Poll: Pre-marital chastity - Bad idea, or not?

[Woodsey]

An irrelevant idea, held on to by people with irrelevant beliefs.

Marriage is a sign of love, marriage does not make you love someone more. If you both want to have sex, then have sex. You don't need to love them, you don't even need to have feelings for them.

 

[default]

It's more than just the chemicals.

I lol'ed.

Care to elaborate? Yeah, emotions are chemical reactions within the brain, as is lust and sexual drive and anything we feel in general. I meant that sex for humans is more than just the feel-good chemicals and the need to mate.

It all boils down to chemicals, specifically chemicals pertaining to lust. There is no love, just lust which is simply the drive to create offspring with a subject who you think will use your genes well.

And? We've built our world around these chemicals. They are no less important because they are just biological functions.

Yes, lust is a biological function. It is a chemical. Love is the combination of lust and emotional attachment.

 

[Karlaxx]

I've always held a stance similar to yours, Digi7: A couple needs to be sexually compatible in order to undergo and stay in the kind of bond your traditional marriage entails. There's no way around sexual attraction, and some of us cook from different cookbooks, if you know'msayin'.

It's just the basics.

 

[BanthaFodder]

I don't see how it's a BAD thing... I'm staying a virgin until marriage... that's just me. if you have differing opinions... then that's you...
(by differing opinions, I don't mean outright sluttiness, I mean, for example, OP's stance "it's simply a biological process that's fun to share")

 

[default]

I've always held a stance similar to yours, Digi7: A couple needs to be sexually compatible in order to undergo and stay in the kind of bond your traditional marriage entails. There's no way around sexual attraction, and some of us cook from different cookbooks, if you know'msayin'.

It's just the basics.

I know right? Imagine if on the first night of your honeymoon you're rolling around on the bed with your new, beautiful wife, and then suddenly she whips out the leather and chains.

You're into WHAT?!

 

[Ardenon]

So yes, chastity is an old-fashioned and pointless ideal. I understand how it can be seen as romantic to have this one thing kept out of reach until after marriage, but this hardly constitutes a valid reason to potentially screw up your relationship.

Since you've got the experience, you probably know how it feels just simply enjoying the moment and you don't have the idea of it being a bad thing. But what will you think when the person you love will have sex with somebody else based on your opinion that sex is that plain and simple? If you will still think that it's ok, because like you said, you're just enjoying a part of life, then chastity should not be an issue for you. But in my opinion, thats a good way to ruin a relationship. For my type of character, sex is something special and I would only fully trust myself to that one special person. There is an issue with misplacing trust and allot of it can be said regarding sex.

Who said I condoned unfaithfulness? It is incredibly important to remain faithful to your partner. As I said, trust is a major part in any relationship. What I'm talking about is when you have no ties to anybody (not preferable at all, just saying.) and have free-reign. You can do what you like without hurting anybody, as long as you don't take things too far.

It's when people start sleeping around when they're already in a relationship that it becomes a bad thing.

Like I said in a post before: enjoy casual sex, but you should be conservative and tasteful.


Captcha: sciation lems

Its cool and all, but the problem I see in that is when somebody fancies sex casually or even rarely, when that somebody goes in to a relationship, I would still see that person as a sleep-around which just sets it all off. As opposed to a person who feels that sex should be kept sacred to the one you truly love, that sort of person earns my respect. It's interesting that you said that our modern society thinks badly of the sort of behaviour that involves a, lets say easy going attitude, because as I see it, the actual majority of our modern society sleeps with people they don't even know names of and thats putting it lightly.

 

[default]

So yes, chastity is an old-fashioned and pointless ideal. I understand how it can be seen as romantic to have this one thing kept out of reach until after marriage, but this hardly constitutes a valid reason to potentially screw up your relationship.

Since you've got the experience, you probably know how it feels just simply enjoying the moment and you don't have the idea of it being a bad thing. But what will you think when the person you love will have sex with somebody else based on your opinion that sex is that plain and simple? If you will still think that it's ok, because like you said, you're just enjoying a part of life, then chastity should not be an issue for you. But in my opinion, thats a good way to ruin a relationship. For my type of character, sex is something special and I would only fully trust myself to that one special person. There is an issue with misplacing trust and allot of it can be said regarding sex.

Who said I condoned unfaithfulness? It is incredibly important to remain faithful to your partner. As I said, trust is a major part in any relationship. What I'm talking about is when you have no ties to anybody (not preferable at all, just saying.) and have free-reign. You can do what you like without hurting anybody, as long as you don't take things too far.

