Questions about the dynamics between players and dungeon masters/game masters

[Mike Fang]

I've got a few questions regarding RPGs and the relationship between players and their dungeon masters/game masters. At time of writing, I'm part of a weekly RPG group that plays tabletop-style RPGs over Skype (we use rule sets that don't require minis), which is DM'ed/GM'ed by a friend of mine. I find myself in a peculiar position; my friend's in charge of the games we play, but he'll periodically confide in me and seek my advice on whatever game we've got going on. So far, thankfully, none of what he's asked my input on has spoiled any major plot details, but I can't shake the feeling that knowing certain details, however broad, may be akin to having unfair foreknowledge of what's going to happen; stuff like our DM asking if I think the group would prefer more naval battles or more land-based adventures in a fantasy "Age of Sail" style game, or our DM mentioning he'd intended our group in a WoD game to try and establish more connections to the spirit world.

Is this sort of Player-DM/GM dynamic unusual for RPGs? I gather having a confidant when running a game is a frequent habit, but I wasn't sure if that confidant was usually one of the players. I don't want to push my friend away and refuse to help him when he wants input or advice, but neither do I want to have an unfair advantage in the game through foreknowledge of what's coming.

On a related note, I'm also wondering how much information about my own in-game plans I should share with the DM. I'll sometimes develop long-term goals and plans for how I want to advance my character (skills I intend to pick up at some point, gear and weapons I'm going to look for). I wouldn't want to influence his own decisions based on my own plans, though; knowing my friend, I feel I can safely say he's not the kind of DM/GM to change a game's direction to frustrate a player's efforts based on foreknowledge, but at the same time, I sometimes wonder if he fudges certain things to cater to player desires. He doesn't often do this with things such as NPC behavior (one of the other players, another friend of mine, has told me more than once she gets frustrated with the way NPCs never seem intimidated no matter how imposing the PC is that's getting up in their personal space) but sometimes I suspect he might do so with turns of events (like if one player expresses a desire to set up a home base rather than be a roving band of adventurers/mercenaries/etc., and then after clearing out an abandoned keep of monsters we discover an old deed of ownership for the keep.)

So again, is it unusual for DMs/GMs to do this sort of thing? I'm sure DMs/GMs have to base their decisions on where to guide the party and what to throw their way on something; I'm just unsure if its typically based on what they know the players want to get. I don't want to complain about what is, admittedly, my friend trying to be accomodating for the group, but at the same time I don't want him to feel like he's got to hand us everything we want on demand.

 

[Rylot]

I'd take it as a good sign that he wants to use your input to make sure the game is going well for the players. Some DMs can try and create a world and then get upset when the players 'ruin' it. Or I've had DMs that create a random system and let the dice fall where they may and not tailored to the PCs at all.

I'd say it's pretty common for players to at least give the DM a general sense of where they're trying to take their character. A good DM will use that information and weave it into the adventure and give each PC their time in the sun. Table top RPGs are about cooperative story telling. The DM brings the setting, tone, antagonists while the players bring agency. It's a tough job for the DM; if he gives the player's everything they ask for there's no challenge. However never getting what you want in a game isn't fun either.

If you don't want to be the only one that he confides in and have an unfair advantage over anyone else, or to have events spoiled you could suggest that he end a session ten minutes early and just ask all the players how they feel the game is going. It's also typical for the DM to talk with PCs individually.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I used to splurge a bit to the players when GMing, and in theory there is nothing wrong with it. He may just have a cool idea he wants you to get involved with. At the same time, he might want more confirmation or certainty that what he's doing is working and everyone is enjoying themselves which is generally quite easy to give in other ways.

On revealing your own stuff to the GM. I would actually say it's kind of polite if you want him to factor it in somehow, but if you're worried he might fudge the game I'd see that as something of a trust issue. People GM because they want to facilitate other people having fun, if they're not doing that they're kind of failing so it may be that he takes your expression of a desire as a kind of demand rather than as something which you're just putting out there for potential story fuel. This can often be solved by conversation I think, just make it clear that you see it as entirely his choice whether to factor in your personal plans or goals into the story and that you're not going to kick off if he wants to take things in a different direction.

I mean, if a player came to me with long term plans I would basically see it as a gift, something they're throwing me as a potential story hook. Basically, with apologies for the choice of words I'd see it as something I could use to manipulate them into interesting scenarios or side-tracks. Just giving players what they want though or placing things they want in the path they were already following sometimes leads them to feel less engaged rather than more though, I think. Again, I just think it's something there's no harm in talking over and making clear what you expect and what your priorities are. After all, you're all there to help each other have fun.

 

[Zantos]

I sometimes discuss general plans with my players, particularly the one who knows a load of the specifics about his class and one who has a lot more GM experience than me. Never in too much detail about the stories, but general things or specific instances with no real context for the story. I think this keeps them on their toes by not knowing what exactly might happen, but I can still get out the insight I need to keep it interesting.

As we get more established I'll talk to all the players and see how they all feel about it and which direction they want to go, but for now we're still really getting into the roles and it's hard to tell where anything's really going in the long term atm.