Possibly the first of these threads in a long time

[DukeBishop]

Sup escapist,

So there's this girl in my class. Let's call her L.

L and I were pretty good friends at the start of school. I was one of the first few to get to know her at the start of school.

Time flew by, and I realized we were drifting further. She often liked to move from one set of friends to another, whereas I stick with a close group of friends.

I feel as if I had been forgotten by her, and what makes it worse is that I like her. I pray for her before I sleep and I always try to put her before myself in situations such as arguments.

Now, she knows that I like her, and you'd think as a girl she'd be emotional and all, but she wasn't a girly-girl. She had a little bit of a mannish side to her. No, she doesn't have male physical features, but her attitude towards things makes her quite intimidating.

I recently have paranoia that because she knows I like her, she'd try to avoid me and even if she did talk to me she'd use a "fake smile" and hide what she's really feeling.

I've talked to her about it, but she says she wasn't doing anything of the sort. But I'm always telling myself that she's lying and she's hiding behind a facade.

When I try to talk to her on msn, I feel that I'm being needy and desperate. When I talk to her in person, I can't think of anything to say to her, which makes me fear that she finds me creepy and annoying because I always have the urge to strike up a conversation.

Recently, I was having a conversation with her on msn. I told her that we used to be close during the early school year, but we drifted. She replied that she had not noticed we were close nor had we drifted. Then COINCIDENTALLY, she "gtg" immediately after. I really feel she was avoiding the subject.

This girl really fears anything that is emotional.

I am so depressed feeling this way. I just want to be close to her again, but I know that won't happen because she's constantly on the move.

My question to you all is: Is it all in my head, or does she really look a small part of her really does want to avoid me?

Also, tell us about your heartbreak and state of depression. Help each other out. I really used to bully all those emo kids talking about depression and all, but now, shit this is real.

 

[Kasawd]

Perhaps she has commitment issues.

These threads have also been legion, as of late.

 

[Bat Vader]

Perhaps this is the poetic justice you are getting for bullying the emo kids.

 

[Neonbob]

This thread will be more helpful for you.

And for anyone else thinking of making a relationship thread?
Don't.
We've had our monthly fill.

And Duke?
Sorry if it feels like I'm shitting on your head.
I understand you aren't at your best right now, but so many of these threads could have been avoided if you'd searched a bit.
Okay, now that the idealist in me is out of the way...
Just go tell this to BonsaiK.
He'll give you much better advice than 98% of the forum members here.

 

[Frankydee]

Wow, this has to be like, the fifth HS crush topic in the past 24 hours.

OT: Some people are like that, they drift from group to group finding their niche before really settling down. Probability is that she felt you particular personality wasn't befitting so she's moved on.

My advice is just to get over it. It won't do you any good to pine after the friendship of this individual. Just make some new friends or meet another girl or whatever.

I had a similar problem my Sophomore year of high school with a girl I had been good friends with for over a year. We were really close but she was one of those who never wanted to take it any further than just being friends and she ended up moving on to different people, completely shutting me out. So in turn I just decided I would just move on. There was no point no matter what I did.

 

[Jedoro]

But on topic try and avoid her and see if she tries to talk to you.

Yeah, that right there.

And those emo fags who whine about depression are just too busy whining to get rid of it. Don't wallow in it, get the hell out. Blow shit up, destroy something, hang out with friends--but don't let the depression get worse. It's a stage, and it will end, sooner if you do something about it.

 

[DukeBishop]

Alright thanks. I'll copy and paste it onto that thread

Mods delete this thread if need be

 

[VitalSigns]

Sup escapist,

So there's this girl in my class. Let's call her L.

L and I were pretty good friends at the start of school. I was one of the first few to get to know her at the start of school.

Time flew by, and I realized we were drifting further. She often liked to move from one set of friends to another, whereas I stick with a close group of friends.

I feel as if I had been forgotten by her, and what makes it worse is that I like her. I pray for her before I sleep and I always try to put her before myself in situations such as arguments.

Now, she knows that I like her, and you'd think as a girl she'd be emotional and all, but she wasn't a girly-girl. She had a little bit of a mannish side to her. No, she doesn't have male physical features, but her attitude towards things makes her quite intimidating.

I recently have paranoia that because she knows I like her, she'd try to avoid me and even if she did talk to me she'd use a "fake smile" and hide what she's really feeling.

I've talked to her about it, but she says she wasn't doing anything of the sort. But I'm always telling myself that she's lying and she's hiding behind a facade.

When I try to talk to her on msn, I feel that I'm being needy and desperate. When I talk to her in person, I can't think of anything to say to her, which makes me fear that she finds me creepy and annoying because I always have the urge to strike up a conversation.

