Poll: Poll: is the word "rape" okay to use?

[CrystalShadow]

Um, no. I don't think it's that big a deal.

Now I'm sure some people have been severely traumatised by actual rape...

(And I think I was technically raped last week... I have some sense of how traumatic it can be even when it's not all-out violent assault.)

But still, I don't go around worrying about someone using the word in such a different context.

Wait a minute...first off, let's establish one thing: Are you okay?
Second, do you need an angry mob for anything?
Third: No, seriously, a few of us are imaginative when it comes to torture.
Fourth: So, you're okay, right?

Yeah, really. I'm fine.
I mean, I was a bit messed up for about two days.

But like I said, it's one of those technicalities that's very difficult to really wrap your head around.
Like, you've sort of agreed to something but what ends up happening crosses a line that you wouldn't actually have agreed to if you had known it was going to happen in advance.

I guess I'm a little conflicted about it because I know he would have stopped sooner if I'd actually let him know he was doing something I hadn't agreed to.

Eh. The more I think about it the more confusing it gets.

Hoo, boy...um...damn. You know what? I blame the sexualized media. Also, society. I'm going to stop right now before I start calling for the extermination of the entire human race.

So, them's the risks with casual encounters. Call me old fashioned, but I don't do casual encounters. The closest I've ever come to a casual encounter is posting bad erotic fan fiction, and that's just an entirely different can of worms.

I only have the regular spiel: Don't hesitate to stay "STOP" if you feel uncomfortable. Only engage in activities that require a safety word with someone you trust. Being on all fours is the most vulnerable position you can place yourself in. At least if you're facing each other you can do a quick palm strike through his chin. (I say "through" because you have to imagine penetrating past his chin and into his nasal cavity in order for the strike to be effective.)

But yeah...in all seriousness, make sure you trust the guy before you place yourself in a vulnerable situation.

That's... Yeah. Well a combination of inexperience and just a general difficultly asserting myself makes me prone to going along with things far more than I should.

This was a repeated series of mistakes from the moment I first met him. My first inclination was to avoid him altogether, but somehow I usually can't bring myself to be harsh enough with people.

From there, it went downhill, because the next thing he did should have been an obvious warning sign too.

In any event, all I can make out of it is that I need to be tougher about it and listen to my instincts as opposed to those little doubting voices that say it'll be alright...

Right now I seem to be attracting obsessive stalker-type people too, so I really have had to start being quite forceful about keeping people away...

I guess some things can only be learnt the hard way unfortunately.

I don't want you to take this negatively, but you make me worry about you. Ok, time for practical coping strategies:

First, find and reinforce a safe place. Make sure it's physically safe (i.e., you can lock the door and be near a public area and feel safe). Have or find friends that will house or protect you. Make sure you trust them.

Second, take up self-defense. I've taken this mantra to heart: "Save a person once, and they'll live for that day. Teach them how to incapacitate and maim an opponent, and they'll live for a lifetime."

Third, if you can't avoid this person, set ground rules immediately. Make sure he knows you're serious. Do NOT let him turn you into his plaything. You have to mentally prepare yourself to use force if you feel threatened or uncomfortable.

You do not have to learn things the hard way. We do not have to live in fear. We should not be expected to live in fear. If you fear, you MUST turn it into HATE. They have forced our hand, and we must NOT let them control us.

Do not listen to the fear. It tells us that if only we behave properly, the bad stuff will be over soon. We start making excuses for them. We accept what is done to us in order to keep the peace.

Peace is a Lie. There is only Passion. (His lust. Your hate.)
Through Passion, I gain Strength. (His lust motivates and encourages him. You must let your hate do the same. Let it protect you. Let hate act as your shield.)
Through Strength, I gain Power. (He has gained power over you, through your fear. Use that fear to power your hate.)
Through Power, I gain Victory. (Right now, he's winning. You are helpless. He has made you believe that you can do nothing to stop him. He has taken advantage of your politeness, of your civility. Remember, he is working with the same set of rules. You must voice your fears to friends and family; tell them how you feel uncomfortable. That way, you have recourse for action, and a ready defense in case he tries to turn your actions against you.)
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken. (He has imprisoned you in his own personal world, on his terms. You must Break him to Break Free.)

