Poll: Preferences of asking people out

[Raistlinhawke]

I've never been that keen on double-dipping into the friend/significant other pool, its kind of feels like dating a co-worker.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Bleh, probably double post. But it's a lot more awkward when both friends like the other more than a friend, but one of them has commitment anxieties.

...Yeah, that's led to some awkward conversations. Especially given the massive bastard move on my part of dating someone else who I've only just met.
Seems I've suddenly become an asshole

 

[johnzaku]

I'm in the US and I get to know them first

 

[Matt_LRR]

I only ask out girls that I've gotten to know a little. Why would I want to go on a date only to find out that we have nothing in common or her personality is shit?

That's what a first date is for.

-m

 

[similar.squirrel]

Getting to know the person is always a good idea. Every relationship I've been in has started with long conversations, anyway.
There was one exception, but it didn't last very long as we didn't have a lot in common.

I do think asking quickly is a good idea, though. To ascertain whether he/she wants friendship or something more. The last time around, I was convinced the girl just wanted to be friends and gave up all hope of dating her.
Then she confessed her feelings, so that was good.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I don't ask people out.

If I did, though, I doubt I'd go about asking out pretty strangers. I'd probably like to get to know people a little bit first.
That said, I wouldn't ask out anyone who I knew well enough to be friends with. If I suddenly found myself forming like a crush or something, I'd just let them know, assure them it's not a big deal, and not really expect anything to come of it.

If they liked me back, that would be pretty terrible in my eyes. Now we can't be friends anymore, there's a THING going on.
Crushes are only easy to ignore and get rid of when you're the only party that has one.

 

[muckinscavitch]

I don't ask people out, I prefer to get to know them and for it to just turn into something..

Though I'm lucky, my awesome girlfriend right now just straight up came to me without knowing me and asked for my number haha... pretty awesome.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

 

[Dags90]

That's what a first date is for.

-m

But you might spend up to $20 on a first date!

TWENTY DOLLARS!

That's a good reason to be a friend, get to know her, but it's not enough for me to commit to anything. Just because I'm having fun with someone doesn't mean I want to live with that someone for the rest of my years. If I'm going to date someone I want to make damn sure I'm not wasting my time. I'm not likely to get another shot at it, don't wanna waste what chance I have on someone I'm not going to get along with.

Committing to stuff? The OP was talking about a first date, not "going steady".

 

[Hader]

Never liked the blind date thing. I would like to know a little bit about the girl before asking her out.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

I never said you'd pretend like nothing happened, and that is how I feel for someone.
Does it change everything? No, it doesn't. It might hurt but it's still your friend whom you care deeply for.

No, they're not just a friend anymore. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked them out. Suddenly the relationship is unequal, and both sides aren't going to be happy with that. One side because they want more, and the other side because their friend is unhappy. With strangers, you can walk away. With friends you just asked out, you can fix that. But with someone you cared for, you're risking a lot, and it's going to stick with you. If it's not a game changer, they weren't that important to begin with.

 

[Evil Moo]

I never ask anyone out. Ever.

Pessimism, zero self-esteem, a lack of social skills and a general lack of interest in being in a relationship makes this seem like the most logical option.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

I never said you'd pretend like nothing happened, and that is how I feel for someone.
Does it change everything? No, it doesn't. It might hurt but it's still your friend whom you care deeply for.

No, they're not just a friend anymore. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked them out. Suddenly the relationship is unequal, and both sides aren't going to be happy with that. One side because they want more, and the other side because their friend is unhappy. With strangers, you can walk away. With friends you just asked out, you can fix that. But with someone you cared for, you're risking a lot, and it's going to stick with you. If it's not a game changer, they weren't that important to begin with.

I sense that you're an very ultimatist-type of person.
It's either on or it's off for you.

My friends are very special to me, especially those I want to have more with whatever or not I can have that.
The only time I ever think about cutting my losses and move on is when I feel neglected and avoided and that's still only the extreme cases.
Yes.. Yes, it hurts when someone you've fallen for doesn't feel the same way. It makes you cry for weeks - but what hurts even more is to never again be able to speak to that one as a friend.

I disagree. Being hurt initially is the easy part. It's dealing with the under lying implications that ruin the friendships. That's the poison. I cut my losses earlier. If the relationships don't work with friends, I'll try to fix things, but if that doesn't work, it's over. I expect the same respect and effort out of relationship I put in it. If the other person doesn't return the same, then that says a lot of their value of me and what we have.

If there can still be a friendship, it will come after the old one is gone.

Anyway, I'm just going to agree to disagree if that's alright with you. This has probably been one of the better conversations I've had on this site. Thank-you.