Recently, I was having a conversation with her on msn. I told her that we used to be close during the early school year, but we drifted. She replied that she had not noticed we were close nor had we drifted. Then COINCIDENTALLY, she "gtg" immediately after. I really feel she was avoiding the subject.

This girl really fears anything that is emotional.

I am so depressed feeling this way. I just want to be close to her again, but I know that won't happen because she's constantly on the move.

My question to you all is: Is it all in my head, or does she really look a small part of her really does want to avoid me?

Also, tell us about your heartbreak and state of depression. Help each other out. I really used to bully all those emo kids talking about depression and all, but now, shit this is real.

Real Talk: Maybe she just doesn't like you all that much and isn't confrontational enough to just tell you that. Just let her go, plenty of other girls will catch your eye. Getting hungup on a girl who isn't feeling the same as you is depressing and useless.

 

[thiosk]

Yahoo! Answers is that way ----------->

Tweet about how you are blogging about it instead.

 

[Amnestic]

Think you should man up, confront her and ask for a straight answer rather than dancing around the subject.

What've you got to lose that's important?

 

[DukeBishop]

Yahoo! Answers is that way ----------->

Tweet about how you are blogging about it instead.

Nah. I dont blog nor tweet. No facebook, no blogspot, no livejournal

 

[Seldon2639]

This thread will be more helpful for you.

And for anyone else thinking of making a relationship thread?
Don't.
We've had our monthly fill.

And Duke?
Sorry if it feels like I'm shitting on your head.
I understand you aren't at your best right now, but so many of these threads could have been avoided if you'd searched a bit.
Okay, now that the idealist in me is out of the way...
Just go tell this to BonsaiK.
He'll give you much better advice than 98% of the forum members here.

Okay, seriously, we've had this argument before. It's not at all helpful to be presented with other people's problems as a stop-gap solution to your own. If I have some turmoil going on, I don't just want a link to a previous thread of other people's discussions on somewhat similar problems, I want actual answers from people who thought about mine.

If you don't like reading relationship threads don't read them. If all you can contribute to the discussion is "we've already had relationship discussions, and someone probably had a similar question before, so use the search bar". That's just petulant.

~snip~

Sadly, DB, there's nothing much you can do about it. It could be that she's uncomfortable that you like her and she doesn't reciprocate. It could be that she's simply lost interest in you even as a friend. It could also be that you actually are needy, which itself can be intimidating and turn people away.

There's nothing you can actually do to change the reality, because it will persist no matter what you choose to do. I believe, at best, she views you as a friend. Probably not a particularly close friend (at least not anymore), and I'm almost certain she doesn't like you back. You need reassurances that she still likes you (at least as a friend), and you aren't getting it. It's more likely that you simply had different views on the level of importance of your relationship, rather than that she actively "pulled away". I'd posit that she was never particularly interested in you (even as a friend), and that has simply become more apparent. She kind of told you point blank: "she had not noticed we were close nor had we drifted." She didn't think you were close to begin with.

Your choices, fundamentally, boil down to "fish" or "cut bait". You can be blunt, and tell her that you don't feel like she's been a very good friend (and really press her for an answer), or you can cut bait. Either accept that you'll be on her periphery, or drop the situation.

You mention yourself that you were "one of the first few to get to know her", which implies that you took the initiative in some form to get to know her. Your level of devotion to her is admirable, but you need to decide whether you're content in the relationship. If you can accept being there for her (inasmuch as you can), without getting the "payback" you want, then be content in that. If you're not content, you can't change her mind, and have only the alternative of disengagement. Either accept that you're not actually particularly close, and be happy with simply being in her orbit, or decide it's not worth it. You're not likely to be able to get her to want to be closer, especially not through neediness. If simply being there for her in a "I want her to be happy" kind of way is enough for you, that's your decision to stay.

What you can't do is disengage with the hopes that she'll realize just how much she misses you, and appreciated your attention, and wants you back in her life. It doesn't work, I can tell you that from personal experience. If you break away, be completely prepared for that to actually be the end of the relationship. If she found you important enough that she would actively miss you, you wouldn't be in a situation in which you were contemplating trying to make her miss you.

That said, don't do the "I just want to make her happy" thing. This isn't a romantic comedy, she'll never realize that you've always been there for her, and as a result she really loves you and wants to be with you. You cannot have a major impact on her level of happiness, and can only sabotage your own mental well-being by trying to throw yourself in front of a train when there's no reward for anyone. She doesn't want or need you to lay down on the tracks, and all you'll do is get run over.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

I have the exact same problem that's almost exactly like that, except we never really talked.

