Poll: Spanking vs Grounding

[Skorpyo]

No grounding in my house. It was always ineffective when it was attempted. Mostly, me and my brothers got a good *THWACK* on the rear with a wooden cooking spoon or leather belt.

No damage or harm, just a nice little sting to help you remember.

 

[Anchupom]

I just accepted being grounded. Spanking was humiliating, grounding could be easily undermined if I asked my dad for something or made my mum a couple of mugs of tea.

 

[Bender Rodriguez]

My parents have some intelligence, i was never punished with force - But learned right from wrong with love.
Thats the way i think parents should act, hitting your loved ones is a horrible thing.

 

[Diligent]

I'm pretty sure if you requested a caning in stead of jail time, you'd be held in contempt of court.

On a serious note I think spanking is a terrible way of disciplining children, it teaches them to think that you should respond to disagreements with physical violence and that's not ok.

No way, my mom would break out THE WOODEN SPOON when my sister and I were being shits.
Sometimes seeing it would be enough to get us to smarten the hell up.

And would you believe it, Ive never been in a fight in my life.

Though I did have a hard time thinking of those things as a cooking utensil until I was in my teens, but thats about the only way it fucked me up.

 

[7amurai]

Both are absolutely retarded punishments and any parent who has even a remote understanding of basic education mechanics won't apply them.

A punishment that does not require a child to understand the reason it is punished for, isn't worth anything.

That's why if you punish your child you always make sure that he/she knows the reason for the punishment.
And you can explain to your child why they were punished even if you punish with a spanking or Grounding you know.

That is true, but the best way to make a child understand it's failure is to creat a punishment that emphazised the importance of the broken rule.

Example given: Child breaks window while playing. Child gets to clean up broken glass and gets to pay the window from it's allowance.

This method has two advantages:
1) It is harder for the child to just say that they'd understand it, to get off the hook.
2) If you as a parent can't think of any punishment that would show why said rule is important, then may be there is no real reason to punish. Except of may be a personal insult or a subjective world view. You'r children are not supposed to be you.

This only works for infractions in which the natural consequences have already been achieved. How would you have a punishment like this for a breaking a rule of, say, not crossing the street alone? Obviously allowing the child to experience the natural consequence is out of the question so you have to create an artificial punishment. In this case a grounding (or permutation thereof) with an explanation is the best you can hope for. (physical punishment, however, is always a bad idea)

 

[Thumper17]

Both are absolutely retarded punishments and any parent who has even a remote understanding of basic education mechanics won't apply them.

A punishment that does not require a child to understand the reason it is punished for, isn't worth anything.

People like you are the entire reason the world is so messed up.

If they do something bad, you take something away. They will soon learn that by doing that bad thing, they lose something they like.

 

[Sun Flash]

little kids get smacked, big kids get grounded. That's what I was taught growing up.

Asking to get smacked would have only gotten me grounded longer.

Also, does anyone else hate the word spank? Just saying it in my head infuriates me.

 

[Vykrel]

ya, but only when i didnt want to be sent to my room for whatever reason. thats all my mom would do is make me go to my room sometimes i didnt mind, sometimes i wanted to do something else. so i tried opting for a few smacks (across the face though, she was weaksauce lol)

 

[Exterminas]

Both are absolutely retarded punishments and any parent who has even a remote understanding of basic education mechanics won't apply them.

A punishment that does not require a child to understand the reason it is punished for, isn't worth anything.

People like you are the entire reason the world is so messed up.

If they do something bad, you take something away. They will soon learn that by doing that bad thing, they lose something they like.

Statements like this one make me stick to my opinion.
It is needlessly agressive and personal and shows clearly that the author didn't bother to read my following posts or the rest of the thread.

I think such behavior is the result of lower-level-moral-thinking. If you don't bother about things that go beyond personal consequences (If I do something bad, I might get punished) then you don't have any understanding about what is good or bad as soon as there is no clear punishment (see: Internet forums). Unfortunatly moral reasoning is nothing that is given to us from birth (contrary to what the early british empirists might say).

It is something that has to be learned. And a child can't learn that if the punishment for missbehavior does not reflect the missbehavior. Spanking and grounding are both incredibly arbitrary, they lack a connection to reality. How many spanks are worth a shoplift? How many are child abuse?

If you must punish you children, do it by emphazing the value of the broken rule. Someone earlier joked about me by asking, if I would punish my kid, that had beaten a neighbor, by allowing the neighbor so slap it.

Definately! I am not about wrapping kids in cotton, but about punishment that as a connection to the missbehavior and encourages moral reasoning. If my kid feels the pain of being beaten by another kid first hand, it will understand why we don't do that. You cannot recreate the same experience by withholding a xbox.

 

[Sara Fontaine]

My parents never grounded me, they just smacked me when I misbehaved (I can't say 'spank'... it doesn't sound right :/). That method worked out pretty well for them and had no bad repercussions on me. I learned to behave by fearing a smack on the thigh or arm instead being forced to sit inside where all my toys and stuff was. Hardly a punishment in my mind.

 

[TheMetalGuy]

It's illigal to spank a child in Denmark, and the parent can imprisoned over even lesser forms of "abuse" such as spanking.

 

[Geo88]

I only got hit once, and it was when I nearly walked into traffic when I was 3. My mom gave me a quick swat on the butt. Other than that, I was never hit, always grounded.