It's when people start sleeping around when they're already in a relationship that it becomes a bad thing.

Like I said in a post before: enjoy casual sex, but you should be conservative and tasteful.


Captcha: sciation lems

Its cool and all, but the problem I see in that is when somebody fancies sex casually or even rarely, when that somebody goes in to a relationship, I would still see that person as a sleep-around which just sets it all off. As opposed to a person who feels that sex should be kept sacred to the one you truly love, that sort of person earns my respect. It's interesting that you said that our modern society thinks badly of the sort of behaviour that involves a, lets say easy going attitude, because as I see it, the actual majority of our modern society sleeps with people they don't even know names of and thats putting it lightly.

I get where you're coming from.

Unfortunately in this kind of area image is everything. If you are seen as a man-whore, you will not be having many meaningful relationships. If you are seen as a nice guy/girl who just enjoys making love to some special people in his/her life then the whole idea changes.

 

[InfiniteSingularity]

What is a relationship if not a friendship with sex and intimacy? Sex is genuinely important in a relationship because humans are naturally sexual creatures, if two people aren't sexually compatible, they won't stay together.

I mean, you always test drive a car before you buy it, right?

It's funny, that's exactly what she said...

 

[Nieroshai]

To this entire thread, I ask: how the hell did my relationship go so well if sex wasn't in the picture? I'm serious, you all act like if a relation doesn't have sex it falls apart. Well I didn't have sex til we were already planning out the wedding, which was at least 4 years after wwe started dating, and our relationship is stronger than that of any other relationship I have witnessed firsthand. I'm not saying chastity until marriage is necessary oor else you'll go to Hell, I'm just saying you all look down on chastity like virginity is filth. We waited because we wanted to be 100% positive we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, then we decided it was right for us.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

It's more than just the chemicals.

I lol'ed.

Care to elaborate? Yeah, emotions are chemical reactions within the brain, as is lust and sexual drive and anything we feel in general. I meant that sex for humans is more than just the feel-good chemicals and the need to mate.

It all boils down to chemicals, specifically chemicals pertaining to lust. There is no love, just lust which is simply the drive to create offspring with a subject who you think will use your genes well.

And? We've built our world around these chemicals. They are no less important because they are just biological functions.

Yes, lust is a biological function. It is a chemical. Love is the combination of lust and emotional attachment.

Again, it's just lust, not love. There is no so called romantic love.

 

[jumb]

(I have many other problems with Mormonism too, but that's another story).

I would love to hear them!

My opinion is that as a guy, there are times when the desire for sex really does cloud your judgement. If I was sex starved, I'd be more likely to marry a girl, just to get in her pants, which would suck if in a few months time I regretted it. So basically, sexing is a great way to find out just how compatible you and your partner are, which is incredibly important in the long run.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own body and making a connection with someone you trust and respect, even if you're not thinking about marrying them.

 

[Jaded Scribe]

I think premarital sex is important for social growth.

Now, if you really want to save yourself, good for you.

But our society is currently terribly sexually repressed. There is nothing wrong with sex. It's natural.

By experimenting prior to marriage, you know the kinds of things you like. You learn things to do to pleasure another person. You build deeper relationships by sharing that intimacy. The important thing is that you only have sex (whether for the first time, or with future lovers after your first) when you feel ready (assuming the other person is also ready).

 

[default]

(I have many other problems with Mormonism too, but that's another story).

I would love to hear them!

Hmmmm well a lot of personal philosophy clashes (of course including this topic), the idealism behind it, the idea my life and how I run it is going to be judged and scored at the end of it all (despite the Bible and Book of Mormon constantly harping on about free-will), the idea that none of the things I create are my own, they are all inspirations from God (I'm an artist, so this pissed me off to no degree.)

The fact they baptise you and bond you to the church at EIGHT YEARS OLD. Who the hell knows shit when they're eight years old?! They don't have the emotional complexity or judgement skills to know any better! And they've lived their lives with this stuff!

The fact I was forced to go to church for the first 15 years of my life, despite never believing any of it and feeling physically sick the entire time I was there. The entire atmosphere got to me.

I could keep going on for ages, but I'll stop now. Just know that I disagree with much of what they teach. I myself have no idea what I believe yet. It's not my time to figure that out.

 

[Ardenon]

So yes, chastity is an old-fashioned and pointless ideal. I understand how it can be seen as romantic to have this one thing kept out of reach until after marriage, but this hardly constitutes a valid reason to potentially screw up your relationship.

