?What?s that in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it?s [super hero #32]!?
Marvel and DC have had a long running duke-?em-out even before I could ever breath on my own. Which ever side you root for, they have both made a long running and successful film franchise (and Marvel rule!). All the while this was occurring, the Phantom sat around and gave baddies neat looking scars. So now here I stand before you, the Escapist, and deliver what I think of all this colourful, latex wearing hogwash.
My favourite hero to emerge from all this rubble of Hollywood crap is defiantly the red and blue tight wearing masked idol. No, not Superman you twit, Spiderman. The first two Spiderman movies were great. People seem to dislike the second with an immense hatred, but I thoroughly enjoyed the Sam Raimi style comedy/action. Everyone bar Mary Jane are likeable (but she?s hot so deal with it) and it shows a side of Spiderman superhero films dare not venture; his weaker side. No, not his vulnerability for bugspray, but it shows him as just a normal human. He is late to work, stalks the girl of his dreams, is bested by his bud, failing college and generally sucks but he has to go through it all because? well, that?s what heroes do!
?With great power comes great responsibility.?
While the first two were excellent and wildly entertaining, the third seemed to be a real letdown for the series. I was hoping Spiderman would turn out to be like Indiana Jones or Back to the Future were every movie was solid gold. Not for Spidy3 however. Hollywood finally caught up to it and smoothing the poor spider with a truckload of cash. Instead of the movie building to the end, it just seemed to drag on. Mary Jane gets captured again (I could forgive it the first two times, but come on!) and Venom was a huge let down. When I was a kid, Venom was my favourite character, and still is, and hearing the news that he was the villain in S3 made me shoot my pants off. Then I had to wade through the entire movie only to watch 15 glorious minutes of him. 15 minutes of the greatest villain in all time while the Goblin gets an entire movie dedicated to him! Lastly, I still don?t get how Spiderman 3 was the most expensive movie made to date?! So they destroyed a model building in it? Watch Die Hard 4.0 and see how much stuff they fuck up in that then watch Spiderman again. Maybe Sam had a huge Coke addiction that he had to cut it with gold and diamonds to gratify for his ever-growing celebrity lifestyle. Well do you have a better answer?
Up until recently, Batman was a cartoonish rubber-suited moral guidance figure,
?Remember Robin, look both ways before crossing the road.?
So it was with great pleasure that Christopher Nolan finally ripped the bat off from Tim Burton and did something good to the franchise. Like Spiderman, Batman Begins brought something new to the scene of the super hero, a questionably moral, dark figure, more crazed vigilantly that dresses up like an animal then squeaky clean crime fighter loved by all. What I loved about Nolan?s Batman was the grit it brought to the scene. People generally disliked Batman and saw him as an eccentric person in a suit. It was violent and real. No more stopping at the traffic lights before it turns red for this caped crusader, just mow it down and fuck shit up. That?s the way I like it! I am really looking forward to the next film and want to be the only person in the cinema to cheer when Batman kills the Joker. What? I?m getting into the film.
So Spiderman has the abilities of a spider (though I?ve never met a Spider that could dodge a shoe that he couldn?t dodge a bullet) and Batman dresses like a bat and has bat shaped gear. So what is Superman? He?s super and a man? Well, yes actually. That?s it; he?s super. I dislike, nay loathe, Superman for that exact reason. You can?t make a likeable character that can do every-bloody-thing at once. Not once while watching the movie did I ever sympathies with the red and blue alien. He has nearly every superpower imaginable and, unlike Spiderman, he is so? super. In a day he has enough time to kill the bady, stop the meteorite, save his girlfriend and still have enough time to kill to catch The Biggest Loser on TV, happily knowing that he will never loose his Statue of David physique as long as the sun is still glowing. Crap, even if he fucks up he?ll just spin the Earth backwards, because we all know that the Earth is the center of the space-time continuum. To make a likeable character they need flaws. To have an on your edge movie experience, the hero needs to be in danger. So the same bald guy with the same glowing rock wants to take over the world again. Like Superman hasn?t done this a million times before.
Now onto X-Men. A decent portrayal of the old comics without the stupid colourful outfits. A friend recently let me borrow the last X-Men movie, The Last Stand, because I wanted to wrap this trilogy up. First thing?s first: Where?s Gambit?! They brought a whole range of new mutants to the fray (although, I think they made a lot of them up) but they still left out Gambit! He was my favorite French talking, card throwing character. They had Angel but he had no point at all in the movie. He posed for a bit, said 2 lines and that was it. I wonder how much the actor was paid for that? As per usual, Wolverine shows off. I can?t not like him since he?s the only Aussie there. Thankfully Cyclops gets blown away in the first ten seconds of the film and they bring out Beast, which the film so sorely needed (that smug blue bastard). Sounding good so far? Well it?s not. The movie falls to the Hollywood syndrome X3 uses ever cliché under the sun, ie: ice vs fire, a man who can smash through walls vs a girl who can run through them, etc, etc. Then of course Hollywood shoves a million dollars of CGI down your throat, which can be more distracting then entertaining. There is a slight cliffhanger ending. If they manage to make X4, they would be really beating the dead horse (something Marvel?s good at. Oh burn!). Still watch it, only because Ellen Page wears leather. Down kitty.
