Poll: Online Dating - What's The Biggest Challenge/Obstacle/Problem?

[And Man]

A lot of the poll choices and popular answers indicate that OP and many of the voters don't really know anything about online dating. OKCupid (pretty much the go-to free site) isn't restrictive or keep essential stuff behind a paywall. There's nothing wrong with meeting someone you met online in person (I can understand women being hesitant about it from a safety perspective, but that's why you meet in a public place). There's still a bit of social stigma in online dating, but it has faded significantly in recent years. The good dating sites generally don't recommend dead accounts, and you can edit your settings to only display people within a certain distance. Misleading or lying profiles aren't that big of an issue; yeah, plenty of people do it, but with minimal research, you can easily recognize "Facebook angles" and heavy photoshopping in pictures.

The biggest challenge is without a doubt the huge disparity between the amount of men and women on the site. Women get constantly bombarded with messages, so they have to weed through tons of bullshit, which can be overwhelming and time consuming, and it'd be quite easy to miss or skip over someone that you'd be genuinely interested in. Unless they're very attractive, men receive significantly less messages and will very rarely receive one out of the blue. They have a huge amount of competition, and there's a decent chance that a message they send won't even be seen.

I'd say scammers/pranksters/assholes to be the largest gaps. I could write up an Okay Cupid or Lot of Fish account that's complete BS and then just fuck around with people who are actually looking for relationships in about oh, five minutes. Add in the fact that men grossly out due the women makes it even easier for people to fuck with others. Some dude who hasn't had any luck in months gets a hot chick sending him a message an some gullibility is all they need to have some fun.

That's why in the event I make a dating profile, it would be on a paid site.

I'd say catfishing is that much of a problem, because, unless you put a ridiculous amount of time and effort both into your profile and into trying to catfish someone, anyone that's actually serious about using the site and isn't an idiot will likely be able to tell.

Having dabbled in online dating as a man, there's a consistent theme that plagues many womens' profiles as well, most predominantly, very many of them take absolutely 0 initiative in ANY way. They post one picture, then only bother to fill out their "about me" section by simply asserting "ask me". They don't even forward basic information about who they are as a person and what makes them interesting and unique... then wonder why the only men who message them are guys who see their picture, think they're hot, and get creepy.

As someone else that has used an online dating site in the past, I (and anyone else that's actually serious about using the site, I'd assume) will just ignore generic, essentially blank profiles.

 

[NemotheElvenPanda]

Being gay, you have no real options but to look online if you don't live in a major city, which is probably why so many gay guys move to the city in the first place. Sometimes I think a major part on why there's still this shallow hook-up culture for us gay guys is that online dating is just a really easy way to get no-strings-attatched sex be it on OKcupid or Grindr or really any site, and not have to worry about building up an actual relationship. Anything else outside of sex pretty much falls to the side and if you do happen to find a guy you're somewhat simpatico with, 9/10 of the time he's going to live in an entirely different part of the country or an hours-long drive at the least. There also a lot of old guys on the internet. Finding someone your own age is a struggle in of itself.

 

[MeatMachine]

A lot of the poll choices and popular answers indicate that OP and many of the voters don't really know anything about online dating.

I'll admit with all sincerity that I have only my own impressions to work with, hence my creating this thread to hear what other people think and better understand it from more perspectives. I wouldn't say I don't know anything about online dating - I, like everyone else, simply hold a bias opinion towards it; something I wish to improve.

The biggest challenge is without a doubt the huge disparity between the amount of men and women on the site. Women get constantly bombarded with messages, so they have to weed through tons of bullshit, which can be overwhelming and time consuming, and it'd be quite easy to miss or skip over someone that you'd be genuinely interested in. Unless they're very attractive, men receive significantly less messages and will very rarely receive one out of the blue. They have a huge amount of competition, and there's a decent chance that a message they send won't even be seen.

This is something that I've occasionally thought about in the past, but easily forget about and oversee when it comes time to talk about it.

 

[McElroy]

Well so far tinder got me stood up twice in a row by a woman who I then deleted, and a woman who agreed to a date and then mentioned just before "Oh by the way I am 6 months pregnant and just broke up with the guy" So I NOPED hard and deleted her too...

Tinder is an amazing source of dissapointment.

This, oh boy. I even got a lagdroid (it was second-hand, only 40 bucks) to browse Tinder since it doesn't work on Sailfish and damn if it isn't a game with multiple layers of losing. I've only swiped it a few hundred times, but all of my matches have been those "market value" testing chicks with no intention of ever replying. I took up the whole thing because I got a couple of recommendations from my friends as well as my sister (who goes on Tinder dates constantly despite giving NOPE to over 95% of possible matches). Tinder is rigged against average-looking guys (and obviously I'd like to think I'm at least a 6/10 myself). Either it's that market value theory or girls think average dudes will harass them (not my own ideas btw, I read them in Tinder related articles).

Anyway, I'm gonna take some better pictures and see if it makes a difference for the better.

 

[Kae]

I don't know, it just scares the crap out of me, during last desert bus I made an OKcupid profile to attempt to date Harry the creepy doll as a joke [footnote]As I'm sure a shit-load of people watching also did.[/footnote] and since I wasn't serious I didn't really put any information or photos and I still got like 8 messages in an hour, that seriously creeps me out, people you know absolutely nothing about me, why would you want to talk?!

I closed it immediately.

 

[Lightspeaker]

I've thought about signing up but...I can't quite work up the nerve to do so. Feels kinda weird. I should really, the past few years I've not really had an awful lot of time for anything like that but now I suddenly have free time to make use of, trying this seems like a good idea and I have no idea where to start.


As I understand it though the only way to get anywhere is to just send a billion messages which frankly sounds exhausting and more than a little depressing. Like the whole "PUA" thing of "ask everyone in the bar and someone will say yes". :-\

 

[GrumbleGrump]

I'll just answer this in one word:

"Myself".

 

[The White Hunter]

Atlantic ocean is a bit of a ***** to get about to be honest but we manage

 

[And Man]

I'll admit with all sincerity that I have only my own impressions to work with, hence my creating this thread to hear what other people think and better understand it from more perspectives. I wouldn't say I don't know anything about online dating - I, like everyone else, simply hold a bias opinion towards it; something I wish to improve.

Yeah, I guess "don't know anything" was a bit hyperbolic, but a lot of the obstacles aren't really issues if you're using a top dating site and (in regards to catfishing) have a little skepticism and self-awareness.