Psst he is in the friend zone

[EeveeElectro]

I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate spewed at me for this, but whatever. This gets me very angry.

I think the majority agree with you, it's just a few prople who genuinely have a misguided approach, or these:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy

I'd hope so, the idea of this is just ridiculous. If a girl wants to date the guy who is an absolute prick and doesn't make her feel wanted or good then I think she must have some serious self esteem issues. Otherwise I think we know if a guy is good for us or not, unless he's brainwashed her so much she thinks she deserves to be treat like dirt...
I had a boyfriend that acted all sweet and lovely until he got me in a relationship, then quickly changed his tune. It lasted the whole of three weeks. Never seen the appeal of a macho jerk, myself.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

Never seen the appeal of a macho jerk, myself.

Nor I, though one of my friends only goes for the gym-three-times-a-week, arrogant, greasy, smarmy dickheads who spend as much time in front of the mirror as she does. Yeargh.

And of course they all think there's something wrong with me as I don't swoon to their obvious charms.

 

[Starik20X6]

I had this whole thing typed up about how most friend-zoned guys put themselves there in the first place, and how they have to grow a spine and stop acting like a wimpy butler, and only then will they see improvements... But they don't get it by now, they never will. Some people just refuse to learn.

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

Well the reason is that first impressions tend to stick and substantial personal changes can be difficult to make, so you tend to get put/put yourself in the category of potential lover or friend from day one upon meeting a person. And noone really likes or respects someone who puts them up on a pedestal. You have to be self-sufficient/confident to not come across as desperate and you need to develop skills regarding approaching women you're attracted to.

Life's too short to be wasting your time trying to change a woman(or man)'s mind by 'being their friend', so if that's your motivation, just look elsewhere. No point being dissatisfied with friendship though - you don't have to be hand in glove friends if you don't want to be a friend for friend's sake, you can be polite and leave a good impression on the person of your interest. After all, she might have friends, so why burn your bridges and put all your eggs in one basket by obsessively focusing on someone who doesn't appreciate it?

And why not appreciate a friendship for what it is - you don't have to be banging someone to enjoy their company or get mutual benefit..

 

[LilithSlave]

I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate spewed at me for this, but whatever. This gets me very angry.

The friend zone does not exist. We didn't create anything. We can't even befriend guys nowadays without someone going, "OMG!!!11 Friendzoned!!11!"
What do you want us to do? Force ourselves to like you back?
If she doesn't find you relationship material, then she doesn't. Move on to someone who does. Surely there's men on here who have female friends they don't want to date?
Also if a guy keeps perusing for her affection and she regularly turns him down, he has no one to blame but himself.

Just because a guy thinks he's nice, doesn't mean we think he's nice.
Just because he think the guys we go for are pricks, doesn't mean they are pricks. Most of the time they call them pricks out of jealousy.
Maybe some girls do go for pricks. But then a lot of guys I know go for skinny, slutty, dumb girls. I don't ***** because I know there's someone out there who would like a girlfriend like me.

On a final note, I can't speak for all women; but seeing men ***** about the friend puts me right off. It's just a stupid generalisation about women.

Like I was talking about my feelings on the Escapist.

It is sad when I can't label to many other places on the internet that I have seen statements I have agreed with this much about this subject.

It usually comes down to some guy posting a thread like this.
And then everyone reacting with things like "yeah, all women are bitches and whores" or "lol ur a bunch of beta males u need 2 b a dick liek me i taek sexi gurl virginity erryday cuz im so manly. u need 2 b a man liek me not sum sissy boi gayman.". It's revolting.

I wish this were some kind of exaggeration. I feel slimy just recalling and repeating the experience.

 

[smithy_2045]

On rare occasions, the friendzone can actually exist. However, the vast majority of the time, it's just an excuse invented by guys who can't handle not getting what they want.