Since you've got the experience, you probably know how it feels just simply enjoying the moment and you don't have the idea of it being a bad thing. But what will you think when the person you love will have sex with somebody else based on your opinion that sex is that plain and simple? If you will still think that it's ok, because like you said, you're just enjoying a part of life, then chastity should not be an issue for you. But in my opinion, thats a good way to ruin a relationship. For my type of character, sex is something special and I would only fully trust myself to that one special person. There is an issue with misplacing trust and allot of it can be said regarding sex.

Who said I condoned unfaithfulness? It is incredibly important to remain faithful to your partner. As I said, trust is a major part in any relationship. What I'm talking about is when you have no ties to anybody (not preferable at all, just saying.) and have free-reign. You can do what you like without hurting anybody, as long as you don't take things too far.

It's when people start sleeping around when they're already in a relationship that it becomes a bad thing.

Like I said in a post before: enjoy casual sex, but you should be conservative and tasteful.


Captcha: sciation lems

Its cool and all, but the problem I see in that is when somebody fancies sex casually or even rarely, when that somebody goes in to a relationship, I would still see that person as a sleep-around which just sets it all off. As opposed to a person who feels that sex should be kept sacred to the one you truly love, that sort of person earns my respect. It's interesting that you said that our modern society thinks badly of the sort of behaviour that involves a, lets say easy going attitude, because as I see it, the actual majority of our modern society sleeps with people they don't even know names of and thats putting it lightly.

I get where you're coming from.

Unfortunately in this kind of area image is everything. If you are seen as a man-whore, you will not be having many meaningful relationships. If you are seen as a nice guy/girl who just enjoys making love to some special people in his/her life then the whole idea changes.

I don't know if you need any other ideas to base your decision on but I hope I've helped.

 

[Unesh52]

I'll probably be the only one to say this, but I have to say that I think that waiting until marriage is the best idea. Sex triggers chemical reactions that cause people to become physically attracted to each other far beyond normal hormone levels. Men (I'm not sure about women) become far more loyal to people they've had sex with (not because of a chance of reoccurring sex) but because of a flat-out chemical reconfiguration in the brain. While this is actually a far lesser deal than it sounds, breaking up with someone is made far more painful because of this physical attachment.

Finally, I honestly don't see what the big deal with waiting is. Yeah, sex is great. There are other, healthy ways of releasing that hormone than two-partner sex that can result in pregnancy or STD's no matter how careful you are.

So it makes breaking up harder? Not incredibly convincing. Breakups are supposed to suck. And while STDs and pregnancies are risks, I don't find them to be significant enough risks to justify going without something that has that many benefits. Let's not forget that those are still risks after marriage anyway. STDs become less likely, sure, and pregnancies tend to be received better, but it's still a risk.

What do you mean by "other, healthy ways of releasing that hormone"? Masturbating? That misses a whole other element of sexual release and physical desire that sex satisfies.

It's an interesting thought, but I believe that being gay is a choice, not a certainty. I view it as a genetic predisposition.

Let's say that you are "predisposed" to despise reggae music. You can choose to listen to it or not, but you're not going to like it if you do. Wouldn't you be a little upset if you bought a new CD not knowing what kind of music it was, only to find out it was reggae? What if that was the only CD you were ever allowed to listen to ever again (the ability to hum your own tune notwithstanding)?

OT: I always thought that the stigma related to premarital sex was a product of patriarchy. Virginity was a bargaining chip for fathers, and it was practically the only thing that gave their daughters value. To take one's virginity without buying her hand would be to deprive a father his rightful due for her and/or to make it unlikely that another man would take her into his family (meaning she would be forever dependent on her father).

So from that perspective, I am repulsed by the idea of lauding chastity as a virtue. However, I admit there are legitimate arguments to be made in it's favor. At the end of the day though, I think having sex whenever you feel like is the way to go. Sex after marriage can still be special (after all, dating after marriage is still special -- so are all the other things you do before marriage). And though there are risks like STDs and unwanted pregnancy, if proper precautions are made, they are negligible. Actually, if you don't have any objections to abortion, they're even more so. Most STDs (the ones that aren't HIV and Herpies) are temporary, if irritating, anyway, and they also shouldn't be too much of a problem if you don't interpret "pre-marital sex" as "fuck strangers in parking lots."

 

[default]

So yes, chastity is an old-fashioned and pointless ideal. I understand how it can be seen as romantic to have this one thing kept out of reach until after marriage, but this hardly constitutes a valid reason to potentially screw up your relationship.

