Poll: Polite vs Honesty

[Kargathia]

I can't really think of a scenario where one precludes the other. With even the slightest bit of intelligence, nearly every idea or concept can be communicated in a polite way regardless of if it is true or not, and most any lie can be twisted into politeness or rudeness. Im not going to criticize anyone here of being a jerk, but it seems like when a person talks about just being honest as an excuse for their rudeness, they are actually just plain old being rude and justifying it. Poorly.

You are forgetting though that some times phrasing the truth politely will hurt the recipent more. Would it still be polite to do so?

Arguably, by any useful definition of "polite", doing what you are saying is impossible, because politeness is all about being considerate of others. If it would hurt the recipient, it is not polite by the very definition of the word.

Excluding the obvious example of the masochists among us: if you'd be bringing me some really bad news then I'd rather appreciate it if you were as straight-forward as possible. Trying to sugarcoat bad news only makes me more nervous.

Technically you're being more polite by being less polite right there.

Spoiler

I hate being polite, but I don't have the heart to be honest with people most of the time because I'm not very nice about it.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

I'm not trying to offend you and if I do I apologize but I feel very irked by your by your train of thought. You seem to judge people with a single fact, their star-sign. Am I automatically inferior to 'X' people because I was born on a different date? Isn't that prejudice? You seem to live in a comfort-zone and trust me, break out of it and you'll meet even more awesome people.

My way of thinking is not:

<-- Virgos





<-- Everybody else

I get along with Virgos best, but that doesn't mean that I hate everybody else, it just means I'm not compatible with others the same way.

I get along great with Taureans, for instance. Every Taurus I've know I have gotten along great with. They make good friends. I also get along great with Sagittarians, too! Would I want to MARRIED to a Taurus or a Sagittarius? That's different. Really, most everybody falls into at least a neutral category in my book.

But at the end of the day, I cannot change your belief. If you choose to only socialize and live with Virgos that is completely your decision and I respect that. Just wanted you to know that you're missing out on something.
[sub]I've never met anyone else that holds your belief by the way [/sub]

Well, I thank you for at least respecting my beliefs. However, I do not ONLY socialize with Virgos. I've worked with at least one Sagittarius, Gemini, Leo, Taurus, Libra, etc. I can get along with everybody to varying degrees.

Also, I actually knew a girl who not only held this same belief, but held onto it with the same fervent passion that I do. Alas, she couldn't be faithful, so, even though we were only friends, I stopped associating with her.

You know that per definition I at least would be pretty distrustful of anyone making any decisions based on star signs? Feel free to be surprised you can't get along well with another non-virgo.

 

[Nouw]

Snip

Well that is a relief. I thought you took your belief to the extreme and I feel that it really is harmless. Having said that, I still feel that you should be a tad more welcoming. Just my 2-cents.
[sub]But have you every considered the reason why you can't get along with other star-signs is not because of a star-sign but because of your attitude towards them? I feel a little discouraged when I see your attitude towards me as a person because I'm an Aquarius.[/sub]

 

[FireScythe1992]

I believe in honesty all the way, but there's a difference between being honest and being a dick. For example, me and my friend are both non-christians and we came across a christian girl in the school library, and for whatever reason, we started talking about it. I explained that I do not agree with her and gave many reasons for why I do not, but I was cordial about it. My friend laughed at her and called her a stupid *****. Case closed.

 

[TheLoneBeet]

For me it depends on the situations and even more on the person. I'm usually really blunt and honest about my feelings / opinions with people. I often say things I probably shouldn't that hurt people or just piss them off. However, I have my moments where I know to censor myself because I don't want to hurt the person. If they persist however, I let them have it.

 

[Thundero13]

What I do, is I say what I honestly think but in a polite way, if what I think is what they want to hear then all is well, if not i'd get the point across but sugarcoat it as much as possible

 

[Zeema]

i try to be as Polite and Honest to even the people i hate.

even if Trezu hates it

 

[KnowYourOnion]

[...] but can you honestly say that I piss you off less than a (what ever star sign you're incompatible with) who shares all of your hobbies and political views and almost all of your opinions (assuming they don't mind being incompatible, but share your views on astrology too) would?

To be totally honest: Yes. If I met a [highly incompatible sign hidden to protect those of that sign] who I had everything in common with, I would still despise them, try to avoid them and think that they were just doing that to get close to me and leech off of my ideas and money, whereas I would be more receptive and nice to a Virgo I had absolutely nothing in common with and who didn't me.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?

Why not? It's my life, my beliefs.

