you know now that i think about it, I think the thing that is subtly bugging me is she went nuclear on me when i wasn't really aiming for the whole asshole movie goer. I was sitting there, minding my own business, fully enjoying a movie and laughing at scenes and gags which are FUNNY AS SHIT and she calls me out on it.
Guys and gals let me say this. (big booming echoey voice) SHE HAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IDEA. Its like if jet li, while out in the land of mortals, misjudges the weight of something (even if we are a martial arts god, we are still victim to this) and picks up something that is a whole lot lighter than he thinks it is and accidently elbows a patron behind him. And then is accused of being a bully who's soul purpose in life is beating up random people... If he wanted to be just that, it would have been a while lot more brutal than an accidental elbow to the face.
Now back to me. I hate, HATE,.... i have a borderline unhealthy sith hatred for the actor Will Ferrel. Guys and gals, I hated Will Ferrel before i knew him as Will Ferrel. All of these seemingly random characters in SNL that for some unknown reason would just piss me off. It wasn't that the jokes were bad, no they were funny as hell. But the mere existence of him in front of me, made my ears wanna bleed. Its like if they made him play Hanukah Harry. That dude was FUNNY, now it isn't.
ANyways, I hate Ferrel a whole lot more than i hate this smurf travesty and during the previews the preview for Will Ferrel's (shutter) new movie came up... I said nothing. No boos, No YOU SUCK, nothing. In fact a guy behind me "whoo hoo'd" when Will's name came up and I kept my mouth shut... WHY? Well one reason is I believe in a movie you get one, maybe two, MST3K comments from the time the previews roll till the end of the movie before you are a douche bag. Is it inappropriate and uncalled for?... most likely, but at least we got it outta our systems. And generally, as a whole, there are only three comments that are allowed to be made. So lets review, Everyone is allowed to make (in theory) two out loud comments about what's going on in front of them and for the whole night, collectively, only three comments are allowed to be made. And I burned through two. And lastly, everyone had shut up by that point. I was filled with a theater of non-texting, quite people... In all honestly, I didn't want to jinx it.
I want to step away from this comment for a second and redirect you to another time i Gauged the crowd, made a comment and it was funny. I had gone to see Predator Requiem, and my comment was making fun of the black guy in a horror movie movie trope. For those of you who don't know what the hell i'm talking about, In movies, the black guy is usually the token dude who says shit like "that's wack" and "DAMNNNNN". He's usually a football player in a jersey. And in a horror movie, is guaranteed to DIE. Now I'm the only white guy in this theater and its relatively packed. So we are all, quietly, watching our movie and I swear to you, the temperature of the room is gradually dropping. This is happening because the movie is going and we are seeing a shit load of white guys and no black actors. I'm kind of aware of shit being cold, but not really sure why. Then the "black guy" does shows up and he's BEYOND token... the poor bastard doesn't have any lines. He's basically a backup singer to the white football quarter back, who's whole job, and i swear this to you, was to stand there and look scary. So now i'm noticing the total theaters overall not happiness with what's going on. Fast forward a bit. Predators and aliens are running rampant. And we find ourself watching the main character and his crush about to have premarital sex in a pool at night (FUCK ONE OF THE RULES) and the Quarterback douche bag comes in with black guy in toe and they all get in the pool. FUCK! So now the guy and girl are (to us) going left to right, dude and girl. The black guy is on the left side, (probably to keep him from as far away from the poor white girl as possible, going by mentality of director at this point) and a slew of nameless white jocks and the quarterback are to his right. Alien hits the water and everyone runs left. And this dude treads fucking water. He pretty much goes just short of Legolas running on top of the water to get to the edge. the next scene everyone is pulling themselves out of the water and the alien, of course, grabs the black guy and the black guy gets his line "noooooooooooo".
I will tell you that it was FRIGID a this point, the tension would have cut the knife... so i made a judgment call. i bellowed, "That's some bull shit, you know that quarterback mother fucker was the farthest one out there" and everyone laughed... hard, and it suddenly wasn't cold as shit anymore.
anyways, now that that useless story is shared, lets switch back. If she wanted me to ruin the movie for her, i could have easily done that. Now i would have more than likely done this in a Will Ferrel movie, if I'm going to get kicked out and potentially banned from a theater, I'm going to make it count and I'm going to have it done to a particular actor that i despise. And i would have, if the proper pre-planing had been taken, figured out ways to do obnoxious shit and NOT get kicked out. Anyways, any time Will talks, I would let out a BLOOD CURLING SCREAM and stop when he stops. Go in with a shit load of tick tacks (juno style) and a straw. Hell even if sat next to her. For lunch and dinner have rice and beans laced in garlic with a side of watermelon and cabbage. Oh and also yell out spoilers. IE in Despicable me, I was able to figure out a lot of what was going to happen before it happened (yes it was easy, its an old story arch, but still). So figuring out what's about to going down before it goes down is what I do. Especially in a horror movie, I can count DOWN from 5 to shit happening. Imagine me in a theater yelling 5 to 1 and when i say 1 the scary creature goes BOO! These are all of the top of my head, but yeah I could have been a movie DEMON to this *****... If i wanted to. But no I was just there, enjoying the movie with my awesome friend, Rachel.