Poll: You get a free wish (from an asshole genie)

[jimahaff]

I would with for the ability to pause and un-pause all time and physics everywhere, outside of a one foot radius around my body(which follows my body, if I move the radius moves to match), on command by doing something specific (snap my fingers three times with my left hand to pause, right hand three times to un-pause, wrong order does nothing), such that everywhere outside the one foot radius of my body pauses is as if you hit the pause button on a tv; items outside the radius do not age or move and can't be interacted with unless they come into the radius(if I throw something it would freeze one foot away from my hand, and if I came with in one foot of a falling/flying item it would continue its trajectory until if left the one foot radius). Also if any part of an item is within the radius, the entire item becomes un-paused.

I can't think of any horrible ways he could twist this one, and if you can, please tell me so that I can fix my wish.

What this would allow me to do, is sleep anywhere consequence free, and create infinite study/ work/reading time. I would also be able to make it look like I can teleport. Iahve wanted this power of a long time.

Known problems that I'm ok with are, that I would age while I have time paused, and that the effect wouldn't work on machines(for example my computer would function, but only on battery life, because it can't get any power from the wall).

 

[Death on Trapezoids]

Snip

alternatively 'i wish you were not an asshole genie'

Snip

This is what I thought of first, but then I realized that he could make everyone else in the world such an epic asshole that by comparison he would be nice. Or he would transform into friggin godzilla, or Q, or super death jesus 3000...

No, I would wish for a portal under my (and only my) complete and utter control into fictional universes. I can open and close it at will, control who gets through, as well as change the size and which universe it leads into.

Not only would it be awesome, but the 15 seconds of thought I've put into it tells me he'd have to go into serious shenanigans territory to screw it up.

 

[blackjack117200]

I would wish for the genie to go away and grant someone else a wish (that someone will likely wish for me specifically to be harmed in some way)

Or I could wish for the Genie to just leave me alone completely...which would bite me in the ass in a way I haven't figured out yet...He'd probably break things while I'm at work or, shopping.

He'd probably take it literally (and out of context) and leave you the last life form on the planet, or move you to an alternate dimension with much of the same situation where there is no escape.

 

[blackjack117200]

I would with for the ability to pause and un-pause all time and physics everywhere, outside of a one foot radius around my body(which follows my body, if I move the radius moves to match), on command by doing something specific (snap my fingers three times with my left hand to pause, right hand three times to un-pause, wrong order does nothing), such that everywhere outside the one foot radius of my body pauses is as if you hit the pause button on a tv; items outside the radius do not age or move and can't be interacted with unless they come into the radius(if I throw something it would freeze one foot away from my hand, and if I came with in one foot of a falling/flying item it would continue its trajectory until if left the one foot radius). Also if any part of an item is within the radius, the entire item becomes un-paused.

I can't think of any horrible ways he could twist this one, and if you can, please tell me so that I can fix my wish.

What this would allow me to do, is sleep anywhere consequence free, and create infinite study/ work/reading time. I would also be able to make it look like I can teleport. Iahve wanted this power of a long time.

Known problems that I'm ok with are, that I would age while I have time paused, and that the effect wouldn't work on machines(for example my computer would function, but only on battery life, because it can't get any power from the wall).

Technically the electrons and photons would refuse to move and therefore your laptop couldn't function.

 

[blackjack117200]

I wish to never see or hear the genie again. Easy.

How do you like an invisible Genie and being deaf?

When I play DnD I'm DM cuz i can be a creative asshole, go figure.

 

[blackjack117200]

I want to know the numbers of the next lottery. Can he turn that against me ?

Idk....He could carve them into your forehead in reverse, see them in the mirror in the morning.

 

[blackjack117200]

I'd wish for a zombie apocalypse, because that'd be quite fun.

You would be Patient Zero, most likely.

 

[Akytalusia]

well, from watching the wishmaster movies, which had this same premise, the ultimate wish for a genie like that is to wish to have never summoned it in the first place. easy.

 

[blackjack117200]

You SO just watched Aladdin right?
I sure did

EDIT:I'd likely live with the genie for really long, waiting for something worthwhile to wish.

I will definitely try to paradox him or something.

I wish this statement is, and will always be, true: This statement is false.

 

[Ruedyn]

'Genie, I wish to have straight up, no pretending it's anyone else sex with me'

Why would I do this? For the lulz and so I can brag about seducing an all powerful, magic being. Ne need to tell anyone what it was.

 

[blackjack117200]

I wish for you to no longer have any power or magic or incantation or wickker or magick or any ability that an average human born in my lifetime does not have
you may not also effect anything else before completing your task

bam, asshole genie owned

alternatively 'i wish you were not an asshole genie'

pretty-much either would do.

