Poll: Thinking of Leaving My GF of Three Years

[JMeganSnow]

If you have all these issues with your current lady, why not try discussing them with her? Make an effort to reconnect. That greener grass usually isn't--the issues you're having are a result of lack of engagement with your relationship. The early part of any relationship is a hormone-driven high as your brain and body conspire together to urge you into action. If you don't step up and make an effort, however, that high rapidly fades (how rapidly depends on the person) to be replaced by a crash of boredom and ennui.

The thing is, a life that's nothing but highs and crashes starts to feel really empty after a while, as each new thing becomes old and is abandoned in its turn.

The way to avoid this is to examine your values instead of letting the emotional draw of "something new, ANYTHING" pull you into an unsustainable high. You said you have a lot in common with your current girl. The sex life is great. The kid thing is problematic. So maybe she's not the best match for you. Examine your values and her values and try to determine whether or not they match up. And not little values like whether or not you both play games. That doesn't matter. Look for things that are *really* important to you, like justice, productiveness, openness, kindness, etc. (And while you're at it, examine whether you exhibit those traits consistently, too--part of having good relationships with other people is making yourself into someone who is worthy of them.)

This is a great time for you to work on this sort of thing. And then you can go looking for the woman you REALLY want, and who will want you.

Note: This doesn't mean you should abstain from dating until you've "perfected" yourself. It means you should approach each relationship you have as a work deserving of the finest you're able to bestow upon it at the time--and demanding the finest you can get from a potential partner, as well. Don't just go up and down. Move forward too.

 

[CerealKiller214]

This is so extremely similar to Catherine.
In my eyes you should just tell her that you don't have any intentions of marrying at your age. She might want to convince you to do it. If that happens she may only want to marry and not directly marry you.
Or she might want to stay together with you until you are ready. In that case she really loves you and cares about you.
Whatever you do just don't leave your girlfriend for the other girl. That is just low.
In case you break up with your girlfriend just have some 'fun' with the other girl. It won't hurt.
But watch out you could get weird and scary nightmares.

 

[Yopaz]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

I'm torn. On the one hand, it sounds like you're already pretty much done with this relationship and like the other girl at least presents some potential. On the other hand, this post makes you seem like a tremendous douche and I'm sort of loath to suggest that you burden any woman with your presence.

I agree with statement number 2. It seems like you've only been sticking with the girl you have now because it's convenient. Jumping from one relationship to another is just the perfect way to show your current girlfriend how much you respect her. Have you even tried talking to your girlfriend and she how she feels?

If you do break up with her at least be enough of a man to stay single at least for a littlw while before you start boinking someone new. Actually breaking up with her and then decide to stay single for a good while would be the best in your case.

 

[Treefingers]

If you're not happy, dump her.

Comfort and security? Check it: http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/03/25/the-sunk-cost-fallacy/

People are generally worried to lose things they've invested a lot of time in. It ends up clouding their judgement. Dumping her sounds like the right thing to, so I say you ought to do it.

 

[magicaxis]

It takes two to tango man. Either you can break up with her now and itll suck now, or you can stay with her forever and itll suck more and more as time goes on

 

[Rawne1980]

You are 21.

You only live once.

Fly young one fly, enjoy life while you bloody can. I'll tell you something bud, it doesn't last long until the big bad world tries to eat you up and you watch yourself getting older. Just enjoy it while you have a chance.

 

[musicismypulsebecausethecomputerwou]

OK, ignoring the fact that you've just pretty much made your current girlfriend into the bad guy here, if you are having the moral dilemma of wondering whether or not you should break up with your girlfriend to pursue some younger hotter model then I'd say it's about time you declare moral bankruptcy.

I think you had your mind made up way before you posted this and that you were just looking for a little support so you didn't feel so bad for pulling a douche bag move.

I would have no problem with your dilemma if you didn't approach it in such a way that you asked a million and one strangers for their opinion on your love life.

I hope you do break up with her, if not for your sake but hers because it sounds like she deserves better.

 

[Tselis]

...Or, you could go with option number 5, which is sitting down with the woman you are currently dating and having an open, honest and frank discussion about the situation. This is what an adult would do. Discussing this kind of problem with strangers is not only demeaning to the woman you claim to care for, but to you as well. It's also disingenuous to the girl you are showing interest in. If you have a good thing going and are willing to ditch it for a little fun and excitement, what happens when you get bored with this new girl? Boredom isn't your problem, lack of communication is. You need to talk to the woman you are with and give her a chance to weigh in on the problem. Not doing so is cowardly.
It might sound harsh, but that's just my opinion, for what it's worth. It could also be my 10+ years of marriage to a military man talking.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

Sounds like a stroke of infidelity to me. You're having an emotional affair with this other girl and if she's fostering the affair, then you two deserve each other. You don't sound like commitment material. Let your current girlfriend off the hook for someone else to take better care of her.

