss]

This forum has changed.

Forums...forums never change.

Or maybe the Escapist just has a lot of tank enthusiast.

Well, as a rogue, I need a tank to soak damage while I sneak around behind and...this sounds bad, doesn't it?

Would you say that it's changed into... Something Worse?

As long as there's not something amyiss.

You just keep pushing me. I think I'm starting to get performance anxiety.

Just relax and...think of baseball? I've never understood that one.

Hm. I took you more as more of a risk taking junkie. Learn something new every day!

It's more fun to know my "adventures" can be patched up by a qualified physician.

You could give those answers while wearing a silly hat. It would have to be really, silly though.

Okay, fiiiiiine. But picture my response in this hat:

Spoiler: There may be better sources for fez

Holy crap was that image larger than I thought. Spoilered for size (dirty)

Because LRR is cool, even if fezes are not.

To be honest, I'm not all that fussed about size. In fact, being bisexual, penises are kind of optional for me. When I answered the question, I guess it's sort of an "ideal scenario" thing. Thicker just makes me feel fuller, which I personally find more satisfying. That's not to say average is bad, or even that length is completely undesired. The only thing that's really out is the OMG HOW DOES THAT FIT sort of thing. And it's not like I've ever turned someone away because of the size of their penis.

...of course, if they were packing something literally equivalent to tank ammunition, I'd probably run. Far, far away.

Just give me a minute, I have some graph paper around here somewhere...

I'll grab my T-square and protractor!

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I'm in the "as long as it's on a girl camp"

Cause what fucks do I care? As long as they're willing and pretty.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Well, as a rogue, I need a tank to soak damage while I sneak around behind and...this sounds bad, doesn't it?

Please, go on. Sounds great so far.

You just keep pushing me. I think I'm starting to get performance anxiety.

Just relax and...think of baseball? I've never understood that one.

Baseball is devastatingly boring, so the only way most people can watch it is to get drunk. Thinking of Baseball reminds them of previous instances of inebriation so heavy that the person in question got 'Whiskey Dick,' the medical term for getting so drunk your genitals don't work. This memory of sexual inadequacy creates a drive in the person to achieve great things between the sheets, to banish their shame.

It's more fun to know my "adventures" can be patched up by a qualified physician.

Fair enough. I usually just keep a couple Israeli bandages around. And a mop and bucket for the rest.

You could give those answers while wearing a silly hat. It would have to be really, silly though.

Okay, fiiiiiine. But picture my response in this hat:

Spoiler: There may be better sources for fez

Holy crap was that image larger than I thought. Spoilered for size (dirty)

Nice hat.

In fact, being bisexual, penises are kind of optional for me.

See, this is why some people don't like bisexuals. That's just not fair.

And it's not like I've ever turned someone away because of the size of their penis.

...of course, if they were packing something literally equivalent to tank ammunition, I'd probably run. Far, far away.

Luckily, I'm pretty sure you could spot someone with that kind of beef long before sex became a realistic concern.

Dammit OP, what's up with all the strange language?
Where are the numbers, coefficients, formulas and graphs?
Don't you understand techies and engineers don't understand things without hard measurements?
Preferably in metric.

This thread isn't about hard (hehe) numbers, it's about feelings and desires. Just let your heart (Or orifices) guide you.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

Being a straight male I can't speak from personal experience, however my female friends have always said that girth beats length every single time. Another said "it's not the length, it's not the size, it's how many times you can make it rise".

Thus ends my contribution.