Poll: Would you date an asexual person?

[ReservoirAngel]

Nope.

And I couldn't even if I wanted to. But, that is for different reasons.

You could. Sex is surprisingly easy.

It isn?t for him considering what he?s into.

Now I'm deeply curious...

 

[Outright Villainy]

No, never.

I mean, what would be the advantages to it, over say a close friendship?
You can have both. So I'd be friends with them, and date someone else. I don't really see the issue.

 

[SomeBritishDude]

First of all, I don't really believe in Asexuality. Unless there's some sort of medical problem everyone has some sort of sexual drive. I don't believe in it the same way I don't believe in people who don't get hundry or don't get tired; we all get horny.

But with the question no, I wouldn't. Sex is an important part of a relationship. I enjoy what a girl does to me and I love helping her enjoy herself too. I couldn't be in a relationship where there's non of that, not only because I want to be satisfied but also because I want to satisfy someone else.

I would question though, assuming Asexuality actually exists what the said Asexual person get out of a relationship. Wouldn't it make things a lot easy just to have really close friends? Maybe I'm closed minded but I would argue that a real relationship isn't really such without sexual attraction for one another. I understand that there our other things to get out a relationship but, though I haven't been that close to someone in that way without there being a sexual attraction, surelly you can get the same kind of understanding of each other though a very close friendship.

 

[Zaleznikel]

Ugh, the lack of understanding in this thread upsets me.

An asexual person that wants to date is likely has a romantic orientation. I'm homoromantic, I'm attracted to other men, and I want to go on dates, kiss, cuddle, but I don't really want to go any further. Maybe at some point when I'm very comfortable with a person I'll try it.

I can totally understand asexuality being a deal-breaker, especially in our sexually charged culture, but I want people who read this thread to understand that some asexuals DO find other people physically attractive, they DO form strong emotional bonds, and they DO want something a little stronger than just friendship. They just don't want sex.

I wont blame anyone I date if they don't want to be monogamous or don't want to continue dating. I will be understanding, and I think most asexuals will understand the position that they are in.

You should be a little more understanding too.

Dear friend, perhaps you should try to take this discussion less personally, despite the topic being so close to you. Assexuality is a extremely recent discovery in sexuality, and being so, cannot demand such understanding. Most of the people keeping up with this thread (myself included) are doing so out of sheer curiosity in understanding in a greater depth what asexuality means, and how does it compare to simply an undeveloped sexual drive (such as in most childs). This is not as if trying to understand someone's choices, or preferences. This is like trying to learn a extraterrestrial language.

The most important thing to debate here is on the question that initially began the discussion. If both people involved in the relationship are asexual, then there's not really any conflict in this. Most people are open minded enough to consider a couple that does not have sex, if they both don't want to. But in this case the great question is whether a person with a average sex drive would forfeit their own sex drive to maintain a platonic relationship with someone else. And to most people that's just impossible. In this point you are the one that should be more understanding.

To a ordinary heterosexual that which you described is nothing more that a regular friendship. I know that to you they are worlds apart, but that's because you have a very different standard to create that concept. It's the same way as eskimos have several names for snow and desert people, several names for sand, and most other people simply see these things as one dimensional concepts.

I think Hap covered a lot of what I was going to say, but I did want to respond.

Yes, this is very close to me, and I think for that I should respond with my feelings. I guess I didn't say it very clearly, but I understand that lots of people have their relationships and they expect/desire sex. Fact. Those two are very intertwined, in society and in people's minds, and I don't have any strong objections to it. I mean, it will make my life more difficult, but what can I do about that? I will NEVER force a sexual person into a monogamous relationship with me, because if they don't want that relationship, then they will never be satisfied, so what good is it? I want my partner to be equally happy, but it is all their choice.

What I do hate hearing in this thread are those comments saying that sex is responsible for the emotional bond, implying that an asexual or an asexual couple can never have the same love that a sexual couple has. Please, imagine hearing that, someone saying "You're incapable of love" to you, and not being upset by it. Maybe they don't mean it that way, and I understand that it is hard for sexual people to get that asexual people don't want sex. That's why I posted what I did. I cannot demand understanding, but I can hope for it, and do my best to spread knowledge. That's all I really wanted to do.

 

[funguy2121]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

Nope.

(4)I would rather engage in the act of firmly holding the one I love, acting as a guardian than penetrate her in an act of coitus.

(1)Also, she is forever in love with Syaoran.

(2)I am her fucking guardian, Loli-Damneet. (3) (O_O)

(1)Not aware of this character/deity/demigod. Perhaps someone from anime?

(2)So are you talking about your daughter or your love of mock-underaged hentai? I'm confused.

(3) Tape cassette? Surprised robot?

(4) "Coitus." I suppose trying to argue with an asexual person is like trying to argue with someone who doesn't like video games.

 

[Mullahgrrl]

I would date an asexual person, but I proberbly wouldn't have sex with them.

 

[Leg End]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

Nope.

(4)I would rather engage in the act of firmly holding the one I love, acting as a guardian than penetrate her in an act of coitus.

(1)Also, she is forever in love with Syaoran.