Ang Lee?s the Hulk was a shock to the system, actually less of a shock and more of a mild annoyance. The film wasn?t great as its wacky ?out there? editing styles and script might have worked well as a drama, but not for a Hulk movie. A Hulk movie should consist of two things: Hulk and Smashing! Both which lacked from Ang Lee?s the Hulk. And this was another movie where the crisis is beaten by love. Same with Spiderman, same with Xmen, same with every other frikken Hollywood superhero film out there! Why do they keep on doing that? It?s old and nobody cares about this feeble emotion called ?wuv? especially if you?re a superhero and could get with any girl you want. See how lonely I am already? Now Hollywood, seeing the downfall for giving their action movie to an arty director, they have remade that Hulk movie. While the ads make it look a lot more explosive and Hulky, I feels in poor taste to try and redo somebody else?s project while it?s still fresh.
Lastly (yay, finally this bastard can fish his rant) onto the Ironman trailer. I haven?t seen it yet and have been dying to; Ironman looks like a gem glistening in the limelight. Staring Robert Downy Jr, as Tony Stark, a multi millionaire captured by terrorists (in post 9-11 world) and crafts a shiny set of armor. Sort of like a Neo-Ned Kelly except Kelly?s armor couldn?t fly and was a little weak around the legs. It has wit and the usual CGI. I just hope it didn?t get the Hollywood illness that badly and is right for our screens.
So it seems that no matter how much Hollywood seems to screw up a good thing (Ghostrider, Daredevil) and continue to bring out unnecessary sequels (F4, XM, SpidyMan) or spin offs (Electra, Wolverine) some treasures can be made of it (Spiderman ½, Batman, Ironman) but only if they actually bring something to the table. We don?t care about heroes that can do everything (Superman) are suck so much (Daredevil) that we loose interest. As long as they can entertain without the need for useless CGI and SFX, it?s all good.
Marvel and DC have had a long running duke-?em-out even before I could ever breath on my own. Which ever side you root for, they have both made a long running and successful film franchise (and Marvel rule!). All the while this was occurring, the Phantom sat around and gave baddies neat looking scars. So now here I stand before you, the Escapist, and deliver what I think of all this colourful, latex wearing hogwash.
My favourite hero to emerge from all this rubble of Hollywood crap is defiantly the red and blue tight wearing masked idol. No, not Superman you twit, Spiderman. The first two Spiderman movies were great. People seem to dislike the second with an immense hatred, but I thoroughly enjoyed the Sam Raimi style comedy/action. Everyone bar Mary Jane are likeable (but she?s hot so deal with it) and it shows a side of Spiderman superhero films dare not venture; his weaker side. No, not his vulnerability for bugspray, but it shows him as just a normal human. He is late to work, stalks the girl of his dreams, is bested by his bud, failing college and generally sucks but he has to go through it all because? well, that?s what heroes do!
?With great power comes great responsibility.?
While the first two were excellent and wildly entertaining, the third seemed to be a real letdown for the series. I was hoping Spiderman would turn out to be like Indiana Jones or Back to the Future were every movie was solid gold. Not for Spidy3 however. Hollywood finally caught up to it and smoothing the poor spider with a truckload of cash. Instead of the movie building to the end, it just seemed to drag on. Mary Jane gets captured again (I could forgive it the first two times, but come on!) and Venom was a huge let down. When I was a kid, Venom was my favourite character, and still is, and hearing the news that he was the villain in S3 made me shoot my pants off. Then I had to wade through the entire movie only to watch 15 glorious minutes of him. 15 minutes of the greatest villain in all time while the Goblin gets an entire movie dedicated to him! Lastly, I still don?t get how Spiderman 3 was the most expensive movie made to date?! So they destroyed a model building in it? Watch Die Hard 4.0 and see how much stuff they fuck up in that then watch Spiderman again. Maybe Sam had a huge Coke addiction that he had to cut it with gold and diamonds to gratify for his ever-growing celebrity lifestyle. Well do you have a better answer?
Up until recently, Batman was a cartoonish rubber-suited moral guidance figure,
?Remember Robin, look both ways before crossing the road.?