Sorry if I can't give any advice, but I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

Have you ever had that feeling that maybe....just maybe...you're stalking her a bit? I'm not sure what gave me that idea...

Recently, I was having a conversation with her on msn. I told her that we used to be close during the early school year, but we drifted. She replied that she had not noticed we were close nor had we drifted. Then COINCIDENTALLY, she "gtg" immediately after. I really feel she was avoiding the subject.

Ok, maybe that was it.

On the other hand, one of my best friends has blocked a good chunk of her past, including quite a bit of time we spent together. She remembers some things clearly, others not at all, and the magnitude of the past event has nothing to do with whether or not she remembers. Maybe the girl you're stalking the friend of yours has something similar going on.

 

[WickedSkin]

Sup escapist,

So there's this girl in my class. Let's call her L.

L and I were pretty good friends at the start of school. I was one of the first few to get to know her at the start of school.

Time flew by, and I realized we were drifting further. She often liked to move from one set of friends to another, whereas I stick with a close group of friends.

I feel as if I had been forgotten by her, and what makes it worse is that I like her. I pray for her before I sleep and I always try to put her before myself in situations such as arguments.

Now, she knows that I like her, and you'd think as a girl she'd be emotional and all, but she wasn't a girly-girl. She had a little bit of a mannish side to her. No, she doesn't have male physical features, but her attitude towards things makes her quite intimidating.

I recently have paranoia that because she knows I like her, she'd try to avoid me and even if she did talk to me she'd use a "fake smile" and hide what she's really feeling.

I've talked to her about it, but she says she wasn't doing anything of the sort. But I'm always telling myself that she's lying and she's hiding behind a facade.

When I try to talk to her on msn, I feel that I'm being needy and desperate. When I talk to her in person, I can't think of anything to say to her, which makes me fear that she finds me creepy and annoying because I always have the urge to strike up a conversation.

Recently, I was having a conversation with her on msn. I told her that we used to be close during the early school year, but we drifted. She replied that she had not noticed we were close nor had we drifted. Then COINCIDENTALLY, she "gtg" immediately after. I really feel she was avoiding the subject.

This girl really fears anything that is emotional.

I am so depressed feeling this way. I just want to be close to her again, but I know that won't happen because she's constantly on the move.

My question to you all is: Is it all in my head, or does she really look a small part of her really does want to avoid me?

Also, tell us about your heartbreak and state of depression. Help each other out. I really used to bully all those emo kids talking about depression and all, but now, shit this is real.

I get the impression that you are a man of the 90s and therefor "in touch" with your emotions/sensitive side. What your mother taut you is not correct. Chicks (well at least not 80% or more of them... let's say 98%) don't like emotional/needy men.

She wants to avoid you right now because you got to close to her and at the moment you are to needy. Ignore and move on mate. It's also likely that she will come back to you if you ignore her and show no interest what-so-ever. If she does come back, continue to ignore, you can ALWAYS do better.

Well what I want to say is:
Forget about it and move on for gods sake. Christ you are being needy. She wants to forget you and you should forget her for both of yours sakes. It's brutal, it's honest, it's true. Now man up.

 

[Daveman]

awww. touching.

advice: don't force it mate. if you don't have anything to talk about then that probably wouldn't change if you were in a proper relationship. I had a similar sort of obsession and it doesn't help being up front about it, I mean she might like you but not in that way and talking to her directly is just going to make her feel really awkward.

you want things back, talk normally to her (not about your feelings ffs) and act natural and she will feel comfortable around you again. again, don't force it.

 

[Good morning blues]

Your lady is avoiding you because you're being a big ol' creepy fuck and she doesn't know how to let you down lightly. She does not like you at all, and the fact that you're so clearly infatuated with her when nothing has ever happened between you is not only very unattractive, it's unsettling - she's being lavished with attention that she wants nothing to do with.

This sounds harsh, but it needs to be said: nothing will ever, ever happen between you two. She's just not interested. Maybe she would have been before you got so emotionally invested in her, but it's too late for that. What you need to do is take her ignoring you as a blessing, cut her out of your life as much as you can, and move on, having learned a lesson.

 

[Go Fighting In The War Room]

Think you should man up, confront her and ask for a straight answer rather than dancing around the subject.

What've you got to lose that's important?

That makes so much sense. A friend of mine almost decided that one of his old girlfriends who treated all of his friends like shit (with me getting most of her rage for some reason...) was more important than me and the rest of his friends.

It's more staying with people in HS romances, where you lose more than gain.