Opinions from a real-life GIRL (whoahmigod

):
Mario: Just not good-looking enough, sorry.
Nico: Girlfriend mortality rate probably too high... also, he's a good listener, but I'm not very talkative.
Nathan: I wouldn't know. He looks okay, but he sounds like the kind of guy who shoots off bad one-liners.
Link: EPIC WIN. <3 He's cute, you don't have to worry about too much conversation, he has adorable pets.
Snake: ALSO EPIC WIN when he's not being old. I don't like his gear, but if you were going on a date with him, presumably he'd dress up a bit better.
People who mentioned Balthier, The Spy, Chuck Norris: absolutely true. *sagenod*