Poll: You get a free wish (from an asshole genie)

[uzo]

I'd wish that I could revert to an earlier time in my life - everything goes back in time 20 years, but I have something like an almanac of history for the last 20 years (in case I forget anything!). I'm now 10 years old, it's 1990, but I have all the knowledge of my adult self. Life will continue from that date onwards as usual for everyone, the only difference is I now have knowledge of what is going to happen over the next 20 years!

I'd study something I really wanted to do (archaeology or palaeontology, for example), so that I could concentrate on digging up dinos in Montana or somesuch.

Additionally, from the vast wealth I'd accumulate discreetly by day trading, I'd set up various scholarships to attract great minds into areas I'm interested in (genetics, space travel, cybernetics). I'd try to do some good in the world too - anonymously establishing the the mysterious Uzo Foundation that organises music festivals etc to support sick/disabled kids and their families and so on. The fact is, I *don't* want people to know who I am. I don't want to be famous. I want to be the guy behind the scenes who 'helps'.

Sure ... I'm living my life again. Something might go wrong. I might step off the curb without checking and *slam* speeding bus in the face. But hell, that's how I'm living now. If the genie wants to screw me over and have me hit by a bus when I reach the age I am now (31), then hell, my foundations and scholarships would already be in place. I've done the good I wanted to do, and any day of that life would be a bonus.

 

[Yosato]

What would happen if I wished for immortality? Yeah, I'm original like that.

 

[StormShaun]

I wish that I had a genie who wasn't an asshole

This is exactly what I was going to post.

YESSSSSSSS! THATS WHAT I SAID TOO!!!!!!
YOU ROCK DUDE

I would agree with that, a no asshole genie!

Then I would grant my wishes!

 

[Bad Jim]

"I wish this wish was free of side effects."

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

"I wish that everybody I ever meet, or ever have met, will, no matter the circumstances, respect me, and that respect could then progressively become positive emotional affection (in the form of friendship or emotional love) in a way that is congruous with the natural progression of Earth Human of the 21st century AD of the Gregorian Calendar relationships, and find me to be an agreeable person who is worthy of trust, and deserving of any request I could make of them, so long as that request is not made rhetorically, sarcastically, or in such a manner that it would require doing something that they either have no ability (either skill or the means to perform the task easily available according to the judgement they use outside the effects of this wish), or would not have the desire to do so under other circumstances."

Fuck you, genie. THE POWER OF RUN-ON SENTENCES TRUMPS ASSHOLE GENIES.

This could be twisted through the POWER OF ALTERNATE DEFINITIONS.

Affection can mean nothingness [http://www.thefreedictionary.com/affection] (like in tennis scores of "15-Love.)

That said, your wish could be interpreted as, "I wish that everyone I meet will be respect me, and that respect could then progressively become a mental condition (in the form of friendship or nothingness.)

Saying the affection/mental disease can be in the form of friendship or love/nothingness implies that the genie can choose between the two, so he'll always choose the latter in this case. A mental disease in the form of nothingness could mean that those people will have a hollow mind incapable of thought or emotion. Their mind becomes nothingness.

So the rest of your wish works; people do what you say and call you nice, but they would be hollow shells of people, lifeless puppets to you, the only conscious person you're ever allowed to meet. Only by never being in contact with you can a person retain their thoughts and emotions.

If you're okay with that, I guess you got your wish, but if not, then he still wins.

DO MY REVISIONS IN BOLD ILLUSTRATE THE POWER OF RUN-ON SENTENCE/GENIE FUCKITUDE?

YOU ALREADY MADE YOUR WISH! NO GIVESIES BACKSIES!

 

[6_Qubed]

I wish for the genie to have Kim Jong-il's haircut, forever.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

I'm gonna try this...I wish...Certain foods would grow in EVERY kind of climate. Nothing would change about the food or the weather, tomatoes (for example) would just be able to grow any time of year, in any area of the world.

Genie makes all food grow everywhere...including food grown on other planets (assuming there are others). Not only are most of these plants are not only poisonous to humans, but many of them are huge and destructive like a venus fly trap but 1,000 times more deadly.

Humanity dies, the end.