All it takes is some extra effort from the parents to enforce the grounding. For example, I only ever tried weaseling out of it once. I was typically grounded for a half-hour to an hour when I was younger (ages 4-9), depending on what I did or how old I was. One time, I decided to make use of my Game Boy, but I got caught because I lacked any common sense and my parents actually took the time to enforce their punishment by stealthily looking into my room and checking on me. My parents took my Game Boy, used the circuit breaker to cut the power to my room, and then tripled my waiting time. Three hours of staring at my ceiling at age 6 was pretty torturous for me, and I never tried cheating my punishment again.

Other than being sent to my room, for minor infractions (i.e. forgetting to take my dirty shoes off after coming inside) meant extra chores. I'd have to vacuum the rug I'd just messed up and then do something else I didn't like, such as emptying the dishwasher or dusting a room.

As I got older, I was pretty well-behaved. The only thing I got punished for was when my grades would slip (B- or lower). When that happened, I had my video game time cut way down (the only reason it wasn't eliminated completely was because we moved a lot and most of my social life was online)and I had to read a book for at least an hour a day, which I absolutely hated. Doing that every day for five weeks, which was the time between progress reports and our actual report cards, was enough to get my grades up.

I'm told when I was an infant/toddler, I was put in time out. It was two minutes for each year of my age (two minutes when I was 1, four minutes when I was 2, etc.). If I ever tried getting out of my high chair or crib, I'd get put back in and the timer would be restarted. It doesn't sound like a decent punishment, but it apparently worked wonders because I hated staying still.

I guess my point is that grounding worked fine for me because my parents took the time to enforce it. They also kept track of things I especially hated doing so they knew what to make me do if I stepped out of line. I've always appreciated not being spanked or belted or otherwise hit.

 

[Nifarious]

Sorry, this is a stupid comparison. Spankings, regardless of their ethics, are only for young children or your girlfriend. Groundings are for teenagers who have social lives that aren't in their own control.

 

[Cavouku]

Both are absolutely retarded punishments and any parent who has even a remote understanding of basic education mechanics won't apply them.

A punishment that does not require a child to understand the reason it is punished for, isn't worth anything.

That's why if you punish your child you always make sure that he/she knows the reason for the punishment.
And you can explain to your child why they were punished even if you punish with a spanking or Grounding you know.

That is true, but the best way to make a child understand it's failure is to create a punishment that emphasized the importance of the broken rule.

Example given: Child breaks window while playing. Child gets to clean up broken glass and gets to pay the window from it's allowance.

This method has two advantages:
1) It is harder for the child to just say that they'd understand it, to get off the hook.
2) If you as a parent can't think of any punishment that would show why said rule is important, then may be there is no real reason to punish instead of personal insult or a subjectiv world view. You children are not supposed to be you.

That i do agree with.
Though for your example its more like taking responsibility than a punishment.

Anyway imo Spankings work best on younger children and as a way to get their attention.
Sometime that kid will NOT listen to what you say at all.
So a couple of smacks on the behind may be needed.

But creating a punishment that helps the child understand the importance of they rule they broke and why the consequences are there is always the best way to go.

I was looking for this, I always considered spanking, or at least some mild physical pain from the act to be appropriate between the ages of 2 and 4, give or take. Sorta depends on the kid, but generally they do not want to repeat something that hurts them (your hand -> their arse), and they lack the cognitive power to understand why they shouldn't if you tell them.

I probably wouldn't want to use that form of discipline, but it would only be strong enough for them to be aware that repeating the action is undesirable, and probably followed through with some form of conversation or something, just so they don't think you did it for no reason.

Though even thinking this all through, as much as I'd like a couple kids, I know I'm going to have some good spans where I'll dread making the decisions a father must.

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

Well, from the perspective of a parent, I would say it depends on the severity of the child's misconduct, but that both are appropriate, assuming the grounding does not allow any luxuruy. But that is of course the outlook of a civilized person. one should look to indigenous communities to see what forms of discipline they visit on their children. the civilized almost always turn to violence (measured as they may be) or deprivation. do actual people (the civilized aren't people silly! they forgot how to be) use physical discipline or deprivation to discourage "undesirable" behavior?

 

[Ampersand]

I'm pretty sure if you requested a caning in stead of jail time, you'd be held in contempt of court.

On a serious note I think spanking is a terrible way of disciplining children, it teaches them to think that you should respond to disagreements with physical violence and that's not ok.

No way, my mom would break out THE WOODEN SPOON when my sister and I were being shits.
Sometimes seeing it would be enough to get us to smarten the hell up.

And would you believe it, Ive never been in a fight in my life.

Though I did have a hard time thinking of those things as a cooking utensil until I was in my teens, but thats about the only way it fucked me up.

Even if, in your case, it didn't have a noticeably negative effect, the point remains that you shouldn't hit kids. : /

 

[Brandon237]

Both are absolutely retarded punishments and any parent who has even a remote understanding of basic education mechanics won't apply them.

A punishment that does not require a child to understand the reason it is punished for, isn't worth anything.

That's why if you punish your child you always make sure that he/she knows the reason for the punishment.
And you can explain to your child why they were punished even if you punish with a spanking or Grounding you know.

That is true, but the best way to make a child understand it's failure is to creat a punishment that emphazised the importance of the broken rule.

Example given: Child breaks window while playing. Child gets to clean up broken glass and gets to pay the window from it's allowance.

This method has two advantages:
1) It is harder for the child to just say that they'd understand it, to get off the hook.
2) If you as a parent can't think of any punishment that would show why said rule is important, then may be there is no real reason to punish. Except of may be a personal insult or a subjective world view. You'r children are not supposed to be you.

I think that that is what I shall tell my parents tomorrow... I don't do what is asked because I do not see the point...

To the OP: I would MUCH rather get smacked than miss a weekend out with my friends or girlfriend, groundings are cruel and the mere threat of one is a good way for my mother to get me scared...