He would beat your ass to death, with his human hands, for fucking him over.

 

[AlwaystheUnlucky]

Is there an option where we make friends with the genie? I mean, he can't be all bad, right?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

First wish: "I wish that a very good lawyer would show up at my house of his or her own free will with intentions to help me make a wish with no loopholes that you could exploit, and understanding that I would allow him or her to use the last of my three wishes from you as sole payment, after I make my wish and if it is successful, that is, doesn't have any consequences that are not what the original wish intended. The lawyer must understand that if the wish screws me over, the third wish will be used to undo the second, and therefore the lawyer would not get the wish, and instantly return to his or her home without remembering my name, face, voice, address, and suspects afterwards that I live in Ethiopia."

After the genie picks his jaw off the floor and the lawyer arrives, I make my second wish with the help of the lawyer, which would be for something like bending reality to my will normally, but since you won't let me, I'd wish for the ability to make anything I draw or write to come to life when I poke it twice and say or write, "My pants are made of cheese." Anything that I create this way will instantly cease to exist the moment I point at it and say, "The blue hummingbird has run out of peanuts." If I am incapable of speech, I can, at any time, spell out the word "Gigglesnorf" on any surface with any object, even air, and make everything I have created disappear instantly.

Third wish would go to the lawyer, unless my second screws up, in which case, I use it to undo my second, the lawyer disappears with no idea of who I am, and I loose nothing but an annoying genie and the chance at world domination.

Though, admittedly, the lawyer might get a bit screwed over if he or she came to my house to wish for his or her family to come back to life after the genie brutally murdered them and told the lawyer that the only way to fix it is to help me. If that's the case, I'd use my second-wish semi-reality bending powers to castrate the genie and have him jump off the empire state building while singing something suitably ridiculous.

Then I'd give the lawyer a cookie.

Of course the lawyer himself may screw you over with HIS wish, such as saying "I wish I had her power and she was dead" (worded to make that one action).

You never wished for a non-corrupt lawyer.

 

[AroLombardi]

I would wish for the ability to manipulate time.
Stipulations being that my ability would not destroy the very fabric of time and space, to be able to freely interact with objects that are suspended in time, to not age while using time power and to be able to bring things/people with me if I so choose without them aging or destroying the continuum either.

Okay, I can debunk this. Diffusion would stop with the time flow, causing air to not pressurize and move into your lungs. Therefore, all air would be still and the space around your mouth/nose would become purely carbon dioxide very quickly. And also the atoms of all materials would stop moving, causing either a completely frozen environment or your vibrating atoms to slip right through.

 

[SNIPERFOX ft. Harry P.Ness]

This comic sums it up pretty well.

yup,pretty much that comic.
My wish would be to have the abilaty to summon infinite genies, who are not assholes. he would grant me the wish, then i would vaccum him up in my vaccum cleaner.

 

[badgersprite]

Never make a wish. I know how this shit ends.

 

[aarontg]

I would wish for what I want but I would first bring a lawyer into this.

 

[CGAdam]

If I had to make a wish, I would wish for one US penny. Just a single little penny, placed on the ground in front of me. He'd have to bend the rules pretty damn far to make that one cause harm. I'd almost say you can't turn that one into something detrimental, but I wanna see if anyone here can. >)

 

[blackjack117200]

If I had to make a wish, I would wish for one US penny. Just a single little penny, placed on the ground in front of me. He'd have to bend the rules pretty damn far to make that one cause harm. I'd almost say you can't turn that one into something detrimental, but I wanna see if anyone here can. >)

It could be in front of you but giant and leaning toward you, could have such a large mass as to create a black hole, could explode, etc...

 

[Ultra_Caboose]

I would wish for the ability to manipulate time.
Stipulations being that my ability would not destroy the very fabric of time and space, to be able to freely interact with objects that are suspended in time, to not age while using time power and to be able to bring things/people with me if I so choose without them aging or destroying the continuum either.

Okay, I can debunk this. Diffusion would stop with the time flow, causing air to not pressurize and move into your lungs. Therefore, all air would be still and the space around your mouth/nose would become purely carbon dioxide very quickly. And also the atoms of all materials would stop moving, causing either a completely frozen environment or your vibrating atoms to slip right through.

Note that I did mention that I would be able to interact with things that are suspended in time. Air is a thing. Atoms that I encounter could be freely breathed simply from making contact with them. Granted, my exhaled breath would be suspended CO2, but as long as I remained at least fairly mobile I have nothing to worry about.
Hell, this idea would mainly be used to rob people blind, so what good would it do me to not be able to take and use things that are suspended in frozen time?