Poll: Would you have sex as an act of kindness?

[timeformime]

I really love Louis CK, but I understand that a lot of people don't connect with him. If you're not familiar with him, he's much more than a shock comic, which you might think from this topic. He has a sort of humility and honesty when he broaches more disgusting topics, so that you sort of go with it, where other comics would just draw blank stares if they said what he said. This joke was definitely one of the one of the more cringe inducing in the routine, but the way he did it was still hilarious.

So responding to that bit as a half joking, half serious hypothetical, I say sure. Why not, if they were nice about it and they were clean? Louis played up the butt-ugliness of this person for laughs, but let's be real here, when you're in the act, what would be worse than her being super ugly is if she were just bad-tempered or smelled terrible.

I could make it happen pretty easily with some quality exercise the week before, and as far as this being without love, I'm not as stringent on that as I would have been a few years ago. The whole idea of falling in love and finding that one person is built up and hyped so absurdly, but it's not the only possible context for hooking up. Woody Allen said, "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good," and in a way he's right. In this case, it wouldn't even be meaningless, you'd be doing a good deed. As long as you're both clear that this was a one time thing, which is probably more accepted an arrangement than it used to be, there aren't any problems.

 

[rosac]

Nah, my role in my sports team was to look after the social events, including when girls broke down in tears and wanted to shag someone to get back at someone or to feel better about themselves or something like that. I always talked them out of it, got them to calm down etc. A pity bang would be like a band-aid to the problem and if they get attached then that's a whole other can of worms! (especially in my case, as they would be around me quite a lot)

 

[rosac]

Nah, my role in my sports team was to look after the social events, including when girls broke down in tears and wanted to shag someone to get back at someone or to feel better about themselves or something like that. I always talked them out of it, got them to calm down etc. A pity bang would be like a band-aid to the problem and if they get attached then that's a whole other can of worms! (especially in my case, as they would be around me quite a lot)

What...

Not trying to dismiss your point, it's just how does a sports team need a talk-out-of-sex position? How did you get elected this position? I'm just trying to fathom how exactly this setup is suppose to be organized and why.

It's not. I was in charge of all social events to do with the club, i.e. the weekly nights out, christmas meals, going to spain on tour etc. I saw it as my job to make sure everyone was happy, including when people (male or female) got upset/injured/too drunk on nights out, part of which was looking after people who'd recently broken up with the boyfriend/girlfriend.

I didn't talk them out of sex, I just talked them out of having sex with me (apparently drunk me was an easy target, I made a rule of not sleeping with my team-mates though). If they wanted to go home with someone else then power to them.

I got elected because I was (according to the award I won from the Uni for the social events I organised) friendly and welcoming. Knowing the important people from other teams which allowed me to organise joint social events probably also helped.

It is a strange layout, essentially I took on the role of counsellor to drunken idiots.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

I´ve yet to meet someone who I actually thought was ugly enough to make me want to puke or who would strike me with impotency so yeah, why the fuck not? A hole´s a hole and a pole´s a pole as they say.

Truly I don´t think there really is such a thing as being naturally too ugly. Too fat or struck by some horrid condition maybe but I´ve seen plenty of ugly fucks who are happily married. Back in school the first guy from my class who got his cherry popped was a fat nerd. Looks do matter but not nearly as fundamentally as people (especially you youngsters) tend to think.

 

[DanielBrown]

Probably not. I've given out plenty of pity sex, but never to any girls I thought was ugly.
Maybe if I'm drunk.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I somehow grew up with a developed moral system based on what most people call 'old fashioned'. My idea of sex and relationships are so interwined I struggle to remember that others see them as different.

I recently went travelling with a couple of good mates. They were both of the 'sleep with a different girl a night' type of mentality, where I was a 'get drunk and have a good time, then return to my bed in the hotel/motel/hostel' type of guy. They were forever looking to take someone home, to the point where sometimes I got bored. It was funny though watching their attempts at times.

One night I got particularly drunk and as normal fell into talking to a group of which my mates were trying to find someone to sleep with. I was chatting to one of their friends... and that is the last thing I remember. I was mixing ales with spirits and managed to have a memory black out... Not unusual, my built in sense of right and wrong[footnote]It is important to point out that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for my personality type describes me spot on: Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.[/footnote] usually allows me to continue without trouble, but on this occasion I woke up with the girl. I betrayed my own values by sleeping with someone I wasn't in a relationship with nor wanted a relationship with. I don't remember talking to her or really what she even looked like, and that made me feel atrocious afterwards. I am still disgusted by my actions.[footnote]I am extreme about this value, but only to myself. I understand other's feelings are different to my own, and do not try and represent my values onto others. As I said, I was on holiday with some good friends who are different to me. I do not rank my moral stance with anyone elses either. People are people. I just have standards I set myself and am extremely uncomfortable breaking them.[/footnote]

So, the short answer to the question, is that No. I would not, under normal circumstances, have sex with someone I was not attracted to, because I do not want a relationship with them.