(2)I am her fucking guardian, Loli-Damneet. (3) (O_O)

(1)Not aware of this character/deity/demigod. Perhaps someone from anime?

(2)So are you talking about your daughter or your love of mock-underaged hentai? I'm confused.

(3) Tape cassette? Surprised robot?

(4) "Coitus." I suppose trying to argue with an asexual person is like trying to argue with someone who doesn't like video games.

(1)Sakura Kinomoto.

(2)<.<

(3)>.>

(4) I am by no stretch of the imagination asexual. Incredibly far from it.

 

[Dana22]

Hermaphrodites arent asexual.

 

[funguy2121]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

Nope.

(4)I would rather engage in the act of firmly holding the one I love, acting as a guardian than penetrate her in an act of coitus.

(1)Also, she is forever in love with Syaoran.

(2)I am her fucking guardian, Loli-Damneet. (3) (O_O)

(1)Not aware of this character/deity/demigod. Perhaps someone from anime?

(2)So are you talking about your daughter or your love of mock-underaged hentai? I'm confused.

(3) Tape cassette? Surprised robot?

(4) "Coitus." I suppose trying to argue with an asexual person is like trying to argue with someone who doesn't like video games.

(1)Sakura Kinomoto.

(2)<.<

(3)>.>

(4) I am by no stretch of the imagination asexual. Incredibly far from it.

(1) Uh Huh

(2) Uh Huh

(3) Uh Huh

(4) Uh Huh

 

[Leg End]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

Nope.

(4)I would rather engage in the act of firmly holding the one I love, acting as a guardian than penetrate her in an act of coitus.

(1)Also, she is forever in love with Syaoran.

(2)I am her fucking guardian, Loli-Damneet. (3) (O_O)

(1)Not aware of this character/deity/demigod. Perhaps someone from anime?

(2)So are you talking about your daughter or your love of mock-underaged hentai? I'm confused.

(3) Tape cassette? Surprised robot?

(4) "Coitus." I suppose trying to argue with an asexual person is like trying to argue with someone who doesn't like video games.

(1)Sakura Kinomoto.

(2)<.<

(3)>.>

(4) I am by no stretch of the imagination asexual. Incredibly far from it.

(1) Uh Huh

(2) Uh Huh

(3) Uh Huh

(4) Uh Huh

<.<

We are now treading dangerously off-topic. >.>

OT: Why wouldn't I?

 

[MagnetoHydroDynamics]

Probably not romantically. But dates for just talking about stuff and having a good time is fine.

 

[Leg End]

An asexual person definitely has some mommy or daddy issues that I wouldn't want to deal with, so no.

Where did you get that idea from? (O_O)

 

[Valksy]

Friendship to you perhaps, but some of us take our romantic relationships very seriously. Just because we do not want to have sex with the person, does not mean we cannot have a deep emotional bonding to them beyond that of simple friendship.

I, on the other hand, take my friendships very seriously as well. The phrase "simple friendship" does a disservice to friendships. Those who are my closest friends are as important to me as anyone else in my life. They are as important to me as my parents, my sister, my nephews. If you are a deep close friend of mine, that is for life. And you have my loyalty, my love, and deep emotional bonding.
.

Indeed this. My three closest friends are desperately important to me, we spend a lot of time together (hours most days), I would give any one of them every moment of my time, the shirt off my back, my left kidney etc. We take care of one another and are profoundly close.

The only thing that distinguishes us from lovers is that we don't have erotic physical contact with one another. And I *LIKE* that erotic physical contact that I would sooner friend zone someone than try and date them and go without.

 

[Iorio Braga]

There are no such things as discoveries in sexuality. I have to agree with Foucault on this, 'sexuality' was not discovered as much as it was created. Aspects of human beings were pulled out of certain people, made into a whole, then projected upon those people as a trait that defines them. It's simply recognizing and defining these particular aspects into people. I can fully understand what it is like for some to be unable to understand what it is to not be sexually attracted to some, (as the opposite is often true for us asexuals), but it does not excuse some of the responses stating that asexuality does not exist as an orientation nor those who state we are simply 'asexual' because we "want attention". It's rude, and very offensive for someone to deny your existence instead of being open to the idea as some have done here.

Sir, I wasn't going into the discussion of how the early concept of reality came to be. I'm a historian myself, but I think that to bury this discussion in hundreds of different authors would be unfair to most readers, especially younger ones. I was referring simply to the "discovery" of asexuality by mainstram media and the public. That is all.

Friendship to you perhaps, but some of us take our romantic relationships very seriously. Just because we do not want to have sex with the person, does not mean we cannot have a deep emotional bonding to them beyond that of simple friendship.

Forgive me if I implied that. It was not my intention. What I meant is that this is a matter of perception. If I had a color blindness disorder for all my life, and the sky was always gray, it would be impossible to me to understand that to others it had a different color. I have incredbly deep feelings for several people, but the greatest of all comes along with my sexual attraction. I could not separate then, if I tried. It's impossible to me.