Well, uh. Yes. You're absolutely right. I mean, I've been exploited due to my behaviour in before in ways that have nothing to do with sex.

In any event, it's not like I gave him a second chance, and I got rid of some others that gave me the creeps too.

I can defend myself if it comes to it (I'm can actually be somewhat psychotic if I'm not careful) , it's just what I meant about learning the hard way was mostly to do with giving someone the benefit of the doubt initially and realising how readily that gets exploited.

It's the simple fact that if I know it feels dodgy early on it probably is.
In a way, noting the weird things they'll say to try and get their way it's become clear to me what that means.

If that makes it difficult for the guys that aren't assholes, that's too bad.
But trust me, having seen what happens when I just kind of go along with things, I don't want to repeat it. Ever.

I belong to a group with an exceptionally large risk for being abused in various ways. I knew that, and now I've had to learn, very quickly how to deal with it.

It's not my fault, but I'm the only one that can prevent a repeat of this situation.

I know I'm an easy target in some ways, but I'm also not very forgiving. So I know the risk for me isn't the same guy doing it again (He did show up again, and I didn't give him any options or openings to try it again.).
The risk is always that I'll trust someone else too much.

Too trusting of strangers I guess, is what it comes down to.

But anyway, thanks for the concern and advice.
It's appreciated, even if I sound a little vague about it.

 

[CrystalShadow]

-snip-

I'm in awe over the fact that you just turned the sith code into a valid argument.

The Sith Code: It's not just a lifestyle choice, it's a Way of Life. And Death. Mostly Death. For your Enemies.

^_^

Lol. Interesting revelation there.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Um, no. I don't think it's that big a deal.

Now I'm sure some people have been severely traumatised by actual rape...

(And I think I was technically raped last week... I have some sense of how traumatic it can be even when it's not all-out violent assault.)

But still, I don't go around worrying about someone using the word in such a different context.

Wait a minute...first off, let's establish one thing: Are you okay?
Second, do you need an angry mob for anything?
Third: No, seriously, a few of us are imaginative when it comes to torture.
Fourth: So, you're okay, right?

Yeah, really. I'm fine.
I mean, I was a bit messed up for about two days.

But like I said, it's one of those technicalities that's very difficult to really wrap your head around.
Like, you've sort of agreed to something but what ends up happening crosses a line that you wouldn't actually have agreed to if you had known it was going to happen in advance.

I guess I'm a little conflicted about it because I know he would have stopped sooner if I'd actually let him know he was doing something I hadn't agreed to.

Eh. The more I think about it the more confusing it gets.

Hoo, boy...um...damn. You know what? I blame the sexualized media. Also, society. I'm going to stop right now before I start calling for the extermination of the entire human race.

So, them's the risks with casual encounters. Call me old fashioned, but I don't do casual encounters. The closest I've ever come to a casual encounter is posting bad erotic fan fiction, and that's just an entirely different can of worms.

I only have the regular spiel: Don't hesitate to stay "STOP" if you feel uncomfortable. Only engage in activities that require a safety word with someone you trust. Being on all fours is the most vulnerable position you can place yourself in. At least if you're facing each other you can do a quick palm strike through his chin. (I say "through" because you have to imagine penetrating past his chin and into his nasal cavity in order for the strike to be effective.)

But yeah...in all seriousness, make sure you trust the guy before you place yourself in a vulnerable situation.

That's... Yeah. Well a combination of inexperience and just a general difficultly asserting myself makes me prone to going along with things far more than I should.

This was a repeated series of mistakes from the moment I first met him. My first inclination was to avoid him altogether, but somehow I usually can't bring myself to be harsh enough with people.

From there, it went downhill, because the next thing he did should have been an obvious warning sign too.

In any event, all I can make out of it is that I need to be tougher about it and listen to my instincts as opposed to those little doubting voices that say it'll be alright...

Right now I seem to be attracting obsessive stalker-type people too, so I really have had to start being quite forceful about keeping people away...

I guess some things can only be learnt the hard way unfortunately.