Since you've got the experience, you probably know how it feels just simply enjoying the moment and you don't have the idea of it being a bad thing. But what will you think when the person you love will have sex with somebody else based on your opinion that sex is that plain and simple? If you will still think that it's ok, because like you said, you're just enjoying a part of life, then chastity should not be an issue for you. But in my opinion, thats a good way to ruin a relationship. For my type of character, sex is something special and I would only fully trust myself to that one special person. There is an issue with misplacing trust and allot of it can be said regarding sex.

Who said I condoned unfaithfulness? It is incredibly important to remain faithful to your partner. As I said, trust is a major part in any relationship. What I'm talking about is when you have no ties to anybody (not preferable at all, just saying.) and have free-reign. You can do what you like without hurting anybody, as long as you don't take things too far.

It's when people start sleeping around when they're already in a relationship that it becomes a bad thing.

Like I said in a post before: enjoy casual sex, but you should be conservative and tasteful.


Captcha: sciation lems

Its cool and all, but the problem I see in that is when somebody fancies sex casually or even rarely, when that somebody goes in to a relationship, I would still see that person as a sleep-around which just sets it all off. As opposed to a person who feels that sex should be kept sacred to the one you truly love, that sort of person earns my respect. It's interesting that you said that our modern society thinks badly of the sort of behaviour that involves a, lets say easy going attitude, because as I see it, the actual majority of our modern society sleeps with people they don't even know names of and thats putting it lightly.

I get where you're coming from.

Unfortunately in this kind of area image is everything. If you are seen as a man-whore, you will not be having many meaningful relationships. If you are seen as a nice guy/girl who just enjoys making love to some special people in his/her life then the whole idea changes.

I don't know if you need any other ideas to base your decision on but I hope I've helped.

Thank you.

You've given me some things to think about, that's for sure

 

[wulfy42]

I don't believe in casual sex, but at the same time I don't think you need to be married before having sex either. In fact, I don't think marriage is actually needed although I quickly realized my wife did not feel that way so we got married within a year of meeting each other.

We also had sex quite frequently during that year btw heh.

Before getting married almost 11 years ago I had only had sex with one other woman when I was 19. I had planned on waiting till I met someone I wanted to spend my life with and have kids with etc, but honestly the curiosity just got to me and when the opportunity arose to have sex with a girl I had just met......I went for it.

I certainly enjoyed it (and so did she) but there was an emotional attachment missing which I think solidified my no-casual sex ideas after that. Still many people really enjoy casual sex, my wife is one of them. She slept with many men before we met (and quite a few women as well). There is nothing wrong with causal sex as long as nobody gets hurt and your careful.

I'm certainly glad I didn't wait until I met my wife and had sex when I was 19 as I doubt I would have been patient enough to meet her and wait for the person who was perfect for me. Our society puts so much emphasis on sex and makes it seem like the best thing in the universe which at least for me made it very hard to wait when I was younger. Any guys that do wait much past the age of 19 to have sex (by choice heh) have amazing control.

I certainly agree that you should have sex with someone before marriage at this point.....at least a legal marriage by the state. Marry each other in your hearts and then have sex, but honestly unless you have a religious reason to get married first I'd certainly suggest making sure you will be sexually compatible with your significant other.

For women especially this is true, make sure your potential husband is going to be able to satisfy you in bed or at least be willing to learn how. There is alot more to marriage besides sex, and you can have a totally healthy marriage without sex involved at all for that matter, but honestly if your not going to be having sex, why not just be friends?

After enough time sex may no longer be a primary focus in a relationship. Me and my wife certainly spend far more time talking to each other in bed now then anything else for instance, but there is a closeness that comes with knowing someone intimately over a long period of time. A comfortableness when we touch or share things with each other etc. You might not need sex to achieve that but it certainly helps.

To be honest casual sex was just not worth it to me. Not worth the risk (even using protection accidents happen), the drama or the effort. I could easily have integrated sex into my life back when I was 19.....but it would have probably become a large focus in my life with the only reward being physical pleasure (which is fleeting). A real relationship with someone, including a physical relationship, is something that is worth the effort and has far more rewards then just physical pleasure.

 

[darth gditch]

Redacted for the sake of brevity

Well, in my opinion, I agree that it's fine, morally even, to sleep with your long term partner. If you're both into each other, you both want to do it; I say go for it. I just don't think it's morally right to sleep around.

I'll admit that I'm influenced by my faith and my upbringing, but I don't feel repressed or anything like you described. I'm rather content with my views. Sex is great, it's beautiful, fun, and pleasurable: I just would rather share it with only one other partner.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

I agree with the OP.

To be sexually skilled takes practice, and a romantic relationship will fall apart if the sex is shit.

For greater happiness, go forth and fuck.