 

[Chris646]

I would first go over to my friend's house and ask his dad to help me word it correctly so that there are no loopholes. Then I would wish for either world peace, enough money to pay off the U.S. national debt, enough money to buy everything I ever want, or something else.

 

[BlueFishie]

I wish for only one milliliter of regular, clean and harmless water to instantly appear thirty centimeters in front of me, to then fall to the ground and behave exactly like water has always behaved without any reality changing effects.

Then I ask the genie to not do anything mean to anyone else or myself. Pretty please!

 

[QuantumT]

I'm pretty sure a catch all for this is:

"I wish for _____. Specifically, I wish for exactly what I intend with those words, not whatever screwed up interpretation of them you use."

I'm still waiting for how the genie gets around my wish when it contains a clause about the wish being required to match my intent.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Two can play at that game.

I wish for him to be free of his genie gig to go live his life as a human...HOWEVER!!!! He must live a life of kindness and virtue, far away from me.

That'll piss him off real good!

 

[Nouw]

"I wish that you can't grant this wish."

Beat that asshole.

 

[Testosticore]

Wait, is this a genie who ACTS like an asshole, or a genie who IS an asshole.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

I'm pretty sure a catch all for this is:

"I wish for _____. Specifically, I wish for exactly what I intend with those words, not whatever screwed up interpretation of them you use."

I'm still waiting for how the genie gets around my wish when it contains a clause about the wish being required to match my intent.

For one, that's technically two wishes, but I'll let that slide.

The genie gives you _______ but it's a ______ that kills you...or something.

The genie is allowed to do this because when you said "those words", you didn't specify which words you were referring to. Thus, the genie chose "those words" to refer to the words, "I wish for a ______ that will kill me.

Happy now?

 

[Grotch Willis]

I would wish for unlimited video games. Can't really be fucked up because its simple, yet effective.

Then you get crushed by an infinite tide of videogames.

You haven't thought this through, have you?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fine, I wish for one, single, Rolex watch of my choice to be given to me for free by the ghost of Abe Lincoln.
MESS THAT ONE UP

Its a haunted watch that brings you nothing but bad luck and you won't notice it until you put it on. After putting said watch on you cannot remove it for even if you cut your arm off to remove it, it will just magically reappear on a different part of your body.

 

[QuantumT]

For one, that's technically two wishes, but I'll let that slide.

The genie gives you _______ but it's a ______ that kills you...or something.

The genie is allowed to do this because when you said "those words", you didn't specify which words you were referring to. Thus, the genie chose "those words" to refer to the words, "I wish for a ______ that will kill me.

Happy now?

Second sentence is merely an elaboration on the first, so it's still one wish.

And:

I'm pretty sure a catch all for this is:

"I wish for _____. Specifically, I wish for exactly what I intend with those words, not whatever screwed up interpretation of them you use."

Basically, when you add on a clause to break the wish, you are violating the intent clause of the wish, meaning you are no longer granting my wish.

That doesn't mean that the genie won't merely be an asshole about it, but the wish itself is incorruptible.

 

[BakaSmurf]

GENIE! I DEMAND YOUR FINEST TURKEY SAMMICH!!!

 

[WaReloaded]

I'd wish for a zombie apocalypse, because that'd be quite fun.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

For one, that's technically two wishes, but I'll let that slide.

The genie gives you _______ but it's a ______ that kills you...or something.

The genie is allowed to do this because when you said "those words", you didn't specify which words you were referring to. Thus, the genie chose "those words" to refer to the words, "I wish for a ______ that will kill me.

Happy now?

Second sentence is merely an elaboration on the first, so it's still one wish.

And:

I'm pretty sure a catch all for this is:

"I wish for _____. Specifically, I wish for exactly what I intend with those words, not whatever screwed up interpretation of them you use."

Basically, when you add on a clause to break the wish, you are violating the intent clause of the wish, meaning you are no longer granting my wish.

That doesn't mean that the genie won't merely be an asshole about it, but the wish itself is incorruptible.

You said the genie can't corrupt the words meant to describe your wish. You said nothing about whether or not he can corrupt the portion of the wish meant to describe what those words were, so the "no screwed up interpretation" portion only relates to the first sentence. The meaning of the phase "those words" was left unspecified, and anything left unspecified is open to interpretation; in this case, the genie's interpretation.