 

[Frothy Gibblets]

Hmm, I'm going to come at this from the other side. I may not BE physically revolting but I feel physically revolting and as such have avoided any search for a relationship or even sex for the last 9 years. I don't feel it's fair or right for me to be with a person when I personally believe they could do so much better, knowing my own faults both physically and mentally as intimately as I do.

At the same time, I'm a straight male, with the same biological urges as most other people, whilst also having a longing for some form of emotional intimacy. I would hate to have sex with pity being the motivation of the person I'm with, I think it would do more damage than good and I would almost certainly reject the offer. I also wouldn't sleep with a person I found unattractive, out of pity or otherwise.

If a person is THAT desperate for the physical release and are otherwise too ugly or repellent to find a person normally, they could always just pay for it. I've never done it myself, in my mind it's just as bad as pity sex but it'd also cost me money but for those who NEED it so badly surely it's a better option as at least both parties get something out of it.

 

[CrashBang]

My problem is with the premise of the thread. How does 'there's someone out there for everyone' translate into 'relationships are about/built on sex'?

I'd like to think that sex isn't required for a meaningful relationship.

As far as the topic goes, I'd go with 'No'. But I wouldn't really want to have sex with someone I found attractive, either. So eh.

I don't agree. A good relationship cannot survive on sex alone, absolutely not. But it can't survive without it either. Sex is an irreplaceable element of any relationship, in my opinion.

On topic, I answered yes. I've always said I can only sleep with someone I'm in love with, but if I was friends with someone who just can't get any, then why not? As an act of kindness, I'll do most anything.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So...poll question related to this. If there was a monstrously ugly individual out there whose Make A Wish was to have sex with YOU specifically, and it would just...make their whole life. You'd be their one sexual encounter before they died. Would you do it?

Keep in mind that this person has to be ugly to YOU. None of this shady thinking of a conventionally ugly person you're secretly hot for.

Would you do it? Would you selflessly abandon your comfort and endure a potentially traumatic coupling to make someone else happy? Or would you be like..."Nah", and go get some Thai food at the mall instead?

Yes.

If someone's dying wish was to have sex with me, specifically, then sure. I long ago overcame the mental issue of having sex with someone I'm not particularly attracted to physically. And, anyway, if their wish is for me specifically, then they must see something special about me.

I'm not sure I'd call that "pity sex" mind - empathy sex maybe.

 

[rosac]

snippy

you went about nights out the correct way good sir! You never ever ever aim to go out for a shag as your aim, just go out, have a laugh, what happens happens.

 

[Nukekitten]

I mean, really (to all the people who said no) you wouldn't endure 15-30 minutes of unpleasantness to quite literally fulfill someone's final dying wish? This person isn't asking you to donate a kidney or chop off your arm, they're asking you to have sex with them, once, and that would let them die happy.

I'm not someone's sex toy for any price. It wouldn't be about 15-30 minutes in isolation, it would be about changing how I thought about myself. I can't imagine not feeling dirty and cheap afterwards, and I don't know how long - or if - that feeling would fade.

Other people feel differently about it; the costs and pay-offs for them are going to be different; I don't see why they can't sleep with one of them. Make a wish won't spring for a flight to a brothel?

 

[Silverbeard]

Watching Louis C.K.

He references the fact that people say "there's someone out there for everyone", when it is patently untrue. Says some people are just Lightspeed Ugly, and no one will ever so much as kiss them on the mouth. They'll just wash their genitals every day and then die, and that's all that will ever happen down there.

Audience emits a sympathetic "Awwww".

Louis says "If you feel so bad for them, go find one and fuck them. Solve the problem right there."

So...poll question related to this. If there was a monstrously ugly individual out there whose Make A Wish was to have sex with YOU specifically, and it would just...make their whole life. You'd be their one sexual encounter before they died. Would you do it?

Keep in mind that this person has to be ugly to YOU. None of this shady thinking of a conventionally ugly person you're secretly hot for.

Would you do it? Would you selflessly abandon your comfort and endure a potentially traumatic coupling to make someone else happy? Or would you be like..."Nah", and go get some Thai food at the mall instead?