I don't want you to take this negatively, but you make me worry about you. Ok, time for practical coping strategies:

First, find and reinforce a safe place. Make sure it's physically safe (i.e., you can lock the door and be near a public area and feel safe). Have or find friends that will house or protect you. Make sure you trust them.

Second, take up self-defense. I've taken this mantra to heart: "Save a person once, and they'll live for that day. Teach them how to incapacitate and maim an opponent, and they'll live for a lifetime."

Third, if you can't avoid this person, set ground rules immediately. Make sure he knows you're serious. Do NOT let him turn you into his plaything. You have to mentally prepare yourself to use force if you feel threatened or uncomfortable.

You do not have to learn things the hard way. We do not have to live in fear. We should not be expected to live in fear. If you fear, you MUST turn it into HATE. They have forced our hand, and we must NOT let them control us.

Do not listen to the fear. It tells us that if only we behave properly, the bad stuff will be over soon. We start making excuses for them. We accept what is done to us in order to keep the peace.

Peace is a Lie. There is only Passion. (His lust. Your hate.)
Through Passion, I gain Strength. (His lust motivates and encourages him. You must let your hate do the same. Let it protect you. Let hate act as your shield.)
Through Strength, I gain Power. (He has gained power over you, through your fear. Use that fear to power your hate.)
Through Power, I gain Victory. (Right now, he's winning. You are helpless. He has made you believe that you can do nothing to stop him. He has taken advantage of your politeness, of your civility. Remember, he is working with the same set of rules. You must voice your fears to friends and family; tell them how you feel uncomfortable. That way, you have recourse for action, and a ready defense in case he tries to turn your actions against you.)
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken. (He has imprisoned you in his own personal world, on his terms. You must Break him to Break Free.)

Well, uh. Yes. You're absolutely right. I mean, I've been exploited due to my behaviour in before in ways that have nothing to do with sex.

In any event, it's not like I gave him a second chance, and I got rid of some others that gave me the creeps too.

I can defend myself if it comes to it (I'm can actually be somewhat psychotic if I'm not careful) , it's just what I meant about learning the hard way was mostly to do with giving someone the benefit of the doubt initially and realising how readily that gets exploited.

It's the simple fact that if I know it feels dodgy early on it probably is.
In a way, noting the weird things they'll say to try and get their way it's become clear to me what that means.

If that makes it difficult for the guys that aren't assholes, that's too bad.
But trust me, having seen what happens when I just kind of go along with things, I don't want to repeat it. Ever.

I belong to a group with an exceptionally large risk for being abused in various ways. I knew that, and now I've had to learn, very quickly how to deal with it.

It's not my fault, but I'm the only one that can prevent a repeat of this situation.

I know I'm an easy target in some ways, but I'm also not very forgiving. So I know the risk for me isn't the same guy doing it again (He did show up again, and I didn't give him any options or openings to try it again.).
The risk is always that I'll trust someone else too much.

Too trusting of strangers I guess, is what it comes down to.

But anyway, thanks for the concern and advice.
It's appreciated, even if I sound a little vague about it.

Thank you for the clarification! I was very concerned at first when I thought you were still trapped with that same person. I also had a similar problem. I find myself screaming at night or when I'm alone with my thoughts every so often.

 

[TraderJimmy]

Well I'll have Dane Cook answer for me.

Woah, I just got the eerie sensation of being cornered at a bar by the most boring guy in the room. Where were the jokes? He just said what happens. That's not jokes. It's really, really not. I can get better material than that from any of my friends.

Seriously, is this guy big somewhere? Like, should I have heard of him? Cos if so, that's frickin sad.

 

[Vetinarii]

Thats just taking liberties for the sake of taking liberties

Erm? That is called living...

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'm personally not comfortable with it, I've got no problem with jokes about rape, provided they're funny, and not just relying on the inherent shock value, but I can't get behind using 'rape' for 'to claim a conclusive victory over someone'.

I know rape doesn't only happen to women, but I do feel it's one more obstacle, part of the male-centric gamer culture that makes gaming less inviting to women, that we toss the term around so freely.