If you fuck up your chances with the girl, it's not her fault for "friendzoning" you, it's either your own damn faultn for fucking it up, or it was never going to happen anyway.

 

[Headsprouter]

Because they're your friends doesn't mean they have to go out with you. Friend zone is dumb.

Assuming you mean the concept is dumb, and guys complaining about it are being stupid....

Yes, but I think the problem the OP is having is that all these girls are claiming all they want is a "nice guy", when what they really want is a nice, good-looking guy with good financial prospects blah blah blah, nestbuilding and child-rearing instinctive requirements, etc etc....

"Nice guy" means more than what it says to these women. If this is all they wanted, they would have went for it a long time ago.

 

[Lilani]

So women why did y'all invent the friendzone? Cause as a man I would like to know the purpose, cause obviously it's not a circle of men who are potential dates.

We didn't invent it. Guys invented it because you often have trouble coming to terms with the idea you can be infatuated with a woman, but for one reason or another she doesn't feel the same way. So you all invented the friend zone to make yourself the victim, because that's easier to digest than simply accepting you're not her type. We aren't stupid. If we are looking for a relationship, we sort of pre-scan every guy around us for possibilities. If you've been ruled out as a possibility, it's because either you didn't properly show her you're also interested, or she just doesn't like you that way. And no matter how nice you are to her, if you aren't her type that will not change. Just because you like her that doesn't automatically mean she is going to like you, and for you to expect that from any female only shows arrogance and entitlement on your part. So just pick yourself up like a man and move on.

There are way too many fish in the sea for anybody to be bitching about some friend zone. Go out and meet all the other 2 billion or so women on this planet who aren't in a relationship. You get rejected by all them, then you can come talk to me about some friend zone. Until then man up and move on.

 

[Sebass]

Some answers I got back was that some of the other guys weren't as good looking or they were a little off

Mystery solved.

Those assholes probably seemed like 'nice guys' at first too. Why would girls go out with someone they think is an asshole?

EDIT: Oh also, I do think the friend-zone is a thing. If you like someone and they like you as a friend, you're 'friend-zoned'. What irritates me though is all this pseudo-psychology bullshit that inevitably comes with it.

 

[RagTagBand]

Guys invented the friendzone because its easier for guys to deal with "You're attractive and I would have totally fucked your brains out but i'm too stupid to see how awesome you are" than "I am not attracted to you. At all"

But, on the same merit, Girls say "Why aren't there any nice guys" because it's easier to deal with "All men are pricks that only want to fuck" than "I have a horrible, shallow taste in men, I always pick the sexy douchebag and I am blameless in this"

Or to put it simply

Both men and women, AKA HUMAN BEINGS, will always prefer to see themselves as the victim because it is easier to deal with

Human nature 101 - We are selfish and egotistical.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

"Psst he is in the friend zone"

Well at least he has friends.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Hey, you know what's actually entitlement? Thinking someone is obligated to fuck you because you opened a door for them once.

 

[nathan-dts]

Yes oh my god it's another friendzone post. I was with my friends (which all my friends are women, don't know how that happened, but ) So as I was with them, all of them were talking about how they just broke up with one douche and how the next one was a douche +1, so I am thinking, "well you get what you choose, and I see where this is going." So by the time the conversation was drawing to an end they all wondered where the hell can they find a good guy for once. Me angered by hearing this all the time finally snapped and shouted, "IN THE F***ING FRIENDZONE WHERE YA LEFT THEM TO DIE!!!" And in unison they said nah. And I asked them why not, and asked about the other guy friends they knew. Some answers I got back was that some of the other guys weren't as good looking or they were a little off, but at the same time they were their best friends. So in their defense I asked if they were always their for them, and if they were as nice to you as a true gentleman should. They all said yes. Yet they still denied them. So women why did y'all invent the friendzone? Cause as a man I would like to know the purpose, cause obviously it's not a circle of men who are potential dates.