So it was with great pleasure that Christopher Nolan finally ripped the bat off from Tim Burton and did something good to the franchise. Like Spiderman, Batman Begins brought something new to the scene of the super hero, a questionably moral, dark figure, more crazed vigilantly that dresses up like an animal then squeaky clean crime fighter loved by all. What I loved about Nolan?s Batman was the grit it brought to the scene. People generally disliked Batman and saw him as an eccentric person in a suit. It was violent and real. No more stopping at the traffic lights before it turns red for this caped crusader, just mow it down and fuck shit up. That?s the way I like it! I am really looking forward to the next film and want to be the only person in the cinema to cheer when Batman kills the Joker. What? I?m getting into the film.
So Spiderman has the abilities of a spider (though I?ve never met a Spider that could dodge a shoe that he couldn?t dodge a bullet) and Batman dresses like a bat and has bat shaped gear. So what is Superman? He?s super and a man? Well, yes actually. That?s it; he?s super. I dislike, nay loathe, Superman for that exact reason. You can?t make a likeable character that can do every-bloody-thing at once. Not once while watching the movie did I ever sympathies with the red and blue alien. He has nearly every superpower imaginable and, unlike Spiderman, he is so? super. In a day he has enough time to kill the bady, stop the meteorite, save his girlfriend and still have enough time to kill to catch The Biggest Loser on TV, happily knowing that he will never loose his Statue of David physique as long as the sun is still glowing. Crap, even if he fucks up he?ll just spin the Earth backwards, because we all know that the Earth is the center of the space-time continuum. To make a likeable character they need flaws. To have an on your edge movie experience, the hero needs to be in danger. So the same bald guy with the same glowing rock wants to take over the world again. Like Superman hasn?t done this a million times before.
Now onto X-Men. A decent portrayal of the old comics without the stupid colourful outfits. A friend recently let me borrow the last X-Men movie, The Last Stand, because I wanted to wrap this trilogy up. First thing?s first: Where?s Gambit?! They brought a whole range of new mutants to the fray (although, I think they made a lot of them up) but they still left out Gambit! He was my favorite French talking, card throwing character. They had Angel but he had no point at all in the movie. He posed for a bit, said 2 lines and that was it. I wonder how much the actor was paid for that? As per usual, Wolverine shows off. I can?t not like him since he?s the only Aussie there. Thankfully Cyclops gets blown away in the first ten seconds of the film and they bring out Beast, which the film so sorely needed (that smug blue bastard). Sounding good so far? Well it?s not. The movie falls to the Hollywood syndrome X3 uses ever cliché under the sun, ie: ice vs fire, a man who can smash through walls vs a girl who can run through them, etc, etc. Then of course Hollywood shoves a million dollars of CGI down your throat, which can be more distracting then entertaining. There is a slight cliffhanger ending. If they manage to make X4, they would be really beating the dead horse (something Marvel?s good at. Oh burn!). Still watch it, only because Ellen Page wears leather. Down kitty.
Ang Lee?s the Hulk was a shock to the system, actually less of a shock and more of a mild annoyance. The film wasn?t great as its wacky ?out there? editing styles and script might have worked well as a drama, but not for a Hulk movie. A Hulk movie should consist of two things: Hulk and Smashing! Both which lacked from Ang Lee?s the Hulk. And this was another movie where the crisis is beaten by love. Same with Spiderman, same with Xmen, same with every other frikken Hollywood superhero film out there! Why do they keep on doing that? It?s old and nobody cares about this feeble emotion called ?wuv? especially if you?re a superhero and could get with any girl you want. See how lonely I am already? Now Hollywood, seeing the downfall for giving their action movie to an arty director, they have remade that Hulk movie. While the ads make it look a lot more explosive and Hulky, I feels in poor taste to try and redo somebody else?s project while it?s still fresh.
Lastly (yay, finally this bastard can fish his rant) onto the Ironman trailer. I haven?t seen it yet and have been dying to; Ironman looks like a gem glistening in the limelight. Staring Robert Downy Jr, as Tony Stark, a multi millionaire captured by terrorists (in post 9-11 world) and crafts a shiny set of armor. Sort of like a Neo-Ned Kelly except Kelly?s armor couldn?t fly and was a little weak around the legs. It has wit and the usual CGI. I just hope it didn?t get the Hollywood illness that badly and is right for our screens.
So it seems that no matter how much Hollywood seems to screw up a good thing (Ghostrider, Daredevil) and continue to bring out unnecessary sequels (F4, XM, SpidyMan) or spin offs (Electra, Wolverine) some treasures can be made of it (Spiderman ½, Batman, Ironman) but only if they actually bring something to the table. We don?t care about heroes that can do everything (Superman) are suck so much (Daredevil) that we loose interest. As long as they can entertain without the need for useless CGI and SFX, it?s all good.