Sure, I'm not hung up on 'kill' or murder', but at the same time I wouldn't refer to my thousandth online kill as a 'holocaust', purely because it's just so much easier not to be an offensive dick about things.

I mean 'owned' is a bit dickish, but it's not actually offensive, just annoying. Do you really have to ramp it up to the level of sexual abuse before you feel you've truly won?

 

[zombiesinc]

These days most vulgar and 'serious' words are being used more casually. Through repetition and casual use they've started to lose their weight behind them. I'm not too bothered by it, but still feel that it shouldn't be as common as it is today.

"Man, I just got raped in [insert game here]!" is a common phrase.

 

[Mcface]

free speech, haters gonna hate.
rape, rape, rape.

 

[Mcface]

Well I'll have Dane Cook answer for me.

Woah, I just got the eerie sensation of being cornered at a bar by the most boring guy in the room. Where were the jokes? He just said what happens. That's not jokes. It's really, really not. I can get better material than that from any of my friends.

Seriously, is this guy big somewhere? Like, should I have heard of him? Cos if so, that's frickin sad.

He points out the obvious problems and how dumb people are in popular culture and makes fun of them. if you had seen the commercial in question you would understand.

 

[Mcface]

It's a word.

A word.

God damn.

So you would openly go around spewing out words such as:

"I raped you!"
"******!"
"N*****!"

And other such words? No. You would never say such a word mainly because these words can be devastating to the wrong people. Not only could you be arrested for saying "rape" and having others misunderstand it, you could also lose your job, be thought of your peers as an asshole, never get a girlfriend/boyfriend and other such problems will continue to occur.

Stop trying to be "cool" and grow up.

How about you stop trying to be a condescending prick?

Really. It's a word. I was verbally abused for my entire life, and I've come out fairly alright. If people get up in arms over a word, they have too much time on their hands and aren't spending time on things that actually matter. You know, like being deathly afraid of the fact that Christine O'Donnell, a woman who knows nothing about Constitutional law, actually has a shot at winning a seat in congress. Or worrying about global hunger, or gang violence, or things that actually matter.

I don't waste my time worrying about whether or not people will be offended by words because there are bigger problems in the world that deserve my attention.

Does that mean that I use those words constantly? Hell no. I'm a writer; I have plenty of ways to say that I kicked your ass into the floor besides rape. I'll still use it if I feel it's the proper word. And nuts to people who would have a problem with that; it's a word, and I'll tell them that.

Something tells me that you're the person who thinks it is A-OK for an African man to go around calling everyone he sees a ******. Take your politically-correct bullshit somewhere else; I'll be over here, NOT siphoning my speech for fear of offending someone.

I recognize that words CAN hurt people, and if someone genuinely has a problem with it, all they need to do is POLITELY ask me to stop, and I'll gladly comply. Because I'm not an asshole.

Holy shit this is full of win.
Or, i guess one might say..rape?

 

[GoldenRaz]

Wait, people actually say "rape" instead of "owned"?

Why? It's neither funny, witty nor particularly fitting.
Unless you killed someone as/got killed by a jockey in L4D2, that is...

Anyhoo: Nyeh, it's not really 'okay' per se, but I doubt most people is going to mind all that much. But people shouldn't use it so casually, me thinks. Just think of all the bad, needlessly dark jokes that'll inevitably result from such usage.

 

[UnmotivatedSlacker]

Yes it's okay to use. If we stopped using words just because some random person might get offended the world would be a much shittier place to live. I'm not going to stop using a word just because someone out there would be offended by it. If don't use a word it's because I chose not use it.

 

[thevillageidiot13]

It didn't used to bother me, but recently I've become more and more uncomfortable with people using the word "rape" to describe an epic win. I was originally of the opinion that words shouldn't be harmful, but in truth a simple word can cause flashbacks to painful events, such as the experience of rape. So my question is, should we really be using this word in such a casual manner?

I have a few friends who've had experiences with sexual assault and rape.
So no, I don't think it's okay, mostly because it's a term that's used for the ultimate act in terms of defiling one's dignity, and getting your ass kicked in a video-game is nowhere near as horrifying as an experience with rape.