Relationships with friends are awkward to start and very awkward to end. People don't want to risk rejection any time they ask someone out, this is made worse by the fact that you have the same friends and rejection would damage the group. Even if you manage to start a relationship, if it ends then things again get awkward for the entire group.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't go for it, but there are valid reasons why people are afraid to go for other people that they're friends with.

 

[A Silent Enigma]

Seriously, this 'friendzoned' is a load of rubbish. I have loads of girls mates who I can talk to and rely on, we hang out, chat and have a laugh, but I don't see them as potential relationships and they feel the same about me. It's a funny thing called being friends! It's no different to my males mates who I do the same things with.

Yeah, I had a thing for one of my mates (we knew each other for over 5years now, and she is my best mate out of everyone) and I told her how I felt, she was good enough to be honest with me and say she didn't feel the same! yeah things were slightly awkward for a few weeks after, less contact etc etc, but I needed to clear my head and reassess things and she gave me that time. We are now talking again and things are going back to the way they were, course I was gutted she didn't feel the same, but at least I tried and I still have her as my best mate.

If you are being a nice guy to get laid, you are a bigger douche then the twats out there and if you don't have to the courage to tell some one how you feel, you don't deserve them and you obviously don't like them that much to risk it.

 

[DirtyJunkieScum]

What the hell do you mean "why did y'all invent the friendzone?" They like these guys but don't fancy them. Is it that hard to understand?

I suppose what he's saying is that although women complain that there is "no good guys out there" there's actually plenty, it's just that they put them in the friend zone.
The moment women stop calling all guys assholes and going on about how there isn't any good guys out there is the moment the friendzone ceases to exist.

Those are just off the cuff comments, what they mean by "good guys" and what you think they mean are not necessarily the same, it's hardly a detailed explanation of everything they find attractive in a man and even if it was and it matched you completely that doesn't mean she's going to be attracted to you, or think you're right for her. Sexual attraction is an odd thing, you can't even be sure of what your own criteria are for deciding who you like, let alone someone else's and teenagers are going to be even more unsure given that they are only just getting into the whole sex and relationships thing.


EDIT: Having read the OP properly...

Cause as a man I would like to know the purpose, cause obviously it's not a circle of men who are potential dates.

No...it's a circle of men who they consider to be friends. I don't get it...this seems to say that you don't understand why women hang around with men they don't consider to be potential partners...I...waitaminute...OP posts once, a single reply and then disappears... well trolled sir, well trolled.

 

[GistoftheFist]

Women want a bad boy who is nice just for her.

Men want a nice girl who is bad just for him.

 

[Sexy Devil]

Well actually I have a gf already, these are friends I got along with ever since I was in elementary with the childish thought that cartoons and toys were freaking amazing

I'm sorry, I fail to see how that logic is anything but flawless.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

This is such a Nice Guy TM post. Don't be Nice Guy TM. In my experience , if men are in the "friend-zone" it's because:

She feels like she can't tell the man the reason why she doesn't want to be with him specifically because it may come off overly-harsh and she does like him, just not in that way. Maybe she isn't physically drawn to the man, maybe she literally does like his company just as a friend, or maybe he isn't as nice as he seems to think he is. (Or on a positive note, maybe she's too shy. Someone has to be the ice-breaker). Maybe he is over-bearing, pushy, and needy when it comes to discussing relationships and she takes that as a red flag. There could be a myriad of reasons why she wont go to another level with the man in question. Though she should just be as honest as she can be with him.

To take it further, perhaps the man is too chicken-shit coward to tell her what he really wants from her. And is just content to ***** and ***** and ***** and ***** about the woman he's been 'hinting' at instead of actually talking to her logically and in a reasonable manner about trying to not only be her friend, but perhaps her boyfriend as well. If she still doesn't agree and can't see herself in that position with him and he honestly can't just be her friend in return, it's time to move on and get over it. There is no real reason one should ***** and fake their way through a friendship they don't want to be in.