Your belief has no logic though. I'm not going to try and talk you out of it but I fear that you're going to miss out on some of life's truly awesome people because of your beliefs and that people will stop taking you seriously.

Virgos ARE life's truly awesome people. *sunglasses*

I'm a Virgo and I'm vain, arrogant and an egotist. I'm not one of life's awesome people

 

[MapTa]

To me, it depends on the person I'm dealing with. If I like that person, which is unlikely, then I will be polite. But, usually I'm honest.

 

[Korak the Mad]

I'm always polite towards people, even when I'm being honest. I try to say something that won't offend anyone, but I don't care if it hurts the feelings of the person I'm being honest with, but that's only because I don't care what people think of me.

I'm a blunt man, but I understand the need to break things to people softly.
To retain any form of rational thinking if nothing else.

Exactly.

 

[Xanadu84]

I can't really think of a scenario where one precludes the other. With even the slightest bit of intelligence, nearly every idea or concept can be communicated in a polite way regardless of if it is true or not, and most any lie can be twisted into politeness or rudeness. Im not going to criticize anyone here of being a jerk, but it seems like when a person talks about just being honest as an excuse for their rudeness, they are actually just plain old being rude and justifying it. Poorly.

You are forgetting though that some times phrasing the truth politely will hurt the recipient more. Would it still be polite to do so?

Arguably, by any useful definition of "polite", doing what you are saying is impossible, because politeness is all about being considerate of others. If it would hurt the recipient, it is not polite by the very definition of the word.

Excluding the obvious example of the masochists among us: if you'd be bringing me some really bad news then I'd rather appreciate it if you were as straight-forward as possible. Trying to sugarcoat bad news only makes me more nervous.

Technically you're being more polite by being less polite right there.

Why is there this perception that you have to obfuscate in order to be polite? That's just not the case. In fact the vast majority of the time, simple, thoughtful speaking without adding in abrasiveness is going to be more straightforward and more precise in terms of communicating ideas. Sugarcoating bad news when it makes someone nervous would be impolite, while being considerate enough to explain something in the manner most comfortable for the other person would be polite. Seems to me that your examples still support my perspective.

 

[The Virgo]

[...] but can you honestly say that I piss you off less than a (what ever star sign you're incompatible with) who shares all of your hobbies and political views and almost all of your opinions (assuming they don't mind being incompatible, but share your views on astrology too) would?

To be totally honest: Yes. If I met a [highly incompatible sign hidden to protect those of that sign] who I had everything in common with, I would still despise them, try to avoid them and think that they were just doing that to get close to me and leech off of my ideas and money, whereas I would be more receptive and nice to a Virgo I had absolutely nothing in common with and who didn't me.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?

Why not? It's my life, my beliefs.

Your belief has no logic though. I'm not going to try and talk you out of it but I fear that you're going to miss out on some of life's truly awesome people because of your beliefs and that people will stop taking you seriously.

Virgos ARE life's truly awesome people. *sunglasses*

I'm a Virgo and I'm vain, arrogant and an egotist. I'm not one of life's awesome people

Maybe you are and you just don't realize it.

 

[Kargathia]

I can't really think of a scenario where one precludes the other. With even the slightest bit of intelligence, nearly every idea or concept can be communicated in a polite way regardless of if it is true or not, and most any lie can be twisted into politeness or rudeness. Im not going to criticize anyone here of being a jerk, but it seems like when a person talks about just being honest as an excuse for their rudeness, they are actually just plain old being rude and justifying it. Poorly.

You are forgetting though that some times phrasing the truth politely will hurt the recipient more. Would it still be polite to do so?

Arguably, by any useful definition of "polite", doing what you are saying is impossible, because politeness is all about being considerate of others. If it would hurt the recipient, it is not polite by the very definition of the word.

Excluding the obvious example of the masochists among us: if you'd be bringing me some really bad news then I'd rather appreciate it if you were as straight-forward as possible. Trying to sugarcoat bad news only makes me more nervous.

Technically you're being more polite by being less polite right there.

Why is there this perception that you have to obfuscate in order to be polite? That's just not the case. In fact the vast majority of the time, simple, thoughtful speaking without adding in abrasiveness is going to be more straightforward and more precise in terms of communicating ideas. Sugarcoating bad news when it makes someone nervous would be impolite, while being considerate enough to explain something in the manner most comfortable for the other person would be polite. Seems to me that your examples still support my perspective.

In the popular western meaning of the word "politeness" it generally does involve more roundabout manners of speech.

However, when taking out my dictionary, and the good ol' encyclopedia it told me you were, in fact, right - in the right situation one can be polite by being blunt.