Poll: Thinking of Leaving My GF of Three Years

[Joos]

snip

Split up with your current girl and stay single for at least a month. Then, if you still feel the same way, go out with the new girl. If she's worth a dime, she'll wait. Two reasons: first, you must end a relationship cleanly to avoid trouble; second, you must start a relationship from a position of neutrality and objectivity, again to avoid trouble further down the line.

(Assuming you've told this other girl you're already with someone. If you haven't, explain the situation. Lying only gets you into more trouble.)

This sounds like pretty decent advice. It sounds like you are looking for a way out no matter what. Don't ruin the new option by using her to get out. Btw, three years might seem like a long time, but really, it isn't.

 

[Aurora219]

As someone who was left for no particular reason, I say stick to the devil you know. Don't throw away something that you like for something that may possibly be better.

If the above doesn't ring true, then you need to get out.

 

[Sangreal Gothcraft]

Dump her dude, though don't be a dick about it, she might come back and bite your ass...

 

[Fleischer]

It sounds like you need time to fully flesh out your life on your own. Leaving one relationship where you feel too bound to another person, only to jump into dating another, would be a poor choice. Give yourself some time to feel things out on your own, and then see where you want to be.

 

[Xanthious]

Go single and stay that way, you'll be happier in the long run. The most miserable people I know are men that are in long term relationships or married. Buy yourself lots of nice things and have cheap meaningless sex every so often (ex's are good for that). If you want companionship get a dog. If you ever have to separate from your dog they don't take half your stuff with them when they leave. Most importantly though if you ever, ever, start to think that "Gee maybe a relationship would just be swell" again go hang out with some married guy friends (it their wives will let them) and take a good look at their lifeless eyes that have been sucked of any and all joy. That should fix you from thinking about getting another relationship.

I said this in another thread and it bears repeating here. My grandpa told me something once, he said "Boy, do you know why married men die before their wives? Because they WANT to!" That's some wisdom right there.

 

[aba1]

snip.

I sorta felt obilgated to directly reply to you since I was in this exact place 2 years ago (3 years into the relationship). Anywho I broke up with my girlfriend because she was my first girl friend and I sorta felt like after 3 years and just getting into college I was missing out on a oppertunity that wouldn't be had ever again. So we broke up and I went and started doing my thing and I found that I got jelous when my ex started hitting on guys but I sucked it up n dealt with it. I dated a little bit here and there for a few months had a fling but I quickly found that I missed my old relationship and that I hadn't really been missing out on anything all along. So I asked my ex to take me back and eventually she said yes and we've been together for another 2 years since than. But the thing is I always feel really guilty about how I left her like that even with me trying to be nice and supportive about it. My point is if its a mistake you won't know until you make it but when you do you will know and youll regret it ALOT so be carful and really make sure you know what you are getting into somtimes what you really need is just to spice things up.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

The new woman is going to be the same as the old one in three years. Are you just constantly going to dump people when you get into a long term relationship

You can't have 'the thrill of the chase' for very long you know.

Speaking from experience I would really think hard about what it would mean to be alone. As this new girl might not even be that into you and you may get dumped a week after. You are used to being in a comfortable long term relationship but this new lass might not want that and leave you for someone 'hotter', as you put it, after five minutes then how will you feel?

I would try and figure out your problem with the girl you are with atm otherwise you might be going around and around in circle every three years.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Hmmm... If you're as apathetic as you seem then maybe leave. Although try and make an effort before, because you never know, you might regret it a lot. if you do leave, for the love of god don't go for this other girl straight away. It looks bad for everyone involved.

 

[AbstractStream]

Okay, at least I'm not the only one that thinks this sounded a lot like Catherine.
Really you do end up choosing OP, don't cheat on your girlfriend. If it's not working out, then just break up. Tell her why.

 

[KarlMonster]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.
... We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me.
... I'm falling for another woman as well.

So your choices are to quit drinking and get married, or jump right in the sack with some other chick?
Don't give me this "grass is greener" crap. That gets filed right next to the invitation to join you in destroying some dark Lord of the Sith.
You're afraid you might have to become a responsible adult soon, and it scares the shit out of you.

You need to have a long talk to your GF about the future of your relationship.

And when you break up with your girlfriend of three years, don't forget to say that you weren't ready to commit to one person.

Because talking about this other chick means that you weren't committed.

 

[Von Dean]

You really didn't need to quantify your current or prospective girlfriends looks,that just makes you seem a bit shallow..and also how can you have a "great" sex life if you have lost interest?
And more importantly wtf are you asking this on an internet thread?this sounds like a pretty serious decision and there is only one person who should be making it....


p.s please don't take this as a personal attack,it might soung a little harsh but i'm just an honest guy who can be a little blunt

 

[Custard_Angel]

My opinion is that if you are contemplating dumping your girlfriend or even cheating on her, and have someone in line you need to leave your girlfriend because its the only honourable thing you can do.

I'm very black and white on these sorts of issues. You should ALWAYS treat people with respect.

Going behind someone's back is not respecting them.

 

[Booze Zombie]

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

Running off for an "exciting life" doesn't normally turn out so great, it's sort of a "flash in the pan" thing.

If you've got issues with someone, talk to them about them, relationships are two way.

 

[NoDamnNames]

IF you know you are sick of her now it is just a matter of time and a grindtacular downward spiral into lethargy before you go mad and finally break up with her over a reason that may or may not be suitable and could leave egg on your face with social acquaintances.

Long story short, rip the bandaid off fast, if you know you sick of her now you wont become un-sick of her down the road, end it asap.

 

[Bobzer77]

Relationship advice from the internet...

This always ends so well.

 

[RobCoxxy]

I'm apparently a chauvanist, so, fuck it, chase the hot young tail.

 

[sheah1]

Hmm, I'd say do it simply because you're only 21, so change is still very much good for you.

 

[Balvale]

How is your sex life "great" if you've lost interest? Seriously, I don't get that. Are you going strictly by number or something?

I would say he's looking at it objectively. Anyway, it sounds like you have a good thing. Just talk about the things you have a problem with with her. Honestly, I don't see you hardcore gaming past 25 - priorities change. And drinking tends to peter off after uni/college.