 

[Sgt. Dante]

...Or, you could go with option number 5, which is sitting down with the woman you are currently dating and having an open, honest and frank discussion about the situation. This is what an adult would do.

^This is important^

It was hard but being more open and talking to my GF about the things that were bothering us about the 3 year mark was what saved our releationship. But I suppose the difference with mystory is that we didn't want it to end, but it was getting rocky.

I would say if you aren't happy then don't force it. But don't hop straight into bed with another woman, your (soon to be) ex WILL think you were cheating on her and this will cause you a lot of grief and hassle especially if you share classes and a job.

(happened to a mate of mine fairly recently, but his ex is a little bit of a psycho)

 

[postblitz]

if you're gonna leave something certain for something uncertain.. YOU WILL BE SORRY!

sure she looks like an 8 and you think all is better but trust when i say everyone has skeletons in their closet and you will face them sooner or later.

there's an old saying where i come from that goes "don't trade the bird in your hand for one on the fence"

also this:

"WHAT THE FUCK. YOU DO NOT MAKE A DECISION BASED ON A POLL FILLED OUT BY STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. SHAME ON YOU."

also: play Catherine and you might find an answer lol =) or better yet.. ask yahtzee in an email for your answer ;P

 

[Chase Yojimbo]

Excitement, not Excitement, Freedom, not Freedom, Safety, not Safety, Insanity, always... So far it just sounds like you have picked out your partners flaws and are now using it as an excuse to get away so you can get some new tail or just stay alone. It is usually how most marriages fail. When you start picking out your partners flaws it means you are just bored of her like shes a toy; it is rather shameful to think about, but don't doubt it as the truth. You just want a new toy like a child... -.-

Usually when you start picking out your partners flaws late as three years (or start getting tired of them) in a relationship your relationship is hooped. However, it is usually when relationships at the beginning that have partners of complete opposites notice each others flaws off the bat (but do it anyways) I have found to last the longest; think of it like electrical charges.

So if you continue with this relationship you (and her) will only just make things worse. You will get more bored and finally annoyed to the point that you just can't take it anymore. However, if you go into a relationship immediately after getting out of the 3 year one it will not last long because you WILL feel effects from the previous relationship in the beginning, which will in the end only have you less appealing (depending on the woman) and thus I consider this to be ill-advised...

I say your greatest option is to merely end the relationship and spend a few years (or a month, depends how much of a hermit you are) alone, and decide exactly what you are looking for (Finding Zen is a good thing). Remember also the theory of opposite electrical charges, because that shit about "Both of you being the same is the best!" is bullshit in my opinion, because you just get bored with each other (At least this is my theory, other people will say different, such is individuality). Though having the same social habits (such as gaming) is where I say "sure thing!".

Hope this helps, but from what I have seen in this thread there is a treasure trove of advice already.

 

[Mouldy Cheese]

You know, if you're not happy, you're not happy and by all means break up with her if you think that's the case. But under no circumstances should you break off the relationship solely because you have a crush on another woman. That is a dog move. From afar and without being in a relationship with her you may think she's wonderful. But you don't actually know what it's like to be with her. Trust me, you don't want to be stuck in a situation of "You don't know what you've got until it's gone".

You have these concerns, sure, but have you actually sat down with your girl and shared your feelings with her? She might have no idea that some of the things she says make you feel uncomfortable. All it will take is one conversation to sort it out.

Maybe sort out taking a week off from contacting your girlfriend. You might find that the time away will help you to really appreciate what you've got.

 

[TheFloBros]

Isn't this the plot to Cathrine?

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

I say shame on you, but I don't really think shame on you.
Just try to ask her for some space, if she trusts you, and gives you said space, she is a girl you want to keep.

If not, just stop dating her, and wait until you find that truely special someone.

 

[xWestie]

Or you could just show her this post. She'd probably do the breaking up for you.

This.

Imho, I agree with all the "Grass is greener" posts. Plus who says you have 100% chance of getting with this other girl?
I think you should speak to your current girlfriend, and maybe both agree on some new things you could try. Change would be good, yes, but at least see if you can make something more of your current relationship. Moving on too fast is not a good idea. And the worst thing you can do is cheat.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

If you see no future, cut her loose so that she might get on with her life...nobody likes a time waster.

 

[Boletes Net]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

No relationships perfect you're just in a rut. dont end it or you WILL BE ALONE.