Poll: Men Eating Boneless Chicken Wings = UNACCEPTABLE

[Danial]

WAGE WAR WITH BUFFALOES
MURDER THERE LEADERS
BECOME KING OF THE BUFFALOES
FORCE THEM TO GROW WINGS
THROW THE ONES THAT REFUSE INTO THE SUN
EAT THE GOD DAMN WINGS
THIS IS HOW MEN EAT BUFFALO WINGS

 

[Master Kuja]

RIPOSTE.

What man eats chicken wings? In fact, what REAL man doesn't just hunt down a fucking lion, do battle with it and then, when you are inevitably victorious, eat it raw?
You call yourself a man? I call you a pussy for not catching your own damn lion, hell, I'd consider you more of a man if you want out and caught your own chicken and ate that, bones and all.

As it stands, you're a meek excuse for a man, every meal should be a life or death battle against nature.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go out tiger hunting, I'm feeling a little peckish.

Spoiler: THE TIGER IS NOW DIAMONDS.

 

[Baldry]

A real man eats whatever the fuck he wants. Even if it doesn't have any fucking bones to devour with your man teeth as long as it's fucking good it doesn't matter!

Remember kids a real man swears randomly and puts man before certain words to make everything more manly.

 

[Tanis]

Denis Learly likes Oprah...suck it!

Seriously:
Boneless CW's have more meat.

Meat is the reason for the feeding.

 

[Orcboyphil]

I went with some friends to Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday. In my corner of the United States, there are no BWWs nearby, so this was only my second trip there. I myself am something of a wing fanatic/mad man, and they had wings, so I was there like shareware.

For a moment, I'll disregard the fact that they did not immediately order the spiciest wings possible without a moment's hesitation. As embarrassing as ordering sissy wings was for them, that wasn't what was the worst about this whole ordeal.

Instead, it is worth noting that their Sissy Wings were BONELESS.

Now, if you're like me (i.e., a MAN), then you just reeled back in disgust, spat out the lamb blood beer you were inevitably drinking, and blew up an SUV full of steaks with your Man-O-Vision out of sheer frustration and anger.

I know. I'm still upset over it.

Look. A boneless buffalo wing isn't a buffalo wing. It's an unnatural abomination, a chicken nugget with sauce, and it's WRONG. It's spineless, like the little girlie-man eating it. We all know that boneless buffalo wings were invented so that whiny girlfriends would shut up and stop talking about nail polish or whatever while sports games were on, and they should be treated as such.

This is part public service announcement, part quiz. Pick your answer wisely to the poll attached, because there's only one right answer. It's the second answer, and I don't even care that I gave it away. Real men would have known what the right choice was before even reading anything on the page (real men don't read - for example, I just typed all of this by smashing my face into the keyboard until I sustained serious brain damage since writing is like reading but not), chosen the right answer, and strangled a t-rex to death with a crane lift.

The moral of the story, of course, is God Bless America, and to hell with the Miami Heat.

You Sir are what we refer to in this part of the world as a Merchant Banker. A mans worth is not measured in what he eats or how spicy his wings are. Its measured in his accomplisments and wether he leaves the world a better place than when he entered it. Also REAL men drink Port that is all that is needed for true manliness. If you excuse me I'm retiring to the drawing room to discuss how to civilise the darkies.

 

[Lord Kloo]

So your saying that its manly to eat prepared and ready done food..? Pah, the only manly thing to do in this situation is kill you dog and eat it.. I'm sorry but its the only way to man up..

 

[Silent Anima]

What? Chicken wings? Screw that! You know what's really manly. FUCKIN TEA!!!!

 

[thePyro_13]

I don't like dealing with bones.

Also, freaking out over pointless things your friends like or do that don't even effect you is totally manly.

I'll vote for the real right answer, which is whichever one you didn't like, because disagreeing with you is far more manly than telling your friends how to chew their food.

 

[-Samurai-]

OK just gonna ask... Buffalo's are the kinda cow looking animal right? the one that is you know... flightless... HOW THE F*** DO THEY HAVE WINGS.

The same way chickens have fingers. They just do.

OT: I'm not really a wing eater, but when I eat them, they're dipped in spicy nuclear waste, wrapped in jalapenos and red peppers, and cooked with the fire from Satans own kitchen.

It's a damn shame the Escapist is too uptight to enjoy this thread.

 

[TheTurtleMan]

Sounds like your friends aren't trying to compensate for anything so they don't have to get the hottest boniest wings on the menu.

Besides, real men eat what they kill and nothing else. What kind of sissy drives out his way to get greasy chicken nuggets when they can hunt down their neighbors golden retriever?

 

[high_castle]

Chicken wings? What kind of manly man eats those? I run down to Africa and eat Ostriches raw and whole, then I take the time to wrestle a hippopotamus. Quit eating chicken wings, ya pussy.

[sub]This thread is awesome.[/sub]

You sir, are a paragon of manliness.

I think it's the chest hair that does it.

And this thread cracks me up. A tip of my hat, good sir, for bringing a smile to my face on my sick day. And I'm a woman, but I enjoy me some real chicken wings with actual bones and everything.

 

[Amondren]

I dont like bones take to much time to eat around them. But hot damn I love chicken and ribs.

 

[Kyoufuu]

You only eat the wings of the chicken? What, do you also go around with pink streamers in your hair, and have to get your mother to feed you baby food? When I'm in the mood for domesticated bird flesh, I run to the nearest farm, pick up the nearest chicken, shove the entire thing in my mouth, swallow it in one manly bite, then spit out the feathers and bones (which I eat the marrow of, like any real man). Then I finish it off by grabbing the finest fertilised eggs, cracking them and cooking them on my bare chest, and usually down it with a pig.

But if baby only wants to eat the wings of chickens, I guess you'll just have to live with that.

 

[Mr. 47]

Telling people that eating something is wrong because it is unmanly = UNACCEPTABLE and is one of the most idiotic statements I have ever heard in my life.

It took me 10 minutes to condense my utmost belief in your abnormal amount of stupidity regarding that statement into anything less then a paragraph. Bravo *slow clap*

 

[Samwise137]

Dammit, now you've made me hungry. Is it illegal to make my students hitchhike to Buffalo to get me wings?

 

[harvz]

come to australia, we have emu wings and its on the bone.

 

[Macgyvercas]

I sincerely hope you're trolling. Otherwise you have major issues with insecurity.

real men dont troll, they OGRE!

but yeah, its pretty much a joke-thread as far as I can tell, and whats the problem with that? its entertaining and there are manly conversations to be had in it

I don't know, trolls are worse. While ogres have an average of 29 hit points and dark and low light vision, trolls have an average of 63 hitpoints and regeneration 5 and scent in addition to dark and low light vision.

I'll hand in my man card now and pick up my nerd card.

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Real men who want buffalo wings forcefully cross breed an albatross with an enraged buffalo and eat the deformed lovechild raw! Bones may or may not result, but a real man does not care; meat is meat!
What's the matter man, does it taste bad? Is it inedible? Quit your whining and add Hot Sauce!

 

[awmperry]

Buffalos have wings in America? Or is that just to make it sound manlier than "bits of chicken"?

It strikes me that the manliest of meals is simply a big chunk of red meat, fried on something hot until it's crunchy at the edges, then scarfed down with a big pile of chunky roast potatoes.

Chicken... what a girl.

 

[___________________]

No...a real man eats bearded chickens after wrestling them. And then craps out plywood which he then uses to make toothpicks.....using his TEETH! ò-Ó