Poll: Justin Bieber has cancer!

[Xdeser2]

probobly fake

Ive never exactly been a fan, but hes always fallen into the "Stop liking what I dont like" category to me, so ive never given a shit about him, never wished him cancer though lol

 

[TotalerKrieger]

When he dies in some fancy hollywood hospital, just throw his corpse in a dumpster or a ditch. Canada doesn't want him back.

 

[renegade7]

Is this some sort of horrible, elaborate prank?

Well a whole bunch of tweens are about to shave their heads so....yes.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

Whether or not I'm a terrible person aside, did anyone else see this in the topics list and immediately say "YYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!"?

I mean, the alternatives are either Justin Beiber has cancer (and possibly dies) or lots of little girls shaved their heads for no reason. Either way, I find it hilarious.

The email is well-written, but a real doctor wouldn't have put 'the regurgiatation issue on stage and after that event', that's too vague, I think.

Lastly though, what is with that poll? You either shave your head in support or you do not. Even if you don't care, that's still a no. What, you don't care if you shave your own head or not?

I'll chime in since I'm an actual Clinical Laboratory Scientist (Med Tech, aka the guys who run these tests).
It's fake, you really wouldn't get the diagnosis of Leukemia from a General Chemistry Workup, and even then some of these tests wouldn't be run in the general chemistry, they'd be from specials. Instead you'd see a workup from the hematology department with cell counts, and even then you would just get a "Leukemia: Positive". You'd get a description of what the cells look like, their counts, and possible indicators. As far as I know (different labs use different layouts/machines/procedures) there is no such thing as a straight up positive leukemia (it actually makes no sense since there are differing varieties/causes).

Edit: Also you can see from the notes of what certain values mean, this is a workup of a guy with heart problems, it might be a guy who is on his way to a heart attack, but its hard to tell without a troponin or other markers.

Oh. Well there you go, all fears/celebrations can be laid to rest. Thank you Rednog.

 

[bigfatcarp93]

Wow. Obvious troll is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO obvious. Come on, guys, don't tell me any of you are actually buying this?

 

[JSDodd]

The phrase "obvious troll is obvious" not so much "comes" to mind as "leaps into my mind yodeling draped in the stars and stripes".

 

[Best of the 3]

Yeah, saw this on FunnyJunk and /b/. Funny troll, I hope I see some of the results. And even if it was real, I wouldn't really care that much. Cancer happens. It's happened in my family and it will happen in others. Hell, I might get it, but I sure hope people don't care all that much. Why should I be treated that much differently just because of cancer, I'd rather be treated as I normally would.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Hell, Bieber *is* the music entertainment version of cancer. I highly doubt he has cancer. Could be one of the best troll moves if a lot of fanboys/girls shave themselves in tribute.

Also, I already shaved my head today, most certainly not because of Biebs, but because I prefer to look presentable.

 

[Baron_Rouge]

Well, this is probably false...if not though, that's a horrible turn of events. No-one should have to go through that, and he has all the support that I'd give to anyone with Leukaemia. I really don't understand some people's reactions...I mean, a person having cancer is a horrible thing, no matter who they are, and Justin Bieber doesn't seem like a bad person to me. He's just a singer, I really don't understand all the hate. He's not hurting anyone.

As I said, probably false though.

 

[lacktheknack]

So, if I'm reading this right, he threw up on stage because he drank too much milk before the show (this did happen), so they tested him for cancer?

I'm calling shenanigans.

 

[Dawns Gate]

My head has been shaved for nearly two years. Shit.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Even if this is legit, he's got the money to save himself. If he died the next day all he'd get from me is extreme levels of apathy. Nothing more, nothing less. My head shall remain unshaven. I've worked too hard on my hair to get it to this state to justify shaving it off.

 

[Rad Party God]

I don't care. Seriously, Beiber was already a cancer for this world.

I mean, poor guy, blah, blah, blah, but seriously...

Spoiler: I don't care.

 

[drzoidbergmd]

While I harbor no ill will towards him, I've been working on my glorious mane for six years.

 

[PinkiePyro]

if this is real then


F*** you beaver!

 

[TheRussian]

My head has been shaved for nearly two years. Shit.

Start growing that hair, man.

snip

I love how both your profile and badges are grey-scale, looks really classy.
----
On the subject, yea, the report is an obvious forgery, but if spreading this will result in JB fans shaving their heads, then I'm all for it.