A tangentially-related hypothetical to your hypothetical:
Does guilting another person into sexual intercourse (i.e, 'I need to feel you before I die' or 'you're all that keeps me going and I'll fall apart without some stickiness betwixt us') qualify as rape if the guilted party would not normally give any consideration to committing the act with the guilter?

My response to the posited question is 'no'. I'm just not going to be forced into sticking my bits into anyone, regardless of what the circumstances are. It's very depressing that a person whom I have presumably never met or spoken to wants me to drop my pants for them as a final act before death but that's still not justification enough for me to do the deed.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I somehow grew up with a developed moral system based on what most people call 'old fashioned'. My idea of sex and relationships are so interwined I struggle to remember that others see them as different.

I recently went travelling with a couple of good mates. They were both of the 'sleep with a different girl a night' type of mentality, where I was a 'get drunk and have a good time, then return to my bed in the hotel/motel/hostel' type of guy. They were forever looking to take someone home, to the point where sometimes I got bored. It was funny though watching their attempts at times.

One night I got particularly drunk and as normal fell into talking to a group of which my mates were trying to find someone to sleep with. I was chatting to one of their friends... and that is the last thing I remember. I was mixing ales with spirits and managed to have a memory black out... Not unusual, my built in sense of right and wrong[footnote]It is important to point out that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for my personality type describes me spot on: Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.[/footnote] usually allows me to continue without trouble, but on this occasion I woke up with the girl. I betrayed my own values by sleeping with someone I wasn't in a relationship with nor wanted a relationship with. I don't remember talking to her or really what she even looked like, and that made me feel atrocious afterwards. I am still disgusted by my actions.[footnote]I am extreme about this value, but only to myself. I understand other's feelings are different to my own, and do not try and represent my values onto others. As I said, I was on holiday with some good friends who are different to me. I do not rank my moral stance with anyone elses either. People are people. I just have standards I set myself and am extremely uncomfortable breaking them.[/footnote]

So, the short answer to the question, is that No. I would not, under normal circumstances, have sex with someone I was not attracted to, because I do not want a relationship with them.

It sounds like you're being incredibly hard on yourself for one drunken mistake.

Obviously, the term mistake is subjective but you clearly see it as one.

 

[V4Viewtiful]

I can barely grasp the concept, so no.

 

[EeveeElectro]

This would surprise a lot of people who know me, but I'm very picky about who I sleep with. It's there's no attraction or connection, it's a no-go.
I'd tell them that sex isn't the key to happiness. Instead I'd have a sit down with them and work through these apparent issues they have and hopefully help them that way.

It sets up some creepy implications too. Some guys get weirdly obsessed with you when you sleep with them or have some flirty banter. I don't want another guy following me home and waiting outside for me again o_o

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

No no no.

Charity shags are never, EVER a good idea. Ever.

Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

 

[verdant monkai]

I don't think anyone on this site has ever held me up as a paragon of virtue so fuck it lets do this.

MAYBE! But only on a few conditions

Spoiler

-We don't kiss
-HAS to be her place
-She can't be too fat
-I get to wear my favourite hat.
-I get to fart if I need to.
-All sharp objects must be removed from the room.
-she must be partially dressed as Mileena from mortal Kombat. I don't need perfect game accuracy, just a mask and some sleeves will do.
-All crap (soft toys, pillows, sentimental items) must be removed from the bed.
-She can't call me any pet/over familiar names.
-We don't have to be facebook friends/friends/talk afterwards.
-I don't want her getting my genes anywhere but her ass, so it'd have to be anal.
-I wear a condom, she is on the pill/patch, she takes a morning after pill. She agree's in the worse case scenario to abort any children/ she signs a contract stating that I do not have to acknowledge/support any unwanted children. But its anal so it should be fine.
-This song has to be playing throughout https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HndTMmVIKRc
-She has to be cool we me being covered in sugar
-I don't have to clean up the sugar afterwards.
-I get to leave after we are both finished.
-I do not have to cuddle /spend the night.
-I get to keep both my socks on.
-I keep my phone on so a friend can remind me that I'm not to stay for too long.
-I need her father/step father/legal guardian on hand to high five as I am leaving the house.
-Has to be during a solar eclipse.

 

[loc978]

Have done so more than once in the past, would again. Not that it was more pleasurable than masturbation... in some cases it was less pleasurable. But it didn't cost me anything but time. I've done things far worse than have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. Hell, if it's someone I'm fond of but not attracted to, it's just a favor (assuming they're attracted to me. Far from a sure thing).

Mind you, always make sure they know it's casual. I made the mistake of not being extremely clear on that point once. Not a good idea.