Some do, some don't, you'd have to ask couples who are in such a relationship. I myself became romantically attracted to a friend, and I can tell you it really hurt when it had to be broke off, heartbreak can be nasty, but when I was in love it was like no other feeling I had ever felt, or have ever felt since. No one can really say how or why a person exactly becomes attracted to another, it just happens. Some find another person aesthetically attractive (like a beautiful artwork for analogy's sake), and some others develop relationships out of friendships, like myself. I couldn't list all the ways we all end up with certain people, it's just too complex.

To be honest, in a sexual/asexual relationship, both sides are going to have to make sacrifices. It can be hurtful to push sex on an asexual that does not want it (some I know would say it'd be equivalent to rape), and it can be hurtful to deny sex from a sexual. The relationship would no doubt be difficult to manage, but not impossible. I can't say much for sure since I'm not in said relationship.

I know these were very difficult questions, and I completely understand the reluctancy in trying to answer them. However, I think that their answer is worth pursuing. I think it would help many people, and dissipate some of the confusion in the thread.

It is indeed a complex subject, but we are not objects to be studied and analyzed, the matter is intuitive to many as an important part of their being. We are a minority here, and we are going to be vocal if we feel we aren't being represented accurately, so forgive me if I ask you to understand when we are talking about it on a personal level.

I once again apologize. I did not meant that one could analyze such a topic as hard cold facts. I do not believe that this is remotely possible, and I certainly do not expect this in such a complicated theme. I think what I was trying to say is:
it seems as it is still going to be a whole lot of confusion and disagreements in here. Taking everything on a personal level this early on could be very precipitaded.

I think Hap covered a lot of what I was going to say, but I did want to respond.

Yes, this is very close to me, and I think for that I should respond with my feelings. I guess I didn't say it very clearly, but I understand that lots of people have their relationships and they expect/desire sex. Fact. Those two are very intertwined, in society and in people's minds, and I don't have any strong objections to it. I mean, it will make my life more difficult, but what can I do about that? I will NEVER force a sexual person into a monogamous relationship with me, because if they don't want that relationship, then they will never be satisfied, so what good is it? I want my partner to be equally happy, but it is all their choice.

What I do hate hearing in this thread are those comments saying that sex is responsible for the emotional bond, implying that an asexual or an asexual couple can never have the same love that a sexual couple has. Please, imagine hearing that, someone saying "You're incapable of love" to you, and not being upset by it. Maybe they don't mean it that way, and I understand that it is hard for sexual people to get that asexual people don't want sex. That's why I posted what I did. I cannot demand understanding, but I can hope for it, and do my best to spread knowledge. That's all I really wanted to do.

Sir, I completely understand your frustation regarding some of the comments that were made. I simply meant that considering how recent the subject is, it has been a rather polite discussion. In any other domain, or format, people would begin yelling "how we all would see hell during the rapture", and annoying me about "our savior Jesus Christ". In that sense, I think that the only problem so far are troubles in communication and lack of information. Still, I think that trough all this conflict, there could be some real knowledge and understanding to be gained from all this. Which is why I'm still following the thread.

I do thank both of you for your quick response and politeness in each comment.

 

[AnonymouZero]

definitely would. i consider meself asexual, but also polyamorous. so there's the end to my "dating" life xD

 

[jpoon]

An asexual person definitely has some mommy or daddy issues that I wouldn't want to deal with, so no.

Where did you get that idea from? (O_O)

Something has obviously changed their nature, humans are sexual beings so something quite "devastating" has changed them to the point where they don't even derive pleasure from one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that at all, what fun could you possibly have with a woman who doesn't want to be shagged...ever?

 

[AnonymouZero]

Don't see why not, if the spark's there in the first place. But asexual doesn't mean 'incapable of having sex', and in a long-term relationship, sex would happen eventually, if only as some kind of weird compromise.

haha, genious! i had been unable to phrase my thoughts to my then girlfriend quite like this. viagra's there for a reason! x)

 

[Leg End]

An asexual person definitely has some mommy or daddy issues that I wouldn't want to deal with, so no.

Where did you get that idea from? (O_O)

Something has obviously changed their nature, humans are sexual beings so something quite "devastating" has changed them to the point where they don't even derive pleasure from one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that at all, what fun could you possibly have with a woman who doesn't want to be shagged...ever?

Or they were born/one day they were without the attraction. :/

I find pleasure in eating Hamburger Helper. >.>

You have obviously never met any women I know. :/

 

[jpoon]

An asexual person definitely has some mommy or daddy issues that I wouldn't want to deal with, so no.

Where did you get that idea from? (O_O)

Something has obviously changed their nature, humans are sexual beings so something quite "devastating" has changed them to the point where they don't even derive pleasure from one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that at all, what fun could you possibly have with a woman who doesn't want to be shagged...ever?

Or they were born/one day they were without the attraction. :/

I find pleasure in eating Hamburger Helper. >.>

You have obviously never met any women I know. :/

So you know a bunch of women who are asexual? Must be a rare location, because I know that sex runs in the back of almost all womens minds somewhere, at least the women I know. They all talk about it, I doubt they talk about it for no reason at all...

You